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Deceived by Online Love: Should I confront or cut ties?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello ma'am.Iam a 25 years woman.Through my friend i came to know about a friendly chat app and started chatting with a guy.He told about his past broken relationships with few girls and later he expressed his love for me saying that I am the one whom he dreamt of.I clearly told him that i have no interest in love and we are just friends.I continued to move with him like a friend and he was feeling like i am his lover.Later,as days passed by he asked me to adjust some money which he would return later.I asked him to send his bank details,but he sent his cousin details saying his phonepe is linked to his cousin account number.It's pretty clear that he is lying and those are not his cousin details,but his own details. He is calling me n texting me,but after knowing that he lied about his name,i am not able to talk to him freely n dont want to confront him too because he will never agree. Please,kindly suggest me whether should i talk about this issue to him and say that i am hurt and give him one more chance or shall i leave him alone and follow my way. Why do you think he has done so,when i am so true to him?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Just because you are true to him, that does not mean he will do the same...
Also, if you are sure that he is hiding or lying, why are you afraid to confront him? Confrontation does not mean fights...you can calmly tell him that you feel that he is hiding...watch his reaction; if he is angry and throws a tantrum, you can tell him to back off...if he is a gentleman, he will have a reason for hiding facts...maybe it's a man's pride or a feeling of inadequacy that made him hide facts.
Having said this, should you not be worried more about how a person who you haven't met asks you for money? It is concerning...please watch out...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Hello, I am Afrin . I met this guy 3 years back through a dating app . We used to talk on weekends initially for few months . Then I started falling for him and I told him about it and that i would only like to continue if there is a future as we we can get married, he said he is Hindu and I am Muslim so it won't be possible for him so I strictly asked him not to contact me again as we want different things , after that we didn't talk for 4 months , and 4 months he called me again . I picked up , talked for two three weeks only on weekends and the same question i again asked he again said it won't be possible and I again told him not to contact me and he again stopped calling or texting me . After 6 months of this ,he again called ,I picked up. This time he said , he is moving to foreign country so it might be possible for him to marry . I believed , we kept talking now 3,4 days a week . We both were happy ,and enjoyed talking to each other , then finally after 2 years , he came to meet me from a different state . We met, i brought some of my friends with me . We spent 5 days , bt after 3 days ,I saw him behaving rudely .. I tried talking to him and I got to know that , since I was talking to my friends in our language , he misunderstood us thinking we were may be making fun of them . On 4th day , when my friends left , I went to his room and saw him using dating app .. I asked him to show me his phone he didnt show me and we had a heated argument. And he left me alone in that room , and the next day he had his flight .. i saw, he blocked me the day he left me in that room . I tried contacting him for the first in this two years but he blocked me every where . So , this way for 6 months I was blocked , after him unblocking me ,he neither called me not texted me , and I also didn't try to contact him . After after 1 year of him leaving me in that room, he called few days back , I picked up , and the way he was talking i dint like it as I could sense he was expecting the things from me which are against my values . And by now ,I lost feelings for him . So the first day I could say anything, the next day i told him clearly that i don't have feelings for him anymore , so if he is expecting something else from me he won't get it . If he wants to remain as friends he can ,rest I don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore . And after two days he again blocked me . What should I do if he again calls me ? Should I just block him now ? Or should I talk to him normally?
Ans: Don't pick up. Move on. Don't talk to him. Start meeting other guys

