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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Sunil Question by Sunil on Jun 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Madam, I am married (arrange marriage) for 10 years with a son of 8 years, I am middle class person and giving Home loan EMI also, because of which no money is saved. My problem is that my wife always demands money and fights for it. She is all aware of my income and expenditures of every month (I have prepared a list and shares with her). I have no habits of alcohol or smoking, but she always fights with me that I spends money on my bad habits and on friends. She always say that you don't take me outside , don't spend on me and blah blah...(I do take her to movies and wherever she wants to go with me or with her friends). She is very short tempered that I avoids talking to her but she finds a chance for fight. For her demands, I left my parental flat and mother and lived with her in a rented house for 5 years and now purchased an independent home also. But, I am fed up of her demands and fights. She even fights when our son is around and even comes near my body as if she wants to hurt me....(although we never had a physical fight). I am very afraid. For your information, she also works as a teacher in a private nursery school (pays half of our home loan EMI) and she is from village background. My father expired long back and mother is living with my younger brother. I even don't meet my close friends frequently (once or twice in a month) because of her fear, as when I meet them she fights on this issue also. I want peace in my life. Kindly help.

Ans: Dear Sunil,
This needs a bit more of finding out what exactly is going on? What is the root cause of anger and the blame game with your wife?
Whatever I suggest will just be a BAND-AID solution and things will flare up yet again. There is deep-seated anger and insecurities rising (from what I understand from you.
The only thing I can say is; spend time with her on an emotional level and maybe this will ease her emotional highs and lows. But, I do feel it is time to have an intervention where as a Couple you are given to tools to work on your relationship.
Do see an expert who specializes in marriage therapy/counseling. They will be able to guide you in a very structured fashion as to how to re-start and re-build your marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Jun 06, 2024 | Answered on Jun 06, 2024
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Thanks for your suggestions, My reply for your suggestions are as follows: 1. Spend time with her on emotional level: I would like to inform you that except my office hours, I am only with her. At home or outside, she is always with me (she has separate vehicle, but waits for me to come from office to do daily home chores, like bringing veggies, grocery etc. As per her these are my duties). She likes to go for Movies, Natak, Shopping, I takes her for those things as per my pocket capabilities, even I never stopped her from meeting her friends or meeting her parents. She likes my company when I do things as per her demands, but she is so short tempered that even at my simple mistakes she fights vigorously. Earlier, she used to fight with my mother also (who is a cancer patient and not in a good health-my father expired 10 years back). That's why, I left my parental flat. Spending time with her is not a solution as when we spends time together as per her likes she behaves very good, but she comes to her original avatar in no time if her demands are not being met. 2. See an expert who specializes in marriage therapy/counselling: As I informed you, I am already burdened with my Home loan and other expenditures and can't afford to pay a therapist as they charge very high and moreover she will never be agree to come to a marriage therapist (this may even come as a new issue for her to fight and she can make allegations that I want to break marriage and I don't have trust on her etc.... etc.....). Only one thing coming in my mind is that to call her parents and take a meeting along with my mother and elder relatives and explain her behaviour to her parents and relatives, if that doesn't work, my close friend, who is a lawyer had already advised to give her a Notice-but that will be my final wayout. Kindly suggest what is better.
Ans: Dear Sunil,
You seem to have already given up.
I cannot tell you what to do or not but only make suggestions that can guide you. It is up to you to decide if you wish to take those suggestions and make an attempt OR go as per what you have decided.
If you are looking at me agreeing with your decisions that damage relationships, it is not on ethical terms here.
So, if you are willing to see a therapist who can fit your budget, I will still say, do that. Else involve a senior family member who can mediate between you and your wife.
If you have decided that all this will not work, then it won't...The choice is yours...

To break relationships, takes a second...to build it all over again can take a lifetime....

