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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1355 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
S Question by S on Jul 04, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear mam, I am a working woman married for 14 years with two kids. Ours was a love marriage. But immediately after my marriage I noticed that my husband was over aggressive and very possessive. He wants me to be under his control all the time.
Whenever I say something against his will he starts abusing me and family.
He has suicidal tendencies and has attempted in the past also.
When his anger gets controlled he starts conversation with a sorry.
This situation will continue for a few days and after that he will start again.
This has been my life for the past 14 years.
Sometimes he does manhandle and indulges in forced sex. I am fed up with this nature of his. Please suggest what I can do.

Ans:

Dear S,

It’s time someone showed the man what a MAN truly is.

Do you have a close family member who can talk to him?

If NO, this is your husband. No one knows him better that you do…

Notice:

  • What actually triggers him to become aggressive and possessive?
  • What situations have led him to attempting suicide?

If there is a mental illness that we are looking at, it needs intervention ASAP.

Never be afraid to push back when you are forced into sex…It is called ‘Marital Rape’ just in case you didn’t know.

It’s not Okay and it is definitely not mandatory that a woman needs to give in to satisfy her husband’s sexual urges.

If he continues forced sex, you can approach a local NGO that supports women with domestic violence, and they can help you with the next course of action.

Do not feel obliged to put up with things that eat your soul away.

Make sure you keep your sanity intact by surrounding yourself with the best people who care and love you.

Pick up a hobby that fills you with joy; this joy can help you think with a clear mind when you step into your marriage for the day.

One step at a time, but take that STEP…You are important.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1355 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 27, 2023

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Mam, I am married for 13 yrs and it was a love marriage. We have 2 kids. My husband is less supportive. I look after my kids, my work, home without help from him. Even when I work he does not bother to make tea or help with cooking. He would get angry and abuse physically for intimacy. For last few years he started drinking a lot and indulge in fight outside. He had 2 police cases against him. I came close to someone. I told my husband I want to separate, but instead he became abusive. I don't love him. I feel I am his sex slave just fulfilling his desire, if I won't do that he will quarrel, stop eating and harass me mentally. What should I do?
Ans: Dear P,
If a dear friend had come to you with the same problem, what would you have suggested to her?
Would you have asked her to continue with a person who's being inconsiderate?
Would you have not suggested to her that she might need to go into couples therapy?
Certainly, status quo isn't something that you would have advised her to be in especially when she's with someone who has had two police cases against him!
You are dealing with a person who has had a massive change in behavior. Did you not see these red flags earlier? No point digging the past...
Thers is no need to submit to his tantrums and give into sex. He's using it to 'tame' you and make you meek.
Seek the help of someone strong within the family to talk to him...
Move out for a few days/weeks to gain your confidence back...if this is not possible, sleep in a separate room...if he pesters you for sex, look him firmly in the eye and say NO...
Have a dear friend/family member on speed dial...
The welfare of your children's is dependent on you; so to safeguard them, you need to care about yourself first!
You are not meek, do what you would have advised your friend.
All the best!

.

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Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1355 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, I want to talk about my something that has been bothering for a long time now. I am 28 years old now. I had immense body image problem as a child because I was often made fun of because of my obesity. With time I became active in school, participating in various events and was good at studies. When I was about 15 years old I started to experience hair loss as well but not too noticeable at the time. After the 1st semester in college I was able to shed excess weight and I started to feel good about how I looked, but the hair loss also continued and my confidence took a massive hit. I also found it quite difficult to commit to a relationship because I was afraid how others would perceive me and I would not be able to handle it. I was not able to keep myself happy so how could I keep someone else happy. Over the years I have kept myself occupied with my job and tried to be as social as I can be, but there has never been a moment where I could just switch off the feeling of being bothered by my hair loss, I did not let go of what I wanted to be, I just wanted to have a time where I would not be made fun of. I was quite sensitive emotionally and this aggravated after hair loss. I always feel that I could not enjoy my teenage life the way I wanted because of something that I don't know how it started. It's frustrating. I feel this huge gap between how am I supposed to be at my current age and what I actually feel as a person right now. Although I have tried to introspect even more this year and tried to accept that I will just have to find a match with what I have, I just don't understand how should I approach this. Sometimes I simulate it as business deal. My hair loss is not really something that a partner may be looking forward to. I still feel like I am not 28 years old. I am not supposed to be like this at 28. I know that there are others out there in the world in my age group who have also experience this, but I feel so isolated here just like how I used to feel as a child when someone would make fun of my weight among a group of kids. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's misshapen identity...Ultimately the only person who can accept you for who you are, is YOU. People are always going to have something to say about the way you look, what you eat, how you speak...
So, building your identity has to come from you, within you.
- how do I see myself in the mirror?
- what words do I use when I describe myself?
- what happens when I meet people?

