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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Raajp Question by Raajp on Apr 20, 2023Hindi
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Hello Anu Ji, Firstly thank you very much for your valuable time and feedback on problem. Thanks for understanding me & my POV in this small conversation. After so long Its you who had read between the lines .I am really very thankful of you , that you have given me such a lovely advice. But I am bit confused. After reading mail I was really get very positive and optimistic about my decision. I read ur mail 4 times , I got a positive ray of hope with lot of confusion comes with it . You said “You are possibly still healing from your divorce and are not ready to get into another marriage.” Yes this is the question. Its almost 7 years why I can’t be able to overcome from that dilemma and trauma which I got in past . You said “First, sort your mind out and then think of another relationship” , yes another question what should I sort it down and how ? You said “ what is it that you want and want to do?” this the problem which is not letting me move on.bcoz of this I am so much confused I can’t express you in word . I am not able to understand my wants ……………there is a Cat- Rat Race from Head to heart………from Heart to head all day. In simple words its (Kashmakash). You know ……….. I also want to get married, I want a companion …partner with whom I want to share my emotions, joy’s,……..happiness….etc., I want kids , I want to go for long drives , outings , dance with my wife , and lot of other small big things in my mind, which I was not able to do in past marriage. I want someone, to whom I can share my feeling when I am low. I am strong enough to take care of myself but u know … You need someone who say’s “Don’t worry Allz be well, I am with you “. But for this I have to Trust the other person that’s the thing I Am unable to do it . I don’t know why, I don’t Trust anybody now? why I am creating a vicious circle about trust .? You said one thing very beautiful “So, if you want to stop feeling helpless, take charge of your life and do what you think is right for you” these words really touched my heart .thanks for the encouragement and the words of strength. I really need it very badly. These words give me a new direction to think and bit of strength to my POV. Please forgive me about my English language ……. I am not very good at it and may be you find few thing repetitive and irritating. Pls ignore it . Hoping that I am able convey my POV and feelings of my problem so that u can easily understand…….and on that basis you give Your valuable feedback and advice. Thanks R@@J

Ans: Dear Raaj,
Thank you for your kind words.
The follow-up questions that you have asked me requires a deep-dive introspection from you. You have very clearly and intelligently come up with these questions which is difficult to do when in a problem. But you have managed to do that. So congratulations on taking the first step!

To clarify, always clear any remnants from the previous relationship before you begin a new one. Also, any relationship including marriage is something never to be entered into to please anyone. Do this only when you are ready and there is no need to give into any pressure. Your longing for a companion is sweet but as I have mentioned, ask all these questions to yourself and reflect.
Also, ask:
- am I completely ready to commit to a marriage?
- am I carrying any fear/anger from the previous marriage?
- how will I keep my relationship with my daughter after my marriage?

And yes, the day you learn to love yourself again, you will find it easier to trust again and that's why I said: Heal first...and then think of a companion. Without that trust, you will be playing a game again and it will not end well.
Take some time off to rediscover yourself and heal. Heal by loving yourself and things will flow without you having to chase one lady after the other. Love must be effortless and not chased or forced. Take a break; fear nothing...All will be well...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2020

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Dear Anu, I don’t know how to start. My Age is 40. This is my second marriage. My first marriage was arranged and it lasted 6 months.  As I was in love we got divorced. We have one son who is 10 years old. Now the issue is my second wife and I have both betrayed each other. I caught her first having a deep love affair with her yoga friend. That fellow is married and we know his wife and daughter. She has started him when she was training for yoga and later they both started classes together. Meanwhile, I am in a relationship with a colleague. Now she is in a different organization. Although she has stopped it, I continue to chat with her. We are both struggling to come to a decision since last 9 months but nothing is working out. We both confessed; she is guilty, I am not. We've had a very rough time. Now she is at her mother’s home. My problem is that I can neither let her go nor forget her. She wants her freedom as earlier but I am not ready. So I am sad while I continue to torture her by asking past questions. I am worried more about my son. I am stuck so I end up bullying her. Please advice. I want to move on. I don’t want to be in relationship but i am afraid of taking decision. Sometime I feel miserable.
Ans: Dear PC, I don’t want this and I don’t want that is a childlike way of dealing with things; you will be stuck in that mud forever.

You have to want to either move on with your marriage or not.

If you choose to stay, you have to train your mind and as a couple go for a Couples Counselling to rebuild the marriage.

It will require forgiving; hard as it is, it will help both of you relook as to why you fell in love in the first place.

Sometimes, it is essential to hit the refresh button and look at things with a new perspective. And if you have decided mutually, to separate, do make sure there is no mud slinging or finger pointing.

A marriage is between two adults who are invested equally in it and there is no one person to blame.

Be graceful about this and make it a graceful end where you support one another.

Whatever you decide, always make sure your son is well looked after especially his mind and what he needs to know and understand.

Seek the support of a professional who deals with children growing up in families where the parents are separating or are quarrelling.

Either case, please DO NOT let the child suffer as this has long-term consequences on his mind.

