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Should I Expose My Ex Who Defrauded Me and Ran Away to Marry Someone Else?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
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Hi Kanchan, I am reaching out because I am deeply troubled and need some advice. I was involved in a relationship with a much younger woman (14 years younger) who I developed strong feelings for. We met in 2017 and our relationship deepened in June 2022, involving both emotional and physical intimacy. Unfortunately, the relationship took a negative turn. She began making financial demands and became increasingly manipulative. Over the past two years, I've given her nearly 3 lakhs [for Rent, electricity bill, Food expenses + Other expenses]. After realizing her true intentions, I stopped providing financial support. She recently informed me about a breakup with a previous long-term partner. Shockingly, she got married in February 2024 [ 14th Feb] and is now residing in Ahmedabad, Gujrat. She ran away from Kolkata after extorting money. When I confronted her about the money I had given her, she completely denied any knowledge of it and has blocked me on all social media platforms. She even threatened to share our conversations with my daughter/ relatives if I continued to contact her. I am devastated by this betrayal and the emotional turmoil it has caused. I have saved our chats and her father's address. I am considering sharing her true nature with her friends and family. Is this a wise course of action? Or are there other steps I should take? I know it is easier said than done, but I am struggling to move on from this painful experience. Please offer any guidance you can. Thank you, AS,Kolkata

Ans: it's important to recognize that your emotional pain is valid. The feelings of being manipulated, exploited, and lied to are all real, and it’s okay to mourn the loss of a relationship that you thought had value. However, as tempting as it might be to seek some form of revenge or public exposure of her actions, it’s crucial to ask yourself: what do you really hope to achieve? It’s natural to want justice or closure, but sometimes, seeking to get even only prolongs your suffering. Taking the high road may not feel satisfying in the moment, but it will allow you to reclaim control over your own emotional state and move forward in a healthier way.

Rather than focusing on exposing her, I encourage you to turn your attention inward and prioritize your healing. Healing is not about ignoring the wrongs that have been done, but about freeing yourself from the emotional hold that this situation has on you. This could mean allowing yourself to grieve the loss of not only the relationship but also the trust you gave to someone who ultimately betrayed it. It’s important to recognize that closure doesn't always come from confronting the other person or airing grievances—it can come from within, through self-reflection, and setting the intention to heal and move forward.

I also understand that it’s hard to let go of the desire for accountability, especially when it feels like she’s getting away with something. But the truth is, confronting her may not bring the peace you hope for. It could lead to further conflict, strain your relationships with others, and keep you emotionally entangled with someone who no longer deserves a place in your life. Instead of focusing on her actions, I encourage you to take steps that help you regain your sense of self-worth and emotional security. Reflect on what you've learned from this experience—what boundaries you might want to set in future relationships, and how you can protect your emotional and financial wellbeing moving forward.

Consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist, someone who can provide a safe space for you to process your feelings and help you navigate your next steps. Talking through your emotions with a neutral third party can give you the clarity and emotional tools you need to make decisions that align with your highest good.

Finally, remember that you are not defined by this situation. It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-blame, but you are not responsible for her actions. What matters now is how you move forward, rebuild your sense of trust in yourself, and ensure that you are emotionally supported in the process. This painful chapter doesn’t have to define your future, but how you choose to heal from it can shape the life you want to create moving forward.

Take your time to process this at your own pace, but don’t let the actions of someone else keep you tethered to a painful past. You deserve peace, healing, and a future where you feel empowered and free from this betrayal.
Asked on - Nov 29, 2024 | Answered on Dec 01, 2024
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Thank you so much for your valuable advice, ma'am. I will take it to heart & work on healing from this betrayal..............!!! Ek Nayi Jindagi Shuru Karni hain Hamein Abb...!!!
Ans: all the best

