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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I'm in need of guidance for mending my troubled marriage. My wife and I have been living separately since October. Our nine-year marriage, which blossomed after a five-year relationship, is now in jeopardy. A major challenge arose three years ago when I found out about my wife's affair with someone we know. This discovery was particularly hard, considering our daughter was only five at the time, and led to numerous disputes, sometimes in our daughter's presence. We eventually decided to reunite for the sake of our daughter and focused on creating joyful family moments. However, the issue resurfaced when the same individual appeared near our home, and my wife started planning activities at times when he was around. This has caused me great discomfort and resulted in further arguments, though not in front of our daughter. When I brought up my concerns to my wife, she and her family told me to handle it on my own and to be mentally stronger. Unfortunately, a recent dispute on this issue resulted in her leaving with our daughter and contemplating divorce. I deeply miss our family life and am eager to restore trust with my wife, who seems unsupportive at the moment. This situation is affecting both me and our daughter profoundly, and I would greatly value some advice on how can I restore peace back in my life.

Ans: the process of rebuilding a relationship takes effort, commitment, and mutual understanding. Professional guidance can provide valuable insights and tools to help navigate these challenges. It's important for both partners to be willing to actively participate in the healing process. Clearly express your feelings, concerns, and the impact her actions have had on you. Encourage her to share her perspective as well Clearly define and communicate your boundaries regarding the person involved in the affair. Discuss and agree on acceptable behavior to rebuild trust. Both partners need to be willing to make compromises for the sake of the relationship. Keep in mind the impact of your actions on your daughter. Ensure that your discussions and disputes are handled away from her, as exposing children to conflicts can be emotionally challenging for them. Your daughter's well-being should be a top priority. Reflect on your own role in the relationship dynamics. Acknowledge any areas where you can improve and be willing to take responsibility for your actions. Rebuilding trust and resolving complex issues take time. Set realistic expectations and be patient with the process. Avoid pressuring your wife to make immediate decisions and allow space for healing. a relationship takes effort from both parties. It's crucial to address the underlying issues, communicate openly, and work towards mutual understanding and resolution. If your wife is unwilling to engage in the process, you may need to consider what is best for your own well-being and that of your daughter.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |825 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 12, 2020

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Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm a 39 year old man, married and having a daughter. It was an arranged marriage. We started off okay, with some good level of romance initially but plateaued later. First the emotional connect dipped, then her trust dipped and eventually physical intimacy dipped. After childbirth, our sex life hit a low and in past 5 years it has been almost a sexless marriage. I had not been a perfect partner but very much willing to fix my mistakes (I haven't cheated on her, ever). But my wife has been aloof with near zero communication. I never interfered in her independence of any form. I always trusted her but I never felt trusted/wanted/loved. She refuses to have meaningful deep conversations. We do have a lot of financial stress. We considered divorce about 5 years ago but didn't because of our daughter. Last year, I met a colleague and I connected emotionally well with her. I do consider her a good friend but my family (I stay with my parents) think I'm in an affair. This new friend also considers me her friend. Now my wife seems a little jealous of my friend, which is a good sign that there is still some hope to salvage this marriage. People have advised me both ways - to divorce and not to. I really want a happy life for myself and my daughter. I am confused - what should I do?
Ans: Dear JK, I can only imagine the stresses of the situation that you and your wife are in. But it takes two people to make a marriage.

And it would be worthwhile for both of you to understand that childbirth is a very transformative experience for entire family especially the new mother and the baby.

It is of utmost relevance here for them to have the support of the father and the family.

The emotional and physical needs of the man maybe ignored here but do know that your wife/ mother doesn’t do this as a well-thought idea but because her hormones dictate her mind and body.

But of course, if this has been something that has been going on for a while now even after a year of childbirth, it would be wise to have an open communication channel where the two of you understand each other’s needs and see how best as a couple you can fulfil them.

It is normal for a human to seek validation and attention from the external when his needs are not fulfilled at home. But the complications that can arise from that are something that you are well aware of.

You are an adult and you know what’s best for you and your family.

Having said this, if the choice is to make the marriage work, please don’t engage in finger pointing and instead think of ways to spice up your relationship.

Find someone to care for your child while you and your wife take a holiday.

If this also doesn’t work, I would suggest couples marital therapy where a professional may guide you to rebuilding your marriage.

Happy rebuilding and it’s worth working at it!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, Firstly thank for your time, Well I am looking for some guidance regarding my married life, I am 40 yrs old man, married for 9 yrs, with a 7 year old daughter, ours was a love marriage with some ups and downs initially, but with time both of our families became supportive of us and the relationship continued. But 3 years back I caught my wife red handed having an affair with someone who worked for me. This broke me totally, made me feel embarrassed and since then it has been really difficult for me, but what broke me even further was my wife blames me for she taking such decisions in her life, she also shared rumors about me among our common friends, in society where we live behind my back ( I discovered this when I discovered her messages). She keeps blaming me or my family for even the smallest argument that we might have had in our relationship in the past and keeps maintaining the distance with me. Once the affair was discovered I was really upset and we had a huge fight over it, and it had some impact on our daughter ( who was almost 5 then), realizing that it would affect our daughter's life we mutually decided to give the relationship another try for the sake of our daughter and also our families came together to support this decision, now the problem is things aren't the same anymore, I always get a feeling of no regret from my wife and I feel embarrassed about what had happened, this has totally changed me as a person, once a man with lot of hope in life have become a person with no major aspirations in life. My daughter too is very much connected to my wife, this breaks me even more as a man/father. I tried to speak with my wife about this and her only point being I should hear what she feels and I do not understand her feelings etc... I do not understand how to deal with this, can you guide me? I want to become a better version , an example for my daughter again...I feel demotivated. Thanks again.
Ans: i am sorry to hear about the difficult situation that you are facing in your marriage. I would advise you to prioritize your own well-being and seek out support from a mental health professional to help you work through the complex emotions that you are experiencing.

