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Should I Expose My Ex Who Defrauded Me and Ran Away to Marry Someone Else?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
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Hi Kanchan, I am reaching out because I am deeply troubled and need some advice. I was involved in a relationship with a much younger woman (14 years younger) who I developed strong feelings for. We met in 2017 and our relationship deepened in June 2022, involving both emotional and physical intimacy. Unfortunately, the relationship took a negative turn. She began making financial demands and became increasingly manipulative. Over the past two years, I've given her nearly 3 lakhs [for Rent, electricity bill, Food expenses + Other expenses]. After realizing her true intentions, I stopped providing financial support. She recently informed me about a breakup with a previous long-term partner. Shockingly, she got married in February 2024 [ 14th Feb] and is now residing in Ahmedabad, Gujrat. She ran away from Kolkata after extorting money. When I confronted her about the money I had given her, she completely denied any knowledge of it and has blocked me on all social media platforms. She even threatened to share our conversations with my daughter/ relatives if I continued to contact her. I am devastated by this betrayal and the emotional turmoil it has caused. I have saved our chats and her father's address. I am considering sharing her true nature with her friends and family. Is this a wise course of action? Or are there other steps I should take? I know it is easier said than done, but I am struggling to move on from this painful experience. Please offer any guidance you can. Thank you, AS,Kolkata

Ans: it's important to recognize that your emotional pain is valid. The feelings of being manipulated, exploited, and lied to are all real, and it’s okay to mourn the loss of a relationship that you thought had value. However, as tempting as it might be to seek some form of revenge or public exposure of her actions, it’s crucial to ask yourself: what do you really hope to achieve? It’s natural to want justice or closure, but sometimes, seeking to get even only prolongs your suffering. Taking the high road may not feel satisfying in the moment, but it will allow you to reclaim control over your own emotional state and move forward in a healthier way.

Rather than focusing on exposing her, I encourage you to turn your attention inward and prioritize your healing. Healing is not about ignoring the wrongs that have been done, but about freeing yourself from the emotional hold that this situation has on you. This could mean allowing yourself to grieve the loss of not only the relationship but also the trust you gave to someone who ultimately betrayed it. It’s important to recognize that closure doesn't always come from confronting the other person or airing grievances—it can come from within, through self-reflection, and setting the intention to heal and move forward.

I also understand that it’s hard to let go of the desire for accountability, especially when it feels like she’s getting away with something. But the truth is, confronting her may not bring the peace you hope for. It could lead to further conflict, strain your relationships with others, and keep you emotionally entangled with someone who no longer deserves a place in your life. Instead of focusing on her actions, I encourage you to take steps that help you regain your sense of self-worth and emotional security. Reflect on what you've learned from this experience—what boundaries you might want to set in future relationships, and how you can protect your emotional and financial wellbeing moving forward.

Consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist, someone who can provide a safe space for you to process your feelings and help you navigate your next steps. Talking through your emotions with a neutral third party can give you the clarity and emotional tools you need to make decisions that align with your highest good.

Finally, remember that you are not defined by this situation. It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-blame, but you are not responsible for her actions. What matters now is how you move forward, rebuild your sense of trust in yourself, and ensure that you are emotionally supported in the process. This painful chapter doesn’t have to define your future, but how you choose to heal from it can shape the life you want to create moving forward.

Take your time to process this at your own pace, but don’t let the actions of someone else keep you tethered to a painful past. You deserve peace, healing, and a future where you feel empowered and free from this betrayal.
Asked on - Nov 29, 2024 | Answered on Dec 01, 2024
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Thank you so much for your valuable advice, ma'am. I will take it to heart & work on healing from this betrayal..............!!! Ek Nayi Jindagi Shuru Karni hain Hamein Abb...!!!
Ans: all the best

