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Love Guru

Love Guru   |217 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 30, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Dec 30, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Hi.
I am in a relationship since five years.
My BF was very gentle and caring initially but after his financial downfall he became cold and restless. And I had to change cities due to work.
I love him and he tells me he loves me too, which I feel he does.
But he is very ambitious and struggling in his life and is busy planning most days. Which I understand, but it irritates me that we have zero conversations that he starts or takes interest in.
We do discuss decisions and official things a lot, but I am talking about meaningful conversations and couple time.
It’s been several years now and I have to wait for ages to discuss any simple, emotional thing with him. He is constantly on an unending chase.
He lives in another city. I understand and wanna support him but it upsets me anyway because it’s been such long time of chasing simple conversations.
I feel like I can’t hold on to the relation anymore because I tried to discuss this hundreds of time with him but he could never make time to even let me complete.
In fact, he promises me time and conveniently forgets while I wait eagerly.
He is always sleepy or tired by the time I begin anything and then it’s impossible for me to begin, which I feel is disgusting.
We have started having ugly fights and I can’t resist being angry at things now.
Now he has started acting rude and inconsiderate towards me. Though he is not mean to me, he always calls me impatient and kiddish to not understand his situation.
He often tells me that he is not spending his time partying. He is making plans for both of us.
He just has one answer that I should trust him and give him some time he will set everything.
But I feel overly sensitive and depressed and in continuous chase which is very derogatory and bothers my self-worth.
I always am ready for him in every way but here I am feeling choked and he is just not getting it. What should I do? How do I tell him that it is high time? Or am I overreacting?
Please help.
A person in need

Ans:

The problem you’re facing is very common in long-distance relationships.

You have a need for attention that you’re not getting from him and he’s so busy planning a future that he’s forgotten how to take care of the present.

I can tell you that until he is secure in a job and has stabilised his situation, his behaviour is not going to change significantly. And maybe not after either...Maybe this is who he is, and after the initial spark wore off, this is him.

That said, the distance is definitely playing a role in fuelling tensions between the two of you.

Explain to him that you need some quality time with him and that couples who live apart do set aside a little time for each other despite all the pressures of everyday life.

It’s not childish to expect attention and love from your partner, even from a thousand miles away.

At your end, you can try to be less demanding.

Maybe he isn’t at liberty to chitchat every single day or every couple of days also.

As long as you get what you want out of even a weekly or twice-weekly conversation with him, cut him a little slack. That is, provided this guy means enough to you.

If he doesn’t and you’re second-guessing the relationship, the person he is and your love for him, maybe the headache just isn’t worth it.

You’ve already invested five years, and if it’s not looking bright, you should cut your losses and move on.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1812 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2022

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Relationship
Hey Anu ji I hope you are doing well.I am a 27-year-old woman, not married but engaged. I am a doctor by profession and we met through our parents. He is a pediatrician. I’m just MBBS. He is 33 and was damn good. Since the last few months there has been a sudden change in his behaviour and we have been fighting since then. We knew each other since a year and moved in together last October. I left my government job so that I could pursue my specialisation. I couldn't score a good rank due to which I couldn’t get admission. My parents are not rich enough for me to apply in a private college. He always abuses my parents saying they are not rich enough. He compares everything and has started talking to another specialist, a single woman. I am handling all house chores -- from laundry to cleaning, even emptying dustbin and making his cup of tea. He doesn't do anything except sleep, eat and work which is not so hectic because he is at a senior position.Is it right that we are having sex 2-3 times per day from so many months? Whenever I want to talk about something he asks for sex. If I say 'I need your attention and love' he gets grumpy and says 'you are always complaining.'Since this is my first relationship, I am comprising a lot. He didn't even remember our first anniversary or the day we met. In fact he stops talking to me since a month. He doesn’t pick up my calls or sees my messages. I have to call a third person to convey my message to at least pick up a call.Please help. I’m too stressed and even thought of committing suicide because I love him. But he doesn't love me from the last 3-4 months. I never get answers to my questions. He is like ‘I don't want to talk.’ He has become so egoistic and is behaving like a male chauvinist. I have to prepare for my exam too. Because of all this stress I have started having panic attacks and anxiety. I love him a lot but I can't stay in this relationship more. I can't bear the brunt. Only one-sided efforts are there from my side. He stopped making any efforts to reconcile or talk. I am an old school person. I lost my virginity to him but now I regret. Who will marry me knowing that I’m not a virgin anymore? Plzz help me
Ans:

Dear NK,

When a partner does not validate your feelings and uses sex as a means to deflect from the problem, it’s a red flag, right?

