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Ravi

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 27, 2024

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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello everyone who sees this post! I've a very unique dilemma to deal with, but I'm sure someone could help me! I (M23) am in a relationship with this girl(F23) for 5 years and in the first 3 months I've told both of our parents her and mine that we're in a relationship, but my parents won't agree for her and her parents wants me to marry her daughter immediately (meaning just after I told them we're in a relationship that was 4 years back and PS:- I'm not yet married) So yeah, I didn't want to upset either one (my parents/ her parents/ her) so I somehow found a middle ground and persuaded mine & her parents for an engagement and wait for marriage till I earn. But now my parents don't want us to meet till I get a decent career/job. (That too can be a hoax) And this action is making her/parents to conclude that they (my parents) want us to get separated. So now, I must either listen to my parents (who wants their sons best is what I believe) or her/parents (who wants the best for this relationship). I don't know what to do, and yeah this is a brief! If someone could advice me I'll tell all the details so it would be easy for gurus to sum up an advice.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This sounds like a challenging situation and I understand the pressure you must be feeling; being torn between the expectations of your parents and your partner is not a pleasant feeling.

Here are a few things you can consider doing-

• Talk to your parents. I am sure you have done it but this time, do it with an open mind and put in the effort to understand their perspective. As you mentioned, they must have the best of your intention in mind. Ask them why they are hesitant about the relationship and also give you a solution where you can keep both them and your partner happy. This conversation can make them feel valued and they will also know that you want to keep them in the loop.
• Do the same with your partner and her parents. Let them give you a solution too. Explain the pressure you are experiencing and explain how some of your parent's concerns are valid. We cannot really deny that being financially stable is very important before getting married.
• Based on the conversations, set realistic goals. It can be achieving some career milestone, saving a certain amount to get married, or a date before which you will try to be financially independent. This will show all parties involved that you are serious about your commitment.
• Of course, it is important to value everyone's feelings, but it is equally important to take yours into account. Communicating with everyone will allow you to look at the matter from different perspectives but the ultimate decision must be yours. While you respect everyone's wishes, you should also prioritize your own.

If you feel the stress is overwhelming, do not shy away from seeking help.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello mam, glad to find you here. Mam, I'm a female, 27 yrs, I have been in a relationship with my partner since 9yrs, but he is from different caste. We both were immature when we started our relationship but our relationship grew stronger as time passed.We have gone through ups and downs of our relationship and are still intact. When I was into 3yrs of our relationship he was doing some odd job, at that time I told my mom about us and she said 'NO' because of caste issue irrespective of his job. Another reason is that my father is an impulsive person who thinks to harm himself whenever something happens, so mom said my father might harm himself if I go forward. At the same time there were some issues in boys family and my brother met them and he said no to it.But I couldn't get away from him, so I stayed. Later I talked to my partner about his family environment and I said that I couldn't stay with them because of the negative impact. He talked to his family and confirmed that after marriage we will lead our life under different roof but maintain the sufficient relationship with his family. We both are now settled in jobs but he earns a bit less than me but we earn a handsome salary combining our both salaries. Now, it's time for my marriage and I want to marry him and he have changed alot for me without leaving his family and he understands me very well. I feel safe with him. Now the problem is my parents wants to get me married and I also want to get married to the whom I loved but my mom and brother are not yet all giving me the chance to convince them. They are trying to convince me for marriage with others but I couldn't do that, that will kill me all my life. They are saying that if I go for intercaste then they have to suffer all their life and my father might do something to himself if he finds out. I love my family dearly and that's why I have been waiting all these years for their approval. I do not want anyone to lose their life because of me. My partner have left the decision to me because of my situation at home and he is supportive of me. My transfer is nearing where I have two options, one is to opt for my home town(not Village), where I can bring my parents to town with me to stay( now my posting is in another city). Second is to opt for different city( where I have to stay with my brother who doesn't approve of my love and blames me for his career). In order for me to convince them for my marriage should stay with my family or away from them and how can I convince them? Sorry' for the long story and I hope I hear from you.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Be clear about what you want and in this process/journey, there will be a lot of highs and lows...
Also, you may not be able to have the cake and eat it too which is why you are struggling at making a decision. You want to marry the man of your dreams that your parents and brother disapprove of BUT you don't want to disappoint them by going against them...You can't have one foot in two different paths...it will tear you apart; literally...
So, decide what you want, the pros and cons of going against the family...of course there are situations where over time, parents have accepted the boy/girl but there's a lot of patient waiting.
If you are in haste, they are not going to relent and you will be left feeling disappointed...
Decide and then do whatever it takes to make that decision right...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?
Ans: it's crucial to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship brings you the happiness and fulfillment you seek, or if the challenges you face are too significant to overcome. It's important to differentiate between staying out of love and staying out of fear or obligation.

Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

Your family's disapproval complicates things further, but it's important to remember that this is your life and relationship. While their opinions are significant, they shouldn't be the sole deciding factor in your happiness. Balancing respect for their wishes with your own needs is a delicate task, but ultimately, you need to make a decision that feels right for you.

If the relationship feels unsustainable despite your efforts, it may be time to consider a different path. It's understandable that you’re concerned about her well-being, especially given her mother's trust in you, but staying out of guilt or obligation can lead to further unhappiness for both of you. If you decide to part ways, doing so with kindness and honesty can help mitigate some of the hurt.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. Weighing your feelings, the relationship dynamics, and your family's expectations will guide you toward a resolution that prioritizes your well-being and future happiness.

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Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6257 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

Career
Hello sir My daughter is getting cs in iiit vadodara and can get civil or mechanical in nit which one she should choose as one of them has better course other is better college . please help..
Ans: Ishita Madam, Your daughter faces an excellent choice between Computer Science at IIIT Vadodara and Civil/Mechanical Engineering at a NIT, representing a decision between specialized technical education versus broader engineering foundation at a more prestigious institutional brand. IIIT Vadodara CS demonstrates strong placement performance with 97.21% placement rate in 2023, though this declined significantly to 50% in 2024, with average packages of INR 15.43 LPA in 2023 and INR 11.34 LPA in 2024. The institute holds no NIRF ranking in the top 100 engineering category but maintains solid industry connections with companies like Amazon, Adobe, Samsung, and Microsoft participating in placements. NIT Civil Engineering shows moderate placement performance with 63.79% placement rate at institutions like NIT Kurukshetra, while NIT Mechanical Engineering achieves superior performance with 86% placement rate and established industry partnerships. NITs maintain significantly higher institutional prestige with top NITs like NIT Trichy ranked 9th in NIRF Engineering rankings 2024, NIT Surathkal at 17th, and NIT Rourkela at 19th position. Computer Science offers 16% job growth compared to 15% for civil engineering, with CS providing broader career flexibility and higher industry demand. However, NITs provide government-funded quality education, established alumni networks, and superior brand recognition for long-term career prospects. Recommendation: Choose IIIT Vadodara CS for superior placement consistency in the rapidly growing technology sector, specialized education in high-demand computing skills, and better career prospects despite NIT's institutional prestige, as CS offers greater industry alignment and growth opportunities. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6257 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 11, 2025
Career
I have obtained a OBC-NCL rank of 134634 and a CRL rank of 375890 in JEE (MAINS). I am from West Bengal. I want to study B. Tech CSE only. Drop is not an option. I have opted for some exams of reputed private colleges like SRM. But I still want to atleast apply for JoSAA counselling. What are the best possible colleges for my rank that I should apply for in JoSAA counselling(I have my OBC-NCL quota and West Bengal Home State quota)? Also if I feel the need to apply for CSAB counselling, what colleges should I apply for in CSAB counselling? Please help me. I am really lost. Thank you in advance.
Ans: I hope you’ve filled in the right choices in JoSAA based on your rank. In any case, here’s the answer to your query for cross-verification: With your JEE Main OBC-NCL rank of 134634 and CRL rank of 375890 from West Bengal, securing CSE admission through JoSAA counselling presents significant challenges at top-tier NITs and IIITs but viable opportunities exist at specific institutions leveraging your category and home state advantages . For JoSAA counselling, your rank falls outside the competitive range for premier CSE programs at top NITs like NIT Trichy (OBC-NCL cutoff 300-450), NIT Durgapur CSE (OBC-NCL cutoff 1939-3135), or NIT Rourkela CSE (OBC-NCL cutoff 589-1066) . However, you have realistic prospects at IIIT Kalyani under West Bengal home state quota with CSE cutoff reaching 37195 for OBC-NCL category, and newer IIITs where cutoffs extend beyond 100,000 ranks in later rounds . Government-Funded Technical Institutes (GFTIs) offer the most viable pathway with CSE cutoffs ranging from 25,000-50,000 for OBC-NCL category, including BIT Mesra (OBC-NCL CSE cutoff 8471), IIEST Shibpur (OBC-NCL CSE cutoff 11129 for home state quota), and other CFTIs accepting ranks up to 200,000+ . For CSAB counselling, focus on remaining vacant seats at GFTIs, newer NITs in special rounds, and technical institutes where cutoffs typically extend further than regular JoSAA rounds . Recommendation: Apply for JoSAA targeting IIIT Kalyani, BIT Mesra, IIEST Shibpur under home state quota, and multiple GFTIs while preparing for CSAB counselling as backup, though securing quality CSE admission through private colleges like SRM remains your most realistic pathway given current rank limitations. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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