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Trapped in Love: Torn Between Family Values and Intercaste Marriage

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1160 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi i wanted to ask i am in a relationship with the guy from many years. We were together since class 10 my parents got to know about him that time so they scolded me and i left him but after 4-5 mnths we again got in touch and till now m 25 now and hes 27 we are in a healthy relationship. We are from different casts and now I told my parents about him but my father is adamant because this is the first intercaste marriage in our family and everybody will curse our family if we marry. My father holds a good reputation in the society he is saying society will say him harsh things and their survival in the society will get difficult if i do this marriage. We both are independent financially. I dont want that my family should suffer because of me . I am in a dilemma plzz help what should I do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, family, reputation, society...all this do come up within many Indian marriages.
But the point is: as two adults how smartly you deal with the issue of inter-caste marriage with your parents, the disappointments that they will subject you to, how effectively your partner is able to strike a rapport with your parents and show them how and why he is right for their daughter...lot of work, yeah? But, well...if that's the way forward, then you both need to work on all this.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1160 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, actually I am having a trouble in my relationship. Me and my partner are from different castes but we love each other. Due to the fear of my parents I told him some days back that my parents will never agree for our marriage as he is one year younger than me, he is from different caste and we both are in the final stage of our professional course and have not gone for job yet. But we are unable to leave each other and keep on crying. Now I am thinking of talking about this to my parents once my exams are over in a couple of months because I'm already 24 and they will start looking for alliance for me. But my partner is like there's no problem on his side but he doesn't want me to hurt and ruin relationship with my parents due to this disclosure and says that its never going to happen with heavy emotions and teary eyes. I am also unable to control my emotions and tears. Please advise me on what to do please mam....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, your partner is being kind and thinking for you and your relationship with your parents. It is a nice trait to have to be empathetic but it may cost him the relationship. And he has taken this stance only because you have talked him about how fearful you are of your parents.
I guess instead of giving up like this, why don't the two of you sit down as adults and discuss how to talk to your parents and make this happen. When you act against what society and family set as norms, you should have expected something to go against the fairy tale event, right?
Since you did not set this tone in mind, now it's about taking the bull by the horns and finding what's the best solution. Why give up?

