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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2024

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
P Question by P on Feb 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 43 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 13yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some reason they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she don't want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a condition to give our relationship a NAME in society. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide

Ans: I understand that you're in a complex and emotionally challenging situation. It's commendable that you want to support and ensure the happiness of the person you care about. However, it's crucial to consider your own well-being and emotional health as well.

Here are some steps you might want to consider:

Communication is key: Have an open and honest conversation with her about your feelings, concerns, and expectations. Understand her perspective as well. Clear communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship.

Set boundaries: Determine what you're comfortable with and establish clear boundaries for your relationship. Consider the impact on both of your lives, and ensure that the arrangement is sustainable and healthy for both parties involved.

Consider professional help: Given the complexity of the situation, it might be beneficial for both of you to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor. They can provide support, help you navigate through challenging emotions, and offer practical advice on how to move forward.

Evaluate your own well-being: Reflect on your own needs, aspirations, and emotional health. It's important to prioritize your happiness and fulfillment as well. Consider how the situation might affect your overall life satisfaction.

Explore options: Depending on the circumstances, there might be ways for her to address the challenges in her marriage, such as seeking therapy, counseling, or discussing her concerns with her family. Encourage her to explore these options, and provide support where possible.

Ultimately, the decision on how to proceed is a personal one and depends on the dynamics of your relationship and the well-being of everyone involved. Taking the time to reflect, communicate openly, and seek professional guidance can be instrumental in making informed decisions. Remember to prioritize your own happiness and consider what is sustainable for both of you in the long run.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 07, 2023

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Relationship
I am 42 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some compulsion they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot is still waiting for me and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.
Ans: Dear P,
This is a confused and confusing situation that you are in. Kindly do not confuse yourself any further. She might never be able to step out of her marriage and be with you. So, are you some kind of a 'spare' person? Are you willing to play a secondary role in someone's life when you have the chance to be the primary person in a well-defined relationship?
Being friends and supporting one another is one thing; but being in a relationship that has no structure invariably causes misunderstandings, anger, disappointments and more confusion.
When she is clear that she will stick by her marriage, let this be...why wouldn't you simply be a friend who also wants to create his own life.
It's nice to live in a fantasy world and assume that this kind of an engagement will work; it's far from the truth...You are worried about destroying her disturbed life; do look into what you are doing to your life as well. Chasing behind someone who is married and intends to be in it is like chasing a ghost that will never be seen or heard but will certainly cause anguish in some form to you.
Be wise, at 42, you still can build your life that is not dependent on someone else's emotions and boundaries. You deserve a good life; so create it.

All the best!
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some compulsion they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot is still waiting for me and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
She is married and not happy and loves you BUT will not recognize your relationship in public!
You are unmarried and want to wait for someone who won't give you the presence that you deserve!
Do the right thing...allow her to be committed to her marriage rather than be her emotional crutch...in the long run, you will be left high and dry after investing a lot of emotions into her...
Shift focus onto your life and building it the way that you want. When you put your life and emotions into someone else's hands, you end up becoming a puppet swaying about with no stability whatsoever. Put more energies into yourself instead...

All the best!
(more)
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |179 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 30, 2024

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Relationship
I am 43 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some reason they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It is refreshing to see someone so selfless as you. I understand and appreciate your love and how much you are ready to sacrifice for her. However, I would like to offer a suggestion – it's crucial to prioritize your own mental and emotional health in this situation. While it's unfortunate that she is dealing with challenges in her marriage, resorting to having an affair might not be the most constructive way to cope.

I suggest that she and her husband explore the option of seeking professional help through a marriage counselor. This could help them navigate the complexities of their relationship and make an informed decision about whether to continue their marriage or part ways. In case they decide to separate, it would be valid for you two to start a relationship and pursue a happy life together. But if they decide to remain married, I fear that you might end up sacrificing your own chance at a fulfilling love life. I realize that you might be okay with it, but it isn't fair to you.

I encourage you to have an open and honest discussion with her before committing to anything, ensuring that your feelings and well-being are also taken into account.

