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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 30, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Sir, i am from a small town called shrirampur. I have a peculiar problem. i an all of 29 years. at the age of 25 i was engaged to a girl from my community whose over bearing over enthusiastic parents used to harrange me to meet their daughter more than often which i did not like. disgusted i consulted my parents and we broke off the engagement. since last year i have been engaged to be married to another girl from my community. she is a decent and soft spoken girl. now the problem of the earlier girl has resurfaced and her parents have relented and want me to marry her which i have so far steadfastly refused. it is now affecting my professional life as well. please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I agree, it is a peculiar problem. I am sure you have told them that you are already engaged to be married to another woman. All I can suggest is to continue reminding them the same every time they propose an alliance. Maybe your parents can help out and make them understand in slightly strict words that you are not interested in the alliance and are already engaged. I am not sure what else you can do here in this situation. You can try ignoring them and focus on what's important. That's all.

Best Wishes!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2023Hindi
Relationship
Hello Anu, I hope you are doing well. I am going through a very strange problem in my life. Anu, I am 39 years old male and unmarried. I lost my father in Jan 2021 and currently live with my mother. Since I was always skeptical about marriage, I never married till this age and this got my parents worried. However, after my dad passed away and upon a constant pressure from my mother as well, I realized I should give up my stubbornness and should get married and settle down in life. I am a proud straight guy but surprisingly I never had the courage to talk to girl and make a girlfriend as well. Infact, I never ever had a physical relation as well with any female so far in my life. Because of these things, I refrained from getting married. In April 2022, a girl from jeevansathi (Miss J) approached me and we had a family meeting. In those days, I was in discussion with one more girl(Miss H). But this girl from jeevansathi really caught my eye. When I had a discussion with my mother as to which one to finally go for, Miss J or Miss H, she insisted on Miss H as she was working and wanted to work after marriage as well. Miss H, who I met earlier was more career-oriented, practical towards life and wanted to work after marriage as well. Miss J, on the other hand was pursuing a course in astrology, was more conservative, and was in fact physically also more appealing than Miss H. Miss J only had 2 conditions, she wanted no pressure in terms of asking her to work after marriage and wanted to have a low-budget marriage in a temple. I agreed to these. My Mom said that since Miss H is working and will bring in money, you should keep her as your first preference. We met Miss H in March 2022. However, we were yet to hear from them in terms of proceeding further with the matrimony. This is where it all went wrong. Miss J's parents approached us very soon after the family meeting and wanted to come to our home. But since we had Miss H as our first preference, we made an excuse that we need some time to think and decide. But believe me Anu, I gradually developed a special liking for Miss J as our tastes and habits matched quite a lot and her physical appearance also appealed to me. Since we were not hearing from Miss H, my mother called her family and asked when they would like to visit us, but they told that Miss H thinks that your boy needs a homemaker which will not suite her. We then discussed to finally approach Miss J, inspite of her asking for becoming a homemaker, as I got interested in her. On 24 April 2022, my mother called Miss J and asked her family to visit our home. She told that she would convey this message to her mother. But till evening, we did not received any call back. We tried back her number but it was not connecting. I suspected she blocked us. Curiously, I also checked her jeevansathi ID, and shockingly, she blocked my ID as well. Since I was deeply interested in marrying her, I went to meet her brother in his office but I didn't told him that his sister has blocked my Jeevansathi ID and phone number. He talked very humbly to me and told him that I agree to all the conditions and would like to go ahead. He said that he will discuss the same when he will go home today. In evening, I got the message that they will connect with us after June 2022 once her exams get over. It sounded strange to me as a family meeting can still happen as exams are still good 2 months away. But I acknowledged his response positively, wished Miss J all the best in preparation and started waiting patiently for the 2 months to get over. These developments happened on 27th april 2022. 28th april 2022 passed nicely. Now, the bomb explodes. On 29th April 2022, Miss J called my mom and started talking very furiously and rudely, complaining about my visit to his brother despite of her blocking us and also told my mom that we are liars and we are actually looking for a working girl. The whole episode came to a very bitter and abrupt end and I was really shocked with her behavior. I then tried contacting her brother too but he didn't replied. But I did send a whatsapp message making him aware about his sister's unruly behaviour towards my mom. But no response was received. But Anu, It's been 9 months and I can't really forget her. I checked her jeevansathi account but it is now coming as deleted from the site, which most probably means that she must have got married by now. Anu, you will not believe, I surrendered myself completely to her both mentally and physically (it is hard for a male to surrender physically to one women Anu) and vowed that she will be the first and the last women of my life. I believe I loved her soul more than her body and she could have been the perfect life partner for me. This was the first time Anu, you will not believe, I developed a very positive attitude towards the institution of marriage and wanted to really give everything into the relationship for a prosperous life ahead. Anu, I feel pretty depressed with this foolish act of mine and my mother of not inviting her parents else the story could have been very different. I am just finding it hard to live with this lifelong regret of not marrying her. Also, since I am 39 now, I am hardly getting any offers for marriage and whatever girls I have met after Miss J, are genuinely no where near her. My mom loves me a lot and can't see me in this situation. Although I am trying hard to live with this regret, somewhere I still feel very much attached with Miss J. Anu, sometimes, I cry silently and pray to Krishna and Radhey maa to help me live atleast till my mother is alive. Anu, this regret is gradually deteriorating me and I am now deciding to remain single through out my life. I feel even if I marry someone, It will be my body which will marry but my soul will not. That's why I don't want to destroy someone's else life as I have no right to do so. Awaiting your valuable thoughts. Hare Krishna !!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's split the issue at hand here distinctively into two areas.
1. Confusion as to what you want in a partner in marriage
2. Misplaced emotions stemming from a decision not made by you

