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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 13, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on May 13, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hello.
I want my crush back.
He has a lot of issues and actually I really don’t know if he loves me or not.
He confessed about I love you but after drink.
He is also have one crush.  They both are good friends.  But what about me?

Ans:

If he has a lot of issues, I’d suggest you move on.

Such partners are always a headache in the long run. Find someone who doesn’t need to be coaxed into being with you! 

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

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Dear Mam I am 22 years old and today I want to share my story of heart break and I really want to know what I can I do better to make myself happy. I started dating this a guy in 2017 and I was madly in love with him. Everything for me was about him. Since I was living in a hostel I used to feel alone sometimes. Initially our relationship was normal. Then one day I went for a trip with him and we got physical for the first time. Somehow, I got attached to him more after that. I started calling him to my hostel to spend time with me. Meanwhile I faced some personal problems in my life. Those days were really bad and I used to suffer a lot. He was there for me always. He never made me feel alone in the city. I used to go to my family every year and then lockdown happened. I was stuck in my hometown. I had a fight with him and I just cut the call. From that day onwards his behaviour towards me changed.The very next day he went out with another girl and posted pictures. I was hurt. I didn't know what to say, I was in self-doubt mode but his behaviour started changing towards me.In the beginning, he said when you will come back I cannot come and stay with you. I agreed to it. Then he said I cannot meet you every weekend cause I want to make other plans as well. Slowly I understood that he wants me to stay away from his life. He went for a party with the girl late in the night and that triggered me very badly. I fought with him. I guess that was the moment he was waiting for. He said that he doesn't want me anymore and broke up. I kept begging him not to leave me but it seemed like he was dying to leave me. I was completely shattered. On 15th January he left me. Even after leaving he continued texting me. I was trying my best to control my feelings and I tried giving him the space he deserved. Still he kept texting me. He was not able to stay away from me. My vacation got over and it was my time to go back. This was the most difficult part coz this time I knew that he won't be there for me, and I have to survive alone. Once while coming back from my home town to my work town I texted him. He said that he is with the girl and he is drunk. I couldn’t sleep that night. I was shivering. I was broken. When I entered the city I was shivering cause I was not ready for the consequences. I didn't meet him because he went for a trip with that girl and got physical with her. He always maintained that it’s only after he left me that he got involved with someone else. He wanted me to be a part of his life somehow so he kept calling and texting me. Even when he was with the girl he used to come to my house every Saturday and go on dates with that girl on Sundays. I really didn't understand what was he up to. Meanwhile I went through her profile and came to know that she’s a little suspicious. One day I got the opportunity to tell him about it. He said come and meet me. He was drunk and we got physical. That time I checked his phone and saw the messages he’d shared with her. I was broken again but this time I texted her through his phone to please take care of him. That girl got angry and made things worse. Instead of making sure that he is alright she locked horns with him. He blamed me for losing her. I told him that my existence in your life is not good. Let's just not talk to each other. Next day he again texted me requesting to meet. In the evening when I went to meet him he was a completely changed person. He treated me very well, gave me his phone and made me feel special. Somehow he came back to me and started giving me the importance I was craving for. Today he is with me and pampers me. He has stopped doing certain things which he used to do but I get the importance.Despite all this, I am a bit insecure and scared because of what I have gone through in the past. Can you please tell me what to do?
Ans:

Dear SR,

Read this sentence that you have written:

“Even when he was with the girl he used to come to my house every Saturday and go on dates with that girl on Sundays.”

Do you not feel used and powerless?

How are you able to allow someone to treat you in such a disrespectful manner?

Did the two of decide to become friends and support one another in your respective relationships, like the way you stood by and watched him date this other girl while he walked into your life seeking approval?

Open your eyes please. The other girl is no longer in his life and he wails and comes back to you and now you are wondering what you should be doing?

If this was your sister or a best friend going through the same thing, will you tell them to put up with this toxic behaviour or will you ask them to take charge of their lives?

Will you tell them to love themselves more and reclaim their power or wait meekly to pick up scraps as and when the guy threw them around?

Stand up for yourself girl; at least he will think before trying this game with another girl.

Do the right thing by just being YOU and loving yourself more.

All the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2022

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Relationship
Hello Love Guru. I want to ask about my ex. We had relationship for past two years but kind of on and off. During initial stages we both acted immaturely and broke up but still one of us patch up. Last time, last year in September, my ex broke up saying he doesn't like my personality and our relationship is unmotivating. Even the previous breakup was by him saying he needs time and space. Although he had introduced me to his sister and friends, I think he is just been in relationship for TP. When he broke up last time, he got promoted at work maybe that’s why. Currently he said he has quit his job IDK reason and suddenly he realised he took wrong decisions. I was sure I don't want to give any more chance. So I told him that introduce me to your parents as your GF, not for marriage now. He said he will try but not sure. I have decided he is free and hence he wants relationship so not moving forward with him. Please tell me what you think. Although, after our patch-up, I do see small efforts from his side but I was always one who was on giving end.
Ans:

Your mail is quite confusing in the sense that I don’t know whether you’re currently with him or not; you refer to him as your ex and then say that after your patch-up you’re seeing that he’s making an effort.

