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Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 08, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Prasad Question by Prasad on Dec 28, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Maam, I am in a process of awaiting divorce from my wife and now I am in a relationship with my previous girlfriend.She is also in a process of awaiting divorce from court.We are in touch from a year ago and we both are planning to marry and everything was working fine but suddenly there are so much misunderstandings happened as she is observing my belonging things (Bags,tiffin,etc.)in my absense and I found an old lemon wrapped in paper in my bag.She is confused whether to proceed for marriage or not as I think.I have doubt whether she has got any option for marry as she is continuously busy on call and messages from a few days ago.We also decided to talk face to face and clear misunderstandings but due to her birthday came today we have postponed the meeting.We are working in same office as I have joined her in my office per my reference. Please help me know what decision I should take about my life.I dont want to lose her as she is my first love which came in my life twice.Hoping for a effective suggestion.

Ans: Dear Prasad,
Past relationships may not necessarily be the same in the present. People change, situations change...
What would she get by 'observing' your belongings? I don't understand that!
If she is still unsure whether to go ahead with you or not, then you may just be another option for her to choose from. I suggest that you stop being too available to her and then watch...Allow her to feel your absence and this will make her appreciate your presence in her life. This will help her realize your value...Otherwise, just on a whim, she might decide and marry you when you never gave her a chance to know your worth!
Take a PAUSE, be a little unavailable and then watch how she responds to it...If she is truly in love with you, I am sure she will do what it takes to appreciate you and also learn to understand what she wants for herself in life.

All the best!
Asked on - Jan 08, 2024 | Answered on Jan 11, 2024
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Ok ma'am...thanks..I am really observing her as she is in my office .day to day the face comes in front..but the thing is that she says that my parents are looking someone which they want and they wish ahe could marry with the person which they decide..but when she came in my life she told me that I am totally alone we can plan our future from here..but suddenly how can just a miracle happen??I was always planning for life with her...but now she is working in my office but she says we can't come in our relationship in future..so I am so much confused what to do ..I am executing the changes which I have promised her.but still I am not getting the clue whether to continue with her or not .she is totally on the closing...plz guide me
Ans: Dear Prasad,
Hasn't she told you that 'we can't come in our relationship in future'?
Which part of this sentence do you not understand? What more do you want her to say that will convince you that she is not interested in you?
That's why I had suggested that you become unavailable to her. If she has feelings, your absence may possibly make her want this relationship and it will be her turn to make things work...
But I get this feeling that you are in desperate space and want to hear that All is Well...No, it isn't for now...
Either with the space that you make will get her back in an appreciative way OR you will realize your own worth...either way, you will be better than what and where you are now...Hope this helps you get on the right path...

All the best!
Asked on - Jan 14, 2024 | Answered on Jan 15, 2024
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Dear ma'am, As per your reply now I am observing that she is behaving with me as per our prior relationship..but in future I don't expect this thing again to happen in our life I just want to know that will she be my lifetime love for my whole life as my true life partner? I don't want any other unknown person to be my life partner..plz help me with my query
Ans: Dear Prasad,
Who knows the future? Can we predict it accurately?
If she has already declared: 'we can't come in our relationship in future'?, then what makes you go over this again and again?
It seems like you are more into her than she is into you...and one-sided relationships rarely work. You will only end up hurting yourself and question yourself on: What went wrong?
It's maybe time for you to explore your world more...who knows you might come across someone who appreciates you for who you are...
It's about chasing a known person who doesn't value you OVER giving a chance to an unknown person who values you. What makes better sense to you?