I hope you make a decision sooner as every day not only makes it harder for both of you but for your child as well. Take care and best wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

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Hi Anu , This Raaj here this side, I have seen your views on the relationship here on this site . so for that I need your help and your valuable expertise . About myself I am 42 yrs self employed businessman ,I got married in march 2010, it was a arrange marriage . from the day 1 there is a problem and it increases day after day. From the that wedlock I had baby girl . from 2012 situation got worsened matrimonial cases started it continued for next 4-5 yrs . after long battle I got divorced in 2016-17. This divorce cost me a lot , bcoz of that I lost my friends , social stigma, financial lost ( hefty alimony)and lot other problem which are associated with this . Now the main problem comes here , as after my divorce I was not ready to get re marry again but my parents are pressuring mr to get settle again ASAP. After long persuation I said ok …. I started searching my own and parents also started there own . In last 4 yrs I have seen lot of prospects ……..( kissi ko main nahi pasand , kissi ko mera kamm nahi pasand , kissi ko mere parents ke sath rehna nahi pasand …….. kissio ko meri income se problem hai,……………toa kuch mujhe nahi jachi.)there is lot of pressure on me that I should be perfect now after my divorce . after all this I had few good prospects ………….1. she was good but she wasnot happy with my income , she said no to me initially but continued talking and we are still in touch as she moved to Australia in APR 2019.As now we r really very good friends now ,Jab main usme interested tha toa usne na boll diya ………but jab usne dubarra reconsider karke propose kiya toa maine na boll diya. Than in 2020 COVID hits which upsets everybody’s life .360degree . In NOV 2020 I met 1 girl on one of the matrimonial sites ….we shared our details stated talking to each other , she liked me but didn’t responded her positively but continued our talks………in march2021 pata nahi kaise aur kyu …..maine use propose kiya…… maine use milne uske passd gaya ……….we talked …..shared our thoughts ….spend good time ……..but raat ko ghar vapis aa ke maine use NO kar diya . REASON is not known ya kahu toa main darr gaya tha .because of this she also got upst and that makes her depressed. For next 10 days I was so depressed I didn’t had my proper meal ……nothing all. I was in guilt ,that make me depressed for really long . I was only thinking about her only all the time nothing else, On 2nd JULY 21 ko maine pher user message kiya ………. After 2-3 days after my sorry and all that we started talking again. Everything stated good again .now in last week of july 2021 my father got severe heart attack ……and he had a surgery . Now they are pressuring me again that I should get settle soon ……..all my family members and sister and all. Maine Phir usko marriage ke liye tyar kiya aur phir batt ko STOP kar diya . and this tym mujhe gharwalo se aur sab se bahut anbun ho gayi. Ab mujhe samaj aa rahi ki main kya karu . main shaddi to karna chata hoon par kissi pe trust nahi kar pa raha hoon . mere ghar valo ka mujh pe bahut pressure hai . there are some other problem which I would like to disscuss in future . pls help me what should I do , I m feeling helpless . Thanks Raaj
Ans: Dear Raaj,
What is it that you want?
You seem to ready to get into a relationship because your family thinks so, your father had a heart attack and then they pressure you to find a girl to marry.
So, what is it that you want and want to do?
And the possible reason for not striking a chord with the women that you were interacting with. When you have decided what you want, it will show up in your body language, facial gestures and within the conversation. You are possibly still healing from your divorce and are not ready to get into another marriage. So, don't. First, sort your mind out and then think of another relationship.
So kindly, start to think for yourself ignoring what your family tells you. Yes, you need to do that. Family pressure is no reason to get married; of course they mean well and care for you. But, what you want is what matters here.
So, if you want to stop feeling helpless, take charge of your life and do what you think is right for you. Heal from your divorce and think about what you need in another relationship and in your partner. When you ready, then it's time. So, no more helplessness, only strength.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2023