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1160 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello mam, glad to find you here. Mam, I'm a female, 27 yrs, I have been in a relationship with my partner since 9yrs, but he is from different caste. We both were immature when we started our relationship but our relationship grew stronger as time passed.We have gone through ups and downs of our relationship and are still intact. When I was into 3yrs of our relationship he was doing some odd job, at that time I told my mom about us and she said 'NO' because of caste issue irrespective of his job. Another reason is that my father is an impulsive person who thinks to harm himself whenever something happens, so mom said my father might harm himself if I go forward. At the same time there were some issues in boys family and my brother met them and he said no to it.But I couldn't get away from him, so I stayed. Later I talked to my partner about his family environment and I said that I couldn't stay with them because of the negative impact. He talked to his family and confirmed that after marriage we will lead our life under different roof but maintain the sufficient relationship with his family. We both are now settled in jobs but he earns a bit less than me but we earn a handsome salary combining our both salaries. Now, it's time for my marriage and I want to marry him and he have changed alot for me without leaving his family and he understands me very well. I feel safe with him. Now the problem is my parents wants to get me married and I also want to get married to the whom I loved but my mom and brother are not yet all giving me the chance to convince them. They are trying to convince me for marriage with others but I couldn't do that, that will kill me all my life. They are saying that if I go for intercaste then they have to suffer all their life and my father might do something to himself if he finds out. I love my family dearly and that's why I have been waiting all these years for their approval. I do not want anyone to lose their life because of me. My partner have left the decision to me because of my situation at home and he is supportive of me. My transfer is nearing where I have two options, one is to opt for my home town(not Village), where I can bring my parents to town with me to stay( now my posting is in another city). Second is to opt for different city( where I have to stay with my brother who doesn't approve of my love and blames me for his career). In order for me to convince them for my marriage should stay with my family or away from them and how can I convince them? Sorry' for the long story and I hope I hear from you.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Be clear about what you want and in this process/journey, there will be a lot of highs and lows...
Also, you may not be able to have the cake and eat it too which is why you are struggling at making a decision. You want to marry the man of your dreams that your parents and brother disapprove of BUT you don't want to disappoint them by going against them...You can't have one foot in two different paths...it will tear you apart; literally...
So, decide what you want, the pros and cons of going against the family...of course there are situations where over time, parents have accepted the boy/girl but there's a lot of patient waiting.
If you are in haste, they are not going to relent and you will be left feeling disappointed...
Decide and then do whatever it takes to make that decision right...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1160 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Madam i am 21 years old having a good post at central government as at erly age i got job and i joint it now i am 22 and having a boyfriend he is also central government officer and he is age 29 bu despite of the age gap the love bloomed and we are so in love with each other i told my family early tge condition and said that i want to marry him but my parents said after 25 we will ger u married but by sharing this at hone they are not having trust on mr and are being insecure and wants me to leave a government job and to come home because he is not from same caste and it will also be interstate marriage my family is having the fear of relatives and my mother us against of it they are saying intercaste marriage we will not support or accept continuously emotional blackmail to me trying to manipulate, brainwash me and abusing me emotionally verbally and physically. what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Inter-faith marriages are still a big NO NO in many homes and yours is not an exception. Like in many other cases, my suggestion has been that both sides must want to get to know the other person. Like your parents need to see a different side of your boyfriend to be willing to accept him.
What is it that he can bring in their daughter's life that will ease their concerns about his faith/religion?
So, your boyfriend must be willing to be patient and make efforts on his part to integrate into your family. It takes time, so be patient.
Now, for your job...do not confuse emotions and your job. Your parents feels that you might take drastic steps with your boyfriend and hence want you closer to home so that they can keep an eye on you. Address this concern by being mature and immersing yourself more into work that gives them the confidence that you are not about to do anything behind their back.
Addressing what bothers them is a better way out rather than trying to convince them...as the same issues will keep coming back if you force them to accept something. So, be patient and responsible for things to sort themselves out...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |150 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, I am 56 with a take home salary of about 5L per month and expect to retire in 4 years. I have about 1.2 cr in PF+PPF and 4 properties worth 2.5Cr. Cash in hand 40L and equity worth 25L. From Jan24, investing about 2L per month in MF + Shares + others and wish to continue to next 4 years. Daughter is working and likely to get married in next 2 years (anticipate a spend of 35L). Son will join MBBS in 2 years with expected fee of 30L per year. Have no loans and well covered for mediclaim and term insurance. Am i covered for the expenses? Please suggest ...
Ans: Hello;

Your PF+PPF balance you can keep untouched so it may grow into a corpus of 1.6 Cr(7.5% growth rate assumed) + regular contributions over 4 years, at the end of your work life.

At your age I recommend you to resist temptation of dealing in direct stocks or even pure equity mutual funds due to the very high risk of volatility.

I propose you to put 30 L(6 month pay coverage) as emergency fund in ICICI Pru Liquid fund(Best returns on 6M criteria)+ facility of instant redemption upto 50K & balance T+1 working day.

10 L balance from cash in hand + 25 L of stock holdings could be invested in Tata money market debt fund(best returns on 1 year criteria). Both these funds have moderate & low to moderate risk profile respectively. This will serve as your corpus for daughter's marriage and grow for 2 years in the meanwhile.

The 2L investment per month which you have began from Jan-24 is expected to go into MF sip+ direct stocks+ other.

For the other investment you are the best judge but here again I would humbly appeal to you to avoid equity MFs and direct stocks considering your age and high risks associated with these asset type direct exposure.

I propose you to invest in equity savings fund instead which are less riskier then pure equity funds and can yield decent return too. I recommend two funds in this category with best returns on 5 yr criteria & AUM above 1K Cr. Mirae Asset equity savings fund and Kotak equity savings fund.

A 2 L sip into these two funds for 4 years will yield a corpus of 1.16 Cr (Modest return of 9% considered). This will fully cover the cost of education for your son.

The best aspect of your financial planning which I admire and respect is No loans, well covered for mediclaim, term insurance and investment in real estate.

I have given my opinion, ultimately you are the best judge.

Feel free to revert in case of any query.

