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Anu Krishna |1402 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by TK on Jan 04, 2022Hindi

I have two problems right now which are making me depressed and very, very lonely.
I have been married for seven years now. After a year, there have been misunderstandings between us.
I have been trying to talk to him and make him feel our love but I fail every time.
He is too judgemental, obsessive and bossy.
I thought he is behaving like this because he lost his parents but it’s been four years now.
My sisters-in-law often create a rift between us. Sometimes, I feel that he doesn’t love me at all.
While dealing with this, I had my parents and sister by my side. My sister's husband took advantage of the situation and tried to assault me.
I complained about it to my mom and sister. My mom got scared that it might affect my sister's life so she wants me to forget about what happened.
I didn't tell my husband because he is too aggressive.
My mom, sister and her husband all are behaving as though nothing happened.
I am scared that my husband will judge me for the rest of my life if I tell him and I love him.
I am too disturbed and lonely. I feel empty, like no one is there for me. I have lost my sleep. Please, please help me.
TK

Ans:

Dear TK,

Please stop making excuses for your husband’s behaviour or your sister’s husband’s behaviour.

If what you say is true then, by being bossy and judgmental, your husband has emotionally distanced himself from you and your sister’s husband has physically abused you.

You have lost your power by not calling this out.

Isn’t it the job of a husband to support his wife when she has been in any danger? And you are actually worried about your sister, her husband, your mother and your husband, which is affecting your state of mind.

The more you choose to ignore the wrong that has happened with you, the more it is going to impact you.

Also remember, if you allow your sister’s husband to roam around freely like this, he can do the same to another woman.

Yes, your husband might judge you, but you will judge yourself for life if you don’t take this step.

The biggest mistake a woman can make in the name of culture, society and family pride is to be silent. This silence causes a cascading effect on her and her family, especially her children, as she stops being happy.

Reclaim your power and speak up now.

Confide in a friend. Do what is right for you and make a statement for all the women who might be facing similar challenges.

As for your husband, don’t you think it’s possible to keep all these people out of your marriage and focus on your relationship? And that it’s time to appeal to him about making your marriage work and rebuild it from scratch?

Is that possible?

Only the two of you can answer once you have decided to take charge of your life.

All the best and a Happy 2022!

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Anu Krishna |1402 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 20, 2021

Question by Gatima - Sep 20, 2021Hindi

My name is Gatima, I’m 36 years old and a housewife. I’m married from past 10 years and it was a love marriage. I was bought up in metro cities like Delhi and Mumbai. I married to a guy from Goa and a shipy (merchant navy). I was working when I got married but I left immediately because I wanted to sail with my husband, initial years were good. I have one boy who is 5 now . We used to fight all d time but initially we used to understand each other and patch up fast , but from last one year our fights increased so much and we stop talking for even months. My husband has lots of complaints from me and always blames me for every fight. I’m feeling so guilty. I always curse myself and ask God why he made me so bad person. Whenever we fight, all other family members cut off communication with me. Although I am surrounded by so many I’m alone. I cry most of time but now my eyes have dried and there are no tears. I hate myself and my life. I cannot face the mirror for days bcoz I hate myself. I am living for my 5 year old son. But I’m very depressed and have PCOD . I don’t get sleep plus I get migraine attacks.

Ans: Dear GN, The past year has been different for different people; marriages have been rebuilt, new marriages have taken place, divorces have happened…relationships have gone through a huge transitions, in short.

Of course, not to undermine what you are experiencing right now!

Conflicts, arguments, debates are common in a marriage…but they can be worked upon as long as both of you want the same thing and want to stick around in the marriage.

What according to you has changed now when you say that things used to easily resolve earlier and now that doesn’t happen? What has caused this?

When you say, he complains and blames you, how does he do that? Does he actually say it aloud or are you interpreting it?

These questions get you closer to the truth of the matter at hand.

It takes two people to create a conflict, of course the phase of life or whatever the phase he is in, maybe he finds it convenient to blame you.

So why do play the role of the victim when you are not actually one?

And Yes, he may not be justified in what he is doing and throwing it all on you. But if simply being in this pool of misery has achieved anything, it has made you a victim…

If you want to feel better or change something about this situation, wake up NOW…do something, do anything; support or no support from anyone!

A small change in the way you perceive things and act for yourself can change your physical well-being as well.

PCOS/Migraine can be an indirect result of the anxiety and stress that you are carrying inside you.

Start focusing on what you are eating and if you are exercising enough…these can help a great deal in keeping PCOS/Migraine under control.

What you think is what you become…so keep your son also in mind and get yourself out of this misery or find an expert who can help you. You want this for yourself and your son, don’t you?

My best wishes are with you!

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