Hey Relationship Gurus, I am a married man 31, recently married 6months back to my girlfriend of 4yrs. We we living together for 3.5yrs before marriage. I have been a serial monogamist since 14yrs, and have been moving from one relationship to the next. I have not been completely honest in my past relationships either and have been indulging in infidelity and have a habit of pathologic lying as well. Not trying to make excuses, but I have had issues growing up and have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Now I have been honest and true to my wife and as honest as possible and have not made any bad decisions in my married life and past 3-4yrs of being with my wife during our courtship period. She is an amazing sweet and honest girl who loves me dearly and extremely. Now my biggest problem is that I keep getting thoughts and urges to go back to my old self. I keep craving to flirt with girls and women in my workplace. Is this normal? Am I overthinking and building mountains out of Moe-hills. I'm very upset because on one hand my mind keeps deviating and makes me want to do bad things and cheat n my wife and on the other side I am worried that if I am unable to control and end up acting upon my instinct I will end up irrevocably destroying my relationship and marriage.

Hello Love Guru. Let me start with, please do not disclose my name/email. That aside, I fell in love with my now wife about 3.5 years ago now but she feels like I betrayed her. The problem I created for myself. When my first girlfriend broke up with me by cheating on me the day she moved away she accepted everything. This was someone who I back then thought was the one and the relationship went on for 5 years. I was down in a very bad way! I struggled to come out of it for a couple years and during that I found out that I enjoyed any attention given to me by any beautiful girl. Even if the attention was just temporary flirting. During my single days, while I was struggling with money and keeping a good job I found a girl who I knew from back in the day and she started flirting with me on day 1 which made me smile a lot. A few weeks after that was the first time I met my now wife and somehow, I knew very quickly that I wanted this beautiful and powerful woman be the one I marry. What I did stupidly is I thought harmless flirting is a non-issue and continued (only flirting and met three times in six months for food and drinks). FYI, this girl knew that I wasn't interested and this was just fun and that I had started to feel love for someone else -- there was no physical intimacy of any kind with this girl. We were just going out to dates once every two months and would talk on phone at times. The moment I realised that things were moving fast with my now wife, I stopped everything and just focused on my wife. The problem is, I never told my wife fearing she wouldn't understand as she has a very narrow view of a relationship between man and woman. Then one day, three years later, my wife decided to check my old drive and found backup of my old phone with about 5-8 pictures of the previous girl and me sitting in a restaurant, taking selfies and laughing. My wife after this reached the conclusion that I betrayed her. My wife knows there was no physical intimacy, she knows she was just a friend but she still feels that I have betrayed her. Since then she has moved to her parent's house and she refuses to come back with me. She says that she has no faith in me anymore and that I might do this again. She says that I was happier with that girl than I am with my wife. What do I do? I don't want to lose my wife.

Dear MamI am a 33 year old male working in a PSU at middle management level. Six years ago I was married happily as per my wish to a girl of my choice.Everything was just perfect. My wife is 4.5 years younger to me. I had to go against my parents wish as they were not comfortable with a non working wife. Mine was not a love story but yes I met girl through a common friend and went ahead for the alliance. Our sex life was also great in the start and we welcomed a baby girl just 2 months short of our first wedding anniversary. However now when I compare I do understand that because of household chores she could not give proper time to me, but still I feel a strong urge to have sex with her. She somehow does not reciprocate well and is dull in having sex. Apart from this we still fight over silly things and tolerance level of both of us have gone very down. Sometimes I feel to this extent that I should walk out from the marriage because I really don't want hot talks in our relationship. I agree I have a 5 year old baby girl. I do control my feelings and anger too to some extent. My wife also does the same but really small things trigger me on. Also I always have a huge sex drive and I feel that if I don't get it from my wife I should look out for other options. I have not cheated with her but I feel that given the option I can because of sex urge. May be this is due to higher libido and I do masturbate occasionally fantasizing my neighbour or other female friends and sometimes my wife too. I don't know what goes through me but seeing your column I felt I should tell you these small details so you could give me an honest answer. I don't want to leave her, I do love her a lot but these fights really make me lose my cool and feel depressed.What should be done according to you ? Should I see a psychiatrist?

Hi Anu, I am happily marrried for 11 years with no kids. This doesnt hamper our relationship and I wish to continue my life happily. Issue is i feel urge to chat with female friends, get into sexting and in a couple of instances got physical as well. In this process i have lost a few friends also as they did get intimate during the chat but later on felt guilty. I do not feel guilty. Me and my wife indulge in roleplays during foreplay and i am also open to be a cuckold during that. Sometimes she enjoys the talk of someone else but sometimes she gets turned off by it. I truely love her and would never leave her. But this habit of mine has cost me a few friends and i am afraid if she would come to know about this, it will destroy her emotionally which i do not want.