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40-Year-Old Man Seeking Divorce, No Children, Uncertain Future: What Path Should He Take?

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |79 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
After completing her bachelor’s degree in Ayurvedic medicine and surgery from the SKSS Ayurvedic College and Hospital, Sarabha, Punjab, in 2008, she worked as a medical officer at various multi-specialty hospitals in Punjab, handling both physical and mental patient care and clinical decision-making. She spent the next decade leading multidisciplinary teams at various levels.
Since 2022, she has been practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor.
Dr Upneet also holds an MBA in hospital management from Alagappa University, Tamil Nadu, and an MA in psychology from the Indira Gandhi National Open University.... more
Ajay Question by Ajay on Apr 04, 2025Hindi
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Hello Dr Upneet, Hi, I am Ajay R from Chennai. 40 yo male married for 11 yrs with no child, currently trying to get divorced from my spouse but she is not willing to. we tried multiple ivfs but all resulted in failures. the relationship is not at a happy path. I have come up from very humble background and future seems all grey. I have old parents to take care of but other than that i am all alone. i do have my own savings which will help for for future. What do you suggest, what path should i take. i have no intention of reconcilation and 100% sure on that.

Ans: Hello Ajay! Before I answer your query, I want to ask you something. Other than the kids issue, do you have any other problem with her?
Will wait for your reply.
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2023

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Hello Anu Ji, Firstly thank you very much for your valuable time and feedback on problem. Thanks for understanding me & my POV in this small conversation. After so long Its you who had read between the lines .I am really very thankful of you , that you have given me such a lovely advice. But I am bit confused. After reading mail I was really get very positive and optimistic about my decision. I read ur mail 4 times , I got a positive ray of hope with lot of confusion comes with it . You said “You are possibly still healing from your divorce and are not ready to get into another marriage.” Yes this is the question. Its almost 7 years why I can’t be able to overcome from that dilemma and trauma which I got in past . You said “First, sort your mind out and then think of another relationship” , yes another question what should I sort it down and how ? You said “ what is it that you want and want to do?” this the problem which is not letting me move on.bcoz of this I am so much confused I can’t express you in word . I am not able to understand my wants ……………there is a Cat- Rat Race from Head to heart………from Heart to head all day. In simple words its (Kashmakash). You know ……….. I also want to get married, I want a companion …partner with whom I want to share my emotions, joy’s,……..happiness….etc., I want kids , I want to go for long drives , outings , dance with my wife , and lot of other small big things in my mind, which I was not able to do in past marriage. I want someone, to whom I can share my feeling when I am low. I am strong enough to take care of myself but u know … You need someone who say’s “Don’t worry Allz be well, I am with you “. But for this I have to Trust the other person that’s the thing I Am unable to do it . I don’t know why, I don’t Trust anybody now? why I am creating a vicious circle about trust .? You said one thing very beautiful “So, if you want to stop feeling helpless, take charge of your life and do what you think is right for you” these words really touched my heart .thanks for the encouragement and the words of strength. I really need it very badly. These words give me a new direction to think and bit of strength to my POV. Please forgive me about my English language ……. I am not very good at it and may be you find few thing repetitive and irritating. Pls ignore it . Hoping that I am able convey my POV and feelings of my problem so that u can easily understand…….and on that basis you give Your valuable feedback and advice. Thanks R@@J
Ans: Dear Raaj,
Thank you for your kind words.
The follow-up questions that you have asked me requires a deep-dive introspection from you. You have very clearly and intelligently come up with these questions which is difficult to do when in a problem. But you have managed to do that. So congratulations on taking the first step!

To clarify, always clear any remnants from the previous relationship before you begin a new one. Also, any relationship including marriage is something never to be entered into to please anyone. Do this only when you are ready and there is no need to give into any pressure. Your longing for a companion is sweet but as I have mentioned, ask all these questions to yourself and reflect.
Also, ask:
- am I completely ready to commit to a marriage?
- am I carrying any fear/anger from the previous marriage?
- how will I keep my relationship with my daughter after my marriage?