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am married for 3 years and having 1 year baby boy. My marriage was fixed at matrimony site. After registration my wife used to tell me that she will spent most of her time at her home with her father and mother which is only 5 km within my home. After marriage she used to stay at her father's house almost 9 months in a year and only 2-3 months intermittent break she used to visit my house. She used to made me buy expensive washing machine and other house hold items inspite of having one already there, keep Cooking maid etc. When most of the time she is not staying with me I feel these are all my money wastage. Now she is forcing me to keep all time maid. My salary is only 50k , how can I manage all these expenses and her demand and even after meeting all these she is not staying with me and used to spent all the time at her father's flat. When I say to stay with me she used to give lot of excuses, She and both her parents had visited multiple times in my house before marriage and well aware that my kitchen setup is at first floor and not on second floor and other house hold arrangement. She used to take my baby boy with her for long period of time like 5-6 months and then come for 2-3 weeks and then again went away. We feel we are going distant apart and thinking to drag her and family in Magistrate court to seek right to conjugal life and her directly in court whether she would like to stay with me in my house or at father's place. Needless to say I used to bear all her expenses even she is staying at her father's house and I am staying alone and leading batchelor life. Please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly your wife and her parents have not understood that marriage means staying together under the same roof as a couple and going through the highs and lows that come along the way.
If your wife intends to come to live in your home like it's a PG, then ask her to bear half the cost of all that is being bought. Maybe then that will drive sense inside of her.
On the other hand, what is the reason that she is so unwilling to stay longer periods with you? Have you tried to ask her this? I can only suggest:
- ask a two elder family members from both sides to step in and intervene
- go for couples therapy which will help both of you focus on the marriage as husband and wife

This can be a start point and then you can evaluate based on how things turn out...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |533 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Relationship
Hi I am a married man with 2.4 years old daughter and my wife regularly fights with me and puts an allegation on me and blames me a thief and says I take out all her things and she also abuses my mother and at present my mother is staying alone some where and says that my mother should not come back and she fights with me in front of my daughter and uses abusive language and what ever is the situation she brings my mother in between the conversation and starts blaming me. She has thrown her out of the house and always keeps on fighting. I have a fear, that she might leave me or my daughter as I cannot stay without my daughter and she keeps on saying that I do not want to stay with you and after a heated moment she turns normal and again starts abusing me and my mother, and due to this I am not able to concentrate on my job as I keep on thinking all the times about what will happen. Kindly suggest me what should I do as I do not want to keep my daughter’s future on risk as she always keeps on saying that her brother will take care of her and her brother says he will take a different house for her somewhere else and will keep her there as I would also want to highlight that her brothers wife relation is also not good and she does not allows my wife to enter into her house and my mother is law is also disturbed. Kindly suggest me a solution...?
Ans: Dear Amit,
First, recognize that you need to establish a calm and safe environment for your daughter. Witnessing regular fights and hearing abusive language can affect her emotional development. Ensuring her well-being should be your top priority. When disagreements arise, try to de-escalate the situation, even if that means temporarily walking away to avoid heated exchanges. Protecting her from these conflicts will help create a more stable atmosphere.

Your wife's behavior—shifting between anger and normalcy—indicates that there might be underlying issues driving her actions. It could be unresolved frustrations, unmet expectations, or even external stressors affecting her emotions. While her way of expressing these feelings is not constructive, it's important to find a way to understand what’s fueling her anger. Having an open, non-confrontational conversation during a calm moment can be a starting point. Express your concerns about the impact of these fights on your relationship and your daughter, and make it clear that you want to work together to find solutions.

It may also be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or family mediator. A professional can provide a safe space for both of you to express your grievances and work on resolving them constructively. It sounds like trust and respect have eroded in your relationship, and rebuilding them requires mutual effort and clear communication.

At the same time, focus on managing your stress and mental health. The constant worry about the future and your daughter's well-being is understandably affecting your ability to concentrate on work. Practice self-care through activities that help you stay grounded, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or speaking with a trusted friend or counselor about your feelings. Taking care of yourself will help you approach these challenges with a clearer mind.

If your wife continues to threaten to leave or involve her family in ways that disrupt your peace, it’s important to consider all legal and practical options to protect your rights and ensure the best for your daughter. Consult a legal advisor to understand your rights as a father and the steps you can take to secure your daughter’s future if separation becomes unavoidable.