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

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I'M 40 years old man, i have had troubled childhood. I faced abuse from my elder brother who later on developed mental health issues whiich broughg lot of stress to the family. I worked very hard to achieve reasonable professional success but my personal life has been very difficult. I got married with lot of difficulty despite being well placed professionally and decent looks. It was an arranged marriage but things went bad after a year. I caught my wife having an affair with her ex but i fogave her for the sake of myndaugher who was just 1 year old then. She keept on having flings with gym instructor and later on her colleagues which i dont have any proof of. She would humilate me in front of my maid driver and other people. But i wanted ti save my marriage for the sake of my daughter who was only 4-5 years old then. Finally she started asking me for divorce after every trivial fights. Fed up i finally agreed and we separated in 2021 November. During that time i came in contact with my school friend. She proposed to me during our school days but due to stress at home and other issues i said no but i always liked her. When we started talking around December 2021 and we realized we still love each other after 20 years. But problem was though i was divorced she was still married and she is from a different religion. She is trying hard to get separated from her husband but her family being very conservative is not allowing her to do so. I'm stuck with her emotionally. Now my ex-wife has started approaching me for reconciliation. Im totally confused now what should i do? Should i wait for my friend knowing that chances are very slim that her family would leave her. Or should i patch up with my exwife for the sake of my daughter. I dont feel any emotional connection with my exwife now as she was never nice to me. But my parents are telling me to go for patch up. They are nkt aware about my school friend and i doubt they would approve her due to religious beliefs. Pls guide me I'm totally confused. Thanks A confused Homo Sapiens
Ans: Dear Pratik,
At this point in time, choose neither. You need space to clear your head first.
Too many emotional situations to jump into one more...Give yourself time to figure out what is that you want out of life?
Do you want to get into another commitment in a short gap? It could be an attraction on a rebound as well; so take time to figure these things out well before you decide to patch up or wait for your friend.
You deserve this time off, to make sure that you not only heal from the marriage but also put things in perspective.
So no need to bring on a new confusion for the time being till you get strong enough in the mind to decide the next course of your life. Making a choice right now means you will be bringing in more confusions of either of the two women into your life as well. So, PAUSE and take this time...

Best wishes!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |431 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, myself is 31 years old guy and I was in relationship with the women (collegue of mine in previous company) who is married and had 1 son and she is 9 years elder then me. Basically I was going through a tough time as I had breakup in 2017 and started drinking and smoking which usually everybody does after a heartbreak. In year 2019 she got to know about my drinking habits and she starting giving her time to me so that I stop all this things. She used to behind me to stop all these things but gradually after a year or so we started developing feelings for each other. We used to talk to a lot like almost we used to share everything and in year 2020 we got into relation and we proposed each other. Everything was fine till 2021. In year 2021 I went for a group picnic where my Ex was also present and my biggest mistake was that I didn't shared this thing with her but she got to know this from one of our common collegue who was also part of the picnic & after that disaster started in our life. She started doubting me that I am still in relation with my Ex but I was not there & continuously I have to prove myself that I don't have any feelings for my ex & I love you only. I was ready to do anything for her even just to surprise her I travel to her city where she went on vacation to her parents house. But unfortunately that was the last time we were together the moment I came to my hometown things started getting worse as she again started doubting me and in anger I just burst on her and after that she stopped talking and bcz of which I went into a depression and due to which I was completely mess was not able to do anything in my life except drinking. Now it has been 2 years that we don't talk except only on some occasion she calls or msg. Still I am having the same feeling for her which I had 3 years back & I need her back in my life. Please suggest me what should I do in this scenario.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear you are facing such challenges in your life. Doubt and jealousy can ruin a relationship and your relationship is proof of that. While you might not have had bad intentions when you did not reveal your ex being present in the gathering with you, it is also understandable that your partner's trust suffered a crack which finally gave away completely. The thing to learn here is that open communication could have saved you all these sufferings. But that's all in the past. Right now you are separated from your partner and I assume she is not interested in getting back together. Your question should not be how to get her back, but rather how can I move on. Your job is not to convince her but to convince yourself that this is for the best. And it truly is; no relationship can survive in the shadows of doubt.

Focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends. Understand that you made a tiny mistake but you tried your best to convince your partner of your loyalty to her; it did not work out but you are not to blame. Some things just don't, and your relationship was one of those things. Forgive yourself if you feel guilty for not disclosing the situation to your partner. You know you were not a cheater and it's no longer your job to convince her of that. Give yourself ample time to grieve the loss and accept that it's lost. Don't keep looking for ways to get back together or you will never move on. It will hurt in the beginning but it will get better soon. Once you feel better, go out and meet people. I am not saying your ex-partner wasn't great but trust me, there are more people out there, who are amazing; they will help you not just heal but also grow.

It's time to let go.