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Hello Anu Ji, Thanks for giving Your valuable time and Precious advice & feedback on my Question. I have no words to express my feeling that after so long somebody tried to understand me & my POV and above all helping in raising my moral & recognizing my ability in this messy and confusing state of mind. In your response you ask me to introspect few questions and tell u honestly I did that in alone . In those answer few were as clear as Crystal. But few of them confused me. I will be mentioning what u asked me to asked myself ……and what I have answer for that Questions. 1. - how will I keep my relationship with my daughter after my marriage? Answer :As in my divorce settlement she will be staying with her mother and since Nov2016 I have not seen her and not knowing nothing about her But praying to the almighty for the wellbeing for here all the time. 2. - am I carrying any fear/anger from the previous marriage? Answer: Yes, it is. There is lot anger, frustration which I have buried in the grave yard of my Heart . but the soul is still alive. its really very easy in words to say “MOVE ON”, try to forget the past , Forgive the person …. Let the karma do its course. It’s not easy ,when a person’s life has change 360degree.Madam ,since 2010 to 2017, I had face so much , u can’t imagine and I wouldn’t be able to describe. Those 8 yrs. are hell for me and for my parents. U know the saddest Part of this separation is who suffer the most after me is my Daughter . She & myself is and will be missing each other as Father &Daughter. After my divorce in 2017 , I have moved on so long in my life but there is something which dragging me back. 3. am I completely ready to commit to a marriage? Answer : this is the question which is annoying me, I’m not able figure it out . About my commitment , yes I am very much clear about this , I was, am & will be committed , to my relationship. But I have Trust issue’s. Right now I can say this only . Getting Married is just settling down in life is the core issue presently in my life ,not pleasing someone. I am not in that state of mind to please anybody as I am already seeking help to be Happy and in the search of the happiness which I lost .U know Time is great healer…….. & heal the biggest of the biggest wounds………but in the end leave with scar on ur mind for rest of the life . In the end , I would say I have a lot to share , lot to discuss , but there are some constraints. Hoping that ……I may have able to give You my POV to understand my current state of mind . Thanks R@@J
Ans: Dear Raaj,
Thank you for reaching out again.
You seem to have done your bit to reflect deeper which is amazing. Yet, with my experience of working with people on relationships, I can tell you one thing...
Never get into a relationship till you find the heart to trust again as trust is the only thing that will keep any relationship strong and that will happen only after the ANGER eases into something more useful. Is this possible, YES! Kindly seek the help of a professional who will help with this inner work on releasing anger and building trust. This person will be able to fathom your POV and guide you aptly.
Remember, the next person who you are seeking to engage with, will expect a person who trusts and loves; so, that's why heal from one before you get into another relationship. I am sure you understand this well.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

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Hi Anu, I’m 45 male and my wife is 44, we have been separated due to opinion difference through court she filed three cases on me , after that she with draw all cases by taking Alumni, since two years I have been wishing her on her birthday, recently two months back I wished on her birth we have small conversation asked about ourselves , like did I get married to other women or did she got married to other man. After that conversation she started talking , daily we chat looking at this I put a proposal saying that if she is willing to come back and start our life she is open for it. But she says she does not have any intension of getting married to any one she want to stay alone for life long. Sometimes she shows so much love and affection caring sometimes she completely ignore me as if am a stranger, I’m unable to judge her mood strings day by day my stress levels are going high could not control my emotions and anger I express it on any one. Please do suggest shall I be optimist and wait for some more years and its better to leave her on her own path.
Ans: Dear Prasanna,
For the time being, it appears that the separation is helping the two of you reconnect at a better level than when you stayed together.
It is a good thing as it will patch up wedges and also teach you both to appreciate one another and respect your differences.
I suggest that you let this be for a while now till it reaches a place where the two of you are cordial with one another and set aside the animosity and quell the ego. Then you can put your proposal forth to her of moving back together. She may want it or may prefer the status quo (like she has mentioned to you that she wants to stay alone). Either case, once a connection is filled with love that it is meant to, there not be a definite label or construct to that connection. So, wait for that suitable time to know where her mind is...till then enjoy the time together as a 'dating phase' and relish the moments.

All the best!

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024
Relationship
Hello Dr.Ashish, I'm married, 45 years self employed man. There was batch mate in my college, whom i was in love with. Due to some misunderstanding, we stopped talking for some time and I moved to other city for my job, but kept meeting her during my visits. I told everything i felt about her but she never accepted or refused. In general she used to tell everyone that she will never get married and she is aversive to physical relationship. Later on every 5 years or so we used to get in touch with each other and continue talking to each other and reach to a level where my feelings were at peak and then she will refuse or fight to move away.This was till I got married. After, 6 years of my marriage once we met in a shopping mall, in some other country, and exchanged pleasantries as well as contact; then started talking again. My marriage was/is a hell, so i had more to share with her, and she showed genuine interest in listening and advising. During this conversation our future also came in to discussion, due to extensive flashback discussion about our old times. She remembered every small big things except any event, where she has shown interest in our future together at personal level, but discussion of professional level association was intact. Eventually, one day she confirmed on we to be together, but not to over celebrate it and let it grow and work on execution ...means divorce part. There was an extreme sad event in my family, besides my daughter of 5 years, hence i had to postpone my divorce for sometime so that, family doesn't get two shocks at same time. In the mean time, we continued talking with each other and after 5-6 months, her statements started changing about future, and eventually she said there is no future and i cant talk to you since, you always bring romance in our conversation and I'm aversive to sex/love/romance type discussions. Then we again drifted apart for an year; and, this coming close to move away, happened 3 times in last two years. Recently we started again speaking and got in to business assignment together, and i decided not to bring personal discussions in between and maintained for a while, but then she was more caring and inquisitive about my personal things; and, when I slightly changed the tone then she becomes distant. I love her like anything ...have been in this relationship selflessly and never misbehaved except one time, i.e. college time our first fight. She takes her liberty to get angry at me, if the conversation is little disturbing for her. She is very strong in controlling her emotions and blocking herself from calling anyone she is angry with. She always more male friends with whom she will be very close and then starts talking negative about closest one. As per her she has not been in any romantic relationship ever, but when I look back we had our share of emotional moments though not physical ones. Every time patch up is done by me. During discussions it will come out that she was thinking of me but knew that i will come around. So far emothional part was always brought from my side and her side was little in more out types. I had this wish to be with her and take care of her since she is still unmarried and has health issues , ailing parents and one divorced brother. She is an enterprenure and I'm helping her with her business and she happily takes support from as its her right over me. I would like to take your opinion over the situation.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your deeply personal and intricate story. It's clear you’ve been carrying a significant emotional burden for many years. Your feelings of love, loyalty, and care for this woman are evident, but so too is the confusion and pain that this dynamic has caused. Let’s unravel this situation and explore possible paths forward.

