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Deceived by Online Love: Should I confront or cut ties?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 02, 2024Hindi
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Hello ma'am.Iam a 25 years woman.Through my friend i came to know about a friendly chat app and started chatting with a guy.He told about his past broken relationships with few girls and later he expressed his love for me saying that I am the one whom he dreamt of.I clearly told him that i have no interest in love and we are just friends.I continued to move with him like a friend and he was feeling like i am his lover.Later,as days passed by he asked me to adjust some money which he would return later.I asked him to send his bank details,but he sent his cousin details saying his phonepe is linked to his cousin account number.It's pretty clear that he is lying and those are not his cousin details,but his own details. He is calling me n texting me,but after knowing that he lied about his name,i am not able to talk to him freely n dont want to confront him too because he will never agree. Please,kindly suggest me whether should i talk about this issue to him and say that i am hurt and give him one more chance or shall i leave him alone and follow my way. Why do you think he has done so,when i am so true to him?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Just because you are true to him, that does not mean he will do the same...
Also, if you are sure that he is hiding or lying, why are you afraid to confront him? Confrontation does not mean fights...you can calmly tell him that you feel that he is hiding...watch his reaction; if he is angry and throws a tantrum, you can tell him to back off...if he is a gentleman, he will have a reason for hiding facts...maybe it's a man's pride or a feeling of inadequacy that made him hide facts.
Having said this, should you not be worried more about how a person who you haven't met asks you for money? It is concerning...please watch out...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am Afrin . I met this guy 3 years back through a dating app . We used to talk on weekends initially for few months . Then I started falling for him and I told him about it and that i would only like to continue if there is a future as we we can get married, he said he is Hindu and I am Muslim so it won't be possible for him so I strictly asked him not to contact me again as we want different things , after that we didn't talk for 4 months , and 4 months he called me again . I picked up , talked for two three weeks only on weekends and the same question i again asked he again said it won't be possible and I again told him not to contact me and he again stopped calling or texting me . After 6 months of this ,he again called ,I picked up. This time he said , he is moving to foreign country so it might be possible for him to marry . I believed , we kept talking now 3,4 days a week . We both were happy ,and enjoyed talking to each other , then finally after 2 years , he came to meet me from a different state . We met, i brought some of my friends with me . We spent 5 days , bt after 3 days ,I saw him behaving rudely .. I tried talking to him and I got to know that , since I was talking to my friends in our language , he misunderstood us thinking we were may be making fun of them . On 4th day , when my friends left , I went to his room and saw him using dating app .. I asked him to show me his phone he didnt show me and we had a heated argument. And he left me alone in that room , and the next day he had his flight .. i saw, he blocked me the day he left me in that room . I tried contacting him for the first in this two years but he blocked me every where . So , this way for 6 months I was blocked , after him unblocking me ,he neither called me not texted me , and I also didn't try to contact him . After after 1 year of him leaving me in that room, he called few days back , I picked up , and the way he was talking i dint like it as I could sense he was expecting the things from me which are against my values . And by now ,I lost feelings for him . So the first day I could say anything, the next day i told him clearly that i don't have feelings for him anymore , so if he is expecting something else from me he won't get it . If he wants to remain as friends he can ,rest I don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore . And after two days he again blocked me . What should I do if he again calls me ? Should I just block him now ? Or should I talk to him normally?
Ans: Don't pick up. Move on. Don't talk to him. Start meeting other guys

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |358 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir/mam I am in trouble and anxiety bcz of the problem. Problem is, last year I met a girl in Instagram, we have chatted and got closed, sometimes I help her with money as she was telling she is preparing for government job and need some money for personal reasons. Once she needed mobile phone I ordered online for her to given address. The UPI that I used to send money does not belongs to her when I was asking she was telling she is her junior studying in same coaching centre. Later after 2-3 months our conversation went sexual and 2-3 times we had sexual conversation. But in every 3-4 days she was demanding money. And I send her frequently. When later I realised she is talking to me only for money then I tried to avoid her. Now the Junior whom I used to send money was calling me and telling me that the girl always saying you are family member and sending money. That's why I called you. She has taken some money and she supposed to return me in 2-3 days but not picking my call pls give me 2k it's urgent. When I denied he told I will give you back once she will return so I gave him 2k. Later again he called me that he called her father and his father is asking your contact number then only her father will return money. And ask me if I can give him 2k more he will not share my number to her father, so I given him again 2k. Now a man blackmailing me with girl's contact number saying he is her brother. She used to talk to me what is my relationship with her ? How do I know her? Bcz she has run away with someone and missing since 3-4 days and she left her phone in home. Again after 2 days He msged me that he is her brother's friend and he has this phone, if I pay some money he will destroy everything like all the chat that he recovered by the help of a data recovery guy. What should I do? I think it's a scam or will there be any legal issues in future?
Ans: You're in a difficult and potentially dangerous situation. It appears you've been targeted in a scam, where emotional manipulation and blackmail are at play. The best course of action is to stop all communication with these individuals immediately and avoid sending any more money. Document everything you've experienced so far, including messages and transactions, as this could be important if you need to seek legal advice. It's also advisable to contact local authorities to report the scam and seek their guidance on how to protect yourself from further harassment. Prioritize your safety and well-being by distancing yourself from this situation as much as possible.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister looking after the baby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband wants a family without responsibilities and that's why neither is he interested in the baby nor in paying the bills...This is not just insensitivity but lack of emotional immaturity and the unwillingness to take on responsibilities head on...Approach a senior male member within the family who is someone that has been a role model to others in terms executing family responsibilities and is also caring and affectionate. This person can appeal to your husband and talk some sense into him.

If there's no one that fits the bill, the only option is to go to a professional for Couples Therapy. There's a reason why your husband avoids his duties as a husband and father and that needs to be uncovered and sorted out. It will also help the two of bond and connect better. Make this attempt before jumping into divorce; separating is a whole different world that comes with its own set of challenges and with the baby now in the picture, work at the marriage and putting things together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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