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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Raajp Question by Raajp on Apr 20, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Anu Ji, Firstly thank you very much for your valuable time and feedback on problem. Thanks for understanding me & my POV in this small conversation. After so long Its you who had read between the lines .I am really very thankful of you , that you have given me such a lovely advice. But I am bit confused. After reading mail I was really get very positive and optimistic about my decision. I read ur mail 4 times , I got a positive ray of hope with lot of confusion comes with it . You said “You are possibly still healing from your divorce and are not ready to get into another marriage.” Yes this is the question. Its almost 7 years why I can’t be able to overcome from that dilemma and trauma which I got in past . You said “First, sort your mind out and then think of another relationship” , yes another question what should I sort it down and how ? You said “ what is it that you want and want to do?” this the problem which is not letting me move on.bcoz of this I am so much confused I can’t express you in word . I am not able to understand my wants ……………there is a Cat- Rat Race from Head to heart………from Heart to head all day. In simple words its (Kashmakash). You know ……….. I also want to get married, I want a companion …partner with whom I want to share my emotions, joy’s,……..happiness….etc., I want kids , I want to go for long drives , outings , dance with my wife , and lot of other small big things in my mind, which I was not able to do in past marriage. I want someone, to whom I can share my feeling when I am low. I am strong enough to take care of myself but u know … You need someone who say’s “Don’t worry Allz be well, I am with you “. But for this I have to Trust the other person that’s the thing I Am unable to do it . I don’t know why, I don’t Trust anybody now? why I am creating a vicious circle about trust .? You said one thing very beautiful “So, if you want to stop feeling helpless, take charge of your life and do what you think is right for you” these words really touched my heart .thanks for the encouragement and the words of strength. I really need it very badly. These words give me a new direction to think and bit of strength to my POV. Please forgive me about my English language ……. I am not very good at it and may be you find few thing repetitive and irritating. Pls ignore it . Hoping that I am able convey my POV and feelings of my problem so that u can easily understand…….and on that basis you give Your valuable feedback and advice. Thanks R@@J

Ans: Dear Raaj,
Thank you for your kind words.
The follow-up questions that you have asked me requires a deep-dive introspection from you. You have very clearly and intelligently come up with these questions which is difficult to do when in a problem. But you have managed to do that. So congratulations on taking the first step!

To clarify, always clear any remnants from the previous relationship before you begin a new one. Also, any relationship including marriage is something never to be entered into to please anyone. Do this only when you are ready and there is no need to give into any pressure. Your longing for a companion is sweet but as I have mentioned, ask all these questions to yourself and reflect.
Also, ask:
- am I completely ready to commit to a marriage?
- am I carrying any fear/anger from the previous marriage?
- how will I keep my relationship with my daughter after my marriage?

And yes, the day you learn to love yourself again, you will find it easier to trust again and that's why I said: Heal first...and then think of a companion. Without that trust, you will be playing a game again and it will not end well.
Take some time off to rediscover yourself and heal. Heal by loving yourself and things will flow without you having to chase one lady after the other. Love must be effortless and not chased or forced. Take a break; fear nothing...All will be well...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2020

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I don’t know how to start. My Age is 40. This is my second marriage. My first marriage was arranged and it lasted 6 months.  As I was in love we got divorced. We have one son who is 10 years old. Now the issue is my second wife and I have both betrayed each other. I caught her first having a deep love affair with her yoga friend. That fellow is married and we know his wife and daughter. She has started him when she was training for yoga and later they both started classes together. Meanwhile, I am in a relationship with a colleague. Now she is in a different organization. Although she has stopped it, I continue to chat with her. We are both struggling to come to a decision since last 9 months but nothing is working out. We both confessed; she is guilty, I am not. We've had a very rough time. Now she is at her mother’s home. My problem is that I can neither let her go nor forget her. She wants her freedom as earlier but I am not ready. So I am sad while I continue to torture her by asking past questions. I am worried more about my son. I am stuck so I end up bullying her. Please advice. I want to move on. I don’t want to be in relationship but i am afraid of taking decision. Sometime I feel miserable.
Ans: Dear PC, I don’t want this and I don’t want that is a childlike way of dealing with things; you will be stuck in that mud forever.

You have to want to either move on with your marriage or not.

If you choose to stay, you have to train your mind and as a couple go for a Couples Counselling to rebuild the marriage.

It will require forgiving; hard as it is, it will help both of you relook as to why you fell in love in the first place.

Sometimes, it is essential to hit the refresh button and look at things with a new perspective. And if you have decided mutually, to separate, do make sure there is no mud slinging or finger pointing.

A marriage is between two adults who are invested equally in it and there is no one person to blame.

