Hi Anu...i hv been reading ur expertise to solve the issues of people and am really impressed. We have been married for 19years now and have a son and daughter .From the start of the marriage my wife have been inclined towards her mother and her family paying less or no heed to us. Circumstances were also favorable to her and she always got the opportunity to stay close and visit her parents often which i did not mind.We lived in Mumbai and she is from Chennai.After marriage my mom-in-law used to continuosly interfere into our lives by calling her and she used to act as per her suggestions only which led to problems as she was a puppet in the hands of my Mom-in-law. Moreover since my mom-in-law was not in good health my wife tried not to over rule as she did not want her mom to feel sick as she doesnt like to be over ruled or by pass failing which she goes on hunger strike and stop taking tablets spoiling her own health. Due to this reason everybody has been appeasing her.Initially i thought to ignore but slowly it started to affect my family as well as my wife started to see things thru my mom-in-laws perspective and find faults in everything. We shifted to overseas to stay away from all these and we really had a good life for 10 years there but since i lost job during covid i had to shift base to India for my son's education but she chose to stay back there with my daughter as she is working there.I too felt that let her spend some time so that i could settle things in India and call her but it is more than 2 years now and she refuses to come back and dont even care for us and neither call us as family. I tried to involve my in-laws to convince her but they are also playing a diplomatic game and doesnt want to go against their daughter's wish.Due to this attitude of my mom-in-law their own daughter-in-laws have been staying away and since my in-laws stay alone my wife feels that she is the only support system for her parents but it has come on my life's sacrifice. She has been ignoring us and even i kept moving for the sake of my family and children instead of respecting my feelings she has become more adamant now.Her brother is also seperated from her wife and he also looks forward for a support system from my daughter and my wife and they seem close ignoring myself and my son.We have been trying to convince her thru all means but she is caring. Even i feel that it is futile to force someone into relationship but she unknowingly spoiling my family and deprieve my son the mother;s love and also depreive my daughter from affection and love.Due to this my son has also stopped expecting from her and my daughter treats me as a stranger due to long distance. Pls suggest the way forward. Shud i wait for things to improve or leave as it is.I am 47 now and she is 45..told her that let us enjoy the best things in life rather than regretting later but she does not understand.

Dear mam, I am married for 14 yrs. Love marriage. I used to work earlier but quit because my husband was earning well and he said he will take care of me and my son. We used to be a happy couple but during the lockdown my mother-in-law and sister-in-law decided to move in with us. Slowly they started creating issues between my husband and me often badmouthing my behaviour or complaining about me. I was unaware about it until recently when we had a big fight. That’s when I realised that they have been planning to drive me out of the house and get him married to someone else whom they can manipulate. It’s been over a year now that my husband is not even talking to me properly. I went and stayed with my parents for some time but even they feel I am a burden and should adjust and accommodate instead of giving them reasons to fight. They don’t understand that all this is politics. Now my husband is talking to some girl whom I don’t like. That is causing more problems and fights between us. Anything I say is used against me now. Please help me mam. What to do?