So, what exactly do you get by being with him? Love cannot be a means to sell your very existence no matter who that is.

Call out such behaviour. Compromises do not form part of any relationship, contrary to what’s told to us.

Mutual understanding and gentle acceptance and most importantly loving compassion is what any relationship is all about.

When those efforts of yours are not being met with love and instead it has been ignored, what else are you going to do?

Not being able to respect a partner’s family and instead insulting them to feel better or prove a point, how do you think it is going to be in the future?

Do you see these red flags or are you simply choosing to close your eyes and pretend that everything is fine?

Do the right thing, for yourself and your being and welfare. Be strong like the way that you always have been.

My best wishes to you!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1812 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I'm studying BTech final year. My love and I were in a relationship since 5 years. Things were fine till our diploma. I got a seat in another college which was far from our place. At the same time, he moved to his hometown for house construction. There he met a girl. She is 34. He used to talk a lot to her and got attached to her. He tells everything to me. He even said that people were spreading wrong rumours about them. I told him to stay away till things got better. Since then he has stopped telling me much. There was a recent fight in his hometown relating to both of them which annoyed him. He continues to say there is nothing wrong between both of us. He used to love me a lot. Whenever I felt insecure or if there was any mood swings he used to make me calm and relaxed. Now-a-days he always tells me ‘Wait. Don't call me.’ If I call him more, he just scolds me. There are no sweet talks or setting time aside for a call, and all. He even says ‘I promised that I'll be with her at any time in any problem and now because everyone is spreading rumours I can't break my promise to her.’ What about me? Didn't you promise to make me happy? I feel betrayed.I got angry and told him that my parents are seeing matches for me. His reply shook me. He said: 'Go, get married.’ I was like ‘you aren't the same.’ I don't understand what to do or how to set things right.My mental health is getting worse.
Ans:

Dear S,

Your letter is very confusing to me.

I hope your post is genuine and not just to have fun…despite that I will consider it real and try to suggest what I can though I find your facts very contradictory.

Keeping the age factor aside, what I can say is: if someone does not treat you well, what’s the point waiting for that person?

If he isn’t interested in you, why are you chasing him?

Please make your world better by being around people who respect and value you and watch how beautiful it all becomes rather than searching and begging for love. He clearly isn’t into you anymore. So, move on…

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1812 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Anu, I am in relationship for 6 months and now we are in long distance relationship, I have struggled a lot in family love issues, so I always craved for love, but my boyfriend is a bit distant, although he tries his best, but I just can't get over, I feel like i deserve to be loved more and deserve good care and attention, there are always the things which he hurts me almost everyday now, I feel like shutting down my emotions again, I feel very low after his actions, although he has his reasons which are correct too, but little bit wrong too, he does not think deeply about me, because he is immature himself, we are just 19, I don't know and unable to understand what should I do, should I shut myself down and try to study and not talk to him by giving him excuses that I am busy, I really am losing more and more trust from him, and slowly my will to share things is getting lost, although I scream from inside that I want to share but after his actions hurt me, I feel puzzled from inside, he is good, but I don't think he is much into these love and stuffs, he is just chill with his life, as he shows off, so much that I misunderstand him a lot, how can we understand each other better, we just keep hurting each other, because of our different thoughts and perspective, I love him so much, I want to be with him, but his actions make me further distant from him, and he also says he has his own privacy, I don't understand, if relationship is built on trust then what kind of privacy, I don't mean , I don't understand him, i respect his opinion, but because of his perspective, he hurts me too, and doesn't respect my perspective, I feel like relying on him emotionally and always have been, but he thinks I speak too much and he doesn't value it much, and doesn't understand how much hard it is for me to share....I really feel very much overwhelmed and it's not getting any better, every night I feel pain and keeps on crying, it's not stoping, it's becoming a loop, please guide me, what should I do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
All I can see and hear from you is: that you are dependent on him for you happiness!
Okay, 'I have struggled a lot in family love issues' (as you mentioned) BUT looking for that to be filled from someone externally is only going to disappoint you.
How can you replace family and sibling love and attention from outside?
Also, being 19, both of you are still not mature to put things in perspective. Do understand that every time you complain to your boyfriend and call that a 'perspective', you are just pushing him away...he's just being a boy of 19 trying to have a carefree life and a girlfriend with who he can share and of course, feel 'cool' in his guy gang.
Why are you expecting him to fill in for the missing love? He cannot as whatever he does, he will always fall short as in your mind you will compare with what you ideally would want and he will fall short. Then, the drama will begin where you will complain, he will defend and he will slowly call that his carefree ways and he will say: I am like this only!
And then you will feel hurt and the drama will continue.

