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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 01, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello I am 38Yrs old and married for over 10years. One year back i discovered about my wife getting involved with another man. I was shattered as we have two kids. I initially thought of straight going for divorce but our two kids were always a priority for me and opened up conversation with my wife on what inclined her to take this step. She was shocked that I am aware of her situation. She then opened up that she felt lonely at times when I was away extremely busy with my office and at times she required emotional support for which I was not there. I explained her no reason in this world can explain her act. She felt apologetic and I decided to give another chance to our relationship keeping in mind our kids future. Its now more than an year and our physical/emotional relation have intensified since the incident. We miss each other when I am away and get into steamy conversations to compensate whenever we are distant. Despite of this I still cannot take the past out of my mind and at times it disturbs me. I feel really cheap that despite of moving ahead in our life's why I still keep bringing the past in between our relation. Although I don't discuss anymore about the incident with my wife but she can very well sense the reason when I feel disturbed. I want your help on how to best overcome of such incidents emotionally and rebuild the lost trust with your partner.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, it's your control over the way your mind thinks...
If you want to play upon what's happened, then making up and trying to be in the marriage is going to be a difficult proposition. So, decide how you want to play this? Will you train your mind to look forward and rebuilding the marriage OR do you wish to keep at what's happened and live in the past? This is your choice to make...Of course, you cannot erase what's happened but you can change the way that you feel about it...
So, first make that choice. If you wish to dwell on the past, do know that your relationship will sour sooner than later. If you wish to move things ahead, then:
- rebuild the lost trust by spending more time together
- every time you slip into the past, remind yourself that you made the choice to move ahead
- make a clear and positive image of hwo you want your married life to be and play it up in your mind several times in a day

These are a few ways of changing the way you think about an incident and teaches you to move ahead more in a focused manner. Make a choice and stick by it.

All the best!

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Love Guru

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Hi, Please hide my name. It’s been close to 10 years of our marriage. We are as such happily married but have our share of fights and arguments. It was an arranged marriage though we did have a courtship (physically roaming around) of about 10-15 days two months before the wedding. I have been made aware of a past relationship of my wife. I am okay with that. It went on to the physical levels and I do not as such have an issue. But now I was made aware -- in general talks -- that the relationship lasted till the last day before the marriage and it was involved to the extent of sharing hotel rooms, going together to different cities -- all these just 10-15 days before the marriage. I do have chats of that time and I when I showed that to her, including SMSes. She is saying it just happened and she has no explanation.  I do not intend to break my marriage as we have lovely kids to raise, but I am not able to digest these incidents. The thing that really hurts me is that she is not regretting this and always saying that its part of her good memories of life. I just can't digest this. I think I need some help to come to peace with this situation as this is spoiling the atmosphere at home. Regards, A bleeding heart.
Ans:

Dear Bleeding Heart,

I think you need to come to terms with your wife’s past.

The situation speaks for itself, doesn’t it? She loved someone else but was pressured into an arranged match with you. And then proceeded to enjoy as much time with the man she loved before she gave herself away to someone else, who was practically a stranger then.

It’s very understandable.

I get that you’re feeling a little duped, given that she was still with the other man right up until the wedding, but get over it.

She’s been with you for 10 years since then, is the mother of your children and obviously loves you now; you have a happy marriage.

You’re behaving like she cheated on you, when in fact she revealed the truth to you herself. So leave the past where it belongs and look forward to the future.

The only problem here is your bruised male ego.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |606 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, Firstly thank for your time, Well I am looking for some guidance regarding my married life, I am 40 yrs old man, married for 9 yrs, with a 7 year old daughter, ours was a love marriage with some ups and downs initially, but with time both of our families became supportive of us and the relationship continued. But 3 years back I caught my wife red handed having an affair with someone who worked for me. This broke me totally, made me feel embarrassed and since then it has been really difficult for me, but what broke me even further was my wife blames me for she taking such decisions in her life, she also shared rumors about me among our common friends, in society where we live behind my back ( I discovered this when I discovered her messages). She keeps blaming me or my family for even the smallest argument that we might have had in our relationship in the past and keeps maintaining the distance with me. Once the affair was discovered I was really upset and we had a huge fight over it, and it had some impact on our daughter ( who was almost 5 then), realizing that it would affect our daughter's life we mutually decided to give the relationship another try for the sake of our daughter and also our families came together to support this decision, now the problem is things aren't the same anymore, I always get a feeling of no regret from my wife and I feel embarrassed about what had happened, this has totally changed me as a person, once a man with lot of hope in life have become a person with no major aspirations in life. My daughter too is very much connected to my wife, this breaks me even more as a man/father. I tried to speak with my wife about this and her only point being I should hear what she feels and I do not understand her feelings etc... I do not understand how to deal with this, can you guide me? I want to become a better version , an example for my daughter again...I feel demotivated. Thanks again.
Ans: i am sorry to hear about the difficult situation that you are facing in your marriage. I would advise you to prioritize your own well-being and seek out support from a mental health professional to help you work through the complex emotions that you are experiencing.