Key Dynamics in Your Relationship
Patterns of Push and Pull:
This relationship seems to follow a cycle—closeness, emotional highs, and eventual withdrawal on her part. This push-and-pull dynamic can leave you feeling emotionally drained, constantly seeking validation and clarity from her while she retains control over the connection.

Her Stance on Romance:
She has repeatedly expressed aversion to romance, physical intimacy, or traditional ideas of love. Her actions may sometimes seem contradictory, but they align with her overall stance of maintaining control and boundaries that she’s comfortable with, even if it leaves you confused or hurt.

Your Role in the Dynamic:
You’ve shown immense patience, persistence, and care. However, it appears that you are consistently the one initiating reconnection, expressing emotions, and hoping for a future together. This imbalance may leave you feeling unfulfilled and questioning your self-worth.

Her Emotional Independence:
While she allows you into her professional life and accepts your support, she seems emotionally guarded, preferring to dictate the terms of the relationship. This indicates her desire to maintain independence, possibly due to personal values or past experiences.

Impact on You:
Being caught in this cycle for years has likely affected your emotional health, relationships, and sense of clarity. While you care deeply for her, the relationship seems to take more from you than it gives in return.

Questions to Reflect On
What Do You Truly Want?
Beyond your love for her, consider what you genuinely want and need in a relationship. Is it emotional reciprocity, stability, or clarity? Does this relationship align with those needs?

How Does This Dynamic Affect You?
Reflect on how the constant back-and-forth impacts your mental and emotional well-being. Are you truly happy, or are you clinging to the idea of what this relationship could be, rather than what it is?

What Role Do You Play in This Cycle?
Consider if your persistence is enabling this pattern. While your love and patience are admirable, they may also allow the dynamic to continue without resolution.

Recommendations
Establish Emotional Boundaries:
Protect your emotional energy by defining clear boundaries. For example, limit how much you give—emotionally or professionally—without receiving anything meaningful in return.

Communicate Differently:
The next time you speak with her, try expressing your feelings calmly and clearly, focusing on your needs. For example:

“I care deeply for you, but I feel our dynamic leaves me confused and emotionally drained. I need clarity about our relationship and whether we can truly have a future together.”
Detach with Care:
If her actions consistently indicate she cannot meet your emotional needs, it may be time to step back. Detachment doesn’t mean you stop caring; it means prioritizing your well-being and allowing space for clarity.

Focus on Yourself:
Your marriage, business, and emotional health are significant aspects of your life that need your attention. Consider working on your own happiness and independence outside this relationship. Seek counseling if needed to process the complexities of your feelings.

Recognize Patterns:
Notice the recurring themes in her behavior—shifting her stance, maintaining emotional distance, and expecting you to initiate reconciliation. Understanding these patterns can help you decide how much more you’re willing to invest emotionally.

A Gentle Reminder
Love and care are valuable gifts, but they must be balanced with mutual respect, clarity, and emotional safety. If a relationship consistently leaves you feeling unfulfilled or uncertain, it’s worth considering whether it’s meeting your deeper needs.

You deserve a relationship where your love and efforts are reciprocated. Take time to reflect and prioritize your well-being. If you need more guidance or a sounding board, I am here to support you.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9852 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 11, 2025Hindi
Money
My husband recently turned 60 Iam concerned about certain decisions he had taken in the recent past and would like guidance He bought a small flat 4 years ago with a loan from LIC on a 14 year old term He is a Consultant with serious health issues hence no insurance was given for the housing loan His income is about a lakh and above as and when there are projects and his treatment and medications coast roughly around 40k Loan amount is about 30k His credit card is used the max and now he has to pay 5lakh to clear the same I have few policies in my name and no major savings as the financial scenario had always been like whatever money comes goes into repaying the loan even the savings were spent that way Iam 56 and dont have a job Kindly let me know if thwre is any way we can get out of this mess atleast now
Ans: It’s not easy to speak openly about financial struggles. You've shown great strength and awareness. At this stage in life, decisions can feel heavy. But with the right steps, clarity and control can still be brought back.

You both are doing your best despite health and income challenges. Let us now analyse your case carefully and guide you with a step-by-step 360-degree plan. The goal is to reduce stress, regain control, and protect the future.

? Understanding the Current Financial Picture

– Your husband is 60. He works as a consultant.
– His income depends on projects. There is no steady monthly income.
– Health issues are serious. Treatment and medicines cost around Rs 40,000 monthly.
– The housing loan was taken 4 years ago from LIC Housing. Loan tenure is 14 years.
– Loan EMI is Rs 30,000 per month (assumed from your message).
– Credit card outstanding is Rs 5 lakhs. It is maxed out.
– There’s no insurance cover on the home loan due to health issues.
– You are 56. No current job or steady income.
– All savings have been used to repay loans.
– There are some policies in your name but no mention of maturity values.