A few questions that will give you a reality check. Self-talk is so undermined and we are the first ones to put down ourselves. Obviously, there are parts of your personality that you have overlooked as you have only focused on hair loss. Maybe you have a beautiful smile or you can hold conversations at length.

Actually do this:
Make a questionnaire that will help you figure out what people think of you. Ask these to at least 15 people. You will see the gap between how you see yourself and how others see you. This will help you when you are actively seeking a life partner as you will approach the same thing with confidence and assurance.
And maybe you can see a doctor who can help you with regaining the lost hair. Yeah?
You feel isolated because of your self-talk; so, be kind to yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1355 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I have a fight with my in-laws, my husband always takes their side and not talks with me for a 15 days or a week, tells me that he is bearing me all this years and I should go back to my mothers house, anyway he is hardly talking with me, he just answers my question, he is always busy with his office work, and he shoe me away if I try to romance by saying our daughter (13yr old) will see us, will do it afterwards, that comes only ones in a month. He is really unhappy with me, they all want to send me to my mother house, I deeply love him ....this all things makes me anxious, what should I do??? Ours is arranged marriage 15yrs. gone. He feels like he is trapped with me and now I am also feeling unhappy in our marriage..what should I do please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly none of them seem to be happy with you and seem to want to get you away from them.
What exactly are you holding onto? Evaluate what you are getting by staying in the marriage and what you can do to manage life without the marriage if you of course make that choice.
I would also suggest one last attempt at putting things together. Will your husband be willing to talk to a third person like a therapist or even a family member? Try to set things right and even after this, they seem to make your life miserable, you really need to create options for yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1089 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

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Career
sir i am going to give my pcb board examinations cbse in 2025 and i will also be writing neet in 2025 . here are some questions :- 1. if i take a drop and start preparing for jee mains instead of neet by adding maths to my subjects , which will be a better option among these ? a) writing the on demand exam for maths from nios and if i do so what should information has to be given in jee mains form because i have previously given neet through nta b) writing the public exams for all five subjects pcm from nios.then what should be written in jee main form c) giving a maths exam from cbse as aprivate candidate . and will two marksheets one including maths and one including pcb affect my jee form and counseling do 2 marksheets make a propblem in counselling or filling form and if not what should be entered in form for marksheets of 2 different years or boards 2. if i have maths from nios which board do i have to enter in jee mains form ? i am very confused , please help
Ans: Hello Baqir.
It seems that you are very confused. As you said, you have already appeared for NEET i.e. this is your drop year. Yet you are not confident about NEET 2025. If you have taken NEET previously, then how again you are appearing for the board exam is also not clear. If you have already given NEET and are preparing for NEET again, then why you are thinking about JEE without any reason is also unclear. You have created a lot of problems in your mind without any reason. This is because you are not focussing on the syllabus and studies but rather thinking in an irrelevant direction. The question arises, why not you are appearing with mathematics on the CBSE board? It is suggested that you appear to NEET 2025 with full preparation. If you score less also, then there are many courses in the medical field in which you can get admission. Leave all worries, thoughts, and no mark sheets, JEE issues and focus only on NEET 2025. It is also suggested that you please meet face to face a counselor to understand you more and guide you properly.
If satisfied with my reply, pl like and follow me.
Thanks
Radheshyam

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