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 22, 2022

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Hello Anu,Pls help. I am in a lot of mental trauma right now. I wrote to you earlier but my article was not published. I am a 36 years male married for the last 7 years with 2 kids. Last year when I was alone and my family was at my native place, I got close to one of my female school friends who is single. We came close and talked a lot. Gradually I fell in love and gifted her close to Rs 2 lakhs rupees to fulfil her shopping and household expenses. On realising that I am being trapped with no future in sight, I asked to return my money. This infuriated the girl and she abused me citing that I am making fun of her poverty and all. I understood the situation and told her to just return Rs 25k and stop. Thereafter we started talking again but obviously the intensity reduced. Over the last 8 months, my family is back and I cannot get over her. I constantly try to ping or call her but 90% of the time she doesn’t respond. I recently sent her Rs 15k for her birthday which she accepted after initial refusal. Now when I messaged her to know how her day was, she really got angry and blocked me on all social media platforms. I reached out to her sister to assuage her and apologize. She called and really abused me citing the constant family surveillance she is under. I promised I won’t text or call her for the next 2 months. Now I don’t know what to do. Should I ask her or her sister for the money to be returned if this escalates? Because she warned me that she would report to the police if I don’t stop messaging. She fears that family members know about me. She doesn’t have parents but is under constant family surveillance. Pls suggest the next course of action. Should I cut her off completely and risk losing the 2 lakhs and gain my mental peace or try to communicate intermittently? The day she abused me I really lost my mental peace. Pls advice.
Ans:

Dear MK,

What advice can I give you when the solution is right in front of you?

She wants to get your attention and fulfil her monetary needs; that’s all, Doesn’t that tell you anything? And when you try and contact her, she says that she is under surveillance.

How much of this has affected your marriage? What exactly was the need to step out of marriage for this attention?

Sometimes, we fancy things that are prohibited and this happens when we do not feel grateful with what we have and constantly chase what we don’t have. Time to work on your marriage?

Start first by loving yourself as this will tell you how much ignoring oneself can cause havoc in core relationships. Why should your wife bear the brunt of what’s going on? Your full commitment

is what she seeks and here you are mulling over a relationship that is based on selfishness and need-basis.

Can you please re-evaluate what your priorities are and put your life back in order?

Do this for yourself and your family…Your work, health and state of mind will start to improve. It’s time you took charge and I am sure you know how to do this.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 26, 2023

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Hi Anu Myself 38 Male, Government Employee and married. I married to a girl in 2013 as per chosen by my parents. Prior to marriage, I was in relationship of 6 years, but could not marry due to caste differences. Its a bit long story. In last december 2021, a women, 9.5 years elder to me, initiated relationship and proposed me. After few initial days, her husband expired, who was 60 years at the time of death. After her proposal, I accepted it, although, she was in another relationship with a man of 27 years continuously, on the pretext that her husband used to drink, and do not use to work and often used to cast her away from home and that man took care of her and her children. When she entered in my life, I inquired about that and she told me that that man is just friend now, as that man took care of her and her children. One strange thing that came into my mind that women told me that man left her as he got involved in another women and that man is only for doing household and outside chores, and nothing else. How come a person remain in relationship obviously being aware of other partner infidelity. One particular strange I like to share with you that when I met her for first time at her home, as there was no body else, she was with her female friend and that man came to her house, around 10 pm. When she got to know that that man is coming, she hurriedly asked me to leave the house for some 1 and half hours and then come back as she told me that her uncle is coming to pay a visit. I came to know about that man around 10 february, 2021. I totally relied on her conversation that he is only acquaintances now and no more a lover and she totally loves me. After that, she loved me a lot, had physical relationship and she told me that she wanted to live the rest of her life with me. Seeing her love, I also accepted her fully and totally. That other man remained in her life, apart from husband, for the last 27 years. But she used to say ill about him, like he looted her money, got involved with other women, despite her. That used to make me very sceptic thinking that she must be having feeling for him, as together for 27 years is very long time. But her problem is that she is too sceptic a person. she cannot tolerate a name of any women from my lips, let alone my sister. She used to doubt my concern towards her daughter as her daughter is younger to her and I might fall for her daughter. I clearly told her that your daughter is like my daughter. Recently, she started to doubt about my sister in law. I took the oath of all the Gods and my children, but she brushed aside all my Oaths. This was going on from 28 May to 27 June, 2023. She levelled all the filthy allegation that I was having the sight on her daughter and on my sister in law. I also came in rage. She was in the mode of character assassination and I did not take that lightly. I expressed all my displeasure and anger on her and finally, on 27 June, 2023, I blocked her from whatsapp and phone. She is kind of person who would show off about her materialistic things, her status, but in reality, in her bad times, when she was not having any money, I took care of her, her ration and money problems. But being sceptic about relationship with my sister in law, who is just 22 and I call her beta, she was adamant in proving that I was having relationship with my sister in law. She was such a possessive person that she even cannot tolerate my wife with me. She called on my wife phone saying that she is talking from Bank etc. But now, my wife is almost certain that I am having affair. I relied on her thinking that i should give life a second change. But now, I am regretting in relying on that women words. I have blocked her, but she is not trying to contact me from other phones. Help..
Ans: Dear Harish,
You seem to be running after a woman who either cheats or lies or both. From what you have described this lady wants it all from you but will be who she is and not change.
Doesn't all this look like a red flag to you? What more should she do for you to know that she is unsure about herself and you as well?