Your family is clearly under debt pressure, health costs, and irregular income. But there are ways to restructure and rebuild slowly.

? First Focus – Debt Prioritisation and Restructuring

– Housing loan is Rs 30,000 EMI and will go on for 10 more years.
– Credit card dues are Rs 5 lakhs, with very high interest (35–45% annually).
– This is a red flag. You are in a repayment trap.
– Credit card dues must be handled first.

Take the following steps urgently:

– Stop using the credit card completely. Block it if needed.
– Approach the card issuer and request for a settlement plan or restructuring.
– Explain your financial condition clearly and ask for an interest waiver or long-term EMI option.
– In many cases, they agree to settle dues if you show inability to pay.
– Try to convert this Rs 5 lakh into a structured EMI plan.
– Target Rs 8,000–Rs 10,000 per month repayment with 0% interest if possible.

Reducing card interest will ease pressure on your cash flow.

? Second Focus – Managing the Home Loan

– LIC Housing Finance loans are generally inflexible but not impossible to manage.
– Contact them and ask for EMI reduction or tenure extension due to health issues.
– If the EMI of Rs 30,000 is becoming unaffordable, request for temporary EMI holiday.
– Check if interest-only payment is allowed for 6–12 months.
– Many lenders offer relief support in hardship. You must proactively ask.
– If no help from LIC, explore balance transfer to another lender with flexible terms.
– Try cooperative banks or smaller NBFCs who allow interest-only payments.

Home loan is a secured loan. So restructuring is possible. But early action is critical.

? Third Focus – Health Expenses and Alternatives

– Rs 40,000 per month for health care is too high, especially with debt.
– List down current medicines, tests, and treatments being done.
– Check if government hospitals or charitable trusts can offer the same at lower cost.
– For chronic diseases, many NGOs and pharma companies offer medicine at reduced cost.
– Apply for patient support programs from pharma brands.
– Also, check Ayushman Bharat scheme eligibility (depending on your card status).
– You may be eligible for free or subsidised treatment in empanelled hospitals.
– Ask doctors if generic medicines are available to reduce cost.

Reducing health cost by even Rs 10,000 monthly will help debt repayment.

? Fourth Focus – Your Role and Income Options

– You are 56. You are mentally active and seeking solutions. That is admirable.
– If possible, consider part-time or home-based earning.
– Areas like online tutoring, typing work, spoken English classes, or sewing can work.
– Even Rs 5000 per month income from your side will ease pressure.
– You can also try selling small food items, pickles, or snacks if you enjoy cooking.
– Many ladies your age run online micro-businesses using WhatsApp groups.
– Don’t aim for big income. Just stable and regular inflow is enough.
– This can also boost your confidence and create emotional stability.

You can become a contributor, not just a dependent.

? Fifth Focus – Review of Insurance and Existing Policies

– Your husband has no insurance on home loan due to health issues.
– You have few policies. But details are not shared.

Do this immediately:

– List down all policy names, premium paid, start year, and current surrender value.
– Avoid keeping traditional plans that give 3–4% return.
– If the plans are ULIPs, endowment, or money-back, surrender them if not maturing soon.
– Reinvest only after loans are under control.
– At this stage, you should not have insurance-linked investments.
– If any policy is about to mature in the next 2 years, wait and use maturity money for debt.

Cash flow must come first. Insurance-based savings can wait.

? Sixth Focus – Future Protection Must Be Minimal Yet Strong

– You both are nearing retirement or already retired in practical terms.
– Your future needs financial stability more than return.

Take these steps only when loans reduce:

– Get a small health insurance policy for yourself, if not already covered.
– If no insurer accepts due to age or health, keep Rs 50,000 to Rs 1 lakh in savings only for medical use.
– Don’t take annuity or pension plans. They lock up money.
– Don’t buy any new LIC or investment policy now.
– Protect your current income and reduce expenses. That itself is protection.

At your age, liquidity is more important than return.

? Seventh Focus – Mental Health and Family Discussion

– Stress is high in your household. Medical, financial, and emotional load is heavy.
– Please have an open talk with your husband and close family.
– Involve your children or siblings if they can support emotionally or financially.
– Sometimes even Rs 50,000 short-term help from a relative can reduce credit card stress.
– If not financially, ask for their help to handle bank or credit calls or paperwork.
– Support reduces burden on your mind. That helps in decision-making.
– Also, try simple breathing or spiritual practice. Inner strength helps in hard times.

Mental peace gives space for financial recovery.

? Eighth Focus – Role of Certified Financial Planner

– Your situation involves debt, illness, no regular income, and weak insurance.
– You should consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to restructure cash flow.
– They will help create a plan that focuses on survival first, savings later.
– A CFP can also assess your old policies and guide surrender or hold.
– They give monthly tracking support. That will keep you disciplined.
– Most importantly, they will not try to sell products. They give strategy.