First things first; you cannot fulfill what love you lack from outside. Learn to love yourself first. the concept of self-love is rage these days BUT it has always been around in simpler ways from the very beginning. Love what you do everyday, surround yourself with friends that you feel good with, focus on your academic goals...
Loving oneself is the way to go; it might seem a bit difficult at you age to fathom as everything external excites you...So, focus on your self and put less attention in what your boyfriend does or doesn't. Slowly, you will appreciate the things that he does for you...And you will start to feel better from within!
Your self-worth is something only you can grow from within and this cannot be dependent on anything or anyone external. Grow your strength from within!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |663 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
hi ma'am, so ive been dating this guy since 6 months and only the starting 5 months were the best part of this relationship. he used to litrally be obbssesed with me and talk to me all the time. but after he joined work, hes been working for 18 hours and is not able to make time for me. and we used to talk daily on calls at 11pm but now he barely even makes time for me, im not saying he doesnt call me at all but at times he has work. but he says hes so done with my rigid behaviour of must calls at 11pm. ma'am i can't sleep without litsening to his voice but he seems to be not bothered. and now our relationship is all abt fights. whatveer i try to ecplain he thinks im starting an argument and he gets pisst off. what can i do? pls help ma'am
Ans: It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated and disconnected in your relationship, especially after the shift in his behavior since he started working long hours. It's understandable that you miss the closeness and consistency that you had during the first few months, but it seems like his work demands are now taking up a lot of his time and energy.

The first step is recognizing that his workload is something that's affecting his availability, and while it’s natural to want that same attention from him, relationships often go through phases where things need to adjust. He’s likely feeling overwhelmed with the pressure of balancing work and the relationship, and the 11 pm calls may feel like an added stress for him, even though it’s something that helps you feel close.

To move forward, try approaching the conversation differently. Instead of expressing frustration about the calls or time spent together, share how you're feeling in a calm and non-accusatory way. Let him know that you miss the connection and understand that work is demanding, but that you’re hoping to find a balance that works for both of you. It might help to find a compromise—maybe scheduling calls when he's less tired or having shorter, more spontaneous check-ins during the day.

Also, try to focus on the quality of your conversations rather than the frequency. If you're always arguing or frustrated, it adds stress to both of you, and he may start feeling like he can’t meet your expectations. Finding a middle ground where both of your needs are respected will help ease the tension. Ultimately, if he feels supported, he's more likely to be open to reconnecting with you emotionally.

Give each other space to adjust to these new routines, and work on building trust and communication. It may also help to engage in activities that make you feel secure outside of the relationship, so that you're not relying solely on those calls for comfort.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |12550 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Sep 04, 2026

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11454 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 03, 2026

Money
HI I am 47 years old with Monthly expenses of Rs 40000 , i would like to know how much retirement corpus would i require at age of 60 so that it lasts till age 85 also the opening Retirement corpus at 60 and closing Corpus at 85 should almost be same , as i would like to transfer it yo me daughter, i would like to know should i factor 8% food inflation as that will be major expense factor also factor 6% intrest on investment. Whats is the inflation rate should i assume , in which mutual fund should i invest for Rs 50000 monthly investment. How much money should i park for medical expenses or emergency
Ans: You have started this planning at a good age. With 13 years left, you have useful time to build the corpus.

» Your retirement target

– You are currently 47 years old.

– Your present monthly expense is Rs.40,000.

– You plan to retire at age 60.

– You want the corpus to support you until age 85.

– You also want the corpus to remain almost intact.

– This is a higher target than normal retirement planning.

