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Wife Suddenly Wants a Child, Husband Has Lost Interest | Anu Madam Answers

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1308 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Anu Madam, I am 43, and my wife is 40, no kids. We are married for 13 years. Immediately after marriage, for a few months, she did not let me have physical relation. She used to push me away if I tried. Then, for almost 3.5 years, she was treated by a psychiatrist for depression and doctor advised not to have sex. After that too, she was not much interested. We consulted 5 gynaecs and a counsellor, one surgery was performed on her vagina, I got my semen tested multiple times but all in vain. There was no normal physical relationship for next 6-7 years. And now, all of a sudden, she is pushing to have a child. To be honest, I have lost interest. But she is hell bent to get pregnant. Everyday, we fight over this and our mental peace has gone for a toss. She has become way too admant and always gets angry over trivial things. Can you please suggest a way ahead? Thank you in advance and sorry for the long post.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's clear that all these years of expectations being unfulfilled and the medical challenges have taken a toll on the marriage. It has made you distant from her and that is understandable.
How would you like the marriage to be from now on will define whether there will be intimacy in the marriage. In fact, emotional intimacy must be the first step...The two of you can put efforts in simply loving one another. That can be a good start point.
This will involve:
- caring for one another
- giving attention
- loving unconditionally

Understand that you are going to have to start from the beginning; like a child who goes to school for the first time. Build an emotional bond and then slowly as the trust builds, sexual intimacy will follow...Sex is not a forced activity and it will put the two of you in a bad space without much scope to recover. Build, love, trust, respect first...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1308 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2022

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Relationship
Dear MamI am a 33 year old male working in a PSU at middle management level. Six years ago I was married happily as per my wish to a girl of my choice.Everything was just perfect. My wife is 4.5 years younger to me. I had to go against my parents wish as they were not comfortable with a non working wife. Mine was not a love story but yes I met girl through a common friend and went ahead for the alliance. Our sex life was also great in the start and we welcomed a baby girl just 2 months short of our first wedding anniversary. However now when I compare I do understand that because of household chores she could not give proper time to me, but still I feel a strong urge to have sex with her. She somehow does not reciprocate well and is dull in having sex. Apart from this we still fight over silly things and tolerance level of both of us have gone very down. Sometimes I feel to this extent that I should walk out from the marriage because I really don't want hot talks in our relationship. I agree I have a 5 year old baby girl. I do control my feelings and anger too to some extent. My wife also does the same but really small things trigger me on. Also I always have a huge sex drive and I feel that if I don't get it from my wife I should look out for other options. I have not cheated with her but I feel that given the option I can because of sex urge. May be this is due to higher libido and I do masturbate occasionally fantasizing my neighbour or other female friends and sometimes my wife too. I don't know what goes through me but seeing your column I felt I should tell you these small details so you could give me an honest answer. I don't want to leave her, I do love her a lot but these fights really make me lose my cool and feel depressed.What should be done according to you ? Should I see a psychiatrist?
Ans:

Dear AY,

I will ask you to introspect and ask yourself: When did things start going downhill?

What event led to this? Surely, things don’t happen all of sudden, so something or some thought must have led to this.

Also, it’s important to understand that managing home and a child is a full time job and it tires the woman a lot.

To be in a mood for sex, the woman needs to be relaxed and calm…if the work at home is tiring, try and hire a domestic helper or any extra help that will ease her.

That way she will have more time to care for herself and her needs as well. Offer to pitch in and this will also bring the two of you closer.

Your theory of your high libido which is not being matched by your wife may or may not be true as sometimes that solution is simpler than you think.

Sadly, we are used to complicating things and look at what’s obvious in front of us.

Sex outside of marriage seems to be an option that has crossed your mind, but I do understand from your letter that you care and love your wife a lot.

Let not a moment of weakness make you shake the foundation of a beautiful relationship that the two of you share.

Have an open chat with her. Express how you feel and speak of your sexual needs.

Most often, communication solves most marriage issues. If this doesn’t work, kindly seek professional help with a marriage therapist.

Ultimately, you know why the two of you are married and why you chose her to be your wife.

Bear that in mind and a lot of yours mind struggles will ease and you will be able to think more usefully and also move into a better marriage space.