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |609 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Sep 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 17, 2024Hindi
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Career
Sir I am btech - industrial biotechnology (4 years ) student. Now I'm in 3 rd year . My family financial situations didn't ain't me study msc or mtech or going abroad. So.. I'm planning to work hard for an year to get government job in my biotech field. However, biotech in india is just in it's initial stages . I didn't find good jobs in biotech industry for graduates and I even google many times about this concern. Could you please guide me ? What are best rated - government and private jobs in biotechnology field for biotech graduates ? I want each of jobs list If not any other alternatives ? What are the entrance exams I can appear for mtech pursuing at free of cost in India ? Is there any entrance exams to get a govt job in biotech field for graduates ? I'm bothered with many quests???????? I'm so... Worried about my career . Hope I'll get my answers from your team as soon as possible Thank you ????
Ans: Biotechnology graduates can apply for various positions in government organizations, research institutes, and labs. Below are some of the key government organizations where biotechnology graduates can find jobs:

Government Organizations:
Department of Biotechnology (DBT)
Council of Scientific and Industrial Research (CSIR)
Indian Council of Medical Research (ICMR)
National Institute of Immunology (NII)
All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS)
Biotech Consortium India Limited (BCIL)
Food Safety and Standards Authority of India (FSSAI)
Indian Institute of Technology (IITs) as technical assistants or lab technicians
Central Drugs Standard Control Organization (CDSCO)
Defense Research and Development Organization (DRDO)
Public sector units (PSUs) like Bharat Immunologicals and Biologicals Corporation Limited (BIBCOL)

Key Entrance Exams:
GATE (Graduate Aptitude Test in Engineering): Scores in the Biotechnology paper can help you get into prestigious institutes like IITs and NITs for M.Tech with scholarships.
DBT JRF BET: Provides a fellowship to pursue a PhD in biotechnology.
ICMR JRF: For research fellowship and PhD positions.
CSIR UGC NET: For lectureships and research in biotechnology.
JNU CEEB: For postgraduate programs in biotechnology across many universities in India.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |150 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 09, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi I am 44 years old working for almost 21years now. I have accumulated close to1.6Cr of corpus through diversified portfolio in FD, MF, Stocks etc. I am undergoing health issue post recovery from a major illness and not able to mentally and physically cope up with the demand of the Job which is paying me around 2.5L/Month. I want to settle for a less demanding job even at 50% lesser salary. With my current corpus how to invest it so that i get a monthly interest to maintain my current lifestyle without reducing my corpus.
Ans: You can buy immediate annuity from an insurance company for your corpus of 1.6 Cr as joint holding by you and your spouse and return of purchase price to you, your spouse or nominee either after completion of tenure or expiry of the annuity holder/s.

Assuming modest rate of 6% will yield you a monthly income of 80K per month(pre-tax).

You can always negotiate and shop to get a better rate for your annuity.

If you suppliment this with low stress, less exertion job at 50% of your current salary you will have monthly income of 1.25 L + 0.8L = 2.05 L per month.

Although annuity rates are typically lower you can lock them for a longer tenure.

Most companies or banks offer 5 year FDs.

Few do offer 10 year FDs but then you have TDS deducted at 10% from your interest payout. Also FDs are not entirely risk free.

In case of annuity TDS is not deducted, so far, since tax liability is with the annuity holder.

Please do take care of your health and wish you speedy recovery.

In case you any other concerns, feel free to revert.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |150 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 17, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir, I had invested in HDFC Sanchay Plus in Long-Term Income Plan. It was a insurance and regular income plan for a period of 30 years. I paid up for five years as mandated by the policy. The pay out would commence from 7th year annually upto 30 years. The principal amount would be paid on completion of 30th year of enrollment. I appears the return of investment was less than 5% and diminishes further with time. I decided to withdraw from the scheme however the HDFC Life is deducting a huge sum from the invested amount. I requested to atleast return the principal amount invested without any add-on. But HDFC Life is referring to the policy clause and declining to return the invested amount. How can I retrieve the invested amount in this scenario. Thanking you in anticipation.
Ans: Most of the people make this mistake of considering insurance coupled with investment as good combination. The fact that insurance regulator allows insurance companies to use words such as "Guaranteed", "Assured" which entice gullible investors, makes things more difficult.

Endowment or money back policies never yield return over 5 to 6%.

Even ULIP policy returns above a threshold will now be subject to long term capital gain tax apart from fund management, policy administration and other heavy charges during first 5 years.

Insurance is for pure protection hence term insurance with appropriate riders is best option.

Unfortunately there is no way you can seek higher surrender value payment because you are contractually obligated by the terms and conditions of the policy agreement.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |150 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 17, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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