38-Year-Old Man Seeking Advice: Wanting a Kid But Wife Isn't Interested After 10 Years of Marriage

Ans: I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your child and the difficulties you and your wife are experiencing. It's understandable that your wife may be going through a lot emotionally, and it can be challenging to navigate a relationship during such a difficult time. Here are some tips that may help you improve your relationship:

Seek counseling: Consider seeking counseling together to help process your grief and improve communication. A licensed therapist can provide a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and work through any issues in your relationship.

Show empathy: Try to understand your wife's perspective and show empathy towards her. Validate her feelings and let her know that you're there for her.

Practice active listening: When your wife is speaking, make sure to actively listen to what she's saying. Don't interrupt or dismiss her feelings, and try to understand where she's coming from.

Practice self-care: Take care of yourself so that you can be there for your wife. This includes getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and taking time for yourself to relax and recharge.

Be patient: Remember that healing takes time, and your wife may need some time and space to come to terms with her emotions. Be patient with her and don't pressure her to "get over" her grief.

It's important to remember that everyone grieves differently, and there's no right or wrong way to do it. By being supportive, patient, and empathetic towards your wife, you can help strengthen your relationship and support each other through this difficult time.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There could be various reasons for your wife not wanting or initiating sex:
- She must be undergoing some hormonal changes
- She is tired caring for the home and child (work too if she is a working woman)
- She is bored of the routine sex that has been happening so far
- She resists because she feels you are eager to end the act and hurry
- She refuses as you are focused on sex as a destination whereas she likes foreplay
- She at times would like only cuddling and hugging which she fears will lead to sex

Open the channel of communication outside of the bedroom.
- Laugh a lot together
- Watch movies
- Cook together
- Set aside date nights (have a family member baby sit the child)
- Indulge in non-sexual touches which are intimate

These can spice up your sex life and if things are still the same, it will be good to check with her gynaecologist to rule out any hormonal imbalances that can lead to a disinterest in sex. Also, if she is tired all the time, get a blood work done to rule out any deficiencies that can again make her body not indulge in anything intimate. Stepping out of the marriage is an option as long as the focus is you. If you focus on her, you can be a great sense of support to her now and as always. It will help a great deal.

All the best!

Ans: Hello. First of all, you need to get a little counselling to really understand your deeper emotional state and needs and to deal with the uncertainty around having children. Then you can start trying for a baby afresh. You can also introspect, with your counsellor, on the reasons you are saying no to adopting.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's clear that all these years of expectations being unfulfilled and the medical challenges have taken a toll on the marriage. It has made you distant from her and that is understandable.
How would you like the marriage to be from now on will define whether there will be intimacy in the marriage. In fact, emotional intimacy must be the first step...The two of you can put efforts in simply loving one another. That can be a good start point.
This will involve:
- caring for one another
- giving attention
- loving unconditionally

Understand that you are going to have to start from the beginning; like a child who goes to school for the first time. Build an emotional bond and then slowly as the trust builds, sexual intimacy will follow...Sex is not a forced activity and it will put the two of you in a bad space without much scope to recover. Build, love, trust, respect first...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: History noted, you are being 45 years and wife being 41 years, married since 6 years, staying separately since 4 years, now together since 5 months and with all the challenges.
Every woman has a right to plan for family and have a baby.
Considering financial challenges, future expense can be taken care of with mutual discussion Between you both.
Age factor: can be explained to your wife that fertility level might be compromised with age than if needed can undergo ivf treatment and chances if getting blood pressure and diabetes.
Sarcastic behavior can be tackled with couple counselling, family support psychological therapy and eliminating the root cause.
The above said things are manageable
Being a gynaec and obstetrician, i can take away the right of a woman from being mother and motherhood.