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Doctor in love with a soldier: Can I defy my parents' wishes?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1762 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi maam. I am a doctor and i am in relationship with a solider. We are very happy. But i told my family.. My family is not ready to accept him. As my both parents are lawyers and am doctor. My parents are very much concerned about there social status and want me leave this relationship anyhow for them and marry a guy of there choice. They have huge problem as he is normal solider not a officer ranked person. .... I tried to convice them. Alot.. But now both my parents started called me bad words and trap me like if i leave them and go they will suicide... Daily they calls me and tell that it will never happen. And if u leave ur parents for him they will commit suicide. Recently my dad is acting or actually he have i dont know... He does like a pyschotic person and told he feels like commiting suicides. He told because an doing lke this he feel pyachotic probome. Now he is on medication. And he is planning to do voluntart retirement as he is not able to work. He keep telling all this is because of my relationship and i want to marry my partner Both my mother and father is continuously telling no to my relationship and if i leave them they will suicide. They told me they don't care about how hard it will be for me to leave but somehow to leave amd save ur family I dont know. I am not able to leave my relationship Nor not able to makemy parents suffer I feel really frustrated

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Being lawyers and then behaving immaturely is something that shocks me. But well, emotions can have different shades, right?
I do not subscribe to emotional blackmail which is what your parents are subjecting you to.
Social status difference is something that parents do worry about for their children. It's an age-old conditioning and hard for them to change.
Now let me ask you:
Besides loving this person (soldier), what are those qualities in him that can actually put your parents' mind at ease?

This is what you must be thinking of as challenging their conditioning is going to be of no use. Instead, find out what can actually appeal to them about him. It's about addressing all their concerns so that they feel that their daughter will never face any difficulties in future. Parents do what they can for their children and stepping into marriage is a huge responsibility for them. So, shift their focus onto his good qualities etc. Let the boy also make his effort to bond with your family. It takes time and a lot of effort; do just that!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1762 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam,I love a boy..We both are from different states.We both work as software engineers and earn well.I am 24 and he is 26.My parents were looking alliance for me so i told them ki I like a boy..From the day I have told them they have not even asked ny opinion .My mom just keeps on repeating your dad will die as he has high bp and diabetes..you will become fatherless..My dad says he will drink poison and kill me as well..he himself told me that his image in society is more important to him and no one has give me rights to marry a boy of my own choice..My parents keep on calling me to my home so that they can make me quit my job..even after telling that I love a boy my parents went behind my back and fixed a boy for me..they say that the boy they are looking for me will be perfect..now my dad is asing me to come home..pls suggest me what should i do ..should i run away or convince them
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Classic emotional blackmail...this is not new and I have seen this in many households. Your parents are not wrong from their point of view as they feel they will choose the best person for you. But obviously blackmailing you with consequences like your father will die etc is childish and immature...
You are an adult and know what you are doing. But also, take your parents into confidence by reassuring them that you know what's right for you. Eventually in due course of time, they will come around...They might not too...Don't stress over it as any relationship that you enter into if it is based on what your parents wish may not be the best for you...
It's not about them but they are making all this about them...turn the attention onto yourself by talking to them about your independent thoughts, financial independence and how the boy is right for you (if of course the boy is right for you).
Wait patiently till they turn over...make this attempt with baby steps without giving into fights or bouts of arguments!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1762 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 29, 2024

