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Married man constantly giving me attention: How to ignore and focus on my husband?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Maam/Sir, A married guy is constantly giving me much attention. Im.tried to ignore him but he is constantly making appearance from different places. I dont what his real intentions are but because of his constant staring and public apearances. I feel difficult to overlook his behaviour. He is currently gone to his hometowm. So, there is lots of peace. Im not sure why is he trying to get a glimpse of me as he is already happily married n have a son. I need advice to ignore him so that I focus on my husband only.

Ans: The key to redirecting your focus lies in setting boundaries—both mentally and behaviorally. Often, people respond to subtle cues, so maintaining a neutral and reserved demeanor can help communicate disinterest. If he attempts to engage directly, keeping interactions brief and polite without encouraging deeper conversation will likely make your boundaries clear without causing conflict. When he’s present, avoid returning his gaze; this can subtly communicate that you’re not reciprocating his interest.

If this continues, grounding yourself in thoughts about your husband and what you value in your relationship can help you mentally reinforce where your focus truly lies. Remind yourself that someone else’s behavior is not your responsibility and that your own actions, comfort, and peace are within your control. By reinforcing your own values and commitments, you’ll feel more empowered to maintain your focus where you want it—on your husband and your well-being.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter
Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8334 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 12, 2025
Money
I am 38 years old and self-employed, earning an average of 1.8 to 2 lakhs per month. I have a home loan of 44 lakhs (EMI is 46,000, tenure 15 years). There is no other liabilities. My investments include 11 lakhs in mutual funds, 3 lakhs in fixed deposits, and 1.5 lakh in gold. Should I focus on prepaying the home loan given my irregular income, or keep my investments intact and continue with EMIs?
Ans: You are doing quite well, especially with your investments and controlled liabilities. Your financial discipline is truly appreciable.

You are 38, self-employed, with Rs.1.8 to 2 lakhs monthly income.
Your current home loan is Rs.44 lakhs with EMI of Rs.46,000 for 15 years.
You have Rs.11 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs.3 lakhs in FDs, and Rs.1.5 lakhs in gold.
Your income is irregular, but you have no other liabilities.

Let us now do a 360-degree evaluation of whether to prepay the loan or stay invested.

 

Step-by-Step Financial Assessment
1. Evaluate the Stability of Your Income First
You earn between Rs.1.8 to Rs.2 lakhs per month.

 

But income is irregular. That needs caution.

 

Loan EMI is Rs.46,000 — about 25% of your average income.

 

If income drops in any month, EMI pressure will increase.

 

So we must first ensure EMI is always affordable, without stress.

 

Hence, liquidity is more important for you right now than aggressive loan prepayment.

 

2. Evaluate Your Emergency Reserve
You have Rs.3 lakhs in FD and Rs.1.5 lakhs in gold.

 

That makes it Rs.4.5 lakhs total liquid safety.

 

Your EMI is Rs.46,000, and personal expenses will also be there.

 

Ideal emergency fund for you = 6 to 9 months of expenses + EMI.

 

That is around Rs.6 to Rs.8 lakhs minimum.

 

So current emergency fund is slightly lower than ideal.

 

Please don’t use this for loan prepayment now.

 

3. Assess the Role of Mutual Funds
You have Rs.11 lakhs in mutual funds. That’s a solid step.

Now let’s assess whether to redeem this and prepay loan.

 

Should You Redeem Mutual Funds to Prepay?
Mutual funds, over long term, give better post-tax return than loan savings.

 

Loan interest is 8% to 9%, whereas mutual funds can give 11–13% in long term.

 

Especially if funds are equity-oriented and held for 5+ years.

 

You will also get capital gains tax exemption on Rs.1.25 lakhs LTCG annually.

 

If you redeem funds, you lose growth potential and compounding.

 

That hurts long-term wealth building.

 

So, do not redeem the entire Rs.11 lakhs in mutual funds.

 

4. Disadvantage of Early Loan Prepayment in Your Case
Prepaying early will reduce interest over time, yes.

 

But you may run into cash flow stress in slow months.

 

Once money is used to prepay, it cannot be taken back easily.

 

Liquidity once lost = flexibility lost.

 

Also, income tax benefit under Section 24(b) gets reduced if loan balance drops.

 

So it’s better to maintain balance between repayment and investment.

 

5. Best Strategy for You – A Balanced Approach
Let’s now craft the best plan for you.

 

Maintain Strong Liquidity First
Keep FD and gold untouched.

 

Increase emergency fund to at least Rs.6–Rs.7 lakhs.

 

For that, set aside extra Rs.2.5–Rs.3 lakhs from savings over time.

 

This makes your EMI safe even in low-income months.

 

Continue Your Mutual Fund SIPs Without Stopping
SIPs give long-term growth and beat loan interest in most cases.