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
To start with i live abroad . I was married in 2009 with 1 kid and divorced later in year 2017 abroad only as i got into a new love relationship and married after 1 yr with no kids my present wife knows about my past and moreover we trying to have baby but due to medical conditions and diabetic myself unable and have to hear negative things she is working well and independent but due to all this i befriended another girl and had developed a feeling towards her and had relationship with her as well she knows about that i am married but cant leave my gf want to marry her we had good communication as well between us but at times we fight due to issues that i am married still not divorced and moreover she doesnot know about my 1st marriage either sometimes i feel embrassing whag ppl will think of me i am tired of my life being the only child of my mom i cant do anything as she is too old 85 yrs and heart patient. I am 42 currently married with wife 41 yrs age but seems lost interest in her and often fight shd doesnt live with me as i am away for 3 years and goes home 1 a year. The new gf is 35 yrs old but dont want to lose her we have been to nany trips together in about 5 to 6 countries . I am having mentally stress what to do sometimes feel to end up my life
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I don't mean to sound judgemental here...but what exactly are you stressed about? You seem to be hopping about from one relationship to another without working on things when they get stressful.
Did it occur to you that when things sour between two people that it is possible with some effort to work on things? The answer does not lie in running away and jump into the arms of another women.
There's a clear pattern of possible 'escapism' when things get uncomfortable...So, STOP and reevaluate what you are running from, what comfort do you run towards and how is this actually helping your mental state...
Do the right thing for yourself and your wife...take care of your marriage first before jumping into another relationship; you will only find something wrong with that as well...So, please STOP and check what exactly is happening...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am a professor mech engineer , after death of my wife and due to having 5 year girl baby I planned for 2 nd marriage as I live alone away from home town because my of job with my little baby . I accepted a widow having 2 child ,she was working in a govt job 250 km away , after ensuring and agreeing her possibility of transfer and job vacancy @govt office near my house and ensuring she agreed that she will come to live with me along with her 2 kids and my little baby as her trasfer was due in comming few months . We lived apart during her job at 250 km away.,while meeting on weekly offs 6 /7 time in 6 months , then she take 360 degree u turn and said she will not get job transfer to my place and get her trasfer in other dept. in same previous office. And started telling many reasons like she will loose her children's inheritance in her in-laws property ,she will loose promotion , kids Don't want trasfer , and said we will live apart forever . This was contradictory to earlier agreed things .and my my purpose to live in family with my baby not fulfilled , so after long ruckus ,I mutually got divorce from her , Then After divorce I decided to marry non working women having no child and don't expect child as I am @48 year old and tired of living alone and managing job ,girl , house chores . I married to a divorcee girl from Pune ,she was BA first year college drop out girl of 44 yr age after 6 months of long dating on week ends . During 6 months I tried to know her indepth but was don't used to talk much as I was trying to know her true nature, we visited many places ,movies . She seemed perfect as per my requirement of girl wanting no child , and she is house wife . after marriage she behave well for 1 st week ,then she started trouble to hate my baby ( became kaikai )on pety things , she want my baby to house chores at the cost of her important year of 10th std study . She don't liked me taking tution of girl , she didn't like if I help my girl any way . She don't like if I spent some money on my girl . She used to fight all night and don't let me sleep . Now she stated demanding that she want baby , though I was against and b4 marriage agreed to not have any more child due to old age ,cost ,and no personal time for self , then I agreed to have child but b4 that I got her and my fertility tested ,she had weak eggs and syst on her reproductive organs and doc warned to not go for pregnancy due to risk and probability of unhealthy baby birth , but she kept repeating That she want child we consulted 4 Drs. She used to fight and go to her mother's home for 2/4 months after living with me for 2/3 days only . Now she wants divorce , and asks me to keep my girl in hostel if I want her in my life . This Ramayan has left me baffled , What should I do ??? .....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The reason to marry for you mainly has been companionship, a mother for your daughter...
And marriage is not a transaction BUT a meeting of minds...when there is no compatibility, there is no space for agreeing on the same things or wanting to make things work which is possibly what has happened with your 2nd and 3rd marriage.
If you want this marriage to work, there has to be an equal commitment by both of you, so, start by emotionally bonding first. Slowly build on this by making goals for the marriage and the future...your only goal can't be mother for your child...not all women are going to readily accept this and some may even falter along the way. Allow the lady and your daughter to bond together for sometime so they develop a unique relationship...
Understand that transactional relationships do not last; so, invest enough time in building trust in that companionship for it to become something meaningful

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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Milind Vadjikar  |691 Answers  |Ask -

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Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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