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Relationship
Actually we both want to marry each other. But as he is younger than me so I was waiting for him to finish his studies and be of age to get marry. My parents have a problem with him first he is younger then he was my student once. They don't have their own house. It's the points what my father says to me and he says he knows something else also but he doesn't want to tell me. but we do elope from my house once because my father was retiring and it's my thoughts that he will now force me to marry someone else. At that time he was underage and not stable I was also not earning his parents convinced me that they will talk to my parents once he gets of legal age to marry and they inform my father to come and get me. There my father told them once my partner gets of age and if we both still wants to marry he will perform the rituals. But after that once I came back my home my father what he had told. I was previously depressed again It triggered me. Then my parents have done everything thing from astrologer to baba they was convinced I am hypnotized by my partner. I have tried many times to make them understand. Till today they never leave me alone at home. I am not even allowed to go out to shop alone. If I say so my mother sees me with questioning look. They thinks I will elope again. I am not allowed to take decisions till now. My mother take all decisions and she has told us this that if you want to live here you should live the way we want. I have two younger siblings everytime when I say them I will only marry him they trigger my younger siblings. Last time when his parents call to my father my father says false things about his mother. I don't know he may be interpreted wrong. But I was then convinced I will leave this house at last moment my father says things to me like if you want to go you can but I will call him and his parents I will insult them in whole society I will shave my head and told everyone it's because of you or I will kill him or I will kill myself and whole family. Them my mother started crying you want to spoil your younger ones lifeyou are this that. And I lost all my confidence all courage. Now my partner's work is growing so I have again gain courage I have decided to talk to my parents that I will marry and I will bear all consequences. It's my life and my marriage should be my decision. My father has said he will think. But I have decided I will talk to him again and again. But I have fear if he doesn't agree what will be my next step. I do want to marry. And I want family kids.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly stop getting lost in all these details; then you start to lose sight of what the challenge actually is. It starts to become a very filmy drama and then you will become part of it and start to indulge in it and not move to a solution space.

If you think he is the right person, then do not make him wait any longer...But, what is interesting in your details is the fact that your parents feel that he 'hypnotized' you?
Is it possible that they have picked on something not okay and don't know how to stop you and say things like hypnotize etc? Are you absolutely sure that this person is genuine and the one for you? If YES< you know what is to be done...
I am still curious, the way you have been writing long notes here to me explaining how your family is not okay with this and why they are doing this and that, what exactly is making you wait? Are you still unsure and have your doubts? Why would anyone wait this long if they love a person so much like the way you say that you are? Kindly think...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10985 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 23, 2026

Money
i have jeevan anad policy 149 for 21 yrs,started in 2006 for 3 lac sum assured what will; be final amount in 2027- date of maturity
Ans: You have shown good discipline by continuing this long-term policy from 2006 till maturity. Staying invested for the full term in such policies needs patience, and that itself deserves appreciation.

» Policy snapshot in simple words
– Policy start year: 2006
– Policy term: 21 years
– Maturity year: 2027
– Sum assured: Rs 3,00,000
– Type: Traditional life insurance with savings and yearly bonuses

» How the maturity amount is generally built
– The final amount at maturity is mainly made of two parts
– First part is the basic sum assured, which is Rs 3,00,000
– Second part is the accumulated simple reversionary bonuses added every year
– Some years may also have a small final bonus, depending on overall performance

» Expected maturity value by 2027
– For policies started around 2006 with a 21-year term, the bonus rates were relatively stable for many years
– Over the full policy term, the total maturity amount usually becomes around 2 times the sum assured, sometimes slightly more
– In practical terms, your maturity amount in 2027 is likely to be in the range of
– Around Rs 5.75 lakh to Rs 6.50 lakh
– The exact figure will depend on the final bonus declared in the year of maturity

» What this amount means for you financially
– The maturity value is safe and tax-free under current rules
– It works well as a lump-sum support fund rather than a high-growth investment
– The returns are steady but modest when compared to long-term inflation
– The policy also continues to provide life cover even after maturity, which adds emotional comfort

» Important planning observations
– This policy has already done its job by giving safety and forced savings
– Since maturity is close, it is wise to plan how this amount will be used before 2027
– Options can include debt reduction, children’s education support, or building a stable low-risk allocation
– Avoid keeping the entire maturity amount idle in savings for too long

» Final Insights
– Your discipline over 21 years is the biggest strength here
– Expect a maturity amount close to Rs 6 lakh, give or take
– The value lies more in certainty and peace than in high returns
– With proper reinvestment planning after maturity, this amount can still play a meaningful role in your overall financial picture