Best Wishes!
(more)
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2023

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Relationship
I am 43 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some reason they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide
Ans: Dear P,
This is undoubtedly a complex and emotionally challenging situation. It's important to approach it with care and consideration for both your feelings and hers. Reflect on your own feelings and desires. Consider what you want in a relationship and whether you can realistically achieve those goals in this situation Talk to her about your concerns, fears, and the impact this situation has on both of you. Discuss the future and what you both want. Ensure that you're on the same page about your expectations and the potential challenges that may arise Understand the potential consequences of continuing this relationship. Consider the impact on her family, your own well-being, and the well-being of any children involved. Be realistic about the challenges you may face. Consider the long-term implications of the relationship. If there is no possibility of it evolving into a more conventional partnership and that is something you desire, you may need to evaluate whether continuing the relationship is in your best interest Ultimately, the decision you make should align with your values, desires, and what you believe is best for your overall well-being. It may be a difficult decision to make, but taking the time to reflect, communicate, and seek guidance can help you navigate this challenging situation.
(more)
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2024Hindi
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Hi, i have 20,000$ USD available to invest. Will transfer them to my NRE account this month. Please suggest best ways i can invest money in india for max returns - both short term and long term
Ans: That's a significant amount to invest, and it's great that you're considering your options carefully. Since you're looking to invest in India, Mutual Funds (MFs) can offer a diversified and potentially rewarding investment avenue. Here's a suggestion for both short-term and long-term investment:

Short-term Investment:
Consider investing a portion of your funds in Liquid Mutual Funds. These funds invest in short-term debt instruments with a maturity period of up to 91 days, providing liquidity and stability. They are ideal for parking funds temporarily while you decide on your long-term investment strategy. The repatriable nature of these funds allows you to easily convert your investment back to USD whenever needed.
Long-term Investment:
For long-term wealth accumulation, you can explore Equity Mutual Funds. These funds invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks, offering the potential for higher returns over the long term. Since you have a longer investment horizon, you can consider a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds to spread risk and optimize returns. Equity Mutual Funds have the potential to outperform other asset classes over extended periods.
It's essential to assess your risk tolerance, investment goals, and time horizon before making investment decisions. Additionally, ensure that the investments you choose offer the repatriable feature, allowing you to repatriate the funds back to your foreign account if needed. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your financial objectives and help you make informed investment choices.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1249 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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How the mutual funds given more interest rate
Ans: Mutual funds do not offer interest rates like traditional fixed deposits. Instead, mutual funds generate returns through capital appreciation and/or income distribution. Here's how mutual funds can potentially provide higher returns:

Capital Appreciation: Mutual funds invest in a diversified portfolio of securities such as stocks, bonds, and other financial instruments. When the value of these underlying assets increases over time, the mutual fund's net asset value (NAV) also rises, leading to capital appreciation for investors.
Dividend Income: Some mutual funds, particularly equity funds, may distribute dividends to investors from the profits earned by the underlying investments. Similarly, debt funds may generate income through interest payments received from the bonds or fixed-income securities held in the portfolio.
Compounding: Mutual funds offer the benefit of compounding, where returns earned on investments are reinvested to generate additional returns over time. Compounding can significantly boost the growth of investments, especially over long investment horizons.
Professional Management: Mutual funds are managed by experienced fund managers who make investment decisions based on thorough research and analysis. Their expertise and active management can potentially generate higher returns compared to individual investors managing their portfolios.
Diversification: Mutual funds pool investments from multiple investors and diversify across various asset classes, sectors, and securities. Diversification helps spread risk and reduce the impact of volatility on investment returns, potentially enhancing overall returns.
It's important to note that mutual fund returns are subject to market risks, and there are no guarantees of returns or capital protection. Investors should carefully consider their investment objectives, risk tolerance, and investment horizon before investing in mutual funds. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice and help investors make informed decisions aligned with their financial goals.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1249 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Please suggest a few good Mutual Funds for Short Term Lumpsum investment of 20-30 lakhs
Ans: For a short-term lump sum investment of 20-30 lakhs, consider mutual funds that prioritize capital preservation, liquidity, and potential for modest returns. Here are some options to consider:

Liquid Funds: Ideal for short-term investments, liquid funds invest in short-term debt instruments with high credit quality and low interest rate risk. They offer liquidity and stability while providing slightly higher returns than traditional savings accounts.
Ultra Short Duration Funds: These funds invest in a mix of money market instruments and short-term debt securities, offering slightly higher returns than liquid funds with a slightly longer investment horizon.
Low Duration Funds: Low duration funds invest in short-term debt instruments with slightly longer maturities compared to liquid and ultra short duration funds. They provide a balance between returns and risk, suitable for investors with a moderate risk appetite.
Short Duration Funds: These funds invest in a diversified portfolio of debt and money market instruments with a duration typically ranging from one to three years. They offer higher potential returns than ultra short and low duration funds, with a slightly higher level of risk.
Bank Fixed Deposits (FDs): While not mutual funds, bank FDs offer a safe and predictable return on investment for short-term parking of funds. Consider spreading your investment across multiple banks to benefit from deposit insurance coverage.
Before investing, assess your investment horizon, risk tolerance, and liquidity requirements. Ensure that the chosen funds align with your financial goals and investment objectives. Additionally, review the track record, expense ratios, and fund manager credentials of each mutual fund to make an informed decision.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance and help you select the most suitable mutual funds based on your specific financial situation and objectives.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1249 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir, I am 37 years old and plan to take a term life insurance for my family, which consists of my wife and 6 year old daughter. I am confused whether I should choose a normal policy which expires after the coverage period, or one which returns the premiums after the coverage period. Obviously, the latter involves spending a higher sum as premium per month. Also please suggest the companies offering policies with better claim settling history
Ans: opting for a pure term life insurance policy is generally advisable over a return of premium (ROP) policy. ROP policies tend to have higher premiums, as they offer to return premiums at the end of the term if the policyholder survives. However, this feature often comes at the cost of higher premiums, making it less cost-effective in the long run.

With pure term insurance, you pay lower premiums for the same coverage amount, ensuring that your family receives a substantial sum assured in case of your unfortunate demise. It's a straightforward and transparent form of protection without any investment component or frills attached.

When selecting an insurance provider, prioritize companies with a strong track record of claim settlement and customer service. Look for insurers with high claim settlement ratios and positive reviews from policyholders.

Remember, the primary purpose of life insurance is to provide financial protection to your loved ones in your absence. By opting for a pure term policy, you ensure that your family receives the necessary financial support without any unnecessary frills or complexities.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1249 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have a corpus fund of 20 Lacs. Could you please suggest any investment strategy where I can earn monthly income
Ans: With a corpus fund of 20 lakhs, generating a monthly income requires a prudent investment strategy. Consider allocating a portion of your corpus to income-generating assets while preserving capital. Here are some potential strategies:

Fixed Deposits (FDs) or Recurring Deposits (RDs): Invest a portion of your corpus in FDs or RDs with banks or NBFCs to earn a fixed interest income monthly.
Debt Mutual Funds: Consider investing in debt mutual funds that focus on generating regular income through interest payments from debt securities. Choose funds with a track record of stable returns and low expense ratios.
Dividend-Paying Stocks: Invest in dividend-paying stocks of established companies to receive regular dividend income. Focus on companies with a history of consistent dividend payouts and strong fundamentals.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Implement an SWP in mutual funds to systematically withdraw a fixed amount from your corpus each month. Opt for funds with a balanced allocation to equity and debt for stability and growth potential.
Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITs) or Infrastructure Investment Trusts (InvITs): Consider investing in REITs or InvITs, which distribute a portion of their rental income or infrastructure project cash flows to investors as dividends.
Annuities: Explore the option of purchasing annuities from insurance companies, which provide a regular income stream in exchange for a lump-sum investment.
Before implementing any investment strategy, assess your financial goals, risk tolerance, and liquidity needs. Diversify your investments across asset classes to mitigate risk and optimize returns. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to develop a personalized income-generating strategy tailored to your financial objectives and circumstances.
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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