Happy 2022 and here’s wishing you the best in life!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1308 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 27, 2020

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Relationship
Hello Anu, I am 48, male. I married in 2007 and we were blessed with a daughter in 2015. Ever since we were pregnant, I left my regular job and started working from home instead. Things went off smooth and professionally there is not much of a problem. Agreed, 2020 has been quite a bad year for almost everyone and I am no exception. But then, things are somewhat better with me when I see people around and learn about their getting unemployed or otherwise. My problem is related to family, relationship with my wife and this has started playing on me. The last time we indulged in any sexual activity was probably before my wife became pregnant. And even before that, she was always uninterested in having anything physical between us. At max, we would have sex just once a month. But after her birth, we have never had sex, no time together. The most we talk about in a day is the stock of this is finishing up or you need to get this or that kind of things. She works in an office, so she has friends, people whom she can talk to and spend time. I stay home caring for my daughter. Though most of the day is spent with caring for her, there is something that is dying inside me. I had tried asking her to make a visit to the consultant locally, but she has always denied. And she keeps telling me that all I need is sex from her, which of course has never been true. I wished there was some medical solution for my problems but I know there is nothing wrong. It is just some psychological issue. At times I just want to leave up everything and quit, but then I prefer not to do it thinking about the daughter. I now feel that I do need some friends, but at my age, finding them is also tough. I do not feel comfortable talking about these issues to even my friends because - 1. I do not feel that close with any and 2. I wonder, if any of those confronted up my wife with this - that would be asking for a chaos as well. I could go on into more details but am unsure if you would have that enough time. Please suggest if you can.
Ans: Dear PK, firstly, Parenting is a lot of work and to be a full-time parent from home, like you are right now, requires a lot of time and energy. Also, let’s not deny and most mothers/parents/others who are full time caregivers of a child will whisper and not say it aloud that doing that 24*7 without a break can be stressful and even monotonous at times.

They are encouraged to take a break every once in a while, to rejuvenate so they can do more and feel less exhausted.

It is pretty normal for women to lose interest in sex for a few weeks or perhaps months after the baby is born as the hormones now secreted elude her away from simply being a wife and the loving mother takes over.

This can cause a lot of rift between the new parents as the man obviously is not aware of this fact.

A book can throw more light on this and I cannot be more emphatic and say this here that it helps when the woman doesn’t have to worry about her husband and focus on bonding with the child which is of utmost importance for the development and growth of the baby.

Besides, there are other forms of affection/intimacy that can be explored so the new parents still manage to keep the spark alive.

The fact of your wife having a parallel life at her work place has become a dampener in your mind as she is definitely able to have a social life at least part of the day whereas you are not.

I do suggest you cook up some ‘Me Time’ over the weekends when your wife can bond with the baby and you can meet friends and simply unwind so that you back with a renewed vigour as the week begins.

And, it is possible to make friends at any age. Anyone who shares common interests and hobbies, can become a part of your inner circle.

It is apparent that both of you have lost communication and either your wife is unaware about how you feel or maybe she is going through something that you don’t know of.

If she isn’t comfortable going to a professional, take charge and revive your communication. Babies can demand a lot of time from their parents and if you can have someone trustworthy to watch the baby for a couple of hours over the weekend, where you and your wife can have some time to yourselves, that might help.

We can go on struggling or we can step up and do something about it. So, give it your best for yourself and your family.

Happy Bonding and have a great life!

