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Married man constantly giving me attention: How to ignore and focus on my husband?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Maam/Sir, A married guy is constantly giving me much attention. Im.tried to ignore him but he is constantly making appearance from different places. I dont what his real intentions are but because of his constant staring and public apearances. I feel difficult to overlook his behaviour. He is currently gone to his hometowm. So, there is lots of peace. Im not sure why is he trying to get a glimpse of me as he is already happily married n have a son. I need advice to ignore him so that I focus on my husband only.

Ans: The key to redirecting your focus lies in setting boundaries—both mentally and behaviorally. Often, people respond to subtle cues, so maintaining a neutral and reserved demeanor can help communicate disinterest. If he attempts to engage directly, keeping interactions brief and polite without encouraging deeper conversation will likely make your boundaries clear without causing conflict. When he’s present, avoid returning his gaze; this can subtly communicate that you’re not reciprocating his interest.

If this continues, grounding yourself in thoughts about your husband and what you value in your relationship can help you mentally reinforce where your focus truly lies. Remind yourself that someone else’s behavior is not your responsibility and that your own actions, comfort, and peace are within your control. By reinforcing your own values and commitments, you’ll feel more empowered to maintain your focus where you want it—on your husband and your well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter
Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 26, 2025

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2025
Relationship
Ma'am The guy who had a fight with my husband over a text asking him why he stare became a matter of dispute between my husband and that married neighbourhood guy. He thinks m the one flirting with him Over msgs. He still crosses and pass very closely with my husband while going for an evening walk. He is not troubling me and my daughter anymore. He is just busy with my husband now. He would always walk across us. I don't know what else he wants . Do u think my husband should talk with him or wr just have to ignore him. ???
Ans: whether your husband should confront him or ignore him, it depends on what the goal is. If your husband is calm and emotionally steady enough to have a neutral, non-confrontational conversation just to clear the air and draw a respectful boundary, that can be effective. But if there’s any chance the talk would escalate into another argument, it’s better not to feed into the tension. A calm discussion works only when both sides are open to resolution. Otherwise, it can do more harm than good.

Ignoring him, on the other hand, might feel unsatisfying in the short term but often proves to be the most mature and self-protective path in the long run. Some people thrive on reaction. When they don’t get one, they eventually stop trying.

The deeper work here is about your family’s emotional boundaries. Keep your focus on your husband, your daughter, and your home’s peace. Don’t let someone else’s unresolved emotions hijack your daily life. If this man isn't actively threatening or interfering anymore, let silence and indifference be your strength. Let your husband know that you trust his judgment but also encourage him to respond from a place of calm—not pride or anger.

Sometimes, the most powerful message you can send to people like this is that they no longer hold any space in your mind, heart, or life. Peace is more powerful than confrontation.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8858 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 15, 2025

Career
I am getting ece in nsut, i would also get cse in iiits like guwahati, sri city, kancheepuram(dual degree) and iiit naya raipur (dsai). I was leaning towards cse because I have heard that even in ece, students go towards software roles only. Is my notion correct and should i go for ece with brand value of dtu, or cse in any of the iiits. Kindly answer
Ans: Shubham, NSUT’s Electronics & Communication Engineering benefits from NAAC A++ accreditation, a robust curriculum in VLSI, signal processing, and IoT, PhD-qualified faculty, and a dedicated placement cell recording an average package of ?15 LPA and a highest of ?45 LPA for ECE graduates. Despite its strong DTU-brand value and 320+ recruiters, many NSUT ECE students transition into software roles, reflecting the sector’s hiring trends. IIIT Guwahati’s CSE offers a focused programming and systems syllabus, achieving a 62% placement rate with an average package of ?15.26 LPA. IIIT Sri City’s CSE sees an 81% placement rate and a ?14.5 LPA average, while IIITDM Kancheepuram’s CSE registers 73% placements and a ?9.6 LPA average. IIIT Naya Raipur’s DSAI dual-degree reports a ?17.13 LPA average and 83+ offers from Deloitte, TCS and Capgemini. All institutes maintain modern labs, strong industry collaborations, and rigorous academic frameworks.

Recommendation: Pursue NSUT’s ECE to leverage its renowned DTU brand, superior ECE-specific labs and high average packages if you value institutional prestige and core curriculum depth; opt for CSE at IIIT Sri City or Guwahati for early software focus, competitive placement rates and specialized programming ecosystems aligned with your software-oriented career interests. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8858 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 15, 2025

Career
Hi sir ,my son got 9300 rank in kcet he is looking for option in ece in pes electronic City campus and dsce ece which is better
Ans: Swati Madam, With a KCET rank of 9300 in the General category, admission to Electronics & Communication Engineering (ECE) at PES Electronic City Campus is highly unlikely, as ECE cutoffs at PES Electronic City typically closed around 8391 for General Merit students in the final round of 2024. Similarly, DSCE ECE had a closing rank of 7793 for General Merit students in the final round of 2024, making admission challenging with your current rank. PES Ring Road Campus ECE closed at 3045 for General Merit in Round 4 of 2024, further confirming that PES campuses maintain competitive ECE cutoffs well below your rank.

