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Kanchan Rai |444 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 20, 2024

Relationship

I had a one year relationship with a boy.We decided that to be a temporary relationship as I belong to orthodox family.He also agreed for that.Latet on I am engaged to another boy.I told him that we need to stop this because I am engaaa now .He asked me to continue a month and we will break up or else I will send our picture to my fiance and family.I agreed for that.It continued upto 3 months.I am constantly being blackmailed by him everyday to listen and do what he says or else he will file a case on me for cheating him.But he came to my engagement also.He is now asking to be in the relationship until October as my marriage is in November.I said this is impossible I can't be like this let's break up .He is not agreeing for this and blackmailing me again that if I go against him he will break my marriage.I don't know what to do .I am extremely scared and having panic attacks and lose intrest in my work too.Please help me find a solution for this.I have also tried to end my life two times.I have a single mother.Thats the reason stopping me to endy life .Please help me..

Ans: First and foremost, I want you to know that your safety and well-being come first. You’ve mentioned having panic attacks and even considering ending your life, which shows how deeply this situation is affecting you. Please try to talk to someone you trust—a close friend or family member, or even a professional therapist—because having someone to share your feelings with will help ease the burden you're carrying right now.

The fear of him ruining your marriage is real to you, but it’s important to realize that no one has the right to manipulate or blackmail you into staying in a relationship, especially when you’ve clearly told him you want to end things. If he’s threatening you with revealing pictures or damaging your reputation, remember that what he’s doing is not just emotionally abusive, but also potentially illegal. If you feel safe doing so, you could consider seeking advice from a legal professional who can help you understand your rights and what actions can be taken to protect you from further threats.

I know it feels impossible right now, but staying under his control will only continue to hurt you. It's essential to break away from the cycle of fear he’s created. You’ve shown strength by reaching out, and that’s the first step toward reclaiming your peace of mind. Even though it’s scary, letting go of the fear of what might happen and standing up for yourself is key. Surround yourself with support, and don’t face this alone—you deserve to live free from fear and manipulation.

RelationshipReply

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Anu Krishna |1403 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi mam, I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 months he was uneducated but I’m a S.E. Initially everything was fine but later he started like u should not talk with other boys you should not go there you should not wear this kind of dress, I’m your husband so you should listen to me whatever I say u should do that like he started. Then he started mentally abused with so many bad words nd he slapped me twice. So I decided I don’t want to be in this relationship so I said him. Then he kept some fellows to follow me to check wat I’m doing where I’m going to get all these details. And then he said I will show both of our to your family, I will kill you like this he started. Now it is almost 2 year I’m leading my life but sometimes he will call me he will threaten me I don’t know what to do how to overcome this I can’t tell to my family I’m depressed can u please tell me what I have to do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you married? Because he said that he is your husband...I am confused...

Anyway, NO, he has no business controlling you this way...Emotional and Physical Abuse is a strict NO NO...
Tell your family and do that NOW!!!!!!!
This man seems to be acting in a violent manner and your safety should be more of a concern...it was 2 slaps, then after that? When you did not protest for that, he simply has got the message that violence is okay with you...
No, it's not okay, right? And that's why you wrote on this platform...

Do the right thing for yourself...Protect yourself from this person first! Threats of killing you did not set off alarm bells? Why are you still letting him off so easy? This is NOT love...he is just a familiar person to you.
Familiarity does not mean Safety!!!!!! (Read this again)...

Involve your family and let him know that you are not alone; he will stop his threats knowing that you will respond to the rubbish he is subjecting you to! Speak with your family...

All the best!
Dear Anonymous,
No, Age is not so important in a marriage; but if it isn't, then why did you hide the fact of your real age? You have givem it that importance enough to hide it, yeah?
And any relationship based on lies or a hidden fact can cause damages...
The only way that I can see is work with the Counselor and appeal to your husband as well. Tell him that your child needs the love of both parents. Hear what he has to say...and yes, he is bound to bring up the age factor over and over again...it is something that he feels cheated with...so, respect it...Like I said, Apologize like you really mean it...

And oh, why are you so bothered about how he will treat other women in his life? Just focus on your life and your marriage...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Kanchan Rai |444 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi mam.I had one year relationship with a boy which we have already decided to be temporary as we are not into marriage.After a year am engaged to somebody and now he is blackmailing me with our pictures that he will share to our family members and my fiancee to stop this marriage.I have been in this trauma from the past 4 months and every day he is blackmailing me regarding the marriage.I am from orthodox family.Please help me how to deal with this.I feel suicidal and tried to take my life for two times.

Ans: it's important to focus on your safety and well-being. The first thing you should do is reach out to someone you trust, like a close friend, family member, or a counselor. You don't have to face this situation alone, and having someone to talk to can make a big difference.