Right financial guidance now can protect your remaining 20+ years of life.

? Ninth Focus – What to Avoid at This Stage

– Don’t take any new loans to repay old ones.
– Don’t fall for agents who offer "loan on property without CIBIL check".
– Don’t invest in any product promising fixed income of 10% or more.
– Don’t invest in real estate or gold.
– Don’t buy new insurance policies now.
– Don’t take personal loans from NBFCs without checking full charges.
– Avoid investing in direct mutual funds without guidance.

This is the time to protect what you have. Not to grow. Safety first.

? Finally – Your Way Forward, One Step at a Time

– List all loans, dues, and policies on paper today itself.
– Contact credit card company and negotiate for restructuring.
– Reach out to LIC Housing and request temporary EMI relief.
– Cut health care costs where possible using trust hospitals and generic medicines.
– Explore small income ideas from home. Use your time as an asset.
– Review and possibly surrender low-value policies in your name.
– Get emotional support from family and mental clarity from a Certified Financial Planner.
– Start saving Rs 1000 monthly after all this. Slowly build emergency fund.

It is never too late to clean up and rebuild. Step by step, it is possible.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9852 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2025

Money
Hi sir/madam we have lot of debts total 65laks debt including credit card s and Loan and in law's debt , because of bad cibil score we are not getting any bank loans .. we have upto 50laks debt from different different people only and remaining are credit cards and loan in that we are paying high interest for some amount..I have 2years old child due to take Care of him left my job last year and only income is from my husband side that is monthly 72000 ... Lot of pressure no savings and we don't have any property.. only one house in village that's belongs to in law's,how we can get out from this situation ... Please guide me in the right way ... Thank you Sir
Ans: You are managing a very difficult phase with great courage. Taking care of a 2-year-old, managing debts, and surviving on one income needs strength. That is commendable. There is always a way out, and step by step, things can be brought under control. Let us assess your situation and guide you with a 360-degree plan.

Let us start with each area.

? Current Debt Situation – Assessment and Analysis

– Your total debt is around Rs 65 lakhs.
– Out of this, Rs 50 lakhs is from private sources like friends, relatives, and others.
– The remaining includes credit card dues and loans from banks or NBFCs.
– Credit cards usually charge very high interest. Sometimes it goes above 40% annually.
– Loans from informal sources may also have high interest, and may not offer flexibility.
– Your family income is Rs 72,000 per month.
– No savings are left. You are paying EMIs and interests mostly.

This is a high debt-to-income ratio. Your first goal should be reducing the financial stress.

? Your Current Life Priorities

– Your child is 2 years old and needs full-time care.
– You are currently not working. That limits income inflow.
– You stay in a house which is in your in-laws' name.
– There is no other property or asset for liquidation.
– You are not eligible for formal loans due to poor CIBIL score.

You are in a repayment trap. So planning cash flow is the first step. Let us go ahead.

? Immediate Steps to Reduce Monthly Pressure

– Prepare a simple monthly budget with basic needs only.
– Cut all non-essential expenses like OTT subscriptions, outings, or extra phone plans.
– Set aside a fixed monthly amount only for basic household needs.
– Whatever remains should go for EMI and loan interest.
– Check if some credit card EMIs can be converted into longer-term EMIs at lower rate.
– Talk to credit card companies. Request them to restructure dues based on your situation.
– In some cases, they may reduce interest or give longer repayment time.
– Prioritise repayment of highest-interest loans first. Credit cards are usually on top.

Even Rs 3000 saved monthly can make a difference in this cycle over time.

? Family and Social Debt – A Special Strategy Needed

– You mentioned Rs 50 lakhs is taken from different individuals.
– These are often friends, relatives, or informal contacts.
– Arrange all these borrowings on paper.
– Write down names, total borrowed, repayment timeline, and interest agreed.
– Some of them may have flexible repayment expectations.
– Be honest and explain your situation to them openly.
– Request for time, restructuring, or even a temporary pause.
– You may be surprised. Many people value honesty and will support.
– Try to combine these into 3-4 groups based on urgency.
– Prioritise those who are putting more pressure or charging high interest.

Consolidating this data is emotionally hard but will reduce stress later.

? Improving Your Credit Health Gradually

– Bad CIBIL score can be improved. But it takes time and method.
– Keep paying minimum dues on credit cards on time.
– Avoid new missed payments at all cost.
– Do not apply for any more loans now. That will reduce your credit score further.
– Keep only 1 or 2 cards active, close or block others to reduce temptation.
– Use those cards for basic needs only, if needed.
– Repay small loans or cards first and get them closed.
– One closed loan improves your credit history.
– Within 12 to 18 months, you can start seeing better credit score trends.

Your CIBIL score is not permanent. It is only temporary and can be corrected.

? Exploring Income Opportunities – Even If Small

– Your husband is earning Rs 72,000. That is a good base income.
– Any small income from your side will help boost cash flow.
– Since you are at home with a child, try online work options.
– Content writing, tutoring, transcription, or simple data entry are good starts.
– You can teach basic classes to 1-2 kids from home, if possible.
– Try homemade food orders, tiffin services, or simple snacks selling.
– Even if you earn Rs 5000 to Rs 8000 monthly, it will help.
– Focus on work that doesn’t affect child care but gives steady income.