 

Don’t stop mutual fund investments to prepay loan.

 

Stay invested. Let wealth compound.

 

Start Small and Periodic Prepayments
Don’t do bulk prepayment now. Do systematic small prepayments.

 

For example, Rs.25,000 to Rs.50,000 extra every 3–4 months.

 

When income is higher, use that surplus to prepay in parts.

 

Target 1–2 bulk part-payments per year.

 

This reduces tenure and interest slowly, without affecting liquidity.

 

Track Your Loan Amortisation Every 6 Months
Use netbanking or get a fresh loan statement every 6 months.

 

Check how each prepayment is reducing principal.

 

Adjust your strategy accordingly.

 

Avoid One-Time Full Prepayment
That would kill your long-term investment compounding.

 

Also removes your income tax benefit under Section 24(b).

 

Stay flexible. You are self-employed.

 

You need cash buffers more than salaried people.

 

Final Insights
Do not do bulk home loan prepayment from mutual funds now.

 

Keep SIPs going and maintain your compounding.

 

Grow your emergency fund to Rs.6–7 lakhs minimum.

 

Use surplus months to make small part-payments towards home loan.

 

This protects your peace and builds wealth at the same time.

 

Reassess in 2–3 years. You may be able to prepay more later.

 

You are already in a good financial position. Your thoughtful approach is praiseworthy.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8334 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2025

Money
i wish to purchase new car i10, should i purchase the same through own money or should i take a vehicle loan from bank and the money own by my to be kept as FDR or liquid mutual fund
Ans: It’s a good sign that you’re thinking before buying a car. You’re not rushing into it. That shows maturity and smart thinking.

We will now evaluate own money vs vehicle loan — from every angle.

 

Understanding the Nature of a Car Purchase
A car is not an investment.

 

It is a consumption asset, not a growth asset.

 

It depreciates every year. Its value goes down, not up.

 

So the cheaper the total cost, the better for your wealth.

 

Option 1: Use Own Money Fully
Pros

No interest cost. You save on total expenses.

 

You are free from monthly EMI pressure.

 

Car becomes fully yours from day one.

 

No need to deal with bank, forms, hypothecation etc.

 

Cons

Your liquid money reduces.

 

You may not have enough cash for emergencies.

 

Opportunity loss if you had invested that money.

 

Option 2: Take Vehicle Loan & Keep Own Money in FDR or Liquid Mutual Fund
Let’s evaluate this with care.

Vehicle Loan Pros

You can preserve your savings for emergencies.

 

EMI can be budgeted monthly, if income is stable.

 

Some banks offer competitive interest rates.

 

Vehicle Loan Cons

You will pay interest on a depreciating item.

 

Loan adds to your monthly obligations.

 

You must pay insurance, EMI, fuel, and service together.

 

FDR and Liquid Mutual Funds give lower returns than loan cost.

 

So you will likely lose more in interest than you gain.

 

Let's Compare: Interest Rate vs Investment Return
Vehicle loan interest is usually 9% to 11% per year.

 

FDR gives around 6% to 7% before tax.

 

Liquid mutual funds give 6% to 7.5% on average.

 

So you pay more to the bank than you earn from investment.

 

Tax on interest or gains reduces actual return further.

 

This means taking a car loan and investing your own money leads to net loss.

 

Best Option for You: Smart Compromise Approach
Let me share a wise solution.

 

Don’t use full own money. Don’t take full loan either.

 

Instead, pay 70–80% from own funds.

 

Take a small car loan for the remaining 20–30% only.

 

This keeps EMI low and retains some liquidity.

 

You reduce interest cost and also keep Rs.50,000–Rs.1 lakh aside.

 

Park that in liquid fund for any urgent need.

 

Repay this small loan fast in 1–2 years.

 

Only Take a Car Loan If:
Your job income is stable.

 

You already have 3–6 months emergency fund ready.

 

You don’t have big loans running now.

 

You can pay EMI without affecting savings.

 

You commit to close the loan early.

 

Avoid This Mistake:
Never buy a more expensive car because loan makes it “feel affordable.”

 

Loan should not expand your car budget.

 

Whether you buy with loan or cash, pick a simple car within limits.

 

i10 is a wise, middle-ground choice. Good thought.

 

Tax Angle (If Business Use)
If you are using the car for business, vehicle loan interest may be tax-deductible.

 

But for personal use, there is no tax benefit.

 

So do not take loan just for imagined tax saving.

 

Final Insights
A car is a need, not an investment.

 

Using your own money fully keeps things simple and cheap.

 

Taking a full car loan and investing the money gives net negative return.

 

Best option is a split approach — pay major part from own funds.

 

Take small loan only if needed and close it early.

 

Always keep emergency money aside before buying.

 

Avoid emotional buying or overbudget cars.

 

Your financially balanced approach is very appreciable.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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