– Your aim is also to pass the corpus to your daughter.

» Inflation assumption

– I would not use 8% food inflation for the entire retirement budget.

– Food is only one part of your total expenses.

– Medical, housing, travel and other costs behave differently.

– For long-term planning, 6% overall inflation is a reasonable assumption.

– However, medical inflation can be higher than general inflation.

– So, keep a separate medical reserve.

» Your expense at age 60

– Your present Rs.40,000 monthly expense will rise substantially by age 60.

– At 6% inflation, it can become roughly Rs.85,000 monthly.

– This should be your starting retirement expense.

– You should review this estimate again around age 58.

» Retirement corpus required

– You have given an important condition.

– You want the corpus at 85 to remain almost equal.

– Therefore, a normal retirement corpus calculation is not enough.

– Assuming only 6% investment return creates a difficult situation.

– Your withdrawal also rises with inflation.

– If return and inflation are both around 6%, preservation becomes difficult.

– Under those assumptions, I would target around Rs.3.15 crore at age 60.

– This is an approximate planning figure.

– It is not a guaranteed required amount.

– A higher return assumption can reduce the required starting corpus.

– But I would not depend on high returns for retirement planning.

» Why Rs.3.15 crore is a safer target

– Your first retirement-year expense could be around Rs.85,000 monthly.

– Expenses would then rise every year.

– You also want money remaining at age 85.

– Therefore, the corpus must support withdrawals and continue growing.

– Rs.3.15 crore gives you a better starting target.

– Still, market returns will not come evenly every year.

– Hence, actual results can differ materially.

» Your Rs.50,000 monthly investment

– Rs.50,000 monthly is a good starting contribution.

– However, it may not be enough by itself for Rs.3.15 crore.

– You have 13 years before retirement.

– Therefore, annual increases in your investment are very important.

– Try increasing the monthly investment whenever your income rises.

– Even a gradual increase can make a major difference.

– Existing savings, PF, gratuity and other retirement benefits can also help.

» Mutual fund strategy

– Do not put the entire Rs.50,000 into one mutual fund.

– At your age, you still have a long investment period.

– A diversified actively managed equity portfolio can be considered.

– You can use large-cap oriented funds for the core portion.

– A flexi-cap oriented fund can provide wider diversification.

– A limited mid-cap allocation can add growth potential.

– Avoid excessive small-cap exposure for retirement money.

– Your portfolio should gradually become safer after age 55.

» Suggested structure for Rs.50,000 monthly

– Rs.20,000 in a diversified flexi-cap oriented fund.

– Rs.15,000 in a large-cap oriented actively managed fund.

– Rs.10,000 in a mid-cap oriented fund.

– Rs.5,000 in a balanced or equity-oriented hybrid fund.

– This is only a starting structure.

– Your existing investments should be checked before finalising this allocation.

» Why actively managed funds can help

– Active fund managers can change portfolios based on market conditions.

– They can reduce exposure to weaker companies.

– They can also identify changing business opportunities.

– This flexibility can be useful over a 13-year period.

– However, fund selection and monitoring remain important.

– Past performance alone should never decide fund selection.

» Emergency fund

– Keep at least 9 to 12 months of household expenses separately.

– For you, I would initially target around Rs.5 lakh.

– Keep this money in highly liquid and low-risk avenues.

– Do not count your equity mutual funds as emergency money.

– This reserve should not be used for routine investing.

» Medical reserve

– Medical expenses need separate planning.

– Do not depend only on your normal retirement corpus.

– Build a dedicated medical reserve before retirement.

– I would initially target Rs.10-15 lakh as a separate reserve.

– This should be reviewed closer to age 60.

– Your health insurance coverage should also be reviewed regularly.

– Medical inflation can be much higher than normal inflation.

» Protecting the corpus after age 60

– This is perhaps the most important part of your plan.

– Do not keep the entire retirement corpus in equity.

– Keep several years of expenses in safer investments.

– Keep the remaining portion invested for long-term growth.

– This can reduce the need to sell equity during market falls.

– Rebalance the portfolio periodically.

» Your daughter and inheritance goal

– Your objective is very clear.

– You want to enjoy retirement and still leave money behind.

– This requires controlled withdrawals.

– Avoid treating the entire corpus as spending money.