Ultimately, resolving this situation will require patience, empathy, and, most importantly, a focus on what’s best for your child. If both you and your wife are willing to work on the relationship, there is hope for improvement. However, if the environment remains toxic despite your efforts, prioritizing your daughter's emotional and physical safety should guide your decisions moving forward.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 14, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi dear Anu Krishna Madam, I am a regular reader of your suggestions and answers on the questions of relationships since long. You are doing a great work to solve the complications of people's life. I have a long story actually, thanks to you in advance for your patience in reading this. I am male 36 YO, married and having a 4 YO daughter. Mandatory to mention here that I have mother who is dependent on me financially as my father passed away years ago. My relationship with my not been since starting as we got married in 2015. She is having serious anger issues and starts fighting on even little things. She is not very inclined to my mother and my younger sister who got married in 2018 and staying in UK with her husband. My wife is always complaining for one thing or the other. I am working for Central Government and earning well but she is never satisfied and keeps on complaining that my brother in law (sister's husband) is better husband or sometimes compare with other men. I always to fulfil all the requirements financially as well as taking care of baby, helping in household chores but she is never a happy woman. I send my mother and amount of Rs 10000 per month as no one is there to take care of her, mother stays at our hometown and I along with my wife and daughter stays at my work place city. I had to finance the marriage of my younger sister also as my father passed away when the both of us siblings were of age 7 and 3, this was told before my marriage to the family of wife as well as her that this will be required to be managed by me financially. But she complains of this also that I have spent this much money on my sister and mother. I am earning from a young age of 18 years but I don't find any peace at home. I am working like a machine, earning and then she is saying bad things to me all the time. She shouts loudly when fighting so that neighbours also listen and I find it very shameful. Her behaviour towards our daughter also changes frequently and she treats her according to her mood. My mother is not staying with us as when she stayed here for 6-8 months due to her health related issues, she started fighting with my mother also and created huge scenes every now and then. My wife's only attachment is with her own family, her mother, father, unmarried elder sister and unmarried elder brother. Her both the siblings couldn't find suitable matches for themselves, this is also creating a stress for my wife and she in the end throws her frustration on me. She and my self have both tried to commit suicide 2-3 times in the fight on different occasions. Last year she met a younger boy of age 26-27 and they both got attracted to each other. I was along with her and I noticed them smiling at each other at a function. I asked my wife and said to her that if you want to you can ask and talk to that boy. Means I told her to have an open marriage, in the hope that this will atleast make her realise that my husband is happy in my happiness. They both started talking and even met on 3-4 occasions and 2-3 of them secret meetings at our home (only i knew that I didn't pointed out) with physical intimacy. Now due to some unknown reason both my wife and that boy are not talking to each other. Her behaviour had been very rude since that boy came to her life and she never realised that my husband is not pointing out this infidelity also. Now, when that boy is also not there, her disrespect towards me is increasing day by day. She starts fighting even at streets and shouting loudly. I have also given a thought for legal separation but due to my daughter I am not going ahead. I am in a very complex situation and don't understand what to do. How i can make her understand that relationship runs on two people. Please guide me further. One more thing to mention here she is not interested to go for councelling or anything like that. Thanks in advance. Regards.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your wife is perhaps one of those people who choose to see what's not happening rather than what good is actually happening. It's just a habit that can destroy their peace of mind and of those around them.
You are caught around her drama where she tries to find her happiness all around her when she can perfectly find it within the marriage. So, if there's something small that upsets her at home or does not go according to the way she thinks it should, instead of talking about it to you, she is someone who will find a way out outside and in things that can instantly make her feel better. That 27-year-old has ended up becoming some sort of a distraction and by you allowing it to go further whatever happens or doesn't will be blamed on you.
She's acting like a child in need of attention, incapable of addressing her own emotions, distracting herself with a new toy and then crying out creating drama around it all and oh, blaming you when things go wrong.
Got the picture, here? So, the way out is to actually take her to a professional who can guide her to regulate her thoughts an =d actually infuse her back into a family system. It's possible that her maternal home did not provide a great example in this regard...you might know better...
You can try and get through to her by requesting her to step in for your child's sake else the marriage can deteriorate further...So, give it a try.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7921 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi, We will be having 15 Lakhs in hand by April 3rd week and can hold for next 3 years as we are planning to build a house at a tier 2 city - Coimbatore because I don't believe in flats system for a longer run as I am skeptical on the Uds and re-construction in the future. Also, monthly we can invest 15k in mutual funds and 80k for which we have decided to go for RD (conservative approach). Some of the apps are providing attractive offers to get higher FD returns from small finance banks (Ujjivan and North East Sf bank etc) , should we invest or to stick with HDFC and ICICI banks. Provide us a mix of plan (debt, equity and FD if possible) for 15 lacs and time horizon is 3 years. Thanks for your help!
Ans: Your approach is well thought out. You have a clear goal and a conservative mindset for short-term funds. Since the time frame is only three years, capital protection is the priority. Equity is not recommended for short durations due to volatility. A balanced mix of debt, FD, and liquid instruments will be suitable.