And because of all this drama, you don't have the time, energy and inclination to give your marriage a fair chance. Why should your wife be at the receiving end of all this drama? Does she not have the right to know and also have the option of deciding if she wants to continue in the marriage or not?

It's time you re-evaluate your life and PAUSE. Take a wise decision that is good for you and your life in the long-term. Riding on emotions mindlessly only means anyone can take advantage of your vulnerabilities and 'use' you which obviously will not feel good at all. So, be wise...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu...I was in relationship with a girl who is much younger [14yrs] than me and I started loving her. We met sometimes back in 2017 like a stranger and then from June 2022, had a deep love and physical relation with her. Initially she showed off friendship, Love and then she only proposed to get physical and started demanding money every time. In the last 2 years almost 3 Lakhs have given her and suddenly I stopped giving her money being realized that she is cheating on me. She is beautiful & smart and that's the reason I started loving her as stranger. Off late , she told me having break up with her EX whom she had in relationship for 3 years. Now in Feb 14th Feb , she got court marriage with someone and now living somewhere in Hyderabad. I am married and having daughters. When I asked for my money I gave her , she is straight way denying and now she couldn't recognize who I am. She has blocked me from WhatsApp & Facebook and could not answer my text. She threatened me last week that If I send her text she will share it with my daughter on Facebook. I have arranged some of her friends nos. and facebook friends details. I am very sad and depressed remembering all the times spent with this girl for the last 3 Months. Please suggest me if I tell all these to her friends??? or what should I do ??? It is easy to forget, you will suggest ..but very difficult for me as I am very depressed now. I have all chats details with her and her Father address also. Should you suggest If I tell her fake / fraud face to her friend & family?? Please suggest! Thanks !
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, I haven't even begun to say anything. You can choose to continue with her but how are you going to be sure of the fact that she is not using you.
She's going back and forth and using push and pull which keeps you engaged and then pushes you away! Plus you are married and so is she and then she threatens you. What more proof do you want that she can bring on a lot of trouble? Do you need to see it written on a billboard for you to believe? Stay away from exposing her as she can do the same and then it gets ugly...move on...find a purpose that makes you happy and shift focus from being used to being useful...

All the best!
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Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7838 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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Hello Sir, this is Dhiraj DM, I am 48 year's old married with no kids, we have any flat worth 1. 5 cr given on rent around 50 lakhs of equity 20 lacs mutual funds we want to retire in next 3 years,please guide. We live in a metro no liability, we r into Gifting business now want to retire in next 3 years
Ans: Your retirement is just three years away. You have built a strong foundation with real estate, equity, and mutual funds. Now, the goal is to structure your investments for steady income, security, and long-term sustainability.

1. Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Flat Worth Rs. 1.5 Crore: This generates rental income, but liquidity is limited.
Equity Portfolio of Rs. 50 Lakh: Market-linked investments with potential for high returns but volatile.
Mutual Funds of Rs. 20 Lakh: Offers diversification and moderate risk exposure.
No Liabilities: This is a strong advantage for financial freedom.
Gifting Business: If planning to exit, ensure business-related finances are sorted before retirement.
2. Estimating Post-Retirement Income Needs
Calculate expected monthly expenses, including medical, travel, lifestyle, and emergency costs.
Factor in inflation, as expenses will rise over time.
Consider long-term costs such as medical care and home maintenance.
3. Structuring Retirement Income
Rental Income as a Fixed Source
Your flat generates rental income, which helps with stability.
Consider reinvesting this income for further growth.
Portfolio Rebalancing for Stability
Equity exposure is beneficial but risky close to retirement.
Shift some funds to low-risk instruments for safety.
Keep some allocation to equity to combat inflation.
Maintaining Liquidity for Emergencies
Create an emergency fund of at least 2 years' expenses in liquid assets.
Avoid relying solely on investments that require selling in volatile markets.
4. Health and Insurance Planning
Ensure comprehensive health insurance for both of you, at least Rs. 15-20 lakh coverage.
If you hold any old insurance policies with low returns, consider restructuring them.
Create a separate healthcare fund for long-term medical expenses.
5. Tax Efficiency in Retirement
Structure withdrawals smartly to reduce tax burden on capital gains.
Use tax-free instruments where applicable.
Rental income is taxable, so deduct maintenance expenses to lower tax outgo.
6. Planning Investments for Retirement Income
Avoid complete reliance on fixed-income instruments, as they may not beat inflation.
A mix of mutual funds, debt instruments, and systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) will ensure steady cash flow.
Keep some investments growth-oriented to sustain wealth over decades.
7. Estate and Legacy Planning
Prepare a clear will to ensure smooth asset transfer.
If you plan to donate or support causes, structure funds accordingly.
Finally
Ensure liquidity and stability in your investments.
Reduce risk in equity but keep exposure for growth.
Maintain a dedicated healthcare fund and strong insurance coverage.
Structure investments to minimise taxes and ensure steady income.
Plan legacy and succession to avoid future complications.
Would you like a detailed plan on how to allocate your investments for steady retirement income?

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |49 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 04, 2025Hindi
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My sister is recently diagnosed with second stage of breast cancer. She is always emotional and moody. Can I introduce her to yoga or meditation? Can yoga help her cope with the fear and uncertainty?
Ans: I'm very sorry to hear about your sister’s diagnosis. This is a challenging time, and emotional support is just as important as medical treatment. Yes, yoga and meditation can help her cope with fear, stress, and uncertainty by bringing mental peace, emotional strength, and relaxation.

How Yoga Can Help:
Reduces Anxiety & Fear: Gentle yoga and deep breathing activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps in relaxation and emotional balance.
Improves Sleep: Many cancer patients struggle with sleep. Yoga Nidra and slow breathing exercises can promote restful sleep.
Boosts Positivity: Meditation and mindfulness help shift focus from fear to inner peace.
Strengthens the Body: Light yoga can help reduce fatigue and improve overall well-being during treatment.
Recommended Practices for Your Sister:
Breathing (Pranayama): Anulom Vilom (Alternate Nostril Breathing) and Bhramari (Humming Bee Breath) calm the mind.
Gentle Yoga Poses: Child’s Pose, Butterfly Pose, and Legs-Up-The-Wall Pose promote relaxation.
Meditation & Yoga Nidra: Guided meditation can help ease emotional distress and bring hope.
Encourage her to consult a yoga coach for personalized support. With the right guidance, yoga can become a healing companion in her journey.

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |49 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 04, 2025Hindi
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Mam, can yoga help prevent cancer in women? Please advice
Ans: Yoga cannot guarantee the prevention of cancer, but it can play a supportive role in maintaining overall health, reducing risk factors, and improving well-being. Many studies suggest that regular yoga practice helps reduce stress, improve immunity, balance hormones, and promote detoxification—all of which may lower the risk of cancer in women.