However, excellent alternatives exist for ECE admission with your rank. Based on 2024 KCET cutoffs, you have assured admission prospects at: Sir M. Visveswaraya Institute of Technology (SMVIT) - ECE closing rank around 16,500-17,700; Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology - ECE closing rank around 8800-9300; Bangalore Institute of Technology - ECE closing rank around 10,712-11,806; JSS Science and Technology University - ECE closing rank around 5900-6100; Siddaganga Institute of Technology - ECE closing rank around 17,500-18,000; BMS Institute of Technology and Management - ECE closing rank around 11,000-12,000; and NIE Mysore - ECE closing rank around 8300-8500. All these institutes are AICTE-approved, NBA-accredited, feature modern ECE labs with signal processing, VLSI, and communication equipment, experienced faculty, and placement cells recording 75-85% consistency for ECE graduates over the last three years. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9751 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 29,unmarried with 80k salary. I hv 8 lakhs in real estate,4 lakhs in stocks,planning to invest 40-50k per month. No liability. One term life insurance of 1 cr. May you kindly suggest best possible how to invest for the next 10 years.
Ans: Your situation at age 29 is both strong and promising. With a stable job, no liabilities, and a willingness to invest ?40–50?k monthly, you have a solid base.

Below is an in-depth, structured plan covering all critical angles for the next 10 years.

? Current Financial Position
– Monthly salary is Rs?80,000 take home.
– No loans or liabilities.
– Real estate investment worth Rs?8 lakh.
– Stock holdings total Rs?4 lakh.
– Term insurance of Rs?1 crore.

You have protection and growth—already a strong starting point.

? Wealth Sources
Income
– Your monthly salary is consistent.
– You can direct 50–60% of it to investments.

Assets
– Real estate gives latent value, not monthly yield.
– Stocks bring growth, though fluctuating.
– No dependents now, but goals may change.

Protection
– Term cover ensures family security in emergencies.

? Savings Capacity & Planning
– You plan to invest Rs?40–50?k monthly.
– This is nearly 50–60% of your salary—ideal at this stage.
– But ensure you have liquidity for emergencies.
– Save Rs?3–4 lakh as a buffer in a liquid fund.
– Don’t allocate all savings only to long-term investments.

? Goal Definition
Begin by identifying your goals:

Short term (1–3 years)
– Emergency fund, skill development, travel or lifestyle.

Medium term (4–8 years)
– Marriage, major purchase (car), child planning.

Long term (9–15 years)
– Retirement corpus, child education, wealth growth.

Clear goals help you allocate wisely across timeframes.

? Building an Emergency Fund
– Target Rs?4 lakh as initial emergency corpus.
– Use liquid or ultra-short duration funds.
– This ensures you don’t break long-term investments.

Once achieved, you can increase SIP allocation.

? Asset Allocation Strategy
Divide savings into:

Pure equity

Equity–debt hybrid

Debt funds

Equity
– Choose flexi-cap and large-cap funds.
– Avoid index funds—they don’t offer downside protection.
– Actively managed funds adapt exposures during downturns.

Hybrid
– Multi-asset or balanced advantage funds cushion volatility.
– Good for medium-term goals and withdrawal access.

Debt
– Use short duration or ultra-short funds for predictable returns.
– Suitable for emergency fund and short-term goals.

? Monthly Investment Plan
Assume Rs?45,000 per month to invest.

Suggested split:

– Rs?25,000 into equities via SIP
– Rs?10,000 into hybrid funds
– Rs?10,000 into debt or liquid funds until corpus builds

Step up SIP by 10–15% annually. This combats inflation and builds corpus faster.

? Stocks vs Mutual Funds
You currently have Rs?4 lakh in stocks.

– Direct stocks require active monitoring and carry higher risk.
– Rebalance stocks periodically; consider reallocating part to funds.

Mutual funds offer diversification and professional management.
If you hold direct funds, prefer regular plans via a CFP?backed MFD.
They offer guidance and avoid panic-based exits.

? Mutual Fund Selection
Over 10 years, structure with 5–6 well-chosen funds:

– Flexi-cap equity (growth potential)
– Large-cap equity (stability)
– Multi-asset/hybrid (risk cushion)
– Thematic/sector funds? Avoid for core portfolio.