Be graceful about this and make it a graceful end where you support one another.

Whatever you decide, always make sure your son is well looked after especially his mind and what he needs to know and understand.

Seek the support of a professional who deals with children growing up in families where the parents are separating or are quarrelling.

Either case, please DO NOT let the child suffer as this has long-term consequences on his mind.

I hope you make a decision sooner as every day not only makes it harder for both of you but for your child as well. Take care and best wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Anu , This Raaj here this side, I have seen your views on the relationship here on this site . so for that I need your help and your valuable expertise . About myself I am 42 yrs self employed businessman ,I got married in march 2010, it was a arrange marriage . from the day 1 there is a problem and it increases day after day. From the that wedlock I had baby girl . from 2012 situation got worsened matrimonial cases started it continued for next 4-5 yrs . after long battle I got divorced in 2016-17. This divorce cost me a lot , bcoz of that I lost my friends , social stigma, financial lost ( hefty alimony)and lot other problem which are associated with this . Now the main problem comes here , as after my divorce I was not ready to get re marry again but my parents are pressuring mr to get settle again ASAP. After long persuation I said ok …. I started searching my own and parents also started there own . In last 4 yrs I have seen lot of prospects ……..( kissi ko main nahi pasand , kissi ko mera kamm nahi pasand , kissi ko mere parents ke sath rehna nahi pasand …….. kissio ko meri income se problem hai,……………toa kuch mujhe nahi jachi.)there is lot of pressure on me that I should be perfect now after my divorce . after all this I had few good prospects ………….1. she was good but she wasnot happy with my income , she said no to me initially but continued talking and we are still in touch as she moved to Australia in APR 2019.As now we r really very good friends now ,Jab main usme interested tha toa usne na boll diya ………but jab usne dubarra reconsider karke propose kiya toa maine na boll diya. Than in 2020 COVID hits which upsets everybody’s life .360degree . In NOV 2020 I met 1 girl on one of the matrimonial sites ….we shared our details stated talking to each other , she liked me but didn’t responded her positively but continued our talks………in march2021 pata nahi kaise aur kyu …..maine use propose kiya…… maine use milne uske passd gaya ……….we talked …..shared our thoughts ….spend good time ……..but raat ko ghar vapis aa ke maine use NO kar diya . REASON is not known ya kahu toa main darr gaya tha .because of this she also got upst and that makes her depressed. For next 10 days I was so depressed I didn’t had my proper meal ……nothing all. I was in guilt ,that make me depressed for really long . I was only thinking about her only all the time nothing else, On 2nd JULY 21 ko maine pher user message kiya ………. After 2-3 days after my sorry and all that we started talking again. Everything stated good again .now in last week of july 2021 my father got severe heart attack ……and he had a surgery . Now they are pressuring me again that I should get settle soon ……..all my family members and sister and all. Maine Phir usko marriage ke liye tyar kiya aur phir batt ko STOP kar diya . and this tym mujhe gharwalo se aur sab se bahut anbun ho gayi. Ab mujhe samaj aa rahi ki main kya karu . main shaddi to karna chata hoon par kissi pe trust nahi kar pa raha hoon . mere ghar valo ka mujh pe bahut pressure hai . there are some other problem which I would like to disscuss in future . pls help me what should I do , I m feeling helpless . Thanks Raaj
Ans: Dear Raaj,
What is it that you want?
You seem to ready to get into a relationship because your family thinks so, your father had a heart attack and then they pressure you to find a girl to marry.
So, what is it that you want and want to do?
And the possible reason for not striking a chord with the women that you were interacting with. When you have decided what you want, it will show up in your body language, facial gestures and within the conversation. You are possibly still healing from your divorce and are not ready to get into another marriage. So, don't. First, sort your mind out and then think of another relationship.
So kindly, start to think for yourself ignoring what your family tells you. Yes, you need to do that. Family pressure is no reason to get married; of course they mean well and care for you. But, what you want is what matters here.
So, if you want to stop feeling helpless, take charge of your life and do what you think is right for you. Heal from your divorce and think about what you need in another relationship and in your partner. When you ready, then it's time. So, no more helplessness, only strength.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I’m 45 male and my wife is 44, we have been separated due to opinion difference through court she filed three cases on me , after that she with draw all cases by taking Alumni, since two years I have been wishing her on her birthday, recently two months back I wished on her birth we have small conversation asked about ourselves , like did I get married to other women or did she got married to other man. After that conversation she started talking , daily we chat looking at this I put a proposal saying that if she is willing to come back and start our life she is open for it. But she says she does not have any intension of getting married to any one she want to stay alone for life long. Sometimes she shows so much love and affection caring sometimes she completely ignore me as if am a stranger, I’m unable to judge her mood strings day by day my stress levels are going high could not control my emotions and anger I express it on any one. Please do suggest shall I be optimist and wait for some more years and its better to leave her on her own path.
Ans: Dear Prasanna,
For the time being, it appears that the separation is helping the two of you reconnect at a better level than when you stayed together.
It is a good thing as it will patch up wedges and also teach you both to appreciate one another and respect your differences.
I suggest that you let this be for a while now till it reaches a place where the two of you are cordial with one another and set aside the animosity and quell the ego. Then you can put your proposal forth to her of moving back together. She may want it or may prefer the status quo (like she has mentioned to you that she wants to stay alone). Either case, once a connection is filled with love that it is meant to, there not be a definite label or construct to that connection. So, wait for that suitable time to know where her mind is...till then enjoy the time together as a 'dating phase' and relish the moments.