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2022

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Dear Love Guru, I want to stay Anonymous. I am 26 year old Man, been married for 6 years and have a 5 year old daughter. My wife is pregnant right now and we haven't have sex for 7 months now. For my sexual life information, i need sex every 2-3 days because somehow i feel i need it, hell i want sex every day to be honest and I can't help it.  But my wife don't want to have sex right now because of her pregnancy, she basically fears that sex will harm our child in the womb of which I have assured her many times that its safe and i will make sure that we will do it safely but she won't understand. She wouldn't even ask or let me ask to our doctor if it's safe to have sex while pregnant to clear her doubts and won't trust me that its safe.  She also doesn't feel the need of sex and feels anger and irritation when i approach her for sex.  Now I completely understand that she doesn't want it because of mood swings or change in hormones but God it is killing me right now by not having sex. I don't know but i am made that way and she hates me now for approaching her for sex every other day and bursts in to anger and tears. It makes me feel ashamed about myself and makes me cry inside too. But again somehow i need sex which is completely making me this lustful a***e in my wife's eyes. I try to release my sexual tension by masterbating but the guilt of wanting sex and also anger towards my wife rejecting me every night never leaves from my head. All i think about whole day is sex and it's making me angry towards my wife hence i stopped sleeping next to her so that I can't annoy her while she is sleeping because whenever i sleep next to her I can't control my hands which always finds their way on her body making her more angrier.  She hates me because i don't sleep next to her and doesn't take care of her but i explained her that I can't stop my self from touching her and she won't understand. She wants me next to her and also doesn't want me to touch her which i am not able to do honestly.  I know there is something wrong with me but i am confused if it is all my fault or it is some of hers too. All i want to be is a  good husband but i have my sexual needs too. What should i do?  P.S. I am not sex addict as i never have touched any other women in my entire life even right now when i need sex badly, and that's makes me wonder Do I really deserve this? 
Ans:

You do sound like you're struggling with a bit of an addiction.

I agree that your wife's fears are unscientific and, to be honest, a discreet conversation with the gynaecologist would allay her feelings.

A lot of couples speak to the doctor before resuming sexual relations during pregnancy; it's a very common question to ask.

Most medical practitioners would warn you in case of a risk in individual cases and the fact that your doctor hasn't said anything to you both means you're likely in the clear to do so.

But the fact is, she just doesn't want to have sex at the moment, whatever be the reason, and you can't force her.

Pregnancy is a very challenging time for a woman. So either speak to the doctor or practice a little self control for a couple of months longer.

I think the more she's denying you, the more desperate you're becoming. You could see a therapist and explain your predicament if it is making you so miserable.

What did you do when she was expecting your daughter the first time around? 

 

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2023

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I am 33 year old and my wife is 2 year elder than me, we married in 2014 and we have a son who is 5 year old. But i noticed from last 6 years she didn't interested in me. I tried a lot to make her smile many times i do what she want, even if i do something i want she never be so happy. I done a conversation with her a lot about that but she said she is not fit, she always think about her anxiety and cervical issue. We hardly do sex sometimes maybe once in a month, she never ask me to do, she try to hide her feelings her lot i ask many times to be open. She just show anger on me many times on small topics, even she picks issues and those are very small. I ask already do you like to take divorce then tell me, but she didn't replied and angry again. She just give a excuse that i am not well having cervical pain, even we go to many doctors. Many times she is watching reels and Kdramas she keep ignoring me. What should i do ? Sometimes i think i should find someone outside for my happy life ? Because like that i kill my feelings and myself i think that because this is not compromise for family as i think ?
Ans: It is sad to hear that you are experiencing this in your marriage. It's important to understand that a lack of interest or intimacy in a marriage can have many different causes, including physical and emotional issues. It's also important to remember that communication is key in any relationship, and it sounds like you have tried to have conversations with your wife about your concerns.

However, it's also important to recognize that if you are feeling unfulfilled and unhappy in your marriage, seeking intimacy outside of the marriage is not a solution. Infidelity can cause irreparable damage to a relationship and can also be emotionally devastating for all parties involved.

Instead, I would encourage you to continue to communicate with your wife about your concerns and explore different ways to address the issues that you are experiencing. This may involve seeking counseling or therapy together, or it may involve taking steps to address any physical or emotional issues that are impacting your wife's interest in intimacy.

Ultimately, the decision to end a marriage is a deeply personal one that should be made after careful consideration and with the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist. If you feel like your needs are not being met in your marriage and you are considering divorce, I would encourage you to seek the support and guidance of a qualified professional to help you navigate this difficult process.

