Hi Anu, I am happily marrried for 11 years with no kids. This doesnt hamper our relationship and I wish to continue my life happily. Issue is i feel urge to chat with female friends, get into sexting and in a couple of instances got physical as well. In this process i have lost a few friends also as they did get intimate during the chat but later on felt guilty. I do not feel guilty. Me and my wife indulge in roleplays during foreplay and i am also open to be a cuckold during that. Sometimes she enjoys the talk of someone else but sometimes she gets turned off by it. I truely love her and would never leave her. But this habit of mine has cost me a few friends and i am afraid if she would come to know about this, it will destroy her emotionally which i do not want.

Dear Kanchan, I am asking for your support as I am in a self confusion if I am doing an abnormal behaviour & if so what should I do, if not then as a professional do you come across my type of behaviour I am a 45 year old man from Assam working in bangalore , we have moved in here about 6 yrs ago before corona. I am married for 20 yrs now & a father of kids 18 & 19 yrs old going to college. I work in a mid senior position in corporate with the usual office pressure. I try my best to balance my family ,guide my kids, financial management, office but I am a person of few friends. Now one point which I think I need to say before telling my issue. I have not told anybody about it or discussed. I had a very different fantasy ( at least I feel) from my childhood, I used to fantasize in childhood that my mom is having sex with others( other then my dad) ,but NEVER fantasized she is having sex with me or me even seeing her doing sex with others, this used to give me excitement as I think most young boys/men need. This changed once I got married , though we had /have a very good & regular sex life but many time I will fantasize my wife ( instead of my mom as before) having sex with others , me not even watching. I dont know if I am unique or many guys have this sort of fantasy. I feel we have a good family life with my wife a housewife ( we had an arranged marriage)but she has many friends within our society & outside. I try level best to balance but it was not always possible given my own office load to accompany her for all places she wanted to go, some places she went with her friends but many a times she had to give up due to lack of accomplice. In early 2022 my wife met a man in a friend's children birthday party , he being an unmarried telegu guy 4-5 yrs older then me. He is from the sales team of a company but could not get married ( or wants to get married) because he is taking care of his aged mom & aunt. My wife told me about him & also that he has sent a Facebook request which she accepted, slowly they started talking especially about places where one could get good things, since he was in bangalore for long he will provide her good information, many a times I also asked her to ask from him for guidance. In mid 2022 my wife asked him to come to our place when I was at home, it was a casual meet across coffee. but from that day I dont know why I used to get a feeling about fantasizing this guy having sex with my wife. I never spoke or let anyone know about my fantasy. I did not do anything either. Now after this many times he will take her to places where directions were not enough , he introduced her to some of his friends & even to his mom & aunt in 1 year time many times he will take her to his friends birthday , puja . She click photos etc which she shows me & since we dont have common friends he even posts them in his Whatsapp status, in many photos they are too close physically. Now on reading this anyone will say a normal man will never allow this to happen & I should have put my foot down , shouted at them broke the relationship & if they did not listen go for divorce but maybe because of my above fantasy when ever she came to take permission/inform I will always be excited thinking that my wife is going around with a man only fearing or asking them to be careful that our close people/neighbours dont come to know as this will make tongues wag which they kept good till now. I will also read there whatsapp chats ( without her knowledge) & not all the talks will be like friends, this gave me added fantasy/excitement. Our family relationship has not at all changed in the last 3-4 yrs she is doing all her work & we are having normal sexual relationship. But for him I see he gets a woman like a long distance wife without marrying. Now my queries am I being abnormal? I am not gaining anything ( except fantasy excitement) . If I am so what should I do? I am in command I think I can stop it now but should I? Every one is happy & both my wife & this man's short term needs are getting fulfilled but certainly I am worried if breaking the stereotype am I inviting future uncontrolled disaster? please guide me