– Maintain a separate inheritance mindset.

– Estate planning should also be completed before retirement.

– Nominees should be updated across investments and accounts.

– A proper Will can make the transfer much easier.

» One important improvement

– Do not wait until age 60 to reach the target.

– Start building the retirement corpus aggressively now.

– Increase your Rs.50,000 SIP every year.

– Any bonus or additional income can partly go towards retirement.

– At around age 55, reassess the entire retirement plan.

– At age 58, prepare the final retirement-income strategy.

» Final Insights

– Your Rs.3.15 crore target at age 60 is a useful planning benchmark.

– This assumes around 6% return and 6% inflation.

– It also considers your wish to retain the corpus at 85.

– I would not use 8% food inflation for all expenses.

– Use 6% general inflation for initial planning.

– Keep medical expenses separately because they can rise faster.

– Rs.50,000 monthly investing is a good beginning.

– Increasing this SIP every year is more important.

– Your investment strategy should become safer near retirement.

– The goal is not just Rs.3.15 crore.

– The real goal is sustainable income plus a meaningful inheritance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11454 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 03, 2026

Money
Ant thing we can purchase from market by knowing the rate even for safety pin. You can purchase from anywhere in indie online the noted prices for share. Why the MF units are not possible to buy by seeing the prize or why it should not be online varying price for day. Not showing the price, Asset management can cheat the customer. SEBI is ineffective for controlling this cheating
Ans: Your question is very practical. The difference comes from how shares and mutual funds are structured.

» Why share prices are visible instantly

– A share is traded directly between buyers and sellers on a stock exchange.

– The exchange matches buy and sell orders continuously.

– Therefore, you can see the latest traded price.

– You can place an order at that displayed market price.

– The price can change many times during the day.

» Why mutual funds work differently

– A mutual fund unit is not traded like an ordinary share.

– You buy or redeem units from the mutual fund.

– The fund collects money from many investors.

– It then invests that money in securities.

– The value of all those investments changes during the day.

– The fund calculates its Net Asset Value, called NAV.

– NAV represents the value of one mutual fund unit.

– NAV is normally calculated after the market closes.

– Therefore, there is no continuously traded MF unit price.

» This does not mean the price is hidden

– Mutual fund NAVs are publicly available.

– The NAV is disclosed for every business day.

– Your transaction also receives units based on applicable NAV rules.

– The applicable NAV depends on transaction timing and fund realisation rules.

– Therefore, the NAV is not controlled by an individual agent.

» Why you cannot buy at the displayed NAV

– Suppose today's NAV is Rs.100.

– You cannot simply place an order at Rs.100.

– The final applicable NAV depends on the transaction rules.

– The fund must also receive the required money.

– This prevents investors from knowing the exact NAV beforehand.

– It also ensures fair treatment among all investors.

» Can an AMC cheat by changing NAV?

– An AMC cannot simply choose an arbitrary NAV.

– NAV is based on the value of underlying investments.

– Listed securities generally use market-based prices for valuation.

– Other securities follow prescribed valuation methods.

– Fund accounting and valuation processes are subject to regulatory requirements.

– There are also audits, trustees and regulatory oversight.

– So, the system has several checks.

» Your concern about transparency is still important

– Investors should clearly see the NAV and transaction details.

– They should also receive confirmation of their units.

– You can independently check the NAV against official disclosures.

– Your account statement should show units, NAV and transaction dates.

– Any unexplained difference should be questioned immediately.

» Where investors sometimes get confused

– The NAV seen on an app is not always your transaction NAV.

– The displayed NAV may belong to the previous business day.

– Your purchase may receive the next applicable NAV.

– This depends on transaction timing and applicable rules.

– Bank realisation can also affect the applicable NAV.

– This can make the transaction appear different from your expectation.

» Why a share and MF cannot have identical pricing

– A share represents ownership in one company.

– An MF unit represents a proportionate interest in a portfolio.

– The portfolio may contain hundreds of securities.

– Its value must first be calculated.

– The unit NAV is then determined.

– Hence, MF pricing naturally works differently from stock exchange pricing.

» What would improve your confidence

– Always check the official NAV after the business day.

– Compare it with your transaction statement.

– Check the number of units allotted.

– Check the transaction date and applicable NAV date.