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir/mam I am in trouble and anxiety bcz of the problem. Problem is, last year I met a girl in Instagram, we have chatted and got closed, sometimes I help her with money as she was telling she is preparing for government job and need some money for personal reasons. Once she needed mobile phone I ordered online for her to given address. The UPI that I used to send money does not belongs to her when I was asking she was telling she is her junior studying in same coaching centre. Later after 2-3 months our conversation went sexual and 2-3 times we had sexual conversation. But in every 3-4 days she was demanding money. And I send her frequently. When later I realised she is talking to me only for money then I tried to avoid her. Now the Junior whom I used to send money was calling me and telling me that the girl always saying you are family member and sending money. That's why I called you. She has taken some money and she supposed to return me in 2-3 days but not picking my call pls give me 2k it's urgent. When I denied he told I will give you back once she will return so I gave him 2k. Later again he called me that he called her father and his father is asking your contact number then only her father will return money. And ask me if I can give him 2k more he will not share my number to her father, so I given him again 2k. Now a man blackmailing me with girl's contact number saying he is her brother. She used to talk to me what is my relationship with her ? How do I know her? Bcz she has run away with someone and missing since 3-4 days and she left her phone in home. Again after 2 days He msged me that he is her brother's friend and he has this phone, if I pay some money he will destroy everything like all the chat that he recovered by the help of a data recovery guy. What should I do? I think it's a scam or will there be any legal issues in future?
Ans: You're in a difficult and potentially dangerous situation. It appears you've been targeted in a scam, where emotional manipulation and blackmail are at play. The best course of action is to stop all communication with these individuals immediately and avoid sending any more money. Document everything you've experienced so far, including messages and transactions, as this could be important if you need to seek legal advice. It's also advisable to contact local authorities to report the scam and seek their guidance on how to protect yourself from further harassment. Prioritize your safety and well-being by distancing yourself from this situation as much as possible.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |416 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 10, 2024
Relationship
I am a girl who met a muy in a friendly chat app and been talking to him through text and calls since the past 6 months...he told me about his past 3 breakups which were online too and he didnt meet those girls.He told he loved my nature and loves me madly n cannot live without me..i was moving with him as a friend initially,but feeling turned into love gradually..he lied to me about his name too n i found many a times flirting and chatting with other girls.Still i have forgiven as he is my first love. Recently,I met with an accident and was in a serious condition ..my phone was with my relative and she told him about my condition when he put a message to me.He even asked my relatives about the hospital address n my relative has given it. He didn't turn up and was chatting online with other girls till early morning n continued later too by chatting n cracking jokes when i was in such a serious condition.A friend of mine told me about this. When i confronted him after my discharge,he told my relative didnt give the response which is a lie ..as the proof chatting with other girls is there..n later he didnt even text to know how am i for 2days.. I am an emotional girl ,attaching n detaching is a bit difficult thing...i am broken ..when he didnt love me ..what made him use the words like he cannot live without me n will marry me. He asked for a chance,i am fed up of his lies..i made him introduce to my parents also..When i am so true to him..why does he need to chat n flirt with other girls?..even after knowing my condition instead of meeting me..he was chatting.. We still didnt meet,thought of meeting n met with an accident Does he deserve an other chance or should i leave him,please suggest mam.Why is he doing so?.I even helped him small amounts financially too when he asked for.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am very concerned about the last part of your question where you mentioned helping him financially. We ask all our dating app users not to discuss money let alone involve in a financial transaction with an online match. It gives me the impression that he might have been pursuing the relationship with you for monetary benefits; I am not saying that with surety but there is always a chance of that happening.

And now let's address your main concern- if you should give him another chance. I cannot decide that for you but let me ask you one thing- do you think you deserve to be with a person who did not care that you were in a critical condition and continued flirting with others? Even if we keep your accident aside, do you think it is a healthy relationship where one partner keeps flirting with people outside the relationship? I don't think so.

Please make the right choice and don't focus on momentary happiness, think about how this relationship will affect your future.

Best Wishes.