It's understandable that the discovery of your wife's affair had a profound impact on you and your relationship. However, it's important to understand that your wife's decision to cheat was not your fault, and it is not appropriate for her to blame you for her actions. It's also concerning that she has shared rumors about you with others, as this can be a sign of deeper issues within the relationship.

In terms of moving forward, it may be helpful to have an honest and open conversation with your wife about your concerns and feelings. This can be a difficult conversation to have, but it's important to communicate your needs and expectations in the relationship. It may also be helpful to seek out couples therapy or marriage counseling to work through these issues and develop strategies for rebuilding trust and intimacy in the relationship.

It's important to remember that you deserve to be in a healthy and respectful relationship, and that it's never too late to work towards improving your current situation. You have the strength and resilience to overcome these challenges, and with the right support and resources, you can become a better version of yourself and a positive example for your daughter.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1622 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 05, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 03, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am married for 10yrs with 2 kids. Suddenly I discovered my wife is having a relation with another man. I was devastated but rather than revealing I am aware I rather recalled all the good moments we had. She decided to part ways with another man still I wanted to know what prompted her so went into an open discussion with my wife knowing she already parted ways. She was shocked to know that I am aware but then she revealed she was emotionally down for last 6months and I was occupied with work. As I am emotionally attached with my kids and wife I decided to carry on and rather our love went more intense since the incident. Every now and then I still doubt and fail to maintain the same level of trust which I should. Please guide how I can maintain more stronger trust.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, incidents like these can make you lose trust especially now when you will start to doubt her every move, every action or inaction.
You seem to be a person who has chosen to see the goodness (that's amazing) in your relationship and wants to continue in the marriage. But for this to happen effectively, the trust has to be rebuilt all over again. As a couple, talk about this...share with your wife when you have bouts of doubts BUT don't ever get into the mode where she needs to explain or prove herself every single day.

If she has realized what has been missing in the marriage that made her step outside of it, then the two of you can spend time bringing life back into the marriage.
Ask her: How can I connect with you emotionally where you feel safe and secure?
Do a lot of activities together that will help the two of you reconnect!

Either you trust OR you don't...there's no in-between...so if you two have decided to give your relationship another chance, focus on how to rebuild the connection and how to care for one another even more than before!

All the best!

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2025
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I took 2 drops for neet but could not clear it .... I took admission in local college after 12th for bsc as my parents said your year won't be wasted ... Now I feel devasted .. very detached ..not knowing what to do next ... My parents are telling me to give one try and go to Kota for prep but I don't know what I want ..I fear everything and sometimes I want to peruse mbbs sometimes I don't .. I am currently thinking of doing SSC CGL as I took pcmb in 12th and secured 92% .. ..what should I aim?
Ans: HI
Simply taking a drop year for NEET will not provide a solution without proper preparation. Many young people are choosing courses, colleges, or coaching centers based on their friends' influences. After your first attempt, you may have analyzed NEET better the second time. If you are still facing the same issues on your third attempt, it suggests there's a deeper problem. It seems you're preparing for NEET without genuine interest.

To succeed in competitive exams, specific strategies are required. For instance, if you analyze previous exam patterns, you’ll often find that most answers tend to be either B or C. You'll notice that among four options, two answers are relevant while the other two are completely irrelevant. It’s crucial to analyze the syllabus and past question papers thoroughly. Everyone seeks answers, but few consider the reasoning behind them.

Additionally, I noticed you’ve enrolled in a B.Sc. degree; I'm unsure which major you have chosen. If you selected either chemistry or physics, it would be beneficial. By choosing chemistry as your major, you could take physics as an ancillary subject, and vice versa. You can cover both subjects during your college education, and if you have any doubts, you can clarify them with your professors. Completing biology studies at home is also advisable.

Whenever you plan to take competitive exams, dedicate your time solely to that without engaging in college activities. Avoid distractions at all costs. Recently, many parents have been facing these types of challenges with their children, and it takes time to adapt.

Finally, please listen to your parents' advice and minimize distractions. I have shared a few tips; please follow them.
BEST WISHES.

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