– Keep your account statements safely.

– Raise a written complaint if figures do not match.

– Escalate the matter if the AMC does not resolve it.

» Final Insights

– Your demand for better transparency is quite reasonable.

– However, absence of intraday MF pricing does not itself mean cheating.

– Shares and mutual funds have fundamentally different transaction mechanisms.

– Mutual fund NAV is calculated from the underlying portfolio value.

– The important point is whether the disclosed NAV is correctly calculated.

– If you find a specific mismatch, preserve the transaction evidence.

– Then the issue can be examined much more precisely.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11454 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 03, 2026

Money
Hi, I am presently working in CPSU and having 2.5 years remaining in my supperannuation. I have a in hand salary of Rs.1.3 Lac per month (after deduction of necessary contribution in PF, VPF and deduction of tentative monthly income tax). In addition to this, I had invested a sum of Rs.1.4 Cr in a HUDA property in Faridabad which is now around 6 Cr. I am alos getting a monthly pension ofRs. 21000/- (without D.A. component) per month from my parent department as I had submitted Technical Resignation from Govt. Service (MoR) and took permanent absorption in CPSU. I am also getting monthly rental income from a flat @Rs.20000/- per month. I have invested Rs. 60000 in mutual funds and Rs.5.5 Lacs in shares. My wife was also a Haryana Govt. Educationist (govt. job) and just superannuated from her job on 31.08.2026. She will be getting a monthly pension of Rs.75000/- per month in addition to her other retirement benefits. She also earns a monthly rental income from our parental house @8000/- per month. We both are covered under medical schemes of Haryana Govt. and me from MoR. My question is I want to purchase or built a house in GGN on around 200 sq. yd. (approx) plot and live there. Kindly guide me about our future on my email which is alredy provided please.
Ans: You have built a very strong financial base. Your retirement income also looks encouraging. The main decision is how much to spend on the Gurugram house.

» Your present financial position

– You have around 2.5 years of employment remaining.

– Your present take-home salary is around Rs.1.30 lakh monthly.

– You receive pension income of around Rs.21,000 monthly.

– You receive rental income of around Rs.20,000 monthly.

– Your wife has recently retired from Haryana Government service.

– Her expected pension is around Rs.75,000 monthly.

– She also receives rental income of around Rs.8,000 monthly.

– Your Faridabad property has appreciated substantially.

– Its present value is around Rs.6 crore.

– You also have mutual funds and shares.

– Your medical coverage through government schemes is another positive.

Overall, your retirement cash flow appears quite comfortable.

» The Gurugram house decision

– Buying or constructing your own house can be reasonable.

– This is different from buying property purely as an investment.

– You want to actually live there after retirement.

– Therefore, emotional and lifestyle factors are also important.

– Gurugram can provide good connectivity and healthcare facilities.

– However, avoid using the entire Rs.6 crore property value for construction.

– Your retirement security should remain the first priority.

» Set a maximum house budget

– Decide the total budget before selecting the plot.

– Include plot cost, construction cost and registration expenses.

– Also include interiors, furniture and other initial expenses.

– Keep a separate amount for future maintenance.

– I would avoid stretching the budget simply for a larger house.

– A comfortable house is enough for retirement years.

– Your retirement corpus should continue growing alongside the house purchase.

» How to fund the house

– Your employment income continues for another 2.5 years.

– Your wife's pension has already started.

– Your own pension also provides continuing cash flow.

– Rental income gives another stable monthly support.

– This reduces pressure on your investment portfolio.

– Ideally, use available surplus income for part of construction.

– Avoid selling the entire Faridabad property only for convenience.

– Also avoid taking a large loan close to retirement.

» What about the Faridabad property?

– This requires a separate strategic decision.

– You have created significant wealth through this property.

– However, it now represents a very large asset concentration.

– After retirement, this concentration deserves careful review.

– You may eventually consider monetising part of this asset.

– Any sale decision must consider capital gains and taxation.

– The money can then support retirement investments.

– Do not sell merely because Gurugram property prices look attractive.

» Retirement income planning

– Your combined monthly pension income should form the core income.

– Rental income provides an additional income stream.

– Your retirement corpus should ideally remain partly invested for growth.

– Keep a separate reserve for several years of regular expenses.