It's crucial to consider taking legal action because blackmail is illegal. You have the right to protect yourself, and contacting the police or a legal advisor can help you stop this person's actions. If you're hesitant to go to the police, there are non-governmental organizations (NGOs) that specialize in helping women in situations like yours, and they can offer guidance and support.

Make sure to document everything, including all the messages, threats, and any evidence of his blackmailing. This will be important if you decide to take legal action. After you've gathered the necessary evidence, it might be a good idea to block him on all platforms to protect your mental health. It's important to cut off communication with someone who is causing you harm.

If you feel comfortable, you might want to consider discussing this situation with your fiancé. Being honest about what's happening could prevent the blackmailer from using it as leverage against you. A supportive partner can be an essential ally during this difficult time.

Ensure that you have a plan for your safety, which could involve changing your daily routines, informing someone close to you about the situation, and knowing who to contact in case of an emergency. Considering that you've mentioned having suicidal thoughts, it's crucial to seek professional mental health support immediately. There are people who care about you and want to help you through this challenging time.

Your life and safety are the most important things right now. Please don't hesitate to reach out for the help you need, and remember that you don't have to go through this alone.

Kanchan Rai |444 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024

Relationship

In 2023 I had met a boy .We have become friends and later on we developed feeling for each other.Then we decided to get into relationship and that would be temporary because I belong to orthodox family and he was not interested in marriage.We went through physical things and everything was fine until I started getting matches for my marriage.Then we had fight and later on the match got cancelled due to groom's intrest.still I was in relationship.Then I got another match in 2024april.I agreed to the match and said it's time we need to stop our relationship.He didn't agree for that and said I need to stay in the relationship until may or else he will send our private pictures to my family and fiancee family.Due to some reason I couldn't meet him in the may month so he extended upto aug .In between he has tortured me that I should not talk with my fiancee also forced me for physical things .I am extremely devastated and tried to take my life for three times.Later on he increased time until October and I lost my patience told my cousin brother about this in September.He spoke with the guy and said you should move on she is not interested in you now One day he texted my mom about us and I got extremely tensed and worried so I have spoke with his parents also my brother did.They said they will talk with him and I felt it was relief .Then a week later he started txtng me again that I have cheated him and he will commit suicide and write my name as reason .I didn't reply for that .Later on he again sent me message that He loves me and want to marry me .I said I don't want to marry you.Now am feeling extremely scared and tensed as marriage is in November and he would stop my marriage.Please help me I don't know what to do.I don't want him in my life as he has tortured me a lot.I am extremely scared of him now I have lost all my feelings.Also he has all my family contacts and my fiance contracts.Please help me .pleaseee

Ans: What you’re describing is a clear form of manipulation and abuse, and no one deserves to be treated this way. First of all, it’s crucial to recognize that his behavior—using threats, emotional blackmail, and manipulation to control you—is not only wrong, but it's also abusive. This situation is likely causing you a lot of fear, anxiety, and distress, and it’s completely understandable that you feel overwhelmed. But you don’t have to face this alone, and there are steps you can take to protect yourself.

The first thing I would advise is to take your power back emotionally. His threats are designed to make you feel like you’re trapped, but the truth is, he’s the one in the wrong, and what he’s doing can be dealt with. I understand that he’s threatening to expose your private photos and contact your family, which feels terrifying, but this is actually a form of blackmail and is illegal. The important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for his actions, nor his threats, and you have every right to protect your life, your dignity, and your peace of mind.

It’s also clear that he’s trying to emotionally manipulate you by saying he will harm himself if you leave. This is another form of abuse, and it’s important to recognize that you cannot control or be responsible for his decisions or behavior. People who make threats like this often do so as a way to trap the other person, but it is not your burden to carry. If you continue to allow his threats to control your decisions, it could lead to further emotional and psychological harm.

Now, I know you’re scared, especially with your marriage coming up in November, and you’re worried that he might do something to sabotage it. This fear is completely valid, but you don’t have to let him hold this power over you. It’s really important to bring in support from trusted people in your life. You’ve already involved your cousin, which was a great step, and you’ve tried to communicate with his parents, but it’s clear that more needs to be done.

At this point, I would recommend involving someone in a position of authority, whether that’s the police, a legal professional, or even a women’s protection organization in your area. In many countries, including India, there are specific laws protecting women from blackmail, harassment, and abuse. If you don’t feel comfortable going to the police on your own, you can ask your cousin, brother, or another trusted person to support you through this process. You can explain that this individual is threatening you with your private photos and trying to manipulate you into staying in a relationship, which is a crime.