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Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |115 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 14, 2024Hindi
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Career
Dear sir, I have been working in pharma segment n I have a terrible experience to share almost 5–6 companies have not settle my genuine dues of salaries and expenses. Some are almost 5–8 yrs old n the latest one is almost 75 days old. Some have some special statements written on there appointment letters, which gives them freedom , and others seem to have no concerns at all. I cannot take legal action against them as a don't have so much money. In the latest episode, my company says that they cannot give me my full n final till the time stockist does not pays his dues to the company. In this regards, I want to inform you that 1 I have no dues on the stockist 2 I have returned all my property 3 companies settlement time is of 45 days 4 after fighting so long I have received one part as salary but expenses are still held they say that they will only settle my dues when the stockist pays his pending payments. 1 I have no dues certificate from all stockists 2 And my views on this is 1 I'm not in organization now, how am I responsibile for the old payments of my time, because it's responsibility of the current staff to follow up for his secondary n payments 2 party's due on company is around rs 46000 but stockist already has non sellable goods of rs 70000 in his shelf . 3 the current staff do not meet the stockist, help in liquidation of stocks or clearing payments. Kindly help me with your detailed view in how to get my ffs from this organization as I have 1 written several times on main with no proper response. 2 I have called many times to hr n concerned managers but they repeat same thing, ie payments of one stockist Kindly help me with solution to get my ffs from this n old pharma companies. Thanks Jasvinder singh
Ans: You need legal support. Please contact senior advocate Mr. Tanoj Joshi with my reference. Search about him in LINKEDIN.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7028 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir, Im 54 yrs, present monthly take home pay in hand of Rs.2.5Lacs after all I.Tax etc. deductions. Car EMI till Dec 2026 to be paid will be Rs.5000 per month. Have Health Insurance cover for 25 lacs, Term Insurance for Rs.2Crores but no Life Insurance cover. Monthly SIP is Rs.1Lac. Had made a lump-sum investment of Rs.55Lacs in Mutual Fund which is now valued around Rs.75Lacs. I'm not able to save anything beyond this due to family responsibilities and have to start repaying my son's education loan of Rs.20Lacs which would commence after 2.5 years (as he is studying now). Can you please let me know how much of corpus I might have at the time of my retirement if I continue to work till the age of 58years? Regards
Ans: Based on the information you’ve shared, let us assess your situation and provide insights into your potential retirement corpus.

Current Financial Position
Take-home salary: Rs. 2.5 Lacs per month
Car EMI: Rs. 5,000 per month (ending Dec 2026)
Health insurance: Rs. 25 Lacs
Term insurance: Rs. 2 Crores
Monthly SIP: Rs. 1 Lac
Lump-sum investment in mutual funds: Rs. 75 Lacs (current value)
Education loan repayment: Rs. 20 Lacs starting after 2.5 years
Retirement age: 58 years (4 years from now)
Assumptions for Projection
Your SIP of Rs. 1 Lac per month continues until retirement.
Your lump-sum mutual fund investment grows at an assumed annual rate of 10%.
Monthly SIP investments grow at an assumed annual rate of 10%.
Education loan repayment starts in 2.5 years. Let’s consider this doesn’t disrupt your SIPs.
Estimated Retirement Corpus
1. Growth of Existing Lump-Sum Investment
Current value: Rs. 75 Lacs
Growth for 4 years at 10%: Approximately Rs. 1.1 Crores
2. Future Value of Monthly SIPs
SIP: Rs. 1 Lac per month
Duration: 48 months (4 years)
Growth at 10%: Approximately Rs. 63 Lacs
Total Corpus at Retirement
Lump-sum mutual fund value: Rs. 1.1 Crores
SIP investments: Rs. 63 Lacs
Total corpus: Rs. 1.73 Crores
Recommendations
Education Loan Repayment: The repayment may require adjustments in your budget. Consider partial withdrawals or rebalancing investments if necessary to avoid disrupting your SIPs.
Increasing Savings: Once your car loan ends in 2026, channel the Rs. 5,000 EMI into SIPs to further enhance your corpus.
Financial Review: Regularly review your investments and retirement goals with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure alignment with market conditions.
Final Insights
If your investments grow at an average rate of 10%, you may have a retirement corpus of approximately Rs. 1.73 Crores by age 58. Focus on maintaining your SIP contributions and ensuring liquidity to manage upcoming education loan repayments effectively.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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