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Married and Falling for Older Colleague: Should I Confess?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |446 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 02, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am having feelings my colleague who is older than me and is married with two kids. I am also married with one kid. What should I do now? Should I confess my feelings to him?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I would need a little more detail about your relationship with your husband and why you are seeking romantic feelings outside your marriage to make any comments or suggestions. But, from a general perspective, I would recommend you focus on what's lacking in your marriage and fix it- maybe, see a marriage counselor. Plus, you mentioned having feelings for this colleague but never mentioned if he feels the same way. If not, why would you confess your feelings to him and create even the minimum chaos in his otherwise happy marriage? Again, from a general perspective, the entire thing sounds like a bad plan.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |446 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 01, 2023

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Relationship
Hi, i am 47 yrs, married & blessed with twin babies. Off late, my relationship with my wife is not good. She started avoiding me and very often blames, fights with me with misguidance of her mother. I advised my MIL too not to do so as you are playing with her life and my life too. She acts very innocent. Coz of this, i started feeling very lonely and stressed. No happiness or peace of mind in life. Now, i started to get attracted to my subordinate colleague who is 37 yrs not married, who is very caring, always watching me, following me. Now we communicate very freely. I sense that she likes me a lot but very afraid to express coz 1. i am her boss. 2. I am married with twin babies..... I am also very attached to her. I feel i started to love her. but practically, i cannot express as i know my limits. Kindly advise what to do. I don't want to lose my colleague also....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |446 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 06, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello. Although i am married for 12 years and have a 9 year old son, the relationship with My Wife when it comes to Intimacy is not good. There was a Female Colleague in My Last Company who was very much similar to me when it comes to hobbies and interests. Although i and her left that Job sometime back, but till date i am in touch with her and love talking to her. I talk with her everyday wishing her on WhatsAPP and sometimes chat on life. But i guess have developed feelings for her but i am not sure. Due to lack of sex in my married life, i sometimes also fantasise about her making love. She is ok always meeting me but i fear that if i meet her i might cross the line. Is it ok to feel like that and should i share my feelings with Her?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

A long-term relationship might seem mundane and routine after a while but that does not permit you to develop feelings for someone else. While meeting up with your female colleagues is no big deal, when you have feelings for that colleague and doubt that you might cross a line, do you still think it's worth considering the meet-up? I doubt that.

I understand that you have a good bond with this person, and you are feeling unfulfilled in your marriage, but that still does not allow you to cheat on your wife in good conscience. I suggest three things-

1) Introspect and evaluate why you are having these feelings outside of your marriage.
2) Have a clear discussion about the same with your wife.
3) Work on the issue one step at a time, and work on it together. If needed, see a marriage counselor. We all need a little extra help once in a while.

Every marriage hits a bump or two. It will be okay once you shift your focus to the right place.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

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Niharikka

Niharikka Budhwani  |4 Answers  |Ask -

Dietician, Lifestyle, Nutrition Expert - Answered on Dec 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello, lot I have heard about decaf coffee, so please asking 2 question - What potential health benefits are associated with drinking decaf coffee, particularly regarding diabetes, heart health, and mental well-being? How does individual tolerance to caffeine influence the choice between regular and decaf coffee for maintaining overall health?
Ans: Hello,

Decaf coffee contains significantly lower caffeine compared to regular coffee. However decaf coffee retains antioxidants and certain bioactive compounds that are beneficial for health. For Diabete, both decaf and regular coffee have shown to improve glucose metabolism. However when it comes to heart health, decaf can be a better choice. Since caffeine is known to spike blood pressure. If you are sensitive to caffeine, which means you experience jitters, anxiety after consumption, then decaf is a gentle alternative.

The choice depends on the following:
Caffeine sensitivity: if you experience anxiety, palpitations, restlessness, sleep disturbances, etc. after consuming regular coffee. In such case, decaf can be a better alternative.

Specific conditions: high blood pressure, irregular heart beats (arrhythmia), insomnia, acidity, etc. then a decaf would be a better choice.

To conclude, both decaf and regular coffee offer health benefits but to choose wisely basis the points suggested above. Decaf coffee allows individuals to enjoy coffee’s antioxidant and disease-fighting properties with less risk of caffeine-related side effects.

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1079 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 02, 2024

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Career
Studied bsc nursing from govt. college of nursing. Feel stuck to take the next step.. Whether to do higher education or work. Currently work as an intern but on medical leave due to health issue
Ans: Hello Joshni
You’re at a crossroads between pursuing higher education or starting full-time work after completing BSc Nursing. Prioritize your health first, as it’s crucial for any next step. It is suggested to go with higher education like MSc Nursing, Healthcare Management etc. which has long-term career growth and better roles. But it requires time, money, and focus! At least you follow some simple tips: (1) Work part-time and study online or on weekends. (2) Look for employer-sponsored education programs. (3) Use this time to explore career interests, job roles, or courses. Remember that, you are capable, resilient, and destined for greatness.
Best of luck for your upcoming bright future.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |446 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 02, 2024