Allocation Strategy
Fixed Deposits (FDs) – 50% (Rs. 7.5 Lakhs)

Large banks like HDFC, ICICI, and SBI are safer for significant amounts.

Small finance banks offer higher interest, but risk levels are slightly higher.

Consider splitting FD amounts across large banks and reputed small finance banks.

Prefer banks with high credit ratings and check premature withdrawal terms.

Debt Mutual Funds – 30% (Rs. 4.5 Lakhs)

Choose high-quality short-duration funds with low credit risk.

Avoid long-duration debt funds as they are sensitive to interest rate changes.

Ensure the fund has a stable past record and consistent returns.

Ultra Short-Term/Liquid Funds – 20% (Rs. 3 Lakhs)

Suitable for flexibility and better returns than savings accounts.
Provides liquidity in case of urgent requirements.
Low risk compared to other debt instruments.
Monthly Investment Plan
Recurring Deposit (RD) – Rs. 80,000 per month

A conservative option ensuring stability.

Good for funds that need to be available within 3 years.

Choose banks offering competitive interest rates.

Mutual Fund SIP – Rs. 15,000 per month

Prefer actively managed equity funds for long-term wealth creation.
Avoid index funds due to lack of active risk management.
Opt for a mix of flexi-cap and mid-cap funds.
Small Finance Banks vs Large Banks
Small finance banks like Ujjivan and North East offer higher FD rates.
They are safe under Rs. 5 lakh due to DICGC insurance.
If investing above Rs. 5 lakh in such banks, evaluate their financial health.
For higher safety, prefer top private and PSU banks.
Tax Considerations
Interest from FDs and RDs is taxable as per your income slab.
Debt fund gains are taxed based on your income slab.
Plan withdrawals strategically to reduce tax burden.
Finally
Capital protection should be the priority for short-term funds.
Diversify into FDs, debt funds, and liquid funds.
Invest in small finance banks cautiously.
Continue SIPs for long-term wealth creation.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2025Hindi
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Health
सर मेरी शादी को 7साल हो गई है शुरू से ही हमारा रिलेशन खराब चल रहा है। आए दिन लड़ाई गली गलौज होती है। 2 बच्चे भी है। सेक्स लाइफ लगभग खत्म हो गई है। मैं क्या दूसरी लड़की के साथ बिना शादी के रह सकता हु।
Ans: I understand that you are going through a difficult time in your marriage. Relationships have ups and downs, and long-term conflicts can create emotional distress. However, before making any major decisions, I encourage you to reflect deeply on the situation.