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |125 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, I am a handicapped person, my age is 43 and 5 years ago I met with an accident due to which I have a plate implanted in my thighs as my femer bone was damaged badly of same polio leg & now it has the plate, fixed on 15 screws, I had gain weight after C- session, as of now I am 96kg, I need to lose my weight but my problem is I can't do jogging, walk or any physical exercise. Can you please suggest me something thru which I can lose my weight till 25-28 kg, I am doing work from home so most of the time. I be busy in office work due to which my physical activities are too less
Ans: Thank you for sharing your concerns. It’s important to use sensitive language, so instead of the term “handicapped,” you may identify as a person with a disability. Now coming to Weight loss, it is achievable even with limited mobility by focusing on proper nutrition and customized activities. Create a calorie deficit by consuming balanced meals rich in protein, fiber, and healthy fats, while minimizing processed foods. Stay active with seated exercises like arm movements, resistance band training, or light weight lifting. Even you can throw basketball against wall to keep burning calories, bicycle with your arms instead of your legs etc .Practice mindful eating with portion control, slow chewing, and adequate hydration. Take short breaks from work to stretch, and consult a physiotherapist for personalized advice. Track your progress through weight or measurements and celebrate small victories to stay motivated. If your disability is significant, consider applying for a disability certificate for additional support. I wish you good luck...

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7050 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 44 years old with 2 kids in class 11 and 10. I have 2 Flats without any loan. I have total 22 lacs ( in Stocks), 34 lacs in nutual funds, 40 lacs in FDs and 37 lacs in PF. If I have to retire tomorrow, how much Corpus will I need.
Ans: Retiring at 44 is an ambitious goal, but with careful planning, it’s achievable. Your current assets and financial goals must align to sustain your post-retirement life. Here's a detailed assessment and strategy.

1. Estimating Retirement Corpus Needs

Retirement requires a large corpus to ensure financial independence.

The corpus must cover daily expenses, medical costs, and lifestyle needs.
It should also provide for children’s education and marriages if not already funded.
Assume inflation-adjusted withdrawals for 40+ years, as life expectancy could extend to 85.
A Certified Financial Planner can help calculate the exact amount based on your lifestyle and expenses.

2. Evaluating Your Current Financial Assets

Your assets are impressive and form a strong financial base.

Stocks (Rs. 22 Lacs): This portfolio may provide high growth but carries risks.
Mutual Funds (Rs. 34 Lacs): A well-diversified portfolio of actively managed funds ensures moderate to high returns.
Fixed Deposits (Rs. 40 Lacs): These offer stability but are less effective against inflation.
Provident Fund (Rs. 37 Lacs): This corpus is a reliable, long-term asset.
Together, these assets provide a solid starting point for retirement planning.

3. Estimating Monthly Expenses After Retirement

Your monthly expenses will determine the required corpus.

Identify essential expenses like groceries, utilities, and healthcare.
Consider discretionary expenses like travel and hobbies for a comfortable lifestyle.
Factor in children's education and marriage expenses as immediate needs.
Ensure you account for inflation, which erodes purchasing power over time.

4. Planning for Children’s Education and Marriage

Your children’s education and marriage are significant financial commitments.

Class 11 and 10 suggest education expenses will occur soon.
Factor in tuition fees, living expenses, and any higher education abroad.
Marriage costs will depend on your family’s traditions and preferences.
Allocate separate funds for these goals to avoid disrupting your retirement corpus.

5. Structuring Your Retirement Portfolio

A retirement portfolio should balance growth, stability, and liquidity.

Equity Investments: Retain part of your stocks and mutual funds for long-term growth.
Debt Instruments: Use fixed deposits and provident funds for stable returns.
Balanced Approach: Diversify across asset classes to minimise risks.
Keep a portion in liquid assets for emergencies and short-term needs.

6. Avoiding Over-Reliance on Fixed Deposits

Fixed deposits provide safety but may not outpace inflation.

Their post-tax returns are often lower than inflation rates.
Redeem some FDs and reinvest in diversified mutual funds for higher growth.
Focus on actively managed funds that adapt to market conditions better.
This will enhance your portfolio’s ability to sustain long-term withdrawals.

7. Accounting for Healthcare and Emergency Needs

Healthcare costs can rise sharply as you age.

Maintain a comprehensive health insurance policy for yourself and your family.
Ensure your insurance covers critical illnesses and hospitalisation.
Set aside a medical contingency fund in a liquid mutual fund or savings account.
This ensures you don’t dip into your retirement corpus for emergencies.

8. Managing Tax Liabilities on Investments

Understanding tax implications can maximise your post-retirement income.

Equity Investments: LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt Instruments: Both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income slab.
Fixed Deposits: Interest income is fully taxable under your income slab.
A CFP can optimise your withdrawals to minimise tax outflows.

