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Love Guru |204 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 07, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by Anonymous on Apr 07, 2022Hindi

Dear LG,
My boyfriend is very handsome and nice but he is of a jealous kind.
He says it is okay if I talk to other boys but every time I talk to someone we fight.
He wants to check my phone and he says I can check his phone too.
He does not like my choice of clothes or my wearing dresses. He dresses how I want and always asks if I like what he is wearing. If I don’t, next time he changes.
Is this good to go ahead or not good? I am not sure but I like him and my family likes him too.
SK

Ans:

Run for the hills! This man will ruin your life if you decide to spend the rest of it with him.

Telling you what to wear, checking your phone and being unreasonably jealous of other men are all huge red flags and I am categorically telling you to break this relationship off.

His wearing what you like is just a cover-up for his controlling behaviour. Don’t fall for it at all!

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Anu Krishna |1442 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

Question by BM - Apr 06, 2022Hindi

Hello mam. I am in a relationship with a boy and we both love each other and also want to get married but he doesn’t trust me at all.I tell him everything, yet he thinks I am a liar and alleges that am cheating on him. He doubts me in every single thing even he don't allow me to talk to any guy or girl not even my friends and he doesn't like when I step out from my home. He gets scared when I step out or get to my college. He keeps reminding me to not to cheat or not to talk with anybody. All these things got me into stress and frustration and I feel so bad that the person I love doesn't trust me.We had lot of fights because of this. He abuses me and makes me angry. As I am a college going student, I can't manage my studies because of fights and his bad behaviour.He always tries to prove me wrong and make me feel guilty. He thinks very bad about me and makes his own stories adding fake stories and allegations. In the past 2 years there is not a single day when I didn't have to explain him. But he is not ready to accept. He only wants to hear what he thinks not the real truth if I say that u are misunderstanding me he says no he is 100% right and you are wrong. One of his friends put one story 2 years ago with a girl hiding her face and the top she is wearing on that picture. I have the same top and he knows it. He doubted that the girl is me. I am tired answering his doubts. I got so much anger and feel disrespectful.I love him; he is my first and one and only boyfriend. I do everything for him. But he treats me rudely he always starts his conversation with doubt like: where are you coming from? even if I didn't go anywhere he thinks that I went somewhere to meet someone. He tortures and abuses me like this. Every time I forgive him but he kept repeating that behaviour. I can't even live without him. I give him my love, time...my everything. But I didn't get anything. He thinks that I always do things by planning but I don't. He thinks that I always want to ruin his life, break his heart or cheat him but that's all wrong. He is making his mind so negative he thinks so negative about me. Because of his doubts problem I don't talk to anybody -- no friends, no guys but he thinks that I am talking to any guy and I'm lying that I don't I give every possible proof but he didn't trust me at all.He thinks that I tell people about him I gossip about him but I didn't do that I didn't even talk to anybody. He doesn't even want to breakup with me. I explained him that for our peace we have to separate he didn't want that also. He put such bad allegations on me about my character, my sexual status. I am a virgin but I didn't accept that. He makes me feel so sad and helpless I don't know what to do I’m helpless I didn't even share these things with anyone. Sometimes I feel suicidal also. He has just all control over my life my mind but also he didn't give me respect, love or value. Plzzz help me mam what should I do with his doubts and trust issue. I am so depressed, plzzzz help me out. I’m stuck in it.

Ans:

Dear BM,

Have you heard of emotional abuse? That is exactly what you have been facing.

And why are you putting up with this? Because you maybe feel a sense of validation in this relationship.

What sort of a relationship demands constant proving and to the extent of having to prove that you are a virgin.

How is it any of anyone’s business whether you are a virgin or not? This relationship is toxic and has begun to alter your personality and who you are meant to be.

Take charge and NOW. Be YOU and what you always stood up for, because all this putting up with his idiosyncrasies, is causing you pain and moreover your inner self does not want to allow it.

Yet you are stuck to it giving yourself the story that he is the only boyfriend. BREATHE, take a step back and OBSERVE.

It’s time for you to draw out a beautiful life ahead of you and colour it as brightly as you intend.

What exactly are you waiting for? More abuses, more toxicity to hit and dampen your sprightly spirit?

Get a hold of yourself dear girl, be brave and do the right thing. Help yourself…Seek close friends who will hold space for you!

You can do this. Best wishes!

Relationship

Anu Krishna |1442 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2022

Question by SR - Apr 21, 2022Hindi

Hi I am in a relationship with a guy for 1 year. He is 5 years older than me. We are of same caste and met via social media.Initially, we had a lot of things to talk about but now we don’t have much stuff to discuss about. He fantasizes about my sis also; he told me that too. He’s been flirting with her which makes me jealous and low as well. In jealousy I sometimes speak harshly to him and that creates a fight between us. When I told him that I feel jealous he asked if I wanted him to avoid talking to her. I don't want that too. I trust him but this jealousy makes me sad and rude to him. What should I do??

Ans:

Dear SR,

He’s just in the playing field, trying out new things and experimenting.

You are possibly looking at a commitment which I am unsure of whether he is ready for it!

When you say that you are in a relationship, are you a couple or have you been simply hanging out together for the sake of being in each other’s company?

Relationship has a different meaning for each person. For some it’s being together and hanging out, for some till they are asked out, they don’t consider it a relationship.

So, please have a chat with him as to whether he wishes to be serious or not, is he looking for a long-term commitment or not.

When he digs deep for answers, he will also understand his mind space better, and it will give you a clear indication as to where this is all headed.

Till then all you will be doing is fixing and repairing his playing field.

All the best!

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