And yes, the day you learn to love yourself again, you will find it easier to trust again and that's why I said: Heal first...and then think of a companion. Without that trust, you will be playing a game again and it will not end well.
Take some time off to rediscover yourself and heal. Heal by loving yourself and things will flow without you having to chase one lady after the other. Love must be effortless and not chased or forced. Take a break; fear nothing...All will be well...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

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I am married person since 2015. From last 2 to 3 years it is not working properly. Due to some following problems, 1. I am only one boy in my family. I don’t have any brother or sister. My father is also passed away, so there is need of child in my family because now I am at the age of 30. But my wife is not physically strong. There is always some health issue with her. 2. There is education gap too in between us. She is metric level education and I am engineer. Due to this we don’t have that much effective communication leads to conflicts in every situation. She never give respect to my mother and never do regular house works to and at the end of the day again conflicts arises between my mother and my wife. 3. I want to give divorce to her but unfortunately she is purposely not ready for that because she knows very well that she will never been happy in another house like my house. 4. Same problem when I discussed with her mother and father, they straight forward refuse to give divorce; they said, “if you have any problems or want to give divorce then go to those person who are responsible for marriage or who finalize your marriage”. Lastly, I am now at dead end and don’t know the solution of how to escape from this situation.
Ans: Dear Rajesh,
First and foremost, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, as well as that of any potential children involved. While divorce may seem like the only solution, it's also worth considering seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling or therapy, to try to address the issues in your relationship and explore potential avenues for improvement.

If communication is a significant challenge due to education and cultural differences, a therapist or counselor can help facilitate more effective communication and understanding between you and your wife. They can also provide guidance on how to navigate conflicts and differences in a constructive manner.

Additionally, it may be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a religious or community leader, to mediate discussions between you, your wife, and your respective families. They may be able to provide support and guidance in finding a resolution that is mutually acceptable and respects the well-being of all parties involved.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue divorce or to work on improving the relationship is a deeply personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It's important to take the time to carefully consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals as needed.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11064 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 16, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 15, 2026Hindi
Money
I have 12 lack Diamonds plain from orintal insurance company medicliam policy I want to know how much amount issue for lens for cataracts surgery
Ans: Your effort to maintain a high-value health insurance cover of Rs.12 lakh is very good. Many people realise the importance of medical insurance only during a hospitalisation. Because you already have a strong cover with The Oriental Insurance Company Limited, you have created an important financial protection layer for your family.

However, when it comes to cataract surgery and lens cost, health insurance policies usually have specific limits. It is important to understand these limits clearly.

» Understanding Cataract Surgery Coverage

– Cataract surgery is normally covered under mediclaim policies.
– The policy usually pays for hospitalisation, surgeon fee, OT charges, medicines, and intra-ocular lens (IOL).
– But most policies keep a limit on cataract treatment, even if the total sum insured is higher.

This means even if your policy cover is Rs.12 lakh, the cataract claim may be restricted to a smaller amount.

» Typical Cataract Limits in Health Insurance

In many mediclaim policies in India:

– Cataract surgery may be limited to around Rs.25,000 to Rs.40,000 per eye, depending on policy terms.
– Some upgraded plans allow up to Rs.50,000 or slightly higher per eye.
– Premium imported lenses, laser techniques, or advanced multifocal lenses may cost more and the extra amount has to be paid by the patient.

So the lens cost alone may range from Rs.8,000 to Rs.60,000 or more depending on the type selected. Insurance will usually reimburse only within the cataract limit mentioned in the policy

» How Lens Charges Are Treated

– Standard mono-focal lenses are generally covered within the cataract limit.
– Advanced lenses such as multifocal or toric lenses are treated as upgraded choices.
– The difference between the hospital bill and the policy limit becomes out-of-pocket payment.

Because hospitals sometimes suggest premium lenses, it is important to check the insurance approval amount before surgery.

» Practical Steps Before Surgery

– Ask the hospital to send a pre-authorisation request to the insurer.
– Confirm the maximum cataract limit per eye under your policy.
– Ask the hospital for a detailed estimate showing lens cost separately.
– Check whether the surgery will be cashless or reimbursement.

This small step avoids confusion during discharge.

» Financial Planning Perspective

From a Certified Financial Planner’s view, you have already taken a wise step by maintaining a large medical insurance cover. Cataract surgery is a common age-related treatment, and insurance helps reduce the financial burden.

Still, remember:

– Health insurance works with sub-limits for certain treatments.
– The sum insured does not always mean the entire bill will be paid.
– Understanding these limits in advance helps you plan your medical expenses calmly.

» Finally

Your Rs.12 lakh mediclaim cover is a strong safety net. For cataract surgery, the insurance company will normally pay only up to the cataract treatment limit mentioned in your policy, and any premium lens upgrade may need personal payment.

So the best action is to check the exact cataract limit in your policy schedule or call the insurer’s customer care before the surgery.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

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