My name is Gatima, I’m 36 years old and a housewife.
I’m married from past 10 years and it was a love marriage.
I was bought up in metro cities like Delhi and Mumbai. I married to a guy from Goa and a shipy (merchant navy).
I was working when I got married but I left immediately because I wanted to sail with my husband, initial years were good. I have one boy who is 5 now .
We used to fight all d time but initially we used to understand each other and patch up fast , but from last one year our fights increased so much and we stop talking for even months.
My husband has lots of complaints from me and always blames me for every fight.
I’m feeling so guilty. I always curse myself and ask God why he made me so bad person.
Whenever we fight, all other family members cut off communication with me.
Although I am surrounded by so many I’m alone.
I cry most of time but now my eyes have dried and there are no tears.
I hate myself and my life. I cannot face the mirror for days bcoz I hate myself.
I am living for my 5 year old son. But I’m very depressed and have PCOD .
I don’t get sleep plus I get migraine attacks.
Ans: Dear GN, The past year has been different for different people; marriages have been rebuilt, new marriages have taken place, divorces have happened…relationships have gone through a huge transitions, in short.
Of course, not to undermine what you are experiencing right now!
Conflicts, arguments, debates are common in a marriage…but they can be worked upon as long as both of you want the same thing and want to stick around in the marriage.
What according to you has changed now when you say that things used to easily resolve earlier and now that doesn’t happen? What has caused this?
When you say, he complains and blames you, how does he do that? Does he actually say it aloud or are you interpreting it?
These questions get you closer to the truth of the matter at hand.
It takes two people to create a conflict, of course the phase of life or whatever the phase he is in, maybe he finds it convenient to blame you.
So why do play the role of the victim when you are not actually one?
And Yes, he may not be justified in what he is doing and throwing it all on you. But if simply being in this pool of misery has achieved anything, it has made you a victim…
If you want to feel better or change something about this situation, wake up NOW…do something, do anything; support or no support from anyone!
A small change in the way you perceive things and act for yourself can change your physical well-being as well.
PCOS/Migraine can be an indirect result of the anxiety and stress that you are carrying inside you.
Start focusing on what you are eating and if you are exercising enough…these can help a great deal in keeping PCOS/Migraine under control.
What you think is what you become…so keep your son also in mind and get yourself out of this misery or find an expert who can help you. You want this for yourself and your son, don’t you?
My best wishes are with you!