All the best!

..Read more

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Your financial situation requires a structured approach to ensure long-term security. You have multiple income sources, a property, investments, and financial commitments. A clear plan will help manage expenses, investments, and future goals effectively.

Income Sources and Stability
Salary – Rs. 1.15 lakh per month

This is your primary source of income.
It provides stability and helps with regular expenses.
Pension – Rs. 1.15 lakh per month (reducing to Rs. 90,000 after 10 years)

This is a strong financial support.
Future reduction needs to be considered in planning.
Rental Income – Rs. 14,000 per month

This adds to cash flow.
It helps with loan repayment or investment.
Total Monthly Income – Rs. 2.44 lakh (reducing to Rs. 2.19 lakh in 10 years)

This is a good financial position.
A structured approach is required for long-term financial stability.
Home Loan Repayment
Current EMI – Rs. 15,000 per month

The principal outstanding is Rs. 5 lakh.
The loan will be cleared in 20 months.
Should You Prepay?

Yes, if there is no prepayment penalty.
Clearing the loan early gives peace of mind.
It saves on interest costs.
Impact on Finances

Prepaying Rs. 5 lakh reduces financial burden.
Monthly expenses will reduce after the loan is cleared.
Term Insurance Decision
Premium – Rs. 1 lakh per year for 10 years

Term insurance is necessary for your daughter’s security.
Ensure the sum assured is adequate.
Is It the Right Amount?

The premium seems high.
Reassess whether a lower premium plan can provide sufficient coverage.
Living Arrangement and Rent Planning
Current Situation – Staying with Sister

This reduces expenses.
It provides emotional support.
Moving Out – Additional Rs. 25,000 Rent per Month

This will increase monthly costs.
Ensure rental expenses fit within your budget.
Alternative Approach

Consider staying for a while longer to save more.
Delay moving out until your home loan is cleared.
Investment Strategy for Rs. 40 Lakh
Debt and Fixed Income Allocation – 30-40%

Provides stability and liquidity.
Ensures emergency fund availability.
Equity Mutual Funds – 50-60%

Helps with long-term wealth creation.
Beats inflation over time.
Actively managed funds perform better than index funds.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) for Growth

Investing monthly ensures rupee cost averaging.
Builds a strong financial corpus over time.
Emergency Fund

Keep at least 6-12 months’ expenses in liquid assets.
Ensures financial security in case of unexpected events.
Managing Future Financial Stability
Reducing Pension in 10 Years

Plan investments to compensate for lower pension.
Build a corpus that generates passive income.
Retirement Planning

Ensure investments support post-retirement needs.
Avoid pension plans, as they often provide lower returns.
Daughter’s Education and Future

Ensure sufficient funds for higher education.
Create a separate investment plan for this goal.
Finally
Your financial position is strong, but structured planning is key. Clearing the home loan, investing wisely, and managing expenses will ensure financial stability. With a balanced investment approach, you can secure a comfortable future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 01, 2025

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Sir, I would like to invest 70 lacs in Mutual funds. Also I would like to go for SWP on this amount for Rs 50000 per month. Please suggest a plan for investment
Ans: Your plan to invest Rs. 70 lakh in mutual funds and withdraw Rs. 50,000 per month through SWP is a smart approach. It allows for both capital appreciation and regular income. A well-structured plan will ensure financial stability and long-term wealth preservation.

Key Considerations for Your Investment
Balancing Growth and Stability
Your investment should generate long-term growth while providing stable monthly withdrawals.

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals
A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) should minimise tax impact while ensuring liquidity.

Inflation Protection
The investment should outpace inflation to maintain your purchasing power over time.

Risk Management
A mix of asset classes will provide stability during market fluctuations.

Asset Allocation Strategy
A well-diversified portfolio will help balance risk and returns.

