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Torn between love and family: What should a young woman do?

Anu Krishna |1203 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 01, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by Sunita on Sep 23, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Ma'am I love one boy and I am having strong feelings for him but as he is from different caste my parents are not agree for marriage and my brother is also tracked my phone . I am suffering here a lot . Ma'am pls advice me what can I do for that? Am I bad girl or characterless for doing so ? My parents are torchering me that if I talk to him then they will commite suicide. So aam pls suggest me what should I do . My relationship with him is 3 years now..

Ans: Dear Sunita,
No, you are not a bad girl or characterless for having feelings for a boy.
Now, why your parents don't agree to this could only be because of the caste thing or financial position...parents of a girl so worry about how their girl will adjust to a new culture and money worries can only make their worry get larger.
Do find out what their concerns are...they are only trying to make you see their point of view by using emotional blackmail like suicide etc. Instead of running away from it or being scared, face the issue at hand and talk to them in a manner that you understand what their worries are.
Then you and your partner together find a way to address these concerns...at least it's one step towards action.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna |1203 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Madam i am 21 years old having a good post at central government as at erly age i got job and i joint it now i am 22 and having a boyfriend he is also central government officer and he is age 29 bu despite of the age gap the love bloomed and we are so in love with each other i told my family early tge condition and said that i want to marry him but my parents said after 25 we will ger u married but by sharing this at hone they are not having trust on mr and are being insecure and wants me to leave a government job and to come home because he is not from same caste and it will also be interstate marriage my family is having the fear of relatives and my mother us against of it they are saying intercaste marriage we will not support or accept continuously emotional blackmail to me trying to manipulate, brainwash me and abusing me emotionally verbally and physically. what should i do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Inter-faith marriages are still a big NO NO in many homes and yours is not an exception. Like in many other cases, my suggestion has been that both sides must want to get to know the other person. Like your parents need to see a different side of your boyfriend to be willing to accept him.
What is it that he can bring in their daughter's life that will ease their concerns about his faith/religion?
So, your boyfriend must be willing to be patient and make efforts on his part to integrate into your family. It takes time, so be patient.
Now, for your job...do not confuse emotions and your job. Your parents feels that you might take drastic steps with your boyfriend and hence want you closer to home so that they can keep an eye on you. Address this concern by being mature and immersing yourself more into work that gives them the confidence that you are not about to do anything behind their back.
Addressing what bothers them is a better way out rather than trying to convince them...as the same issues will keep coming back if you force them to accept something. So, be patient and responsible for things to sort themselves out...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1203 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi i wanted to ask i am in a relationship with the guy from many years. We were together since class 10 my parents got to know about him that time so they scolded me and i left him but after 4-5 mnths we again got in touch and till now m 25 now and hes 27 we are in a healthy relationship. We are from different casts and now I told my parents about him but my father is adamant because this is the first intercaste marriage in our family and everybody will curse our family if we marry. My father holds a good reputation in the society he is saying society will say him harsh things and their survival in the society will get difficult if i do this marriage. We both are independent financially. I dont want that my family should suffer because of me . I am in a dilemma plzz help what should I do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, family, reputation, society...all this do come up within many Indian marriages.
But the point is: as two adults how smartly you deal with the issue of inter-caste marriage with your parents, the disappointments that they will subject you to, how effectively your partner is able to strike a rapport with your parents and show them how and why he is right for their daughter...lot of work, yeah? But, well...if that's the way forward, then you both need to work on all this.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1203 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 07, 2024

Question by Bhagyashree - Aug 04, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hii actually i love someone and also he loves me very much as I am 19 and he is going to be 20 and we told our family members about our relationship and wants to marry but they are not agreeing as we both have different caste but we can't leave each other and marry someone else what should I do

Ans: Dear Bhagyashree,
Love is nice, Love is fun...
At 19 and 20, isn't that a phase where one focuses on studies, their careers. That's message enough for you...
Regarding marriage, I guess when you and your boyfriend show some maturity by working and becoming financially independent, there's a fair chance that your parents might at least be willing to see things the way you want them to...
Why would they agree to let you marry someone who's 20 and still has to stand on his own feet? And you too...
Of course, unless, he's someone who has come up with genuine ideas and is making good money as an entrepreneur. Girl, focus on what needs your focus and someday things may fall in place.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ravi Mittal |360 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Dear mam. Im in relationship about 6 years .my caste is charys bc nd his caste sc. This is major role in my story . Full of tears in my eyes now present searching person for my marriage in my caste. I recently told my parents about love but they said to me forget him. But I can't I want to marry him with my parents nd his parents acceptance only....what can I do. Now

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am very sorry to see you standing in such a difficult position. All I can suggest is to try and convince your parents to overlook the caste part and focus on the positives of your relationship like how happy he makes you, how you two are so committed to each other for so long, and other positive aspects of your partner- preferably a strong career and such. That is the only way to change their minds.