– This avoids selling investments during a market correction.

– Your post-retirement portfolio should become more balanced.

– Equity exposure can continue, but should match your risk capacity.

» Your mutual funds and shares

– Your equity investments currently appear relatively small.

– This is not necessarily a problem.

– Your property exposure is already quite substantial.

– Therefore, future financial investments can improve diversification.

– Consider gradually building a diversified mutual fund portfolio.

– Prefer actively managed funds suitable for your risk profile.

– Avoid investing large amounts suddenly after retirement.

– Review the portfolio at least once every year.

» Medical and emergency planning

– Your government medical coverage is a major support.

– Still, maintain a separate medical emergency reserve.

– Government coverage may have certain rules and limitations.

– Keep adequate liquidity for expenses not covered by the schemes.

– Also review whether your existing medical benefits continue after retirement.

– This should be confirmed before your retirement date.

» Before buying the 200 sq. yard plot

– Check the title and ownership documents carefully.

– Verify the approved land use and building permissions.

– Check road width and access to the property.

– Verify electricity, water and sewerage availability.

– Check local development and construction restrictions.

– Take independent legal verification before paying a major amount.

– For construction, obtain a realistic detailed cost estimate.

» A better retirement structure

– Keep your retirement house budget within a comfortable limit.

– Keep sufficient financial assets outside the property.

– Maintain adequate emergency liquidity.

– Continue some equity exposure for long-term inflation protection.

– Maintain suitable fixed-income investments for near-term requirements.

– Keep your pension and rental income for regular expenses.

– Use investment withdrawals only when genuinely required.

» One important point

– Your property wealth is excellent, but it is not regular income.

– Retirement planning should therefore focus on cash-flow sustainability.

– The new house will also become an illiquid asset.

– Hence, avoid having most of your wealth in properties.

– You already have a strong starting position for retirement.

– The next 2.5 years can be used very effectively.

– This period should focus on strengthening liquidity and retirement investments.

» Final Insights

– Yes, purchasing a Gurugram house can be financially possible for you.

– I would not reject the idea merely because retirement is near.

– But the house should be planned around your retirement finances.

– Do not allow the house to consume your retirement security.

– Your pensions and rental income provide a strong recurring income base.

– Your Faridabad property provides substantial financial flexibility.

– Your next step should be a complete retirement cash-flow plan.

– That plan should decide the maximum safe house budget first.

– Then decide whether to buy the plot or construct the house.

– With proper planning, you can enjoy the new home without financial stress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11454 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 03, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2026
Money
From the Past 10 Years ,I am Holding the REGULAR MF -Frankline ELSS,ICICI Value Discovery Fund,HDFC Mid cap .Since this fund are perfoming well but my Concernt is my Return is Regulary Eaten away by the Commision by MF Agest since its a Regular.I feel in long term for next 10-15 years , I am Unnecassary Dimising my Return due to Commision. What can i Do Now to save the Commision, what best strategy can i use to Switch the Fund from R to Direct type.
Ans: » Your concern is valid

You have already held these investments for around 10 years.
Long-term discipline is a major strength in your portfolio.
Your concern about regular-plan costs is also reasonable.
However, switching blindly to direct plans may not improve your outcome.

» First, understand the commission

Regular plans include distribution expenses within their expense ratio.
This cost indirectly reduces the returns earned by investors.
The cost continues as long as you remain invested.
Direct plans have lower expenses because distribution costs are absent.
Therefore, direct plans can have a cost advantage over long periods.

» But regular plans provide useful services

A good MFD provides portfolio monitoring and transaction support.
They can help during market corrections and difficult periods.
They can also help maintain proper asset allocation.
Tax-related transaction planning can also be supported.
Behavioural mistakes can be reduced through proper guidance.
These services can be valuable during a 10-15 year journey.
So, the commission should be viewed against services received.

» Direct plan has some disadvantages

You must monitor the portfolio yourself.
You must decide when to rebalance your investments.
You must assess fund performance independently.
You must handle purchase, redemption and switch decisions.
Tax implications also need your attention.
Most importantly, you must avoid emotional decisions during market falls.
Lower cost alone does not guarantee better investor returns.