Equity Mutual Funds – 40-50% Allocation

Ensures long-term capital growth.
Helps beat inflation over time.
Actively managed funds perform better than index funds.
Hybrid Mutual Funds – 20-30% Allocation

Provides a mix of equity and debt for balanced growth.
Ensures stability during market downturns.
Debt Mutual Funds – 20-30% Allocation

Provides steady income and capital preservation.
Reduces portfolio volatility.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) Strategy
Start Withdrawals After One Year

Ensures long-term capital appreciation.
Avoids short-term capital gains tax.
Withdraw from Debt or Hybrid Funds First

Ensures equity portion continues to grow.
Reduces volatility risk.
Rebalance Portfolio Annually

Adjust allocations based on market conditions.
Ensure sustainability of monthly withdrawals.
Risk Management Measures
Emergency Fund

Maintain 6-12 months of expenses in liquid assets.
Avoids distress selling during market downturns.
Health Insurance

Ensure adequate coverage for medical emergencies.
Protects investment corpus from unexpected expenses.
Periodic Review

Monitor performance regularly.
Adjust allocations as needed.
Finally
Your investment approach should focus on long-term growth and financial security. A structured SWP strategy will provide stability while allowing your corpus to grow. With the right asset allocation and periodic rebalancing, you can achieve a stress-free and financially secure future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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Money
I am 45 years old and plan to retire in the next five years. My financial portfolio includes shares and mutual funds worth ₹65 lakh, a provident fund of ₹30 lakh, a PPF of ₹15 lakh, and gold valued at approximately ₹30 lakh. I also own a house in a metro city and earn ₹18 lakh per annum from my salary, along with ₹70,000 per year in agricultural income. My monthly expenses are around ₹1 lakh. My wife is a homemaker, and we have a child with autism. Given these factors, is my current financial position sufficient for a secure retirement in five years, considering future expenses, inflation, and my family's long-term needs? If not, what steps should I take to strengthen my financial plan?
Ans: You are in a strong financial position. However, with a child who has autism, future expenses may be higher than usual. A structured approach will help ensure financial security for your family.

Current Financial Position
Investments in shares and mutual funds: Rs. 65 lakh
Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 30 lakh
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs. 15 lakh
Gold holdings: Rs. 30 lakh
House ownership: Fully owned in a metro city
Annual salary income: Rs. 18 lakh
Agricultural income: Rs. 70,000 per year
Monthly expenses: Rs. 1 lakh
Your total liquid assets (excluding real estate) amount to Rs. 1.4 crore. This corpus needs to sustain you and your family after retirement.

Key Challenges
High monthly expenses: At Rs. 1 lakh per month, you need a large retirement corpus.
Inflation impact: Expenses will increase over time, requiring a growing income stream.
Child’s long-term care: Special care and education may be lifelong commitments.
Single earning member: Your wife is a homemaker, meaning the entire financial burden is on you.
Retirement Corpus Requirement
Your current expenses are Rs. 12 lakh per year. Post-retirement, expenses will continue and grow due to inflation. Assuming an increase of 6% annually, you will need a significant corpus to sustain your family for 30+ years.

Steps to Strengthen Your Financial Plan
1. Increase Investments for the Next 5 Years
Your surplus savings should go into investments.
Invest an additional amount monthly to build a larger corpus.
A mix of safe and high-growth investments will be ideal.
2. Create a Separate Health and Emergency Fund
Medical costs rise with age.
Allocate Rs. 25-30 lakh for medical emergencies.
Ensure adequate health insurance coverage for yourself, your wife, and your child.
3. Ensure a Dedicated Fund for Your Child’s Future
Set aside a separate corpus for your child's lifelong care.
A mix of fixed-income instruments and mutual funds will work best.
Consider setting up a trust or legal arrangement for long-term financial security.
4. Reduce Gold Holdings and Shift to More Liquid Investments
Gold is not an income-generating asset.
Convert some gold into investments that generate steady returns.
Use this amount to strengthen your retirement corpus.
5. Plan for a Reliable Passive Income Post-Retirement
Your portfolio should generate at least Rs. 1.2-1.5 lakh per month post-retirement.
Fixed-income investments should cover a large portion of your monthly expenses.
Dividend-paying funds and debt instruments will help balance stability and growth.
6. Review and Adjust Your Portfolio Annually
Track expenses and portfolio performance.
Adjust asset allocation based on market conditions.
Reduce risk gradually as you approach retirement.
Finally
Your current financial position is strong, but you need additional investments to sustain your post-retirement life. The next five years are crucial. Focus on disciplined savings, strategic investments, and ensuring long-term care for your child. With the right approach, you can achieve a financially secure and stress-free retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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