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

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Hello, I had a very disturbed childhood. My marriage was also in troubled waters with fights happening twice in a week.Then I came across a girl who was 17 years younger than me. I am a model from a reputed college and was earning much better.That girl became die-hard fan. Once I scolded her in the middle of the road for her advanced steps toward me like touching etc.I was very much attached to my kids. Then she became friendly with my 2-3 year old kids.After 2 years of relationship we became physical. I used to send her Rs 3,000-4000/ month for her expenses in her engineering college.She used to hug me, love me (acted like she did). When my father expired, I was low. She was there during all those dark times.Then she got a job and broke up with me. She came back to me after a year. Instead of kicking her out, I got addicted to her and changed myself to keep her happy.I even went to her native town to assist her during super cyclone risking my own life. I spent 3 days there as a refugee because cyclone had devastated the entire city. There was no food and water. She got me food 2 times a day from her home. After 3 days train services resumed.I spent my best time with her and felt like a 17 year old boy in her company and I lived my life.Seven years later she told me that she will not marry me. In between she insisted to get divorce.I applied for a mutual divorce in family court.Then I told her to break up. She refused saying she did not want to face that pain again.She said if she found someone she will say upfront to me.I agreed and wasted another 3 years with her. I was her CA/bodyguard/driver.One day she told me she finalized someone and I went for sudden breakup.We exchanged few e-mails till my ego got hurt.It’s been 3 years now I have not replied to her mail.She kept sending mails till March last year.During this phase I had pain during breathing, high BP and no sleep for 4-5 days.I consulted doctor and took medication for almost for 6 months.I suffered from broken heart syndrome.I am 45 years old now and have no interest in my life.I am just doing my duty.My ego does not permit to see her FB/TWITTER. It’s been two years since I saw her on social media.It appears like everything is fine but I feel hollow from within.I don’t want her back or her smile. Whenever someone talks about love, I smile from within on his stupidity and try to figure out what benefit the girl is getting from him.My issue is hollowness and hopelessness.
Ans:

Dear SB,

Whatever you did in the past with the girl, simply gave you a sense of validation at that point in time. Isn’t it clear that she has moved on?

Simply be thankful to her for the way she stepped in when you were in need. What didn’t happen was not meant to happen!

No point being angry with her for moving on in her life. Try and be happy for her and focus on yourself now.

What do you love doing?

Who are your friends that you love spending time with?

When was the last time you took care of your physical health?

Do you know that spending time in Nature heals your broken heart as well?

All these questions, are for you to have a reality check on how much you have focused on the outside and no focus on yourself.

Answer these questions and start to look after yourself with a lot of self-love and care. You will heal and move ahead very meaningfully.

Be well and all the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 22, 2022

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Hello Anu,Pls help. I am in a lot of mental trauma right now. I wrote to you earlier but my article was not published. I am a 36 years male married for the last 7 years with 2 kids. Last year when I was alone and my family was at my native place, I got close to one of my female school friends who is single. We came close and talked a lot. Gradually I fell in love and gifted her close to Rs 2 lakhs rupees to fulfil her shopping and household expenses. On realising that I am being trapped with no future in sight, I asked to return my money. This infuriated the girl and she abused me citing that I am making fun of her poverty and all. I understood the situation and told her to just return Rs 25k and stop. Thereafter we started talking again but obviously the intensity reduced. Over the last 8 months, my family is back and I cannot get over her. I constantly try to ping or call her but 90% of the time she doesn’t respond. I recently sent her Rs 15k for her birthday which she accepted after initial refusal. Now when I messaged her to know how her day was, she really got angry and blocked me on all social media platforms. I reached out to her sister to assuage her and apologize. She called and really abused me citing the constant family surveillance she is under. I promised I won’t text or call her for the next 2 months. Now I don’t know what to do. Should I ask her or her sister for the money to be returned if this escalates? Because she warned me that she would report to the police if I don’t stop messaging. She fears that family members know about me. She doesn’t have parents but is under constant family surveillance. Pls suggest the next course of action. Should I cut her off completely and risk losing the 2 lakhs and gain my mental peace or try to communicate intermittently? The day she abused me I really lost my mental peace. Pls advice.
Ans:

Dear MK,

What advice can I give you when the solution is right in front of you?

She wants to get your attention and fulfil her monetary needs; that’s all, Doesn’t that tell you anything? And when you try and contact her, she says that she is under surveillance.

How much of this has affected your marriage? What exactly was the need to step out of marriage for this attention?