9. Creating an Income Stream for Retirement

A sustainable income stream is essential for meeting monthly expenses.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) from mutual funds provide regular income.
Withdraw dividends or interest from debt instruments systematically.
Avoid withdrawing too much too soon to ensure the corpus lasts longer.
Plan withdrawals in a tax-efficient manner with professional advice.

10. Protecting and Growing Your Retirement Corpus

To sustain a 40-year retirement, your corpus must grow over time.

Invest in equity-oriented funds for inflation-beating returns.
Reallocate funds periodically to maintain an optimal equity-debt balance.
Review your portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner.
This disciplined approach ensures steady growth and reduced risks.

11. Avoid Common Mistakes in Retirement Planning

Mistakes can significantly impact the sustainability of your corpus.

Over-Conservatism: Avoid keeping too much in low-return instruments like FDs.
Ignoring Inflation: Failing to account for inflation reduces purchasing power.
Emotional Decisions: Avoid panic-selling during market volatility.
Stick to your financial plan and seek professional guidance.

12. Final Insights

Retiring at 44 is achievable with disciplined planning and professional advice. Ensure you maintain a balance between growth and safety. Regular reviews and adjustments will help sustain your corpus for decades.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7050 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Money
Dear Rama Sir, I am 42 years and have been doing SIP since last 3 years. My monthly SIPs are as : ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund : 20 K, DSP Mid CAP: 5K, SBI Small CAP: 12 K, Parag Parikh Flexi: 10 K and HDFC Balanced Advantage: 10 K. Also, I have invested Lumpsum amount of Rs. 50 K in DSP mid CAP, Rs. 15 K in ICICI Ultra Short and Rs. 4 Lacs in SBI Contra. Pl review and suggest improvements if required. I recently got bonus and can invest more in Lumpsum in your suggested funds. Request your guidance Sir.
Ans: Your systematic investment plan (SIP) portfolio shows a structured approach. It reflects a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, flexi-cap, and balanced funds. The lump sum investments add diversification. This balanced allocation demonstrates prudence and clarity.

Let us review each aspect of your portfolio and provide tailored suggestions.

Strengths in Your Current Portfolio
Diversified Allocation: Your investments span large, mid, small caps, and flexi-cap categories. This reduces risk.

Consistent SIPs: Monthly SIPs total Rs. 57,000, reflecting commitment. SIPs instill discipline and capture market volatility over time.

Growth Potential: Mid-cap and small-cap funds provide good growth opportunities over the long term.

Lump Sum in Contra Fund: Rs. 4 lakh in a contra strategy adds a contrarian element. This could yield good returns in specific market conditions.

Areas for Improvement
Overlapping Funds: Multiple funds may invest in similar sectors or stocks. This could lead to duplication.

Balanced Allocation Concerns: High allocation to equity-oriented funds increases risk. A more balanced approach can help achieve stability.

Debt Investment Allocation: ICICI Ultra Short-Term Fund at Rs. 15,000 seems under-allocated. Adding more to debt can stabilize your portfolio.

Limited Sectoral Diversification: Current funds focus mainly on broader indices. Exposure to sectoral or thematic funds could enhance growth.

Suggestions for Portfolio Improvement
1. Optimise Equity Allocation
Retain a mix of large, mid, and small-cap funds, but assess overlap.
Avoid holding too many funds with a similar investment strategy. This leads to diluted returns.
Focus on funds with consistent performance and proven track records.
2. Strengthen Debt Investment
Increase allocation to debt funds for stability. Balanced funds are helpful, but dedicated debt funds are crucial for portfolio cushioning.
Consider short-term and corporate bond funds for steady returns.
3. Increase Lump Sum Allocation Wisely
Allocate the bonus amount across diversified funds to align with your goals.
Divide lump sum investments into tranches to leverage market corrections.
4. Assess Contra Fund Exposure
While contra funds offer unique opportunities, Rs. 4 lakh is a significant portion.
Limit exposure to avoid overdependence on contrarian strategies, which work best in certain cycles.
5. Tax Efficiency
Equity fund gains over Rs. 1.25 lakh annually are taxed at 12.5%.
Debt fund gains are taxed per your slab. Factor this into future investments.
Plan withdrawals smartly to reduce tax liabilities.
6. Emergency Fund
Ensure sufficient liquidity for emergencies. Allocate 6-12 months of expenses to liquid or ultra-short-term funds.
7. Avoid Overinvesting in a Single Strategy
Balanced advantage funds are versatile, but reliance on one strategy may restrict returns.
Maintain exposure while investing in other complementary funds.
Suggested Allocation for Your Bonus
Equity Investments