When income grows, debt pressure automatically reduces. Even small income is useful.

? Financial Habits – A Strong Foundation Needed

– Start a habit of noting down expenses daily in a diary or app.
– Encourage your husband also to track and review monthly spending.
– Build a monthly review routine on 1st of every month.
– Mark which debts you are closing slowly.
– Celebrate small wins. It will keep you both motivated.
– Avoid cash spending. Use digital modes to track better.
– Avoid lending money to anyone during this phase.
– Focus only on your financial health and goals.

Discipline is more powerful than income in managing financial stress.

? Insurance – Protection Must Be Revisited

– Check if your husband has term insurance. If not, take one urgently.
– It should cover 10-15 times of his annual income.
– Avoid ULIPs, traditional endowment, or money-back plans.
– Those are expensive and give low return.
– Just go for pure term life cover. Premium is low.
– Health insurance must be active. That should cover you, your husband and child.
– Hospital expenses can break your budget and create more loans.
– If you don’t have cover, take a family floater with minimum Rs 5 lakhs.
– Don’t depend on employer insurance alone.

Protection gives peace of mind when income is limited and loans are high.

? Investment Planning – Not Now, But Keep This in Mind

– Right now, investment is not your priority.
– Your focus should be only on loan reduction and cash flow improvement.
– Once you start saving at least Rs 5000 monthly, then think of investing.
– When you are ready, start investing via regular funds with the help of a Certified Financial Planner.
– Don’t go for direct funds. Those require expertise and time, which you may not have now.
– Regular plans through an expert will help with proper review, rebalancing and risk reduction.
– Start with low-risk balanced or hybrid funds when ready.
– Don’t go for index funds. They work without active decision-making.
– In your situation, you need strategy, not passive management.

First fix your financial house. Then slowly move to investments with guidance.

? Role of Certified Financial Planner – Not Optional in Your Case

– Your situation is complex and emotional.
– A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can guide with full planning.
– They will not only suggest mutual funds.
– They help in budgeting, debt reduction, insurance, investments, and long-term financial goals.
– They will track your debt movement and coach you through recovery.
– You can also ask them to talk to creditors if needed.
– Having a professional removes pressure from your mind.
– It creates direction, accountability and hope.

You are not alone. Support from a planner is like having a coach for your money.

? Emotional and Family Support – Use It Well

– Please share your situation with close family members.
– Ask if any of them can give interest-free loans or support.
– Even a short-term pause in debt collection will help you breathe.
– Encourage your husband to take care of his mental health too.
– Managing pressure daily affects relationships.
– Talk regularly. Plan together. Review every week.
– Avoid blame games or finger-pointing. That delays recovery.

Staying united as a family is your biggest strength right now.

? Legal Angle – Keep This in Mind

– If any creditor is harassing or threatening illegally, take legal help.
– Credit card companies cannot visit home or threaten physically.
– You can file a police complaint if anyone behaves violently.
– Keep written communication for all deals. Avoid oral agreements.
– In extreme cases, you can explore legal debt relief options.
– These include debt settlement, restructuring, or insolvency code (if no way out).
– But that should be last option after all other steps.

Use law as support, not a first step. Prevention is better than conflict.

? Finally – Hope and Direction Are Both Possible

– You are already brave to face this head-on.
– You have taken a wise first step by seeking guidance.
– Now break your goals into 3 parts: reduce debt, increase income, protect future.
– Step by step, reduce one high-interest debt.
– Stay consistent with your tracking and discipline.
– Your situation can change within 2-3 years with small steady actions.
– Don’t lose hope. Your child will grow. Your income will grow.
– Start now. Stay focused. Keep building small wins every month.

We believe in your recovery and future progress.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9419 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 25, 2025

Career
Bsc computer science Delhi University or VIT bhopal CSE cloud computing.....which is better
Ans: Poonam, Delhi University’s three-year B.Sc. (Hons Computer Science follows a Choice Based Credit System with 14 core papers—including Programming in C++, Java, Data Structures, Operating Systems, Computer Networks, Design and Analysis of Algorithms, Database Management Systems, Theory of Computation, Artificial Intelligence and Computer Graphics—supplemented by discipline-specific electives, generic electives and skill-enhancement courses totaling 140 credits under CBCS. The program enjoys AICTE approval, UGC recognition, NAAC ‘A+’ accreditation, a Central Placement Cell that achieved an 88.42% placement ratio in 2022-23 with 252 offers from 78 companies (highest-to-median packages undisclosed) and median UG packages of ?5.5 LPA (three-year) and ?8.5 LPA (four-year) as per NIRF 2024. DU benefits from a highly experienced, research-active faculty, extensive university clubs and industry tie-ups for internships, but admits only via DU-CET with limited seat flexibility and minimal specializations beyond core CS.

