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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1394 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 27, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Pari Question by Pari on Jan 26, 2023Hindi
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Mam, I am married for 13 yrs and it was a love marriage. We have 2 kids. My husband is less supportive. I look after my kids, my work, home without help from him. Even when I work he does not bother to make tea or help with cooking. He would get angry and abuse physically for intimacy. For last few years he started drinking a lot and indulge in fight outside. He had 2 police cases against him. I came close to someone. I told my husband I want to separate, but instead he became abusive. I don't love him. I feel I am his sex slave just fulfilling his desire, if I won't do that he will quarrel, stop eating and harass me mentally. What should I do?

Ans: Dear P,
If a dear friend had come to you with the same problem, what would you have suggested to her?
Would you have asked her to continue with a person who's being inconsiderate?
Would you have not suggested to her that she might need to go into couples therapy?
Certainly, status quo isn't something that you would have advised her to be in especially when she's with someone who has had two police cases against him!
You are dealing with a person who has had a massive change in behavior. Did you not see these red flags earlier? No point digging the past...
Thers is no need to submit to his tantrums and give into sex. He's using it to 'tame' you and make you meek.
Seek the help of someone strong within the family to talk to him...
Move out for a few days/weeks to gain your confidence back...if this is not possible, sleep in a separate room...if he pesters you for sex, look him firmly in the eye and say NO...
Have a dear friend/family member on speed dial...
The welfare of your children's is dependent on you; so to safeguard them, you need to care about yourself first!
You are not meek, do what you would have advised your friend.
All the best!

.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1394 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2022

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Relationship
Dear mam, I am a working woman married for 14 years with two kids. Ours was a love marriage. But immediately after my marriage I noticed that my husband was over aggressive and very possessive. He wants me to be under his control all the time. Whenever I say something against his will he starts abusing me and family. He has suicidal tendencies and has attempted in the past also. When his anger gets controlled he starts conversation with a sorry. This situation will continue for a few days and after that he will start again. This has been my life for the past 14 years. Sometimes he does manhandle and indulges in forced sex. I am fed up with this nature of his. Please suggest what I can do.
Ans:

Dear S,

It’s time someone showed the man what a MAN truly is.

Do you have a close family member who can talk to him?

If NO, this is your husband. No one knows him better that you do…

Notice:

  • What actually triggers him to become aggressive and possessive?
  • What situations have led him to attempting suicide?

If there is a mental illness that we are looking at, it needs intervention ASAP.

Never be afraid to push back when you are forced into sex…It is called ‘Marital Rape’ just in case you didn’t know.

It’s not Okay and it is definitely not mandatory that a woman needs to give in to satisfy her husband’s sexual urges.

If he continues forced sex, you can approach a local NGO that supports women with domestic violence, and they can help you with the next course of action.

Do not feel obliged to put up with things that eat your soul away.

Make sure you keep your sanity intact by surrounding yourself with the best people who care and love you.

Pick up a hobby that fills you with joy; this joy can help you think with a clear mind when you step into your marriage for the day.

One step at a time, but take that STEP…You are important.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am 45 years of age having two childrens and I am also working.My husband is good with me but not with my parents and sister most of the time he abuses them without any reason .This make me upset and many time I discuss this matter with him but he doesn't realise his mistake. I told him to meet councellor but he is not ready . And often he take drink and without any reason abuses any one around him Many time situation becomes out of control and I want to end my relationship. Kindly guide me
Ans: First and foremost, your feelings are entirely valid. It’s deeply troubling when someone you love and live with is disrespectful and abusive towards your family members and those around him, especially when he drinks. Your husband’s behavior, despite your efforts to communicate and suggest counseling, is not only affecting you but also creating a toxic environment for your children.

It’s crucial to prioritize your own mental and emotional health. Living in an environment where abuse and excessive drinking are present can have long-term negative effects on both you and your children. This kind of stress and emotional turmoil can erode your sense of self and well-being over time.

Since your husband has refused counseling and doesn't acknowledge his mistakes, it may be necessary to consider stronger steps. Think about what you want for your future and what kind of environment you want for your children. Reflect on whether staying in this relationship is conducive to that vision.

If you’re contemplating ending the relationship, it’s important to have a clear plan. Seek support from trusted friends or family members, and consider speaking with a professional counselor or therapist to help you navigate your feelings and plan your next steps. Legal advice might also be necessary to understand your rights and ensure you and your children are protected.

