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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 07, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Apr 07, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear LG,
My boyfriend is very handsome and nice but he is of a jealous kind.
He says it is okay if I talk to other boys but every time I talk to someone we fight.
He wants to check my phone and he says I can check his phone too.
He does not like my choice of clothes or my wearing dresses. He dresses how I want and always asks if I like what he is wearing. If I don’t, next time he changes.
Is this good to go ahead or not good? I am not sure but I like him and my family likes him too.
SK

Ans:

Run for the hills! This man will ruin your life if you decide to spend the rest of it with him.

Telling you what to wear, checking your phone and being unreasonably jealous of other men are all huge red flags and I am categorically telling you to break this relationship off.

His wearing what you like is just a cover-up for his controlling behaviour. Don’t fall for it at all!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Relationship
Hello mam. I am in a relationship with a boy and we both love each other and also want to get married but he doesn’t trust me at all.I tell him everything, yet he thinks I am a liar and alleges that am cheating on him. He doubts me in every single thing even he don't allow me to talk to any guy or girl not even my friends and he doesn't like when I step out from my home.  He gets scared when I step out or get to my college. He keeps reminding me to not to cheat or not to talk with anybody. All these things got me into stress and frustration and I feel so bad that the person I love doesn't trust me.We had lot of fights because of this. He abuses me and makes me angry. As I am a college going student, I can't manage my studies because of fights and his bad behaviour.He always tries to prove me wrong and make me feel guilty. He thinks very bad about me and makes his own stories adding fake stories and allegations.  In the past 2 years there is not a single day when I didn't have to explain him. But he is not ready to accept. He only wants to hear what he thinks not the real truth if I say that u are misunderstanding me he says no he is 100% right and you are wrong. One of his friends put one story 2 years ago with a girl hiding her face and the top she is wearing on that picture. I have the same top and he knows it. He doubted that the girl is me. I am tired answering his doubts. I got so much anger and feel disrespectful.I love him; he is my first and one and only boyfriend.  I do everything for him. But he treats me rudely he always starts his conversation with doubt like: where are you coming from? even if I didn't go anywhere he thinks that I went somewhere to meet someone. He tortures and abuses me like this. Every time I forgive him but he kept repeating that behaviour.  I can't even live without him. I give him my love, time...my everything.  But I didn't get anything. He thinks that I always do things by planning but I don't. He thinks that I always want to ruin his life, break his heart or cheat him but that's all wrong. He is making his mind so negative he thinks so negative about me. Because of his doubts problem I don't talk to anybody -- no friends, no guys but he thinks that I am talking to any guy and I'm lying that I don't I give every possible proof but he didn't trust me at all.He thinks that I tell people about him I gossip about him but I didn't do that I didn't even talk to anybody. He doesn't even want to breakup with me. I explained him that for our peace we have to separate he didn't want that also. He put such bad allegations on me about my character, my sexual status. I am a virgin but I didn't accept that. He makes me feel so sad and helpless I don't know what to do I’m helpless I didn't even share these things with anyone. Sometimes I feel suicidal also.  He has just all control over my life my mind but also he didn't give me respect, love or value. Plzzz help me mam what should I do with his doubts and trust issue. I am so depressed, plzzzz help me out. I’m stuck in it.
Ans:

Dear BM,

Have you heard of emotional abuse? That is exactly what you have been facing.

And why are you putting up with this? Because you maybe feel a sense of validation in this relationship.

What sort of a relationship demands constant proving and to the extent of having to prove that you are a virgin.

How is it any of anyone’s business whether you are a virgin or not? This relationship is toxic and has begun to alter your personality and who you are meant to be.

Take charge and NOW. Be YOU and what you always stood up for, because all this putting up with his idiosyncrasies, is causing you pain and moreover your inner self does not want to allow it.

Yet you are stuck to it giving yourself the story that he is the only boyfriend. BREATHE, take a step back and OBSERVE.

It’s time for you to draw out a beautiful life ahead of you and colour it as brightly as you intend.

What exactly are you waiting for? More abuses, more toxicity to hit and dampen your sprightly spirit?

Get a hold of yourself dear girl, be brave and do the right thing. Help yourself…Seek close friends who will hold space for you!

You can do this. Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2022

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 Hi I am in a relationship with a guy for 1 year. He is 5 years older than me. We are of same caste and met via social media.Initially, we had a lot of things to talk about but now we don’t have much stuff to discuss about. He fantasizes about my sis also; he told me that too. He’s been flirting with her which makes me jealous and low as well. In jealousy I sometimes speak harshly to him and that creates a fight between us. When I told him that I feel jealous he asked if I wanted him to avoid talking to her. I don't want that too. I trust him but this jealousy makes me sad and rude to him. What should I do??
Ans:

Dear SR,

He’s just in the playing field, trying out new things and experimenting.

You are possibly looking at a commitment which I am unsure of whether he is ready for it!

When you say that you are in a relationship, are you a couple or have you been simply hanging out together for the sake of being in each other’s company?