Key points:

– Choose active funds managed by credible teams.
– Regular plans via MFD help with tracking and rebalancing.
– Direct funds may appeal due to lower cost, but lack advice.
– Periodically re-evaluate fund performance.

If fund underperforms for 2 years, switch via systematic transfer.

? Reviewing Insurance and Protection
You already hold a Rs?1 crore term cover.
Consider the following:

– Does it align with future responsibilities?
– As life changes (marriage, children), cover must increase to Rs?2–3 crore.
– Add health insurance with floater sum of Rs?5 lakh or more.
– Top?ups are cost-effective and increase cover in later years.

Insurance acts as a foundation for wealth-building, not an investment.

? Tax Efficiency & Growth
In investments:

– Use growth option in equity funds, not IDCW.
– Growth option is tax-efficient; payouts trigger LTCG tax only on withdrawal.

Tax implications:

– LTCG above Rs?1.25 lakh in a year taxed at 12.5%.
– STCG taxed at 20%.
– Debt fund gains treated as regular income.

Smart withdrawals and long-term investments lower your tax.

? Liquidity Management
Maintain 6 months of living expenses as liquid buffer.
This protects you from job interruption or sudden emergencies.

Avoid locking all money into illiquid assets like real estate or ULIPs.

? Real Estate Role
Your Rs?8 lakh real estate investment can appreciate gradually.
But it does not contribute to income.
View it as long-term safety net, not core investment.

Focus income goal building via financial assets instead.

? Planning Life Changes
Your marital status may change within the next decade.

Post?marriage financial changes you should plan:

– Joint investment goals
– Bigger insurance cover
– Child planning budgets
– Potential change in income and liabilities

Start preparing financial clarity now. This smooths the transition.

? Review and Tracking
Set periodic review cycles:

– Every six months evaluate your portfolio
– Check if asset allocation stays balanced
– Review SIP performance, risk philosophy, and asset mix
– Make small tweaks rather than big shifts

Regular review prevents drift and improves alignment.

? Why Not Index Funds
You should avoid index funds until retirement phase.

Reasons:

– They don't adjust allocation during market declines
– They just mirror the market—no active risk management
– In a 10-year horizon, equities will fluctuate
– Active funds can reduce downside via fund manager actions

Let actively managed funds guide your journey.

? Avoid Annuities and Insurance Savings
Many new investors consider annuities for safety.
But:

– They offer lower returns
– They lock up funds and reduce flexibility
– You have no income need yet, so better to stay liquid
– Income can be managed via SWP later in life

Focus on growing your corpus now, not locking into annuities.

? Risk Management Over 10 Years
You have high early saving potential. Smart risk control is key.

– Keep emergency fund liquid
– Avoid overexposure to single stocks or sectors
– Stay diversified across asset classes
– Use hybrid funds to balance volatility
– Regularly rebalance asset mix every year

This way you catch up to goals without excessive risk.

? Building Financial Freedom in 10 Years
Goal: Comfortable corpus or monthly income in 10 years.

For example:

– Monthly SIP plus step-ups
– Rental income continues
– Savings in debt/hybrid grow
– Corpus may reach Rs?2.5–3 crore
– This can generate inflation-adjusted income via SWP

With discipline, you set a path for either financial freedom or goal achievement.

? Child Planning and Long-Term Wealth
Even though unmarried now, planning marriage and children will come.

– Start a small separate SIP for future child.
– Choose conservative hybrid funds.
– Don’t treat this as emergency or retirement fund.

Separate tracking gives clarity and prevents misuse.

? Occasional Lifestyle Spending
You deserve leisure and social time at home.

– Dedicate Rs?5,000 to Rs?10,000 per month for social/leisure spending.
– This ensures enjoyment without derailing savings.
– Keep this as a mini “fun” fund.

Balancing lifestyle and savings is key to sustainable discipline.

? Considering Extra Income Streams
Freelancers like you can add passive income layers.

– Upskill in high-demand areas.
– Offer online coaching or consulting.
– Create digital products like e?books, courses.
– Rent part of your real estate space if unused.

Extra income can accelerate your investment goals.

? Final Insights
– Your foundational planning is excellent.
– Now, expand into diversified mutual funds.
– Build emergency and life event funds.
– Reallocate insurance savings from old policies into growth assets.
– Use actively managed funds via CFP-backed regular plans.
– Avoid index funds till later stage.
– Increment SIPs yearly.
– Plan step-wise for marriage, kids, retirement.
– Monitor, track, rebalance semi-annually.

With these steps, you can craft a financially secure life over the next decade and beyond.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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