Take time to consider what is best for you and your children in the long term. Your well-being and safety are paramount, and sometimes the healthiest choice is to remove yourself from a harmful environment. By doing so, you’re not only taking care of yourself but also setting a positive example for your children about self-respect and the importance of a healthy, loving home.

..Read more

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |93 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Career
I am 35, MBA from a reputed college. I recently took over as senior project manager in a software company. Over the last few months, I’ve been asked to lead more high-stakes presentations, but every time I step in front of a group of senior professionals, my nerves take over. I can’t seem to communicate my ideas clearly, and I end up rambling or losing the audience. It’s frustrating because I know the content is strong, but I can’t deliver it with the confidence it needs. I’m starting to feel like this could affect my career growth if I don’t improve. I want to know how to seem more confident and present my ideas with clarity.
Ans: Hi!!

I can understand what you are going through.
I have helped many a people to become better communicators, presenters and public speakers. I agree with you when you say .. that these skills will augur well for your career growth.
What I can say is this .. that it is a learnable skill. Practice and more practice is the only way ahead. You said your content is strong, that is 50% of the job done, so build up on this confidence and practice your delivery in front of the mirror or in front of encouraging family/friends.
The only way to gain confidence is to "JUST DO IT"....to calm your nerves- deep breathing techniques and visualizations techniques will be useful.
I can help you on this journey of being a person who delivers with panache!

There are books by Dale Carnegie on public speaking which can help you out. Also read about Abe Lincoln and his journey of becoming a great orator, it can maybe help you.

Remember, PRACTICE AND PRACTICE is the key to unlock your confidence and become the person who delvers with panache.

All the best!!

...Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |93 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello Ms Archana. I have been reading your advice and I really need your help. I am a science graduate from Mumbai. After a lot of thought, I have decided to pursue a side BSc in Psychology to further my interests and career growth. The issue is, that I’m struggling to juggle my 9-to-6 full-time job as a digital marketing specialist in Delhi along with my coursework, assignments, and exams. I am always stressed out, either falling behind at work or feeling overwhelmed by my studies. I know time management is key, but I’m not sure how to create a schedule that helps me stay productive without burning out. Can you please help?
Ans: Hey!!
Kudos to you for dreaming big and also working towards it by investing time and energy in learning and development.
Not everyone can do it... so pat yourself on the back for it!!

You are absolutely right when you say TIME MANAGEMANT is the key to avoid burnout. However I'll add compartmentalizing and self care along with time management.

Let's take them one at a time ...here I go-

1. You want to perform at your peak then self care is a must, 20 mins of physical activity(it can be anything, run, brisk walk, suryanamaskars, dancing along with fast paced music, anything that gets your heart beat up)
10 -20 mins of meditation, if you believe in the higher power make efforts to connect with it/him/her.
2. 9 to 6 be fully committed to the office, after that switch off, learn to say NO for anything that comes after this time. You can do only so much right? This was one part of compartmentalizing...
3. be fully present in whatever activity you are doing... this is ZEN, nothing more nothing less. This way you will be razor sharp in your focus and get jobs done faster. When you are studying don't think office and vice versa. This is switching off, this is compartmentalizing. This will take conscious efforts but is doable
4.your course is important to you, so schedule a study time and stick to it .The days you have an holiday too... try to relax a little, schedule a study time, finish your studies and go relax and unwind a little, you deserve it...don't cram too much in a day.
A relaxed mind will always perform better and focus better. I really can't tell you the importance of unwinding and mediation, you really have to do it to experience it and reap the benefits of it
5. Always encourage yourself, be your best cheer leader, don't beat yourself down, be kind to yourself too, your mind and body
need that from you. You are already doing so much.
6 .The only way to stop being overwhelmed is also to put out all your tasks of the day on paper and schedule it, prioritize it.... one task at a time, start taking action. And when the task is don't forget to strike the task out with a clean line over the task with a pen... this is a message your giving to your mind. ...'I got one task done, I am capable of getting another done'.. Ahaha... the joy of getting a job done!!
7. Get a good nights sleep, do "yog nidra' before sleeping
8. Always breathe deep whenever overwhelm creeps in and see how calm you become. A calm mind is key to getting more done.

And remember to write "your gratitude" out in the night before sleeping, you'll sleep peacefully and get up fresh.
Also do remember, all tasks can be done happily too... there is no need to drag yourself or be always overwhelmed!
You chose to work and study as well.... honour your choices joyously and go about life with a spring in your step...All best !!

...Read more

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