First, make sure you know what you are looking for in a partner. Your post/email suggests to me that you haven't been able to figure out Miss J and Miss H, working or not-working...Both the ladies has mentioned this to you separately which means they have spotted the confusion as well.

This is bound to push a woman away as she would want her life partner to be sure of what he wants in a marriage. Being on a marriage portal, make sure your profile reflects what you want and that is indeed what you want. You cannot go back and confuse yourself and the person who shows interest in you.
So, first take time off to go back to the drawing board and list down what you want in your life partner.
Next, in arranged marriages, the families involvement is going to be heavier right from the first go. So make sure that the core value systems of both families are similar before choosing to proceed with an alliance. Social media matches are not the truth; there is no fairy tale stories of 'happily ever after'. So clarity first and if you need to rework the profile on the matrimonial site, then please do so.

Now, how on earth did you place so much on time and emotion on a woman that you possibly met once? Did she promise to marry you? Isn't it your own doing of actually letting your heart loose and having feelings for someone who under no circumstances made any commitment to you? So, now letting yourself believe that it's not possible to find anyone else, is something that you are fooling yourself with. Pick yourself up NOW. There's a world out there and am sure there's someone out there for you as well.

Pursue this time with clarity and with that you will understand when the matters of the heart can come to knock. So, you are not destroying anyone else's life but you are certainly destroying your peace of mind over this. Time to dust it off...

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My name is Faraha. Don't want to share my last name. I am 25 year old and working in a MNC in Bangalore. I met a guy at office who is a Hindu and we fell in love. It has been 1 years since we are into relationship, we both have agreed to become life partner and both have agreed not change religion and continue living as we are now. My parents are looking for alliance for me and they want to marry me off to a cousin working in middle East. I am not at all interested as well grew up together as a brother and sister and I have no feeling towards him. My mother tried to convenience me saying things will be better after marriage, and I dnt have courage enough to tell them about my relationship at work. I don't want to marry against my will and at the same time I don't want to break my parents heart. How do I come out of this situation? Please advice ..I have no rights to take decision on my life partner like other woman has? Why am I being published? I just want to marry the guy I love ...
Ans: Dear Faraha,

I am so sorry that you are in a situation where you feel you have no right to choose your own partner. I understand your dilemma. The only advice I can give right now is you speak to your parents about your wish not to marry the man they found for you. You can be honest and tell them your concerns. If you are not ready to disclose your relationship right now, that is okay. But the important thing is to not get forced into marrying someone you are neither attracted to nor comfortable with; you are an adult and you have every right to choose your partner. Having said that, I know how incredibly difficult it can be to convince parents. Clear and open communication is the only way. Once you can convince them to not go forward with this current alliance, you can slowly bring up the matter of your relationship. Not right away, but once things have cooled down a bit. I hope everything works out for you.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello everyone who sees this post! I've a very unique dilemma to deal with, but I'm sure someone could help me! I (M23) am in a relationship with this girl(F23) for 5 years and in the first 3 months I've told both of our parents her and mine that we're in a relationship, but my parents won't agree for her and her parents wants me to marry her daughter immediately (meaning just after I told them we're in a relationship that was 4 years back and PS:- I'm not yet married) So yeah, I didn't want to upset either one (my parents/ her parents/ her) so I somehow found a middle ground and persuaded mine & her parents for an engagement and wait for marriage till I earn. But now my parents don't want us to meet till I get a decent career/job. (That too can be a hoax) And this action is making her/parents to conclude that they (my parents) want us to get separated. So now, I must either listen to my parents (who wants their sons best is what I believe) or her/parents (who wants the best for this relationship). I don't know what to do, and yeah this is a brief! If someone could advice me I'll tell all the details so it would be easy for gurus to sum up an advice.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This sounds like a challenging situation and I understand the pressure you must be feeling; being torn between the expectations of your parents and your partner is not a pleasant feeling.