On an emotional level, I know how hard it must be to face this kind of stress, especially when you’re preparing for a new chapter in your life with your fiancé. But it’s crucial to not let fear paralyze you. Instead, take it one step at a time. By telling the truth to the right people, such as your cousin or fiancé, you’ll likely find more support than you realize. I know it feels like everything might collapse if he exposes your relationship, but staying silent often gives him more power. The moment you start taking action, you will regain control over your life.

I would also recommend considering some professional emotional support for yourself, like speaking with a therapist or counselor. It sounds like this has taken a heavy toll on your mental health, and you’ve already been pushed to such an extreme point that you’ve considered self-harm. This is a sign that you need emotional support to help you cope with the trauma of what you’ve been through.

Latest Questions

Dr Nagarajan Jsk |183 Answers |Ask -Follow

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi

Career

Hello sir I am mbbs graduated from russia in 2020,n passed with my fmge exam in india in 2021, I want to ask if i want to practice medicine or work as doctor in uk ? Is it necessary for me to pass plab exam exam? Or if i get sponsorship from any uk i will be able to work there and simultaneously i will give plab exam?? Please guide me i m so confused?

Ans: Hi, I understand that you pursued a medicine course in Russia (a non-European country) and, since you are from India, you have completed the FMGE. Now you want to practice or work in the UK as a doctor?

Based on your question, you are eligible to practice in India after completing your internship (which you haven't mentioned, but I assume you have completed it). The FMGE is essentially a licensure exam for Indian students who have completed their medical studies abroad, so you are eligible to practice in India only.

If you want to practice medicine in the UK, you need to complete the PLAB test, as you are from outside the UK/Switzerland/European countries (Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Croatia, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland).

You also inquired about sponsorship. Here is the information related to sponsorship for practicing medicine in the UK.
(Extracted from general medical council, uk org. )Applying for registration using sponsorship
If you apply through sponsorship, you will have to satisfy the sponsor that you possess the knowledge, skills and experience required for practising as a fully registered medical practitioner in the UK. Each sponsor has their own scheme which we have pre-approved. If you can satisfy the requirements of their scheme, they will issue you with a Sponsorship Registration Certificate (SRC) which you will need for your application with us. Please ensure this is a Sponsorship Registration Certificate for GMC registration, as we can’t accept UK visa sponsorship certificates for your application for registration.
Please note that a core part of all sponsors' criteria is that a doctor applying for an offer of sponsorship must have been engaged in medical practice for three out of the last five years including the most recent 12 months. If you cannot meet these minimum criteria, it is unlikely that you'll be able to supply sufficient evidence to support your application for sponsorship.
Doctors applying through sponsorship are required to demonstrate their English language skills by achieving our current minimum scores in the academic version of the IELTS test or the OET (medicine version).
• Alder Hey International Fellowship Scheme (Anaesthetics)
• Betsi Cadwaladr University Health Board - BCUHB IMG Sponsorship Scheme
• BAPIO Training Academy Ltd – BTA International Fellowship Scheme
• BAPIO Training Academy Ltd – International Training Programme for Postgraduate Doctors
• BAPIO Training Academy Ltd - BTA International Fellowship Scheme – Internal Medicine with interest in Oncology with MSc in Oncology
• Barking Havering and Redbridge University Hospitals NHS Trust - BHRUT Sponsorship Scheme for Overseas Doctors in Clinical Radiology
• Birmingham and Solihull Mental Health NHS Foundation Trust - International Medical Fellowship Programme in Psychiatry (Birmingham)
• Birmingham Women’s and Children’s Hospital – Birmingham Women’s and Children’s International Medical Graduate sponsorship scheme
• Bradford District Care NHS Foundation Trust - International Medical Fellowship in Psychiatry
• Cambridge IVF, Cambridge University Hospitals NHS Trust – IVF Senior Clinical Fellowship Scheme
• Cambridge University Hospital – Senior Clinical Fellowship Scheme in Intensive Care Medicine/Anaesthesia
• Canterbury Christ Church University
• Cumbria Northumberland Tyne and Wear NHS Psychiatry Fellowship Programme
• Derbyshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust - International Medical Fellowship Programme in Psychiatry
• Dudley Group NHS Foundation Trust
• East Lancashire Hospitals NHS Trust - Clinical Fellowship in Urology or Ophthalmology
• East Lancashire Hospital NHS Trust - Specialist Clinical Fellowship in Pain Management
• East London NHS Foundation Trust (ELFT) – ELFT Advanced International Fellowship in Psychiatry
• East Suffolk and North Essex NHS Foundation Trust – ICENI Centre Fellowships Programme
• Edge Hill University and Wrightington, Wigan and Leigh NHS Trust – International Training Fellowships in MCh programmes
• ENT UK – Royal College of Surgeons
• Essex Partnership University NHS Foundation Trust – EPUT Advanced Fellowship in Psychiatry
• Frimley