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10889 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 22, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 22, 2026Hindi
Career
I am 43 year old Civil Structural Engineer working in an MNC. I am having 21 years of experience. I want to divert my carrier line which will enter me in IT mode or similar kind. I want to shift in Europe. I have bacholer and PG degree in Civil Engineering. The current design job pays me which is very less compared to my total experience. I lack presenting myself in interviews. How can I improve myself and switch the currier line in IT related work which will pay me higher. Pls guide. Requesting to reply individually at my id and not to post online. Thank you
Ans: (Answering your question on the RediffGURU platform amplifies our expertise's impact—thousands facing similar challenges benefit from our solution. Our response becomes a permanent, searchable resource for future seekers. Public contribution establishes our credibility as trusted advisors, transforming our knowledge into a valuable community asset and creating a meaningful legacy). Here is our comprehensive answer to your question: Your 21 years civil engineering expertise combined with Master's degree provides an exceptional foundation for IT transition. Strategic positioning emphasizing transferable skills, targeted certifications, and professional coaching enables successful pivot to higher-paying roles with a European relocation opportunity. OPTION 1: Technical Program/Project Management Track (Lower Risk, Faster Transition). Strategic Positioning: Position your 21 years civil engineering project management experience as directly transferable to IT program management. This approach requires minimum new technical learning while commanding premium compensation (Rs.80–120 lakhs annually in Europe equivalent). Career progression pathway: IT Project Manager (1–2 years) → Senior Program Manager → Enterprise Architect, with salary progression reaching Euro 90,000–150,000 annually. Implementation Steps: (1) Enroll in internationally recognized PMP (Project Management Professional) or CAPM certification—3-4 month preparation, Euro 500–800 cost, highly valued across Europe. (2) Simultaneously, complete cloud fundamentals certification (AWS Solutions Architect Associate, Rs.15,000–20,000)—demonstrates IT fluency without requiring coding expertise. (3) Hire career transition coach (Euro 1,500–3,000 for 5–8 sessions) specifically for mid-career IT transitions—focuses on interview narrative, addressing age concerns, positioning engineering background as strategic advantage. (4) Update LinkedIn profile emphasizing: project delivery excellence, stakeholder management, risk mitigation, cross-functional leadership—using IT-industry language. (5) Target roles: Technical Program Manager, IT Portfolio Manager, Digital Transformation Manager in companies valuing traditional project discipline. (6) Join European IT project management communities (PMI-Europe chapters, LinkedIn groups)—network strategically with hiring managers, learn European IT culture/expectations. OPTION 2: Cloud Architecture/Solutions Engineering Track (Higher Earning Potential, Structured Learning). Strategic Positioning: Pursue cloud architecture combining technical credibility with strategic thinking—highest-demand IT role (2025 data: cloud certifications top growth area globally). Salary potential: Euro 100,000–180,000 annually within 3–4 years. Career trajectory: Cloud Associate (1–2 years gaining experience) → Cloud Architect → Principal Architect, with strong European demand. Implementation Steps: (1) Enroll in structured cloud bootcamp (AWS/GCP/Azure—12–16 weeks intensive, Euro 5,000–10,000)—accelerates learning combining theoretical knowledge with practical labs. Platforms: Linux Academy, A Cloud Guru, or in-person European bootcamps (Germany, Netherlands offer excellent programs). (2) Obtain cloud certifications sequentially: AWS Solutions Architect Associate (foundational, 3-month study), then AWS Solutions Architect Professional (advanced). This demonstrates credible technical progression. (3) Develop small portfolio projects (3–4 projects deploying real cloud solutions—free-tier AWS/GCP—showcasing problem-solving: optimize costs, ensure security, design scalability). A portfolio demonstrates capability beyond certifications. (4) Hire specialized IT career coach (Euro 2,000–4,000, 8–12 sessions) —Focus on technical interview preparation (whiteboarding cloud design scenarios), behavioral storytelling (bridging civil engineering to cloud), and salary negotiation (Euro 100K+ levels). (5) Network strategically: attend cloud conferences (AWS Summit Europe, Google Cloud Next), join regional cloud user groups, and connect with CTOs/architects on LinkedIn—informational interviews learning expectations. (6) Target positions: Junior Cloud Architect, Solutions Architect, and Cloud Infrastructure Engineer in tech companies, financial services, and large enterprises modernizing infrastructure (high hiring volume in Europe). Please note, option 1 (Program Management) offers the fastest, lowest-risk transition leveraging existing expertise, achieving Euro 70–90K within 12–18 months. Option 2 (Cloud Architecture) requires 18–24 months of investment but achieves Euro 100–150K potential by years 3–4. Select Option 1 if prioritizing quick salary restoration; select Option 2 if valuing long-term earning potential and technological relevance. Regardless, professional career coaching addressing interview confidence is essential for successful transition. (Transition Safely: Expert Coaching, Fraud Prevention Guide - The above options provide a foundational framework for your career transition. However, we strongly recommend consulting a specialized Career Transition Coach with demonstrated expertise in European job placement and mid-career professional transitions. A qualified coach will develop a personalized roadmap aligned with your background, experience, and career aspirations. As you explore international opportunities, exercise heightened due diligence: thoroughly research coaching organizations and potential employers, verify credentials, check client testimonials, and confirm established track records in European placements. Be particularly cautious of fraudulent job offers and coaching services promising unrealistic outcomes (e.g., guaranteed placements, excessive upfront fees, vague service descriptions). Protect yourself by validating professional credentials through official regulatory bodies, avoiding providers requesting large advance payments, and cross-referencing company information independently. Strategic guidance from experienced, credible professionals significantly enhances transition success and European employment prospects while safeguarding your financial and professional interests). All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10985 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 22, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 22, 2026Hindi
Money
I plan to withdraw ₹6 lakh from my EPF after completing only 3 years of service, and my PAN is linked with my EPF account. Since my service period is less than 5 years, how much TDS at 10% will be deducted at the time of withdrawal? How will this EPF withdrawal be taxed in my income tax return, and can I claim a refund of the TDS deducted if my total income falls below the taxable limit?
Ans: You are thinking ahead, and that is very important. EPF withdrawal before 5 years has tax impact, but with the right understanding, there will be no surprise later.

