Married and Falling for Older Colleague: Should I Confess?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

A long-term relationship might seem mundane and routine after a while but that does not permit you to develop feelings for someone else. While meeting up with your female colleagues is no big deal, when you have feelings for that colleague and doubt that you might cross a line, do you still think it's worth considering the meet-up? I doubt that.

I understand that you have a good bond with this person, and you are feeling unfulfilled in your marriage, but that still does not allow you to cheat on your wife in good conscience. I suggest three things-

1) Introspect and evaluate why you are having these feelings outside of your marriage.
2) Have a clear discussion about the same with your wife.
3) Work on the issue one step at a time, and work on it together. If needed, see a marriage counselor. We all need a little extra help once in a while.

Every marriage hits a bump or two. It will be okay once you shift your focus to the right place.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I believe I have already answered your question once.
Hope that helped.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am assuming you are still married and if that’s the case, the thing that you should focus on is not your feelings for this colleague. It’s your feelings towards your wife. Does your wife know, or are you in an open setup? I need more details before I can help you any further.


Best Wishes

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it's quite a tricky situation. On the one hand, it isn't easy to find a good friend and on the other hand, it's not easy to hide your feelings for someone for too long. I suggest testing the water out a little before diving. Drop some hints and see how he reacts; maybe suggest a hypothetical situation where you two are a couple and see what he says. If he finds it unbelievable, then I'd ask you to reconsider confessing right now. If he reacts positively, you might think of telling him about your feelings. In case, you do confess, please make sure he feels comfortable enough to speak his truth and not feel pressurized to reciprocate.

Hope this helps.