Sometimes, we fancy things that are prohibited and this happens when we do not feel grateful with what we have and constantly chase what we don’t have. Time to work on your marriage?

Start first by loving yourself as this will tell you how much ignoring oneself can cause havoc in core relationships. Why should your wife bear the brunt of what’s going on? Your full commitment

is what she seeks and here you are mulling over a relationship that is based on selfishness and need-basis.

Can you please re-evaluate what your priorities are and put your life back in order?

Do this for yourself and your family…Your work, health and state of mind will start to improve. It’s time you took charge and I am sure you know how to do this.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu...I was in relationship with a girl who is much younger [14yrs] than me and I started loving her. We met sometimes back in 2017 like a stranger and then from June 2022, had a deep love and physical relation with her. Initially she showed off friendship, Love and then she only proposed to get physical and started demanding money every time. In the last 2 years almost 3 Lakhs have given her and suddenly I stopped giving her money being realized that she is cheating on me. She is beautiful & smart and that's the reason I started loving her as stranger. Off late , she told me having break up with her EX whom she had in relationship for 3 years. Now in Feb 14th Feb , she got court marriage with someone and now living somewhere in Hyderabad. I am married and having daughters. When I asked for my money I gave her , she is straight way denying and now she couldn't recognize who I am. She has blocked me from WhatsApp & Facebook and could not answer my text. She threatened me last week that If I send her text she will share it with my daughter on Facebook. I have arranged some of her friends nos. and facebook friends details. I am very sad and depressed remembering all the times spent with this girl for the last 3 Months. Please suggest me if I tell all these to her friends??? or what should I do ??? It is easy to forget, you will suggest ..but very difficult for me as I am very depressed now. I have all chats details with her and her Father address also. Should you suggest If I tell her fake / fraud face to her friend & family?? Please suggest! Thanks !
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, I haven't even begun to say anything. You can choose to continue with her but how are you going to be sure of the fact that she is not using you.
She's going back and forth and using push and pull which keeps you engaged and then pushes you away! Plus you are married and so is she and then she threatens you. What more proof do you want that she can bring on a lot of trouble? Do you need to see it written on a billboard for you to believe? Stay away from exposing her as she can do the same and then it gets ugly...move on...find a purpose that makes you happy and shift focus from being used to being useful...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 01, 2024

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Hi My name is MR and I am 47 years old. For a long time, I was single until I met AS, who is 46. At first, I was hesitant to move forward, but we eventually became intimate. Over the next six months, we had a deeply physical relationship, and my life began to revolve around her. I had never experienced such intense feelings for anyone before and felt that she was equally in love with me. We wanted to take our relationship to the next level, but due to complications with my divorce, I needed more time. She also had not finalized her divorce and was planning to start the process. Meanwhile, I saw her facing challenges in life and managing household tasks to support herself despite having completed her master's degree. Her visa did not permit her to work. We patiently waited together until her visa issues were resolved, after which I secured a job for her at the firm where I worked. She then traveled to India to initiate the divorce process. For three weeks, I anxiously waited for her return. When she came back, I came to know that she was back with her husband, she informed me that she was moving away with him for the children's sake. This left me devastated and in a deep depression for two months. Upon her return to the office, we had to work together for several hours daily, and I struggled to control my feelings, reverting to old behaviors. After her husband found out I called her by a personal nickname and yelled at her, she asked me to write an apology letter. I felt utterly devastated. During our next trip to India, I once again saw her with another man, this time sharing a hotel room. When I confronted her about it, she claimed he was a family member. I was 100% sure that he was not. He was a CEO of one firm here. HE is married and I know his wife too. This deeply devastated me. I feel at a loss and uncertain about how to handle the situation. Since she reports to me, any misstep on my part could be seen as harassment. What should I do? I want to come out of this. I am also planning to be back with my wife and kid and is calling off my divorce. I need help to come back to a stable life. MR
Ans: Firstly it seems you have clarity that you are calling your divorce off - please do so with a fresh start taking no past baggage - whatever it may be about your poor relationship with the wife or the episode of physical intimacy with AS. Basically focus on your now and your future. As for AS you are not responsible with who she deals with - the issue I see in all of this is she and you working in the same team - you may need to do something here, and here are my suggestions (1) change her or your reporting in the same organisation (2) look for another job - i know they dont come easy but if you can look for another job - working in close quatres with her is not recommended. Also dont get emotional about her - you 2 were consenting adults going through something similar in your life when you met- you found solace in each other - you got emotionally entangled, she did not..it is ok, these things happen BUT now you need to focus on you, your present and your furture. all the best