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |446 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Since my College days, I had a Crush on a Classmate, who was the most Attractive & Vivacious Girl, in our College, Infamous as 'Drama Queen'. But she has a very Bad Track Record of Dating the 'Bad Boy' type Guys. She had gone through several Toxic Relationships with the 'Bad Guys' (including some of our Seniors) & everyone in our College used to gossip about her Notorious Relationships & she seemed to enjoy the attention which she used to get, even while she made a scene by Crying after every Break-up. I had always been a Conventional 'Good Boy' & hence, I'd been Friend-Zoned by her. I always used to support her Emotionally, after every Break-up, while indirectly expressing my Desire to get into a stable Relationship with her. But after recovering from every Break-up, she'd get into a Rebound Relationship with a similar 'Bad Guy' & I was confined to the Friend-zone. After College, we both have been working in the same Workplace & being her Colleague, I am aware of her Notorious Reputation at the Workplace. She got into many Casual Relationships, Hook-ups, One-Night-Stands etc with many Colleagues (including her Boss), while I continued being her 'Emotional Support Friend'. Now that she's grown Older & Wiser, she feels the need to get Married to a 'Decent Guy' & settle down to a Familial Life. She has been expressing interest in Marrying me, as she'd always known me to be a Decent Guy, a Reliable & Supportive Friend who's also Financially stable & she expects me to be an Understanding Partner, who knows all about her Past, yet wouldn't Judge her for it. I am emotionally connected with her, as I've known her inside out, but I am sceptical about getting Married to her. Whether I can Trust her to be a Loyal Wife, after Marriage? Should I give her the Benefit of Doubt? I am afraid that she might Cheat on me with another 'Bad Guy' & our Married Life might also become Toxic like her Relationships. Would it be Wrong on my part, if I gently decline her, Judging her, mainly on the basis of her Past?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I would need a little more detail about your relationship with your husband and why you are seeking romantic feelings outside your marriage to make any comments or suggestions. But, from a general perspective, I would recommend you focus on what's lacking in your marriage and fix it- maybe, see a marriage counselor. Plus, you mentioned having feelings for this colleague but never mentioned if he feels the same way. If not, why would you confess your feelings to him and create even the minimum chaos in his otherwise happy marriage? Again, from a general perspective, the entire thing sounds like a bad plan.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7192 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2024Hindi
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Money
Asset allocation for investment of 1 cr for 10 years?
Ans: Investing Rs 1 crore with a 10-year horizon demands careful planning. The objective should balance growth, stability, and tax efficiency. Below is a detailed approach to achieve financial goals effectively.

1. Understanding Investment Goals and Risk Appetite
Define clear goals: retirement, child's education, or wealth creation.
Assess your risk tolerance: low, moderate, or high.
Longer time horizons favour equity for higher returns.
2. Diversified Asset Allocation Strategy
Equity Allocation for Growth
Allocate 60-70% of your portfolio to equity mutual funds.
Choose actively managed funds for potential outperformance.
Equity funds can include large-cap, mid-cap, and multicap funds.
They offer high growth potential but require long-term commitment.
Debt Allocation for Stability
Allocate 20-30% of your portfolio to debt instruments.
Invest in debt mutual funds or bonds for consistent returns.
Debt instruments reduce portfolio volatility and offer liquidity.
Taxation for debt funds aligns with your income tax slab.
Gold for Hedge and Diversification
Allocate 5-10% to gold as a hedge against inflation.
Consider gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds for better liquidity.
Avoid physical gold due to storage and purity concerns.
Liquid Funds for Emergencies
Keep 5-10% of the portfolio in liquid funds.
Liquid funds ensure quick access during financial emergencies.
They offer better returns than savings accounts and are tax-efficient.
3. Tax Efficiency in Investment Choices
Equity mutual funds taxed at 12.5% LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh.
Debt funds taxed as per your income tax slab.
Plan withdrawals to optimise tax liabilities.
Actively managed funds can adapt to market changes better.
4. Insurance Policies and Existing Investments
If you hold LIC or ULIPs, consider their performance critically.
Traditional insurance policies may offer suboptimal returns.
Surrender poorly performing policies and reinvest in mutual funds.
Avoid mixing insurance with investment; focus on term insurance.
5. Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
Regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) have multiple benefits.
MFDs provide ongoing guidance and expertise.
They assist in reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio.
Regular funds support your financial journey with holistic solutions.
6. Evaluating Risks and Returns
Understand market risks, especially in equity investments.
Debt investments carry reinvestment and credit risks.
Gold prices may fluctuate due to global market conditions.
Regular monitoring and adjustments can mitigate risks.
7. Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Avoid direct funds unless you have deep market knowledge.
Index funds limit potential returns in comparison to active funds.
Do not invest in instruments solely for tax benefits.
Avoid timing the market; stay disciplined for consistent growth.
8. Regular Monitoring and Portfolio Rebalancing
Review your portfolio semi-annually or annually.
Rebalance to maintain the original asset allocation.
Shift between asset classes based on market performance.
Adapt the strategy to meet changing financial goals.
9. Emergency and Liquidity Planning
Set aside 6-12 months of expenses in liquid investments.
Avoid locking all funds in long-term products.
Maintain liquidity to manage unexpected situations.
10. Benefits of a Structured Approach
Long-term growth with controlled risks.
Tax-efficient portfolio optimises returns.
Diversification safeguards against market fluctuations.
Clear goal-setting ensures alignment with financial aspirations.
11. Insights on Wealth Creation Mindset
Stay patient and focus on long-term compounding.
Stick to your plan during market ups and downs.
Avoid emotional decisions and focus on data-driven strategies.
Consistent investments will help build significant wealth.
Finally
Investing Rs 1 crore over 10 years can transform your financial future. An optimal mix of equity, debt, and gold will achieve growth and stability. Regular monitoring, rebalancing, and tax planning will enhance results. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for tailored guidance. Your disciplined efforts today will secure financial freedom tomorrow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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