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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2023Hindi
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I am 42 year old and married for 12 years. I have a 10 year old kid. We didnt have sex for past 2 years now as my wife has lost all interest in sex and never initiates it. Whenever I try she calls out to our kid and kills the mood. I spoke to her but she is not interested. It is frustrating me. I have option to look outside but dont want to complicate the matters . She does allow me to massage her but nothing more. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There could be various reasons for your wife not wanting or initiating sex:
- She must be undergoing some hormonal changes
- She is tired caring for the home and child (work too if she is a working woman)
- She is bored of the routine sex that has been happening so far
- She resists because she feels you are eager to end the act and hurry
- She refuses as you are focused on sex as a destination whereas she likes foreplay
- She at times would like only cuddling and hugging which she fears will lead to sex

Open the channel of communication outside of the bedroom.
- Laugh a lot together
- Watch movies
- Cook together
- Set aside date nights (have a family member baby sit the child)
- Indulge in non-sexual touches which are intimate

These can spice up your sex life and if things are still the same, it will be good to check with her gynaecologist to rule out any hormonal imbalances that can lead to a disinterest in sex. Also, if she is tired all the time, get a blood work done to rule out any deficiencies that can again make her body not indulge in anything intimate. Stepping out of the marriage is an option as long as the focus is you. If you focus on her, you can be a great sense of support to her now and as always. It will help a great deal.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2023

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Mam, i am 46 years old, with two lovely daughters age 20 and 18 , for the last 2 years my wife has lost interest in sex, and she avoids it, we have no other issues , i am not able to understand what in her mind, tried to ask but to no avail, rest everything is fine at home, kindly advise
Ans: I understand that this can be a sensitive and challenging situation for you. Loss of interest in sex can be influenced by a variety of factors, and it's important to approach the issue with empathy and open communication. Here are some steps you can consider:

Open Communication: Try to have an open and non-confrontational conversation with your wife. Choose a time when you both can talk calmly and privately. Express your concerns and let her know that you want to understand what she's going through.
Listen Actively: Encourage her to share her feelings and thoughts. Listen without judgment and be empathetic to her perspective. Sometimes, there may be underlying emotional or psychological issues that need to be addressed.
Rule Out Medical Issues: Loss of interest in sex can be caused by medical factors such as hormonal changes, medication side effects, or health issues. Encourage her to see a healthcare professional to rule out any physical causes.
Consider Counseling: If the issue is more complex and related to emotional or psychological factors, you might want to suggest couples counseling or therapy. A trained therapist can help both of you explore the underlying issues and work on solutions.
Respect Boundaries: It's important to respect her boundaries and not pressure her into anything she's not comfortable with. Pressure can often exacerbate the issue.
Maintain Intimacy: While addressing the issue, it's important to maintain emotional intimacy and closeness in your relationship. This can involve non-sexual affection and activities that promote bonding.
Self-Care: Ensure that both you and your wife are taking care of your physical and emotional well-being. Reducing stress, eating healthily, and exercising can have a positive impact on overall well-being and can indirectly affect the sexual aspect of your relationship.
Seek Professional Help: If your wife is unwilling to discuss the issue or if it persists without a clear resolution, it may be helpful for both of you to seek the guidance of a qualified therapist or counselor individually.
Patience and Understanding: Understand that issues related to sexual desire and intimacy can be complex and may take time to resolve. Be patient with the process and with each other.
It's important to remember that every individual's desires and feelings can change over time, and open communication and understanding are key to addressing these changes in a relationship. Seek professional help if necessary, as a therapist can provide guidance and strategies tailored to your specific situation.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |130 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 14, 2024

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I am 44 years old, married with a monthly salary of 4.5 lakhs after tax. I own a debt-free house. My daughter is 9 and my son is 4. I am looking to build a corpus of 2 crores for my children's education, 1 crore for their marriages, and to buy two additional houses. I also aim to accumulate a retirement corpus of 10 crores. Please advise on how I can achieve these goals in the next 10-15 years. Current Savings: • Fixed Deposit: 16 lakhs • Shares: 72 lakhs • Provident Fund (PF): 1.4 crores • Mutual Funds: 15 lakhs • Public Provident Fund (PPF): 10.5 lakhs • ULIP: 21 lakhs Ongoing Investments: • ULIP: 3 lakhs/year (for the next 3 years) • PPF: 1.5 lakhs/year (for the next 8 years) • Provident Fund (PF): 82,000/month Including company contribution. • Mutual Fund SIP: 60,000/month • Shares SIP: 30,000/month • Additional Shares Investment: 5 lakhs/year
Ans: Your current savings add upto 2.745 Cr.

Assuming you keep them invested and considering composite moderate return of 8% this will grow upto a sum of 8.71 Cr after 15 years.

Ongoing investments will lead you to a corpus of 6.66 Cr after 15 years(Appropriate conservative returns considering the various investment instruments)

6.66+8.71=15.37 Cr

Retirement corpus goal 10 Cr?
Children education fund goal 2Cr?
Children wedding goal 1Cr?
Additional home(2) buy 2Cr?

Keep reviewing and rationalising your stock holdings and hedge it if necessary as per advice from investment advisor.

Consider SSY in the name of your daughter (8.2% currently with quarterly review by GOI)since it's an E-E-E tax exempt scheme.

Do consider suitable family floater health cover apart employer group coverage.

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates

Happy Investing

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |867 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Sep 14, 2024

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