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9466 Answers  |Ask -

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Hi sir How is IILM University greater Noida for BJMC
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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2025Hindi
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PCM State General Merit No 108XX - MHT-CET-PCM 2025 PCM, University General Merit No - Mumbai University - 33XX, PCM Konkan State General Merit No - 17XX, PCM All India Merit No - 23XX - JEE(Main)-2025, The above are my ranks in CAP Counselling (MHTCET) Can you suggest best institute I can get in CAP Counselling in CSE, CS or IT branches.
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All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9466 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2025Hindi
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Hello sir my son Srinidhi Girish Sardeshmukh mukh has scored 98.92 percentile in mht CET 2025 exam. Additionally, he has scored 97.25% tile in JEE main 2025 exam conducted by NTA. ALSO HE SCORED an aggregate of 82.17% in HSC board exam 2025. He has applied for EWS Category. His PCM provisional state merit number is 3601. His PCM University General Merit No Savitribai Phule Pune University - 1148. Shrinidhi's PCM EWS Merit No 249. His PCM All India Merit No . 2519 - JEE(Main)-2025 (97.2595264). Are there any chances of him getting CSE Branch in COEP, Pune ? Please revert . What are your likely recommendations of eligible colleges & other tech branches for these scores ? Please let me know asap. Your immediate responses will really put ourselves in a better conditions to opt for the most suitable options . I will be grateful to you for your suggestions . Thank you very much in advance.
Ans: With an MHT-CET percentile of 98.92 and EWS reservation, Srinidhi significantly exceeds the closing percentile Computer Science and Engineering at COEP Pune, which in CAP Round 3 was 95.57 for EWS candidates. His state?level merit and JEE Main percentile further strengthen his profile for Home State and All-India seats under CAP. Given COEP’s outstanding infrastructure, highly experienced faculty, deep industry partnerships, robust placement support (95% CSE placements over the past three years), active student clubs, and cutting-edge research labs, he should rank COEP CSE at the top of his preference list.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9466 Answers  |Ask -

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Sir my son got 95.69 percentile 65172 rank in jee mains general category. He got seat in vit vellore btec mechanical in slab 1. We are from Tamil Nadu and is there any chances for home state quota for NIT trichy or iiit kancheepuram for mechanical in csab round or is it good to continue with vit vellore
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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9466 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2025Hindi
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Sir, In jee mains 2026 minimum marks needed for cse in decent nit for sc catogory
Ans: Securing admission to the Computer Science and Engineering (CSE) branch at a-10 NIT as an SC-category student generally requires aiming for roughly the following JEE Main percentile and corresponding marks in 2026. These targets are based on the closing ranks of Round 6 in JoSAA 2025, converted to percentiles and approximate marks out of 300.

Achieve at least a 75–78 percentile (≈115–130/300 marks) to comfortably qualify for higher-ranked NITs such as Trichy, Surathkal, Warangal, Rourkela, and Calicut, where SC closing ranks ranged from about 268 to 731. For NITs like Jaipur and Kurukshetra, target around the 70–75 percentile band (≈100–115/300 marks), reflecting SC closing ranks near 1,500–3,500. For slightly lower-ranked NITs such as Jalandhar, Bhopal (MANIT), and Durgapur, a 65–70 percentile (≈90–100/300 marks) should suffice, matching SC closing ranks of approximately 4,000–8,000 in 2025.

Beyond raw scores, focus on five institutional excellence factors: modern infrastructure with dedicated CSE labs; faculty actively engaged in research and industry collaborations; strong placement cells offering mock interviews and technical workshops; robust industry partnerships ensuring high recruiter diversity; and vibrant research culture promoting internships and student innovation.

