Man in Love with Colleague Faces Uncertainty After Her Actions, Seeks Advice

Hello, I had a very disturbed childhood. My marriage was also in troubled waters with fights happening twice in a week.Then I came across a girl who was 17 years younger than me. I am a model from a reputed college and was earning much better.That girl became die-hard fan. Once I scolded her in the middle of the road for her advanced steps toward me like touching etc.I was very much attached to my kids. Then she became friendly with my 2-3 year old kids.After 2 years of relationship we became physical. I used to send her Rs 3,000-4000/ month for her expenses in her engineering college.She used to hug me, love me (acted like she did). When my father expired, I was low. She was there during all those dark times.Then she got a job and broke up with me. She came back to me after a year. Instead of kicking her out, I got addicted to her and changed myself to keep her happy.I even went to her native town to assist her during super cyclone risking my own life. I spent 3 days there as a refugee because cyclone had devastated the entire city. There was no food and water. She got me food 2 times a day from her home. After 3 days train services resumed.I spent my best time with her and felt like a 17 year old boy in her company and I lived my life.Seven years later she told me that she will not marry me. In between she insisted to get divorce.I applied for a mutual divorce in family court.Then I told her to break up. She refused saying she did not want to face that pain again.She said if she found someone she will say upfront to me.I agreed and wasted another 3 years with her. I was her CA/bodyguard/driver.One day she told me she finalized someone and I went for sudden breakup.We exchanged few e-mails till my ego got hurt.It’s been 3 years now I have not replied to her mail.She kept sending mails till March last year.During this phase I had pain during breathing, high BP and no sleep for 4-5 days.I consulted doctor and took medication for almost for 6 months.I suffered from broken heart syndrome.I am 45 years old now and have no interest in my life.I am just doing my duty.My ego does not permit to see her FB/TWITTER. It’s been two years since I saw her on social media.It appears like everything is fine but I feel hollow from within.I don’t want her back or her smile. Whenever someone talks about love, I smile from within on his stupidity and try to figure out what benefit the girl is getting from him.My issue is hollowness and hopelessness.

Hello Mam, I'm married, 45 years self employed man. There was batch mate in my college, whom i was in love with. Due to some misunderstanding, we stopped talking for some time and I moved to other city for my job, but kept meeting her during my visits. I told everything i felt about her but she never accepted or refused. In general she used to tell everyone that she will never get married and she is aversive to physical relationship. Later on every 5 years or so we used to get in touch with each other and continue talking to each other and reach to a level where my feelings were at peak and then she will refuse or fight to move away.This was till I got married. After, 6 years of my marriage once we met in a shopping mall, in some other country, and exchanged pleasantries as well as contact; then started talking again. My marriage was/is a hell, so i had more to share with her, and she showed genuine interest in listening and advising. During this conversation our future also came in to discussion, due to extensive flashback discussion about our old times. She remembered every small big things except any event, where she has shown interest in our future together at personal level, but discussion of professional level association was intact. Eventually, one day she confirmed on we to be together, but not to over celebrate it and let it grow and work on execution ...means divorce part. There was an extreme sad event in my family, besides my daughter of 5 years, hence i had to postpone my divorce for sometime so that, family doesn't get two shocks at same time. In the mean time, we continued talking with each other and after 5-6 months, her statements started changing about future, and eventually she said there is no future and i cant talk to you since, you always bring romance in our conversation and I'm aversive to sex/love/romance type discussions. Then we again drifted apart for an year; and, this coming close to move away, happened 3 times in last two years. Recently we started again speaking and got in to business assignment together, and i decided not to bring personal discussions in between and maintained for a while, but then she was more caring and inquisitive about my personal things; and, when I slightly changed the tone then she becomes distant. I love her like anything ...have been in this relationship selflessly and never misbehaved except one time, i.e. college time our first fight. She takes her liberty to get angry at me, if the conversation is little disturbing for her. She is very strong in controlling her emotions and blocking herself from calling anyone she is angry with. She always more male friends with whom she will be very close and then starts talking negative about closest one. As per her she has not been in any romantic relationship ever, but when I look back we had our share of emotional moments though not physical ones. Every time patch up is done by me. During discussions it will come out that she was thinking of me but knew that i will come around. So far emothional part was always brought from my side and her side was little in more out types. I had this wish to be with her and take care of her since she is still unmarried and has health issues , ailing parents and one divorced brother. She is an enterprenure and I'm helping her with her business and she happily takes support from as its her right over me. I would like to take your opinion over the situation.