How Yoga Can Help:
Reduces Stress: Chronic stress weakens the immune system and increases inflammation, which can contribute to disease. Practicing meditation, breathing exercises, and relaxation techniques keeps the body in balance.
Boosts Immunity: Gentle yoga poses improve blood circulation and support the lymphatic system, which helps remove toxins from the body.
Balances Hormones: Hormonal imbalances may increase the risk of conditions like breast and ovarian cancer. Regular yoga helps maintain a healthy endocrine system.
Supports Detoxification: Twisting poses and deep breathing help the body eliminate waste and toxins.
Recommended Practices:
Pranayama (Breathwork): Anulom Vilom and Bhramari help calm the nervous system.
Yoga Poses: Cobra Pose, Twists, and Forward Bends improve digestion and circulation.
Meditation & Relaxation: Yoga Nidra and mindfulness reduce stress and promote healing.
For personalized guidance, consult a yoga coach who can create a practice suited to your health needs.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7838 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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Get me some clearity on HDFC BALANCED ADVANTAGE FUND as from last few days my portfolio is going in negative
Ans: Understanding Balanced Advantage Funds

Balanced Advantage Funds invest in both equity and debt. They adjust their investments based on market conditions. This flexibility helps manage risk and aim for steady returns.

Recent Performance Insights

It's natural to feel concerned when your portfolio shows negative returns. Remember, short-term declines are common in investments. Balanced Advantage Funds aim to reduce risk by adjusting their investments. This strategy helps manage market ups and downs.

Factors Influencing Performance

Several elements can affect your fund's performance:

Market Volatility: Changes in the market can impact returns.

Asset Allocation: The mix of equity and debt plays a role.

Interest Rate Changes: Fluctuations can influence debt investments.

Economic Indicators: Factors like inflation and GDP growth are important.

Evaluating Fund Performance

To assess your fund's performance:

Compare with Benchmarks: See how it measures up against standard indices.

Review Historical Returns: Look at past performance over different periods.

Consider Risk-Adjusted Returns: Evaluate returns in relation to the risk taken.

Staying the Course

It's commendable to stay focused on your long-term goals. Short-term market changes shouldn't deter your investment strategy. Maintaining discipline is key to achieving financial objectives.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner

For personalized advice, consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner. They can provide guidance tailored to your financial situation.

Final Thoughts

Market fluctuations are a part of investing. Balanced Advantage Funds are designed to manage these ups and downs. Staying informed and patient can help you reach your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7838 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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Hello, my mother is 62 year old pensioner. She has invested funds in government securities and postal schemes. Despite submitting 15H form and filing ITR (as a senior citizen person), her tax is getting deducted. Can you kindly explain why this is happening?
Ans: There are a few possible reasons why TDS (Tax Deducted at Source) is being deducted from your mother's investments, despite submitting Form 15H and filing ITR.

1. Incorrect or Late Submission of Form 15H
Form 15H must be submitted at the start of the financial year to all institutions where she has investments.
If submitted after TDS is deducted, it won’t apply retrospectively to recover the deducted tax.
Ensure the form is submitted separately to each bank, post office, or financial institution.
2. Exceeding the Basic Exemption Limit
For senior citizens (60+ years), income up to Rs. 3 lakhs is tax-free.
If her total taxable income (pension + interest from investments) exceeds Rs. 3 lakhs, TDS will still apply.
Even if TDS is deducted, she can claim a refund while filing her ITR if her total tax liability is zero.
3. Form 15H Validity Rules
Form 15H is only valid if total taxable income is below the exemption limit.
If her total income is more than Rs. 3 lakhs, banks and post offices will ignore Form 15H and deduct TDS.
4. Different TDS Thresholds for Investments
Banks deduct TDS on FD interest if it exceeds Rs. 50,000 per year for senior citizens.
Post Office schemes (like SCSS) deduct TDS if interest crosses Rs. 50,000 per year.
Government securities may also have TDS rules based on the issuing authority.
5. PAN Not Updated with the Bank/Post Office
If PAN is not linked to the investment accounts, higher TDS at 20% is deducted.
Ensure all investments have PAN updated to avoid excess TDS.
6. Errors in Tax Deduction System
Sometimes, banks deduct TDS even if Form 15H is submitted correctly.
In such cases, she can file an ITR and claim a refund from the Income Tax Department.
What to Do Now?
Check total taxable income to confirm if she qualifies for Form 15H.
Verify all Form 15H submissions with banks and post offices.
Ensure PAN is updated in all financial institutions.
If TDS is wrongly deducted, file an ITR and claim a refund.
Would you like help with checking if she is eligible for a refund?

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7838 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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