Things to Consider:
Communication is Key – Have you tried open and honest communication with your spouse? Sometimes, expressing feelings calmly can help in resolving misunderstandings.
Professional Help – Marriage counseling or relationship therapy can provide guidance and help both partners understand each other better.
Impact on Children – Your children observe and absorb the environment at home. A peaceful and respectful atmosphere will shape their emotional well-being.
Seeking Happiness Outside Marriage – Instead of looking for temporary relief outside the marriage, try to work on improving the current relationship. If separation feels necessary, it should be done with mutual understanding and respect.
What Can You Do?

Practice meditation to calm your mind and gain clarity.
Talk to a relationship counselor or a trusted guide.
Try couple’s yoga or activities that promote bonding.
Every problem has a solution if approached with patience and wisdom. Stay mindful and take decisions that bring long-term peace and happiness.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7921 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

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Money
Hi, I m a 37 year old professional. I want to save for a corpus of 5 Cr in next 15-20 Years. I am presently invested in equity and LIC. What should I change pls advice. 6.5 lakhs already invested in 15 stocks Indus ind, IDFC first, Yes bank, GMM f, orient cem, Niacl, DB Realty, Athenaglo, sail, Hcc, Bombay dyeing, DCAL, Ovi eke foods, igl, EaseMyTrip, somatex, Bajaj hind sugar. Also have 14 lakhs in LIC ULIP AND 1.5 lakhs in ICICI SIGNATURE PLAN AND 1 lakh in DSP NIFTY madcap 150 quality 50 Kindly advise. Currently investing 25k per month, planning to do a step up 10% sip every year.
Ans: You are on the right track, but some changes will improve your wealth creation strategy.

Here’s a step-by-step approach to help you achieve your Rs. 5 crore target in 15-20 years.

Equity Portfolio Assessment
You have Rs. 6.5 lakh in 15 stocks. This is a highly scattered portfolio.

Many of your stocks are small-cap and volatile. Some lack strong financials or growth potential.

Too many stocks reduce focus and make it difficult to track performance.

Reduce the number of stocks to 8-10 strong businesses with consistent growth.

Focus more on large-cap and quality mid-cap companies.

Exit weak, low-growth, or speculative stocks and reinvest in quality businesses.

Mutual Fund Investments
Your current SIP of Rs. 25,000 is a good start.

A step-up SIP of 10% yearly will help you reach your goal faster.

However, your only mutual fund holding is a DSP Nifty Midcap 150 Index Fund.

Index funds do not outperform in all market cycles.

Actively managed mutual funds give better flexibility and higher returns in long-term investing.

Shift to a well-diversified mix of actively managed large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds.

Invest in 3-4 high-quality mutual funds with experienced fund managers.

This will help in better risk-adjusted returns than a single midcap index fund.

LIC and ULIP Investments
You have Rs. 14 lakh in LIC ULIP and Rs. 1.5 lakh in ICICI Signature Plan.

Investment-cum-insurance products like ULIPs have high charges and low returns.

The annual cost and fund management fees eat into returns.

Consider surrendering these policies and reinvesting in mutual funds for better growth.

Use pure term insurance instead of investment-linked insurance plans.

SIP Step-up Strategy
Your step-up plan of 10% yearly is a good strategy.

Ensure discipline in increasing the SIP each year.

Automate your SIPs to avoid missing any investments.

If you get any bonus or extra income, invest that in lump sum for faster corpus growth.

Debt Allocation for Stability
A 100% equity portfolio is risky, especially as your corpus grows.

Slowly add debt investments like short-term bonds, SDLs, or target maturity funds after 10 years.

A small allocation (10-20%) will help reduce volatility closer to your goal year.

Tax Efficiency and Withdrawal Planning
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Plan redemptions smartly to minimise tax impact.

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) post-retirement for tax-efficient withdrawals.

Final Insights
Reduce your direct stock holdings and focus on quality businesses.

Move from index funds to actively managed mutual funds for better returns.

Surrender low-return ULIPs and reinvest in equity mutual funds.

Stick to your step-up SIP strategy for compounding benefits.

Add some debt allocation in later years for portfolio stability.

Review and rebalance your portfolio every year.

Following this disciplined approach will help you reach your Rs. 5 crore goal efficiently.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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