Direct part of your bonus to funds with high potential but less overlap.
Diversify by including funds with sectoral or thematic exposure.
Debt Investments

Allocate a portion to debt funds for stability.
Ultra-short-term funds can help with short-term goals.
Hybrid Funds

Use hybrid funds for a mix of equity and debt without aggressive risk.
Gold Investments

If not already, consider Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB) for diversification.
Broader Financial Planning Recommendations
Goal-Oriented Investments
Map each investment to a specific goal like retirement, children’s education, or home purchase.
This ensures focus and clarity.
Insurance Coverage Check
Evaluate existing life and health insurance policies. Ensure they are sufficient to cover your family’s needs.
If you hold ULIPs, evaluate their returns. Surrendering may allow reinvestment into mutual funds.
Estate Planning
Ensure your investments are nominated and estate documents updated.
A will can simplify asset distribution and avoid future disputes.
Monitor Regularly
Review your portfolio semi-annually to track performance and make adjustments.
This keeps your investments aligned with changing goals and market conditions.
Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Expert Guidance: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner offers advice on fund selection.
Streamlined Process: Regular funds ensure consistent monitoring and better decision-making.
Human Oversight: Direct funds demand deeper financial knowledge. Advisors simplify choices.
Final Insights
Your portfolio reflects strong discipline and a solid foundation. Optimizing fund selection, balancing equity-debt, and aligning investments with goals can enhance returns.

Allocate your bonus systematically for maximum benefit. Avoid impulsive investments and maintain long-term discipline. This approach will keep you on track for financial independence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1308 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm in a happy relationship with my boyfriend since 1.5 years. Before meeting him I had a relationship of around1.3 years(he cheated on me) and my mother got to know about it when she saw me crying and i end up telling her about my relationship(now ex). So I just need advice, should I tell my current boyfriend that my mother know about my ex? Now My mother somehow almost got to know about my current relationship also and i have told about this to my boyfriend but should I tell him that she knows about my past also.? Would he be okay with it or he will get upset about it that i haven't told him about this prior?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How will it matter if your boyfriend knows about your mother being in the know about your past relationship?
Why will he be bothered by it? I just don't understand why this is an issue of you or anyone?

Your words:
i have told about this to my boyfriend but should I tell him that she knows about my past also.
My thoughts:
What will this do if you tell him that she knows about your past?

Your words:
Would he be okay with it or he will get upset about it that i haven't told him about this prior?
My thoughts:
Maybe you should tell him about your past and not worry that he should know that your mother knows about your past

I still feel what you actually want to ask me is not very clear to you; be honest with yourself so that when you ask your question you will be able to get better guidance from me...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1308 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Problem with my mother in law and her demanding behaviour in everything i used to do.. Even if i go with my husband.. She demanding me to tell where are you going.. Everything backbithches about me n my family when i was not in home to my husband He used to tell me after that... And i completely fed up... Why is she doing like this? They always make me to do work... Even her daughters are sitting peacefully with their phones.. Recently i addressed all these through my family to them... Now its became a big problem... That i told to my parents... They are blaming me now.. On this reason.. My husband supports them What to do now
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Fight your own battles; involving your family has become a family to family issue now...
Let's imagine for a moment that it's a friend's daughter who is close to you is facing the exact same thing; what would you tell her? What can she do to reclaim her rightful place among people who act selfish?
I am sure you will ask her to find her confidence within herself, right? Then, do just that...

Be clear on what duties of the house you can take on and do just that. Also, if you are a homemaker, do find time for yourself to do things that have a lot of meaning and value to you. Classes and courses that involve you stepping out of home will give a clear signal to the members back at home that they will have to pitch in and nit expect to put everything on you. Less complaints and more action in the direction of what you ultimately want. Don't ask: Why is she doing like this? You will never get an answer to this! Instead, ask: What can I do to lessen my burden and feel better?

Changing people is almost impossible, but changing the way you think and do things is always in your hands...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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