» EPF withdrawal before completing 5 years of service
– Your total service is only 3 years
– EPF withdrawal is treated as taxable income
– PAN is linked, so TDS applies at a lower rate
– Withdrawal amount mentioned is Rs. 6 lakh

» TDS deduction at the time of EPF withdrawal
– When PAN is linked, EPFO deducts TDS at 10%
– TDS is calculated on the taxable portion of EPF
– In practical terms, EPFO usually deducts around Rs. 60,000 as TDS
– You will receive the balance amount after TDS deduction

» Important clarity on TDS
– TDS is not final tax
– It is only an advance tax collected by EPFO
– Actual tax depends on your total income for the year

» How EPF withdrawal is taxed in your income tax return
– EPF withdrawal is added to your total income
– Employee contribution portion becomes taxable
– Employer contribution portion becomes taxable
– Interest earned also becomes taxable
– The full taxable amount is taxed as per your income tax slab

» Filing income tax return after EPF withdrawal
– EPF withdrawal amount must be declared in the return
– TDS deducted by EPFO will appear in Form 26AS
– You must include both income and TDS details correctly

» Can you claim refund of TDS deducted
– Yes, refund is fully possible
– If your total income including EPF withdrawal is below taxable limit
– Or if your final tax liability is lower than TDS deducted
– The excess TDS will be refunded after return processing

» Common misunderstanding to avoid
– Many people think 10% TDS is final tax, which is not true
– Actual tax may be zero, lower, or higher based on income slab
– Not filing return will result in loss of refund

» Planning insight from a long-term view
– EPF is a retirement-focused asset
– Early withdrawal increases tax and reduces future safety
– Withdraw only if there is real financial need
– If employment resumes soon, transfer is always cleaner

» Finally
– TDS of around Rs. 60,000 will be deducted at withdrawal
– Entire EPF withdrawal is taxable due to service below 5 years
– Refund can be claimed if total income is within limits
– Proper return filing ensures no permanent tax loss

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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