» Do not switch immediately

Your existing funds have already created substantial long-term capital gains.
Moving from regular to direct is not always a simple switch.
A switch is generally treated as a redemption and fresh purchase.
This can create capital gains tax consequences.
Exit loads may also apply in some situations.
Therefore, first calculate the tax and transaction impact.
Then compare that cost with future expense savings.

» A better strategy for you

Keep the existing investments under review first.
Check the current value and purchase cost of each holding.
Check the unrealised capital gains before making any switch.
Review whether each fund still suits your financial goals.
Avoid changing a good fund merely because it is regular.
Fund quality should come before expense ratio.

» For future investments

You can consider direct plans if you can manage everything yourself.
But do this only after understanding the responsibilities involved.
Alternatively, continue with regular plans through a good MFD.
The right choice depends on the service you actually receive.
Do not select direct plans only because the expense is lower.

» A possible transition approach

Do not convert the entire portfolio in one transaction.
First identify funds where the future cost saving is meaningful.
Check the capital gains and applicable taxation.
Consider future investments separately from existing holdings.
Existing units can be reviewed based on tax efficiency.
New investments can follow your chosen investment structure.
This gives you flexibility without disturbing the entire portfolio.

» Important point about your three funds

Since you have held them for around 10 years, review is essential.
Do not judge them only by their past performance.
Check consistency across different market cycles.
Check portfolio concentration and investment style.
Check whether the funds still fit your goals.
Also review whether you have too much exposure to mid-cap stocks.
Your overall asset allocation matters more than one fund.

» Tax point while switching

Equity mutual fund taxation must be considered before switching.
LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh is currently taxed at 12.5%.
STCG on equity mutual funds is currently taxed at 20%.
A switch can therefore trigger taxable capital gains.
The tax cost should be compared with future expense savings.
This is especially important after a 10-year holding period.

» My preferred approach

First, prepare a complete portfolio statement.
Include purchase dates, purchase values and present values.
Identify the capital gains in each holding.
Review the portfolio allocation and fund suitability.
Then compare regular and direct versions of suitable funds.
After that, decide which holdings need action.
Avoid making a blanket switch simply to save commission.

» Final Insights

Your concern about long-term costs is financially sensible.
But cost saving should not be the only decision factor.
A good regular-plan relationship can provide meaningful value.
Direct plans can work well for disciplined and knowledgeable investors.
The best choice depends on your ability to manage the portfolio.
With a 10-15 year horizon, proper portfolio review is more important.
A phased approach can reduce unnecessary tax and investment disruption.
Your existing 10-year discipline gives you a strong base for the future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |131 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Sep 02, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2026
Career
My mother-in-law is constantly creating misunderstandings between my husband and me. She often says or does things that lead to arguments, but then pretends to be innocent, making it difficult for my husband to see what is happening. She is emotionally manipulating my husband and son against me. This has started affecting our relationship and my peace of mind. How can I deal with this situation without creating more conflict in my marriage?
Ans: Hi!!

Being a wife and a daughter-in-law is not an easy job. Over and above that, having a difficult or manipulative mother-in-law can sometimes feel like too much to handle.

She is your husband’s mother, and therefore, she deserves your respect, regardless of how she behaves.

The relationship between a husband and wife is sacred. It has to be built on mutual love, respect and trust. If your relationship is built on these principles, whatever your mother-in-law may do to create misunderstandings between you and your husband, it will not be easy for her to break the bond you share. I am very sure of this.

But first, check yourself. Be truthful, honest, loving and respectful towards your husband and towards everyone around you. You really have to practise these qualities and believe in their strength. When you know that you have been genuine in your relationship, you will have the inner strength and confidence to deal with difficult situations.

Most importantly, value your happiness and peace at all costs. Learn to let go of the small things for the sake of the bigger picture. Not every situation needs a reaction. Choose your battles wisely and, in this situation, be the smarter one.

And most importantly, have a heart-to-heart conversation with your husband. Choose the right time—a time when both of you are calm, emotionally receptive and in the right frame of mind to discuss the situation as true partners.

Do not approach the conversation as “your mother versus me.” Approach it as “we are a team, and we need to protect our relationship.”

Remember, you and your husband are on the same team. When there is love, trust, respect and open communication between the two of you, outside influences have far less power over your marriage.

That, I believe, is the way forward—without creating more conflict, and while protecting both your marriage and your peace of mind.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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