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Trying to Convince My Sarcastic Wife (41) Not to Have Children at 45: Advice Needed

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |30 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 16, 2024

Dr Nandita Palshetkar is the medical director of Bloom IVF.
She is a pioneer in ICSI, laser hatching, spindle view, oocyte and embryo freezing, IMSI, in vivo vaginal culture, metabolomics, embryoscope and spindle check technologies.
With over 30 years of experience, Dr Nandita is managing 10 centres across India.
She has written over 100 papers, edited 25 books and given over 1,000 lectures and speeches.
She has also won several prestigious awards, including the Dronacharya Award (2021), the Bharat Gaurav Award at the House of Commons in London (2014) and the Inspiring Gynaecologists of India (2018) to name a few.
Dr Nandita completed her MBBS from Grant Medical College and Sir J J Hospital, Mumbai, and her MD in obstetrics and gynaecology from Mumbai University."... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi M 45 years and my wife is 41 years old. My wife is willing to take chance for Children. We got married in 2018. Due to her sarcastic behavior, we were living separately for 4 years. She came back 5 months before. But considering age, financial challenges, future expenses and her sarcastic behavior m afraid of taking this chance/risk. How can I convince my wife to avoid pregnancy now. Request your guidance.

Ans: History noted, you are being 45 years and wife being 41 years, married since 6 years, staying separately since 4 years, now together since 5 months and with all the challenges.
Every woman has a right to plan for family and have a baby.
Considering financial challenges, future expense can be taken care of with mutual discussion Between you both.
Age factor: can be explained to your wife that fertility level might be compromised with age than if needed can undergo ivf treatment and chances if getting blood pressure and diabetes.
Sarcastic behavior can be tackled with couple counselling, family support psychological therapy and eliminating the root cause.
The above said things are manageable
Being a gynaec and obstetrician, i can take away the right of a woman from being mother and motherhood.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Ans: I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your child and the difficulties you and your wife are experiencing. It's understandable that your wife may be going through a lot emotionally, and it can be challenging to navigate a relationship during such a difficult time. Here are some tips that may help you improve your relationship:

Seek counseling: Consider seeking counseling together to help process your grief and improve communication. A licensed therapist can provide a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and work through any issues in your relationship.

Show empathy: Try to understand your wife's perspective and show empathy towards her. Validate her feelings and let her know that you're there for her.

Practice active listening: When your wife is speaking, make sure to actively listen to what she's saying. Don't interrupt or dismiss her feelings, and try to understand where she's coming from.

Practice self-care: Take care of yourself so that you can be there for your wife. This includes getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and taking time for yourself to relax and recharge.

Be patient: Remember that healing takes time, and your wife may need some time and space to come to terms with her emotions. Be patient with her and don't pressure her to "get over" her grief.

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Hello Anu Madam, I am 43, and my wife is 40, no kids. We are married for 13 years. Immediately after marriage, for a few months, she did not let me have physical relation. She used to push me away if I tried. Then, for almost 3.5 years, she was treated by a psychiatrist for depression and doctor advised not to have sex. After that too, she was not much interested. We consulted 5 gynaecs and a counsellor, one surgery was performed on her vagina, I got my semen tested multiple times but all in vain. There was no normal physical relationship for next 6-7 years. And now, all of a sudden, she is pushing to have a child. To be honest, I have lost interest. But she is hell bent to get pregnant. Everyday, we fight over this and our mental peace has gone for a toss. She has become way too admant and always gets angry over trivial things. Can you please suggest a way ahead? Thank you in advance and sorry for the long post.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's clear that all these years of expectations being unfulfilled and the medical challenges have taken a toll on the marriage. It has made you distant from her and that is understandable.
How would you like the marriage to be from now on will define whether there will be intimacy in the marriage. In fact, emotional intimacy must be the first step...The two of you can put efforts in simply loving one another. That can be a good start point.
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I cannot make the decision for you, but I can tell you that his points are not invalid. They have been decent and what they are asking for is very basic. Please remember that this is just my opinion; you do not have to feel the same way. And there is nothing inauspicious about signing a prenup. Think of it like health insurance- when you get that, do you indirectly wish for health issues? No. It's just a precaution.

While the choice of signing any agreement is yours, he has every right to rethink the relationship in case you refuse to do so. It does not make him a bad person. He is merely looking out for himself and his family. Please take ample time to make a decision; if you are not comfortable with it, or you think signing the contract and going ahead with the wedding might cause friction between you two, please reconsider the relationship. But I want to remind you again, he is not in the wrong for taking precautions. It does not mean he thinks you are in it for the money; it just keeps the money away from the equation.

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First of all, have you met this person in real life? A lot of true love stories start online, but it is very important to meet face-to-face before making any commitments. Secondly, not being able to forget his ex can either be the truth or a ploy to end this relationship with you. Either way, it seems like a zone of conflict and I would like to remind you that you deserve better. I know you love him but don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and only you? Would you really like to be with someone who treats you like an option and draws comparisons with the ex? I suggest you rethink the relationship.

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