Here are a few things you can consider doing-

• Talk to your parents. I am sure you have done it but this time, do it with an open mind and put in the effort to understand their perspective. As you mentioned, they must have the best of your intention in mind. Ask them why they are hesitant about the relationship and also give you a solution where you can keep both them and your partner happy. This conversation can make them feel valued and they will also know that you want to keep them in the loop.
• Do the same with your partner and her parents. Let them give you a solution too. Explain the pressure you are experiencing and explain how some of your parent's concerns are valid. We cannot really deny that being financially stable is very important before getting married.
• Based on the conversations, set realistic goals. It can be achieving some career milestone, saving a certain amount to get married, or a date before which you will try to be financially independent. This will show all parties involved that you are serious about your commitment.
• Of course, it is important to value everyone's feelings, but it is equally important to take yours into account. Communicating with everyone will allow you to look at the matter from different perspectives but the ultimate decision must be yours. While you respect everyone's wishes, you should also prioritize your own.

If you feel the stress is overwhelming, do not shy away from seeking help.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10872 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear Sir/Ma'am, I need some guidance and advice for continuing my mutual fund investments. I am a 36 year old male, married, no kids yet and no debts/liabilities as such. I have couple of savings in PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and long term investing in direct stocks. I recently started below mentioned SIPs for long term to grow wealth. Request you to review the same and let me know if I should continue with the SIPs or need to rationalize. Kindly also advice on how to invest a lumpsum amount of around 6lacs. invesco small cap 2000 motilal oswal midcap 2700 parag parikh flexicap 3000 HDFC flexicap 3100 ICICI prudential largecap 3100 HDFC large and midcap 3100 HDFC gold etf FOF 2000 ICICI Pru equity and debt fund 3000 HDFC balanced advantage fund 3000 nippon india silver etf FOF 2000
Ans: You already built a solid foundation. Many investors delay planning. But you started early at 36. That gives you a strong advantage. You have no liabilities. You have long term thinking. You also have diversified savings like PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and direct stocks. That shows clarity and discipline. This approach builds wealth with less stress over time.

You also started systematic investments in equity funds. That is a positive step. Your selection covers multiple categories like large cap, mid cap, small cap, flexi cap, hybrid and precious metals. So the intent is right. You are trying to create a broad portfolio. That gives balance.

» Your Portfolio Composition Understanding
Your current SIP list includes:

Small cap

Mid cap

Flexi cap

Large cap

Large and mid cap

Hybrid category

Gold and Silver FoF

Equity and Debt allocation fund

Dynamic hybrid fund

This shows you are trying to cover many segments. But too many categories can create overlap. When there is overlap, you get confusion during review. It also makes portfolio discipline difficult. You may think you are diversified. But the holdings inside may repeat. That reduces efficiency.

Your portfolio now looks like:

Equity dominant

Hybrid for stability

Metals for hedge

So the broad direction is fine. But simplifying helps in long-term habit building.

» Fund Category Duplication
You hold:

Two flexi cap funds

One large and mid cap fund

One pure large cap fund

One mid cap fund

One small cap fund

Flexi cap funds already invest across large, mid, small. Then large and mid also overlaps. So the large cap exposure gets repeated. That may not add extra benefit. But it increases monitoring complexity.

So I suggest rationalising. Keep one fund per category in core. Keep satellite space for only high conviction.

» Core and Satellite Strategy
A structured portfolio follows core and satellite method.

Core portfolio should be:

Simple

Long term

Stable

Satellite portfolio can be:

High growth

Concentrated

Based on your thinking level, you can structure like this:

Core funds:

One large cap

One flexi cap

One hybrid equity and debt fund

One balanced advantage type fund

Satellite funds:

One mid cap

One small cap

One metal allocation if needed

This division gives clarity. You can continue SIPs with review every year. No need to stop and restart often. That reduces behavioural mistakes.

» Your Current SIP List Review with Suggested Streamlining

You can consider continuing:

One flexi cap

One large cap

One mid cap

One small cap

One balanced advantage

One equity and debt hybrid

You may reconsider keeping both flexi caps and both gold silver funds. One of each category is enough. Because too many funds do not increase returns. It complicates tracking.

Precious metal funds should not be more than 5 to 7 percent in your portfolio. This is because metals are hedge assets. They do not create compounding like equity. They act as protection during cycles. So keep them small.