In contrast, VIT Bhopal’s four-year B.Tech CSE (Cloud Computing and Automation) is a 160-credit program featuring 55 credits of core CS (Data Structures, Algorithms, Operating Systems, Networks), 12 credits of cloud architecture and services, 15 elective credits (AI, ML, IoT, Cybersecurity, DevOps, Containerization, Blockchain), plus university and soft-skill courses under a Fully Flexible Credit System. Accredited by UGC, NAAC A++ (2021), NBA and ABET-aligned FFCS, it boasts 100% doctoral faculty, a 1:70–1:100 faculty-student ratio, dedicated cloud-computing labs, PARAM HPC access and a centralized VIT Career Development Centre recording over 90% placement for CSE branches with average packages near ?11 LPA and marquee recruiters across IT and core sectors. VIT offers semester-wise elective choice, lateral exit options and interdisciplinary projects, but commands higher fees (~?7.92 L) and admits via VIT-EEE or JEE Main rank.

While DU’s B.Sc. CS delivers rigorous theoretical grounding, diverse electives and cost-effective public-university benefits with strong placement support for core CS roles, VIT Bhopal’s CSE (Cloud Computing) provides specialized industry-aligned cloud curriculum, superior lab infrastructure, flexible credit system, higher placement percentages, and stronger corporate partnerships—albeit at greater cost and commitment.

Recommendation: For a student prioritizing a cost-effective, broad theoretical foundation with reputable public-university prestige and adequate placement infrastructure, B.Sc. (Hons.) CS at Delhi University is compelling. Conversely, for those seeking specialized cloud computing expertise, cutting-edge labs, flexible curriculum choices, higher placement rates and global industry tie-ups—even at higher fees—the B.Tech CSE (Cloud Computing and Automation) at VIT Bhopal is more aligned with emerging technology careers. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9419 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 25, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, My son has secured admission to Information Science Engineering (ISE) at Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology, Bangalore. He wanted to study at colleges like RVCE or PES, but based on his KCET/JEE rank, it is difficult to get admission to these colleges. Hence, I am exploring the option of a CSE management seat in these colleges. How are the future prospects of ISE at NMIT? Is it worth spending for a management seat? Your advice will greatly help us make a well-informed decision. Let me know if you need any further edits or have additional content to check!
Ans: Amit Sir, After carefully researching the fee structures for MQ seats at RVCE and PES—which can reach ?50–75 lakh including tuition, hostel, and related costs—it’s important to assess the return on such a significant investment. Spending more than ?25 lakh for an undergraduate engineering seat is rarely justifiable, regardless of affordability. A better approach is to pursue quality education at a Tier-2 college and supplement it with technical and soft-skills certifications; this combination can be highly effective for career growth. Success in any engineering branch depends on staying updated with evolving job market requirements. Regarding ISE at NMIT & the Scope of This Branch: The Information Science & Engineering (ISE) program at Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology blends robust academic foundations, accreditation, cuttingedge infrastructure, research engagement, and strong placement outcomes to prepare graduates for rapidly evolving technology roles. Established in 2001, the department holds NBA Tier-1 accreditation (Washington Accord) valid through 2026–27 and VTU affiliation, underscoring its adherence to global quality standards and rigorous outcome-based curriculum design. The syllabus spans core computing principles (data structures, algorithms), advanced domains (machine learning, cybersecurity, IoT, cloud computing), and hands-on capstone projects in state-of-the-art labs equipped with HPC clusters, specialized AI/DS workstations, embedded systems platforms, and dedicated research facilities for doctoral and postgraduate work. Faculty members actively engage in sponsored research projects from DST, SERB, AICTE and industry partners, fostering a culture of innovation and equipping students with problem-solving and analytical skills essential for complex system design. Industry tie-ups and MoUs with leading IT firms and technology providers enable structured internships, hackathons, and industrial training, bridging the academia–industry gap and ensuring graduates are workforce-ready. The dedicated placement cell records an 88.37% placement rate for ISE graduates in 2024, with recruiters including Infosys, Wipro, IBM, Dell and emerging startups, reflecting sustained demand for ISE skills across software development, data analytics, cybersecurity and network engineering wings. Broad IT industry projections anticipate over 30% growth by 2028 in areas such as AI/ML, big data, cloud services, and cybersecurity, driven by Digital India initiatives and global digital transformation. ISE graduates can pursue roles as software engineers, data scientists, cybersecurity analysts, cloud architects and IoT specialists, and also explore research, product management and entrepreneurial ventures in HealthTech, FinTech and Industry 4.0 domains. Backup pathways include specialized M.Tech and online certifications in data science/AI and emerging fields. With its accredited curriculum, modern labs, research orientation, industry collaborations and strong placement record, NMIT’s ISE program offers comprehensive preparation for future technology careers and leadership roles in a dynamic job market.

Recommendation
With its Washington Accord–equivalent accreditation, immersive labs, active research projects, industry-integrated training and 88% placement consistency, NMIT’s ISE stands out as an excellent platform. Aspiring engineers should seize this program’s blend of academic rigor and practical exposure to secure rewarding roles in AI, data science, cybersecurity and cloud domains. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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