Going against a family's wishes can be very difficult. I hope things work out in the end.

Best Wishes.

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Question by Raju - Oct 15, 2024Hindi

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I am an IT professional and graduate with B.Sc Computer Science in the year 2006. Further being working i did 2 years online PGDITM (Post Graduate Diploma in Information Technology Management) from the Symbiosis college of Distance Learning which is an AICTE approved. Now i am concern about my Post Graduate Degree as most of the positions are now being prefered having post graduate degree either M.Tech or MCA to get qualify for the minimum criteria. So my query is after working of 15 years if i am going for online MCA degree will be benefical for me or not ...

Ans: Can do online MCA degree without leaving your job. Another option would be to do PGPMax course from ISB which is for professionals having 15+ years of work ex. It could help you to get into management cadre.

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Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2024Hindi

Career

My son is in 12th standard. He wants to study physics and pursue a career in academics/research. What are options after 12th. How should he prepare.

Ans: It's great that your son is interested in pursuing a career in physics research and academics! He can do
B.Sc. in Physics, Integrated M.Sc. in Physics, Dual Degree Programs, B.Tech. in Engineering Physics or Applied Physics.
Top Institutes for Physics in India:

Indian Institutes of Science Education and Research (IISERs)
Indian Institute of Science (IISc), Bangalore
IITs (particularly IIT Kanpur, IIT Bombay, and IIT Madras offer strong physics programs)
University of Delhi
St. Stephen's College, Delhi
Banaras Hindu University (BHU)
Presidency University, Kolkata
These universities/institutions took admission through different exams. Your son should prepare for those exams

Milind Vadjikar |426 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 13, 2024Hindi

Money

I am 35 and planning to get financial free by 45 while no plan to withdraw after 45 but could be a chance to swp of 5% from 50 age. No loan is running currently. Owning 2 plots which might be worth of 90L lakhs now. I have rsu's which would be around 50L vested. My monthly salary is nearly 2.4L and my expenses are arround 60k to 70k per month. Please suggest bucket for long term. My plan to invest in nifty50 -20%, next fifty -20%, government bond /gold - 20%, medium cap - 25%, small cap - 15% for long term.. ready to invest 1L per month sip from now. Please suggest

Ans: Hello;

You may allocate your monthly sip
(1 L) in the following manner:

Flexicap type mutual fund: 30%
PPFAS flexicap
Large cap mutual fund: 20%
Canara Robeco Bluechip
Midcap mutual fund: 20%
Nippon India Growth
Small cap fund: 10%
SBI small cap
Multi asset allocation fund: 20%
ICICI Pru MAF

For retirement purpose corpus should never be in pure equity fund.

You may utilise hybrid funds such as equity savings type mutual fund or conservative hybrid debt type mutual fund for SWP.

Also do not let the SWP rate above 3% as this serves as safety during market drawdowns as to not eat into your corpus and deplete it significantly.

Land and RSUs may be your booster to fight inflation in retirement.

Stay sufficiently insured for life and health.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

Anu Krishna |1203 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Question by Ruta - Oct 08, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello Madam, i am 38 year married women, having a 15year 1 kid boy ( but my husband not loving me even he is not talking with me from the last 8 years but we r leaving together due to our son, he fulfilled the need with the responsibilities of our home and our son but as wife he is not talking and even not caring to me ,but before 2 years back one married man come to talk with me he is my official colleague and we both attached a lot with each other after some days he proposed me and said that he is loving me many years ago but he thought that i am very Strick person will not response him, but now he is saying that he wants me as a life partner me also every time he treat me like a wife very much caring and loving nature now i introduce him to my family as a friend and family members also very happy with taking to him, we are from 2 year together is it good or what should i do further?

Ans: Dear Ruta,
You want to get into a relationship with a married man? Will that not complicate your already complicated life?
You certainly deserve to be loved and taken care of BUT do not jump towards a married man...you do understand that his priorities will lie with his first family and this will hurt you again and you will feel neglected AGAIN...

