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Devastated by Long-Distance Breakup: Seeking Guidance on Moving Forward

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |537 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 23, 2024Hindi
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Sir I have been in a relationship of 2 yr now it's been a three yr she's gone now,she said our caste is not same so we don't have future together when his father found out about our relationship,we already known our caste already when we started our relationship now I wonder why did she said that.later,she said I moved on I don't want to be with you and don't contact me ever.. it's been 3 years now can't stop my self from thinking her everyday there is lots of thoughts coms into my mind what could be reason that she left me I'm dying thinking of her but don't care what I suffered from this.. sometimes I think ,is she found someone we living in a different cities know I think I should get hai government job which I promised to her and then go to meet her and talk about our marriage...is it right to do now.. please help me I ..... what could I do now

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Breakups are rough. I understand how painful it is, and all your feelings are valid. But hoping that a government job can sort everything out, is that the right thing to think? She did not break up with you for your job, she did so because of your caste. And wondering why she said all the harsh things will get you nowhere; it will not give you any closure. She could have meant it all or might have said it just to make sure you don't come back again. Whatever the reason, you should respect her wishes and find a way to move forward. I know it hurts to think that she has found someone else, but if you allow yourself to move on, soon you will find someone too- someone who loves you for who you are and someone who loves you completely. I can't force you to move on; the decision is yours. But don't rush- take a little time to think your plan through. If you get a government job, it's great; not because you will get her back but because you will have achieved something substantial. I strongly suggest focusing on yourself, because no one else will.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |537 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

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I'm 23old now I was in a 2yr relationship,she was from caste and we know each other since school time once we started our relationship it went well we were committed to each other but when shifted to her native place things got rough she started ignoring me and given reason of college. once her uncle found out about our relationship and told her father about us her father warned her not to talk with anyone then she refused to continue our relationship citing of not having future together now it's been three years now she moved on and I still don't what was her actual reason why she left me ....after one year of break up she contacted me and I assured her of getting government job and talk to her parents but she said she didn't have much time her father liked his friend son but she hasn't talk to him I don't know what to do I can't stop thinking about her everyday should I try again... please help me
Ans: Dear Saurav,

I understand the appeal of trying once again, starting over. The relationship you shared with her was comfortable and familiar. We are all drawn to comfort and familiarity. But, are you sure she is still the person you fell in love with? It's been some time since you two have been together. People grow, and change. If you do want to give it another try, I suggest meeting up in person or spending enough time together to understand if you two are still compatible. Next, she has left you once for her family; while we understand the pressure, the reality is still the reality- she chose her family over you. You should discuss the matter before getting into the relationship once more. Even if you successfully start over, it would be naive to expect things to be just as they were before- some things will be better and some different. Go ahead only after you acknowledge all of these.

Best Wishes.

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |9 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Feb 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 22, 2025Hindi
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I am a 31-year-old woman, married for 5 years, with a 3-year-old daughter and a 1-year-old son. I got married in 2019 at the age of 26, while my husband was 28. Both of us are entrepreneurs and have been running a coal business. Unfortunately, when COVID hit in 2020, our business faced significant challenges, and we have struggled to recover since then. As a result, we moved in with my in-laws. During this transition, I had my daughter and son. We've been actively trying to start a new business, but it hasn't quite come together yet. My husband recently found a job that he loves, although it doesn't pay well enough to allow us to move out. He seems content in this position because it's close to home and aligns with his passion. However, I feel frustrated because when I suggest he look for a higher-paying job to improve our situation, he is hesitant since he’s focused on pursuing what he loves. Living with my in-laws has been challenging, as our relationship has had its difficulties from the start. I'm concerned that they are unintentionally affecting my children's perspective on parenting, and they aren't able to care for the kids regularly so I can explore job opportunities, including remote work. I often feel trapped and hopeless but recognize that leaving this situation isn’t viable financially. Returning to live with my parents is also not an option due to the complicated dynamics there. Despite these challenges, I want to find a way to navigate my feelings of isolation and make progress. I would appreciate any advice or constructive suggestions on how to improve our situation and create a more supportive environment for my family and myself. Thank you.
Ans: Hello mam
I am sorry to hear about the loss your business made in covid. That time was a real challange for all of us.
Lets focus on your problem now. Mam, as now you are living with your in laws, I am sure your husband must be feeling bery secure and happy. But you may have some challanges. Diffrence of opinion always occur in joint families specially when parenting of kids are involved coz they want to raise your kids according to them which can sometime create conflicts Between the family members. Tou can discuss the matter with your husband without blaming anyone and then with his help you can talk to your in laws to support a little bit so that you can also search further for a job. This will increase your satisfaction level and you ll be happy in your family.
Think about it and try this out. I am sure it will work. Plz do tell me your feedback. Take care !
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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