It's understandable that the discovery of your wife's affair had a profound impact on you and your relationship. However, it's important to understand that your wife's decision to cheat was not your fault, and it is not appropriate for her to blame you for her actions. It's also concerning that she has shared rumors about you with others, as this can be a sign of deeper issues within the relationship.

In terms of moving forward, it may be helpful to have an honest and open conversation with your wife about your concerns and feelings. This can be a difficult conversation to have, but it's important to communicate your needs and expectations in the relationship. It may also be helpful to seek out couples therapy or marriage counseling to work through these issues and develop strategies for rebuilding trust and intimacy in the relationship.

It's important to remember that you deserve to be in a healthy and respectful relationship, and that it's never too late to work towards improving your current situation. You have the strength and resilience to overcome these challenges, and with the right support and resources, you can become a better version of yourself and a positive example for your daughter.
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Moneywize

Moneywize   |98 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Apr 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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Money
I want to purchase auto insurance for my Maruti Ertiga which I purchased two years ago. Which auto insurance policy will best look after my interests in the event of an accident which could lead to fatalities or lead me permanently disabled? I want to choose an auto insurance policy that will take care of hospitalisation as well as permanent disability.
Ans: In the unfortunate event of an accident with your Maruti Ertiga, a comprehensive car insurance policy will best serve your interests. Here's why:

Comprehensive Coverage:

• Third-party Liability: This is mandatory by law and covers any injuries or property damage caused to a third party due to an accident involving your car.
• Own Damage Cover: This protects your Maruti Ertiga from damages caused by accidents, theft, fire, natural calamities, etc.

Additional Coverage for Permanent Disability and Hospitalisation:

• Personal Accident (PA) Cover for Owner-Driver and Passengers: This add-on provides a lump sum payout in case of death or permanent disability due to an accident. You can extend this cover to include your passengers as well.
• Medical Expenses Cover: This add-on reimburses hospitalisation expenses incurred due to injuries sustained in an accident.

Here's what to consider when choosing an insurance provider:

• Claim Settlement Ratio (CSR): Look for insurers with a high CSR, which indicates a good record of settling claims promptly.
• Network Garages: Opt for an insurer with a wide network of cashless garages for repairs to ensure a hassle-free experience.
• Customer Service: Choose a company known for providing prompt and helpful customer service.

Popular Car Insurance Providers in India:

• Acko General Insurance
• HDFC Ergo
• The Oriental Insurance Company
• National Insurance Company
• Bajaj Allianz General Insurance

Researching and Comparing Policies

• Use online insurance aggregator websites to compare quotes from different providers. These websites allow you to input details about your Maruti Ertiga, your driving history, and desired coverage options. They will then provide you with quotes from various insurers, allowing you to compare prices and features.

Consulting a Financial Advisor

• Consider consulting a financial advisor who can help you assess your specific needs and recommend the most suitable car insurance policy for your Maruti Ertiga.
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Dr Vinod

Dr Vinod Kumar  |133 Answers  |Ask -

Kidney Health Specialist - Answered on Apr 28, 2024

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Health
Dear Sir, Below is the report of my wife CT SCAN CONTRAST My question is for KIDNEY damage that how much chances are there if kidney stone operation done successfully, means as of now kidney is works or not works. MSCT SCAN OF KUB MSCT imaging was performed using submillimeter thin contiguous axial scan of KUB with oral and I.V. contrast. Coronal and sagittal Reformatted images were obtained. FINDINGS/OBSERVATIONS: Right kidney and ureter: RK measures :72 x 36 mm 4 mm sized calculus (800 HU) is noted in lower calyx of right kidney. Rightkidney shows moderate hydronephrosis with dilated upper ureter with presence of 11.5 x 7 mm sized calculus (1400hu) approximately 3.6 cm distal to the right PUJ. There is seen multiple cortical scarring and thinning of parenchyma involving the right kidney. No renal mass or other lesions. N Left kidney and ureter: LK measures :107x50 mm. No calculi. No hydronephrosis or hydroureter. No renal mass or other lesions. No urothelial lesions: No filling defect, dilation, stricture or wall thickening. Urinary bladder: Well distended. No evidence of calculi or obvious mass lesion. On post-contrast study, both the kidneys shows normal post-contrast enhancement and simultaneous excretion. IMPRESSION: 1. Right kidney shows moderate hydronephrosis with dilated upper ureter with presence of 11.5 x 7 mm sized calculus (1400hu) approximately 3.6 cm distal to the right PUJ. 2. Multiple cortical scarring and thinning of parenchyma involving the right kidney.
Ans: Need to consult an Urologist.
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