Dear Anu I am a 46 year old man .. married for last 16 years... My wife is well educated but a house wife by choice.. I lost my father when i was 18 and had struggled a lot to gain a great life in terms of money, name in my field and satisfaction at work. At home front we live a nuclear family... me, my wife and my 12 year daughter. But after my marriage in 2006 for next 6/7 years we were in joint family. my daughter was born in 2010.. In joint family me, my younger brother his wife and my mother were members... during these years, my wife never got along with my mother, brother and his wife... and also had fights [severe kind] where she accused them for petty reason...she demanded separate house within 3 month of marriage.. but since I was not financially settled so I promised her we will buy own home in course of time... but over these 6&7 years her behavior started really erratic.. she stopped talking to everyone, and keep fighting with all my family. also the house with joint family owned my me and younger brother... she demanded i should sell the house and get my share to buy own house. which i refused as my brother and his family with my mother were also staying there... and while buying it my mother had helped us financially, without having her name as owner. over the period things became really bitter... we also had fights where out of anger I happened to slap her.. but as promised I bought another house [with lot of efforts since i m self employee] within 5/6 years and we shifted to another city around our previous house. but after shifting she had the same temperament. She never got along with me.. Over an argument she would stop talking to me, and when confronted she would mention about my share in old house which i left... she was not happy seeing my brother living in that house with his family and my mother... i told her as promised we bought this house and I haven't withdrew my share in that house.. may be over the year i will take my share as per market value.. but at this point we don't need to do it.. since it will involve a lot of turbulence for my brother, his family and my mother as they were settled there. so I strongly told her she should not think about as she have her house and focus on it. Over these time, we had a very cute daughter... growing.. her schooling started.. i got busy with my work... and my wife by choice chose to be house wife... taking care of house... but she was hell bent on the house issue over selling it and taking my share.. and due to that we had several fights... which became my life miserable. her point was why pay EMI when you can get share and pay off the loans for new house. in these 8/9 years she became bitter person... no ties with my relatives /cousins, no friends, never got along with neighbors... and opposite to that i have very cordial relation with her family, cousins, my family and have great social circle. when my daughter was 10 year old, i was already settled with good career and financial status... i had cleared all the home loan for our new home... i did everything all out to make her happier but her wish to sell that house where my brother with his wife and my mother i didn't take share or sell it.. and she keeps nagging me with that and her temperament getting worst... now she started accusing me for having an affair and threatening me that she will complain police if i argue with her. unfortunately my daughter had to see this... but my daughter is very sorted, focused and a good kid. In last 2 years i managed to buy another house, which is bigger, where we shifted 1.5 years back, she wanted to do a puja and refused to invite anyone from my family.. also bought one more house as investment.. and a farm too as second home... Im very happy and satisfied with my career and other aspects of life... but the bitterness of wife kept on increasing... sometimes i felt she wanted me to fail and she could just take the pleasure of making me feel how she was right.. which never happened.. Now she is completely out of touch with my family... her anger triggers when i speak to my brother , my mom, Now over these years my brother also managed to earn some money and he paid me an amount as part of my share for the house he is living.. which we mutually agreed among us... and i withdrew my name from that property... i informed this to my wife.. first she didnt believe.. and then she was not interested in it.. so basically over these years i managed to fulfil everything what i promised also took my share from the joint house even i was not very happy with that situation. but all these incidences.. my wife became a difficult person to deal with... be it talking a simple conversation or smallest issue.. we don't have any physical relation .... we sleep in different bedrooms.. my wife also became too possessive and control freak with my daughter.. my daughter is 12 now and she retaliate with it.. so even they keep fighting now... me and my daughter have a great bonding... over these period i started feeling that i married a wrong person.. sometimes i think of divorce but i m worried about my daughter.. and also lot other things as im 45 already.. i wont say that i have never done any mistake while these 16 years but i never chose to disconnect with my wife... i worked really hard to earn money to build a good fortune for my wife and daughter... but looks like she doesn't care... and she takes me completely for granted... she thinks i wont leave her and will be stuck around.. i also advised to visit a therapist or counselor... or join a meditation or do anything she likes to do... be it creative or extra curricular.. but she just ignores it... i am into creative field and this domestic chaos sometimes really bothers me. it never effected my work yet but i m worried it might just. Let me know your opinion... if there is something i can do more to help this mess with my wife.

I refer to my previous mail question for which you have given me a general answer. To make you understand more, i take care of my twin babies most of the time in a day / every day. Both my Wife & in-laws avoid stating all sorts of stories and at the end of the day bringing up my twin kids falls on me and i don't even get a reliever for few minutes to take rest. Both of them, most of the time try to find fault with me, in me and try to blow up the issue. Till now, i have made myself very clear from all these issues and as you said, i tried to spend time with my wife, my in-law try to interfere with us and pulls out my wife with silly reasons like not well, body pain, house hold work. She never let us at least talk for few minutes with my wife and even suggested to my wife to part with me and they (my wife & In-laws) will stay away leaving me and my babies. After so much tolerance, i too told them to leave the babies with me and go as you wish. Now tell me sir, what should i do now???

Hi Ma'am, I am 36 years old and got married in the year 2014. I wanted to be in a joint family but my wife does not like it from the starting days itself. My parents used to stay with me periodically but not continuously. We have 2 boy children now. During my 1st boy child naming ceremony, my wife's family created issues and threatened me and my mother with bad words and forced for a separate family which i never agreed. After that issue, my wife never returned to my matrimonial home. After lot of efforts from my relatives, we joined back again. But the personal vengeance of my wife on my parents still continued. She used to misbehave with them some times like not listening to my mother's words and she never used to help my mother on all the house hold activities. My mother used to take care of all the household works. In the mean time we are blessed with 2nd boy. She stayed in my house during her second pregnancy, her preganancy well assisted by my mother and me both financially and emotionally. But i used to tell my wife to do very small houshold activities to make her physically well fit for her normal delivery but she took that suggession in a wring way and considered it as a torcher. During her ninth month of her pregnancy she went to her parents house to write a competitive exam but never returned back instead she continued to stay there and returning back to my home. So it has been more than two years now that she left me. During this time, i visited for her birthday, her father died, me and my parents visited his funeral, i visited my sons birthday. So i almost did all my efforts to bring back her to my home but she refused all my chances. So I filed a divorce case since i dont have any hope in my marriage life anymore. But i wanted to live with her since we have two children. Any suggestions/advices please.

My wife got posted in distant place 10 years back. I had to ask for help from my inlaws as our child was very young. They started to live with her. After 1 year she got transferred back to the place where I was living. She got a flat from the company and we started to live together. Since then my inlaws are also staying with us. They purchased another flat nearby but are not willing to move there. Now, the problem is that whenever me and my wife have a quarrel she just stops talking and starts to take decisions in consultation with my inlaws. I am completely out of the loop in these circumstances. Over the years my relationship with inlaws has gone sour and quarrels with wife have been lasting longer (upto 2 months). My inlaws are otherwise well behaved but their presence somehow is hindering the process of natural reconciliation between me and my spouse or I am perceiving the situation incorrectly. Please guide