» How to Use the Rs 6 Lakh Lump Sum
You asked about lump sum investing. This is important. Lump sum should not go fully into equity at one time. Markets move in cycles. So use a staggered method. You can invest the lump sum through STP (Systematic Transfer Plan). You can keep the amount in a liquid fund and set STP toward your chosen growth funds over 6 to 12 months.

This reduces timing risk. It also creates discipline. So your Rs 6 lakh can be deployed gradually. You may use 50% towards core equity funds and 30% toward satellite growth category. The remaining 20% can go into hybrid category. This gives balance and comfort.

» Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
One important point many investors miss. Direct funds look cheaper. But they demand deep knowledge, discipline, and behaviour control. Most investors lose more through emotional selling and wrong timing than they save on expense ratio.

With regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor with Certified Financial Planner qualification, you get guidance, structure and correction. The advisory discipline protects you during market extremes. That is more valuable than a small saving in expense ratio.

A personalised planner also tracks portfolio drift, rebalancing need and category shifts. So regular fund investing gives long-term benefit and behaviour coaching.

» Actively Managed Funds over Index or ETF
Some investors choose index funds or ETF thinking they are simple and cheap. But they ignore drawbacks.

Index funds or ETF will not avoid weak companies in the index. They will invest whether the company grows or struggles. There is no fund manager decision making. So when markets are at peak, index funds continue aggressive exposure. In downturns also they fall fully. There is no cushion.

Actively managed funds work with research teams. They can avoid bad sectors. They can shift allocation based on market and economy. Over long term, this gives better alpha and stability. So continuing with actively managed funds creates better wealth compounding.

» SIP Continuation Strategy
Once the rationalisation is done, continue SIPs every month without interruption. Pause and restart behaviour damages compounding power. SIP works best when you go through all market cycles. You benefit more during corrections because cost averaging works.

So continue SIP amount. You can also review SIP increase every year based on income. Increasing SIP by 10 to 15 percent every year helps you reach large corpus faster.

» Asset Allocation Based Approach
One key point in wealth creation is having the right asset mix. Equity gives growth. Hybrid gives balance. Metals give hedge. Debt gives safety. Your asset allocation should stay aligned to your risk profile and time horizon.

Since you are young and have long term horizon, higher equity allocation is fine. But as time moves, rebalancing is important. Rebalancing protects gains and restores allocation.

So review your asset allocation every year or during major life events like child birth, home buying or retirement planning.

» Behaviour Management
Many portfolios fail not due to bad funds. They fail due to bad decisions. Selling during correction. Stopping SIP when market falls. Chasing past return performance. These mistakes reduce wealth.

Your discipline so far is good. Continue to stay patient during volatility. Equity rewards patience and time.

» Financial Goals Clarity
Since you have no children now, you can decide your long-term goals. Typical goals may include:

Retirement

Future child education

Dream lifestyle purchase

Health care reserves

When goals are clear, investment purpose becomes stronger. So you can map each fund category to goal horizon. Short-term goals should not use equity. Long-term goals should use equity with hybrid support.

» Role of Review and Monitoring
Review once in a year is enough. Frequent review can create anxiety. Annual review helps check:

Fund performance

Expense drift

Category relevance

Allocation balance

Then adjust only if needed. This progress helps you stay confident and aligned.

» Taxation Awareness
Equity mutual funds taxation rules are:

Short term (below one year holding) taxable at 20 percent

Long term (above one year holding) gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxable at 12.5 percent

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

So always hold equity funds for long term. That reduces tax impact and gives better growth.

» SIP Increase Plan
You can create a simple plan to increase SIP over time. For example:

Increase SIP at every salary increment

Increase SIP during bonus time

Use rewards or extra income for investing

This habit accelerates wealth. So by the time you reach 45 to 50 years, your investments could reach a strong level.

» Insurance and Protection
Before investing large, ensure you have term insurance and health insurance. If not already done, it is important. Insurance protects wealth. Without insurance, even a small medical event can impact investment plan. So review this part also. Since you are married, cover both.

» Wealth Behaviour Mindset
You are already disciplined. Just keep these simple principles:

Invest without stopping

Review once a year

Avoid funds overlap

Follow asset allocation

Avoid reacting to media noise

This helps you reach long term milestones.

» Finally
You are on the right track. Only fine tuning and simplification is needed. Your discipline is visible. Your portfolio will grow well with structure, patience and periodic review. Use the Rs 6 lakh with STP approach. And continue SIP with rationalised categories.

With time and consistency, wealth creation becomes effortless and peaceful. You just need to stay committed and avoid overthinking during market movements.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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