Anyway, whether you’re on or off at present, this guy seems rather whimsical. And yes, I think your instinct is right in that he’s at loose ends right now without a job, etc, and wants some emotional support maybe, which is why he wants to get back with you.

I’m not saying don’t give him a chance; you can, if you think he’s genuinely realised that he wants to be with you. But, yes, he should make it official.

And if I were you, I’d be sure of things before getting too involved too fast this time around.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am My family is not accepting my boyfriend as he is not well settled and doesn’t have any savings. His parent are also divorced and father has a second marriage. The first children custody is still with parents however my boyfriend and his brother live with his mother. He is 5 year younger than me. My family is not accepting my relationship and showing me new proposals every day. To borrow some time i am just refusing the proposal my giving some excuses but now they know that i am still not out from him and waiting for him to get settled. Kindly let me know how can i convince my family to accept my relationship. My boyfriend is working day and night to get settled and have a good account balance. Please advise.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If your daughter came to you with the same situation, how would you advise her?
Would you not tell her your concern that she is actually choosing someone who may not be able to support her when she goes on maternity leave? Would you not tell her that coming from a broken family, she may have to take care of her boyfriend and possibly parent him on different occasions? Your parents are only concerned for you and are unable to tell you what they are worried about. Put yourself in their situation and tell me that you will not be worried.

At the same time, I do get your frustration. What you can do is to work on your parents' concerns and buy time till your boyfriend manages to settle down. And it seems like he is doing all that he can to be in their good books. And that's the only way you can get them to accept him. Wait patiently and don't put him under pressure. Instead be supportive and at the same time, you continue to work and be independent as well.

Never try to convince someone who does not want to be convinced but instead work on how they can accept him by addressing their concerns.

All the best!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1319 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Sir. I am 29 years old and have a saving of 5lac now so I want to invest it in lumpsum SIP for 10 years. Could you please suggest me which fund would be better including small, mid and large where I can get over 25 returns
Ans: Investing a lump sum in SIPs for 10 years is a wise move towards building wealth. Considering your age and investment horizon, here's a diversified portfolio suggestion that includes exposure to small, mid, and large-cap stocks:

Large-Cap Fund: Invest a portion of your funds in a reputable large-cap fund known for its consistent performance and stability. Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies with a track record of strong earnings and market leadership.
Mid-Cap Fund: Allocate another portion to a mid-cap fund, which focuses on companies with medium market capitalization. Mid-cap stocks have the potential for higher growth than large-cap stocks but come with higher volatility.
Small-Cap Fund: Lastly, invest in a small-cap fund to capture the growth potential of smaller companies. Small-cap stocks can be more volatile but offer the possibility of significant returns over the long term.
Ensure to select funds with a proven track record, experienced fund managers, and low expense ratios. While aiming for over 25% returns is ambitious, it's crucial to remain realistic and consider the associated risks. Diversification across different market segments can help mitigate risks and enhance potential returns.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance. They can help you select suitable funds and construct a well-balanced portfolio aligned with your investment objectives.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1319 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi I'm investing 1500 in nifty mid cap 150 index, 1000 in nifty next 50 index and 500 in nifty 50 index. 100 percent passive investment fpr long term. Any suggestions with allocation or diversification?
Ans: Here's a breakdown of your current portfolio and some thoughts on active vs. passive investing:
Current Portfolio:

Nifty Midcap 150 Index (1500): This is a good way to gain exposure to mid-sized companies in India.
Nifty Next 50 Index (1000): This provides exposure to companies on the cusp of joining the Nifty 50, potentially offering higher growth.
Nifty 50 Index (500): This offers diversification with large, established companies.
Overall, your portfolio is leaning towards a growth strategy with a good focus on mid-cap and small-cap companies. This has the potential for higher returns but also comes with higher risk.

Active vs. Passive Investing:

Active Funds: These are managed by professionals who try to outperform the market by picking winning stocks. While active management can be successful, studies show that over the long term, a large percentage of actively managed funds underperform their benchmark index. The fees associated with active management also eat into returns.

Passive Funds (Index Funds): These track a market index, like the Nifty 50. They offer lower fees and historically, tend to match or outperform a significant portion of actively managed funds. This makes them a good option for long-term investors who don't want to spend a lot of time managing their portfolio.

Here's why your current approach with index funds is a good strategy for long-term investing:

Low Cost: Index funds have minimal fees, allowing you to keep more of your returns.
Diversification: You're already diversified across different market segments, reducing risk.
Long-Term Focus: With a long-term outlook, riding out market fluctuations is easier, and index funds tend to perform well over time.
Here are some additional thoughts:

Asset Allocation: Consider your risk tolerance and investment goals. You could adjust your weightings between the Nifty 50, Next 50, and Midcap 150 to achieve your desired risk profile.
Rebalancing: Periodically rebalance your portfolio to maintain your target asset allocation.
Ultimately, the decision of active vs. passive is yours. However, for a long-term investor with a focus on low costs and diversification, a passive approach with index funds is a well-supported strategy.
Lastly, if you're open to exploring active funds, consider consulting with a professional Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials. They can provide personalized advice and recommend active funds that have the potential to outperform their respective indices over time.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1319 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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