What is he planning with his marriage? Does his wife know about your relationship? Is he going to end his marriage and then marry you? These questions need answers and then you can decide for yourself keeping in mind that you need to take of yourself emotionally in this second association.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Milind Vadjikar |426 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2024Hindi

Money

Pls guide me so as to withdraw PF amount from EPF scheme, subject to aforementioned conditions a. Set period of employment is >3 years. b. I had employment with 2 companies, one I transferred and the next I withdrew. Main, problem is withdraw amount is > x lacs and unable to file for withdrawal- 2 times rejected. Pls help me.

Ans: Request you to kindly rephrase your query.

Milind Vadjikar |426 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 14, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi sir. I left my company 3 years ago, even when my resignation was not accepted, and the PF accumulated is in the trust of that organization. How do I withdraw or transfer the PF amount?

Ans: Hello;

You may approach the HR department of your previous employer and discuss possible way out of the situation.

Regret if your exit was abrupt and improper.

Their is no harm in apologising for any wrong action especially if it can help build bridges and resolve open issues amicably.

All the best;

Milind Vadjikar |426 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi Sir, I'm 44 years old with a monthly expense of 60k. I have 14 year old boy studying in 9th std. I have a corpus of 1.5 cr and a passive income of 30k per month which I expect to continue for next 10 years. Please let me know how much corpus is required for retirement if I want to retire now and for son's education. I have my own house and no loans as of now and have a decent health insurance. Expecting your valuable response. Thank you

Ans: Hello;

You may invest 50 L into an Arbitrage type mutual fund (low risk) earmarked for your son's higher education.

For 1 Cr you may buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company. Considering annuity rate of 6% you may expect to receive monthly payout of around 50 K.

So your total monthly income will be 50 K from annuity + 30 K passive income= 80 K pm.

After accounting for your monthly expenses of 60 K you have a surplus of 20 K which you may use to initiate a monthly sip into a pure equity mutual fund.

After 10 years this sip may grow into a corpus of around 50 L to top-up your retirement corpus.

Happy Investing;

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

Anu Krishna |1203 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Question by krishnasamy - Oct 08, 2024

Relationship

Dear Anu, my wife was hopitalised about 15 days due to thyroid and knee pain during covid. 2021. after that six months once consult with doctor and advised to take tablets. now she is o.k. her age 65. my age 70. prior to hospitalisation we both have well relationship and she likes to have sex. but after dischared from hospital she won't like to share me in bed. Now a days she moves here and there and also gone shop for purchase. but she never allowes me to touch her lips and her private parts. In these situations how can I control my feelings ?. Please give your valued sugguestions

Ans: Dear Krishnasamy,
It's possible that certain medications might have been responsible for decrease in her sex drive which only a doctor can clarify OR she clearly has a decreased interest in sex in which case, do respect it, Sir. And there are other forms of intimacy and closeness to explore that can keep your connection alive...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Vivek Lala |288 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax, MF Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Question by nikhin - Oct 12, 2024Hindi

Money

I have purchased a residential flat in december 2021 amounting to 80 lacs rupees and had been paying the builder in installments in dec 2021, dec 2022, dec 2023 and next installent on possession and registration of sale deed in dec 2024 each of rs 20 lacs. I have sold my shares which has crossed 12 months equivalent to 80 rupees in september 2024. Can i claim section 54f for full amount?

Ans: Yes if you follow all the rules for claiming the benefit

Milind Vadjikar |426 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Question by Srinivasan - Oct 15, 2024Hindi

Money

Dear Sir, My Age is 59 and investment is as follows: Stock market 1.2 Cr MFI 2.0 Cr Expectied pension from 2026 1,4L per month House : own house Loan liability is zero Responsibility: Marriage of two sons who finished PG My question is " above fund sufficient to take over for me and my wife for next 30 year (assuming life expectancy is 90 Years) Regards Srinivasan

Ans: Hello;

You may invest 20 L in Arbitrage type of mutual fund(low risk) earmarked for marriage of your sons.

Also you may invest 3 Cr into equity savings type mutual fund (moderate risk).

After 3 years it may grow into a sum of 3.89 Cr considering modest return of 9%.

I suggest that you redeem this corpus by paying LTCG(~11 L) and buy an immediate annuity for balance corpus of 3.78 Cr from a life insurance company.

I am not recommending you to do an SWP because for your required monthly income SWP rate will have to be 4.5%+ annually and I ran this on an swp calculator which shows depleted corpus of less then 1 Cr after 30 years.

Considering annuity rate of 6% you may expect to receive monthly payment of 1.89 L(pre-tax).

Seek joint annuity for yourself and your spouse with return of purchase price to your nominees.

Some life insurers offer increasing annuity at fixed intervals to account for inflation.

Also if you shop around and negotiate you may get a better annuity rate.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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