Relationship has a different meaning for each person. For some it’s being together and hanging out, for some till they are asked out, they don’t consider it a relationship.

So, please have a chat with him as to whether he wishes to be serious or not, is he looking for a long-term commitment or not.

When he digs deep for answers, he will also understand his mind space better, and it will give you a clear indication as to where this is all headed.

Till then all you will be doing is fixing and repairing his playing field.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

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Hello... I have been in a relationship since 10 years, not yet married.My boyfriend is okay in all ways. But there is something that's bothering me a lot. Whenever he is with his friends or family I just get angry and scold him whatever I like. I don't like if he talks very close to his friends (male friends) or family. He is trying his best to keep me happy, but I'm feeling insecure when he is with his friends and family.To be honest even if he gives more importance and value to his family that makes me feel more angry.I'm unable take this anymore.After fights even I think why did I did like this, what's wrong with me?I question myself after a fight. I even think that I won't be doing this next time because even friends and family are important but it's doesn't work and he is fed up with me.Whenever he is with friends or his family, I create something that's not true.End of the day I'm crying, I'm loosing my happiness.Waiting for an answer
Ans:

Dear PS,

What are you worried about? That by spending time away from you or not involving you when he is in a social setting, he might forget you or move away from you?

After 10 years, why do you feel the need to cling on to him in insecurity and anxiety?

Time to give yourself some love and attention?

Become your best friend and pamper yourself with a lot of care instead of constantly expecting it from your relationship?

The more you become safe and secure with yourself, the less you will cling onto your partner.

Clinging on and ‘owning’ another person will only make them move away from you as no one likes to be controlled and dictated to.

Instead, why don’t you ask him about his day and who he met up with and genuinely try and integrate into his life?

In this way, he will want to engage more with you and invite you when he is with his friends and family?

When you watch him interact with others, instead of feeling insecure and jealous, can you think of appreciating what he has brought into your life and why the two of you have been together for 10 years?

Also, involve him into your life and life’s journey.

Playing the victim involves a lot of drama, but playing a liberated person involves no effort.

So love yourself and love your partner for who he is.

The change in your relationship and your state of mind will be almost magical.

Enjoy the moment and be happy!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |587 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hey mam I am just 23 I have a boyfriend and my family accepted him but I can't understand his behaviour sometimes he behaving like a no one can love me like him he supported me always by financial he is a soft heart person but ???? sometimes when he is in angry he can't understand anything sometimes I abused by him and behaving like I am nothing for him he shouted among people he can't think what I can feel what is this ma'am ????what can I do
Ans: Dear Priya,
It seems you're experiencing a relationship with mixed behaviors from your boyfriend. On one hand, he supports you financially and shows affection, but on the other, he becomes verbally abusive and dismissive when angry. This duality can be confusing and emotionally draining.

It's important to recognize that his abusive behavior, even if it's only during moments of anger, is a significant issue. Such behavior can erode your self-esteem and sense of safety over time. Abuse isn't just physical; verbal and emotional abuse can be just as damaging.

When someone shouts at you or dismisses your feelings, especially in public, it indicates a lack of respect and self-control. This kind of behavior is unacceptable and should not be excused or normalized, regardless of the moments of kindness and support he shows.

Consider discussing your concerns with him during a calm moment, emphasizing how his behavior affects you. If he's willing to listen and seek help, such as anger management or couples counseling, there might be a way to address these issues. However, if he dismisses your concerns or refuses to change, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship for your own well-being.

You deserve to be in a relationship where you're consistently treated with respect and love. Seeking support from friends, family, or a professional counselor can also help you navigate this situation and make the best decision for your future.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2025Hindi
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Hello mam , my bf is great he is nice and always supports me in my choices but sometimes he is overly jealous yesterday I told him that his friend talks very nicely because his friend and I had previous 1-2 conversation but at that time I didn't like the way he used to talks to me i also told this to my bf which he reply he is always like this but yesterday he talked to me in very nicely because now he knows that I am a important person in his friend life and I also this thing to my bf that I was too quick to judge he is not even that bad but just after my bf got upset and started to tell me if you like him that much then go and date him why are you dating him I was like no i am just telling he is not that bad as I have thought about him in the starting and he didn't listen to me and he is not even talking and it makes me feel like I did something wrong by talking to his friend which was also related to my bf
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You got yourself a boyfriend who can get jealous and act pretty immature; but in his defense he possibly didn't even know that he could act up like this, yeah?
Let his settle with these jealousies and insecurities and maybe a bit of reassurance from your side can ease him a bit BUT do let him know that this kind of reactions are not very welcome. Your relationship must be built on trust and understanding and NOT insecurities and doubts.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4699 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 21, 2025

Career
Sir, I have got 87% marks in mains. Please tell me a college where I can get a branch.
Ans: Aditi, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Also, please have some other back-up options instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA/NITs/IIITs/GFTIs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions and a bright future!

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