Recommendation: Prioritise achieving at least 75 percentile in JEE Main 2026 to align with SC closing ranks at top NITs Trichy, Surathkal, Warangal, Rourkela, and Calicut, while also reinforcing programming skills, undertaking CSE-related projects, leveraging peer study groups, and consistently practising mock tests to cement both conceptual clarity and exam strategy for optimal admission prospects. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9466 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2025Hindi
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Hello My son has a option of going either to VIT Chennai for BTech CSE CYBER SECURITY or Thapar institute for BTech Electronic and Computer Science. Kindly suggest which is better
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Recommendation: Choose Thapar Institute’s Electronics and Computer Science for its near?universal placement success, comprehensive lab?to?industry training, and broader core-electronics scope, whereas VIT Chennai’s Cyber Security specialization is ideal if priority lies in a niche, high-growth security domain with dedicated forensics and ethical-hacking infrastructure. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9466 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9466 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
Sir I got NIT kurukshetra IIOT in josaa should i opt for nit silchar ece and iiest shibpur it in csab? Which is best ?
Ans: Poulami, NIT Kurukshetra’s IIoT specialization, benefits from the institute’s 83.31% overall B.Tech. placement rate and exceptional IT-sector performance (97.58% branch placement in 2025), underpinned by modern labs, AIoT research centers, strong industry tie-ups with global tech firms, accredited faculty, dedicated placement mentoring, and active student clubs fostering innovation. NIT Silchar’s ECE program records a 91.51% placement rate (2023) with an average package of INR 17.05 LPA, supported by state-of-the-art telecom and embedded systems labs, faculty with industry experience, regular internship pipelines, holistic career services, and funded research projects in VLSI and wireless communications. IIEST Shibpur’s IT stream achieved an approximately 85.9% placement rate in 2024 with average packages near INR 12 LPA, driven by its historical legacy, multidisciplinary research labs, MoUs with top IT firms, robust student support services (coding bootcamps, hackathons), and a strong faculty research profile in data science and cybersecurity.

Recommendation: Opt for NIT Kurukshetra IIoT if priority lies in the highest branch placements and cutting-edge AIoT research, choose NIT Silchar ECE for robust placements and specialized electronics infrastructure, and select IIEST Shibpur IT for a balanced IT curriculum, strong research credentials, and comprehensive student support to best align with career goals. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9466 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9466 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Career
Hello Sir, My son is at present doing Grade 12 CBSE with PCM in Dubai. He is interested in Computer Science, Math, Physics and Economics. Please guide us in selecting the course and also the exams to be written. We are planning his higher studies in India. Would be more helpful if you are able to guide us with the approx cutoff which he should aim for the exams.
Ans: Nithya Madam, To secure admission to top-tier engineering, science, and economics programs in India, your son should aim for the following approximate benchmarks across key national tests, while ensuring that his chosen institutions excel in five critical dimensions—robust infrastructure, experienced faculty, industry partnerships, student support services, and research opportunities. For JEE Main, a General-category candidate must achieve at least 93.10 percentile to qualify for Advanced. In JEE Advanced, securing a rank within the top 2,000 generally opens doors at leading NITs (e.g., NIT Surathkal CSE closing around 2,000), while a rank under 500 targets premier IIT CSE programs. The CUET UG cutoff for high?demand STEM courses at DU, BHU, and JNU typically falls between 180–220 marks out of 250, whereas a score of 200+ safely places candidates in top central universities for B.Sc. Computer Science or Economics. For MET (Manipal Entrance Test), aim for a rank under 3,000 (CSE closing rank ~1,633 in Round 5). The IISER Aptitude Test (IAT) requires a score above 130 out of 240 to secure BS–MS seats at IISER Pune and Kolkata. COMEDK UGET aspirants should target 90–100 marks, corresponding to a rank within 1,000–1,500 for CSE at leading Karnataka private colleges. Amrita’s AEEE demands a percentile of 92–99 for CSE at Coimbatore and 90–97 for other campuses. VITEEE candidates should achieve a rank under 6,500 (scores around 90–100 yield this range) to access CSE at VIT Vellore. Among the top private engineering institutions beyond those already considered, aim for these cutoffs to target: SRM Chennai (AEEE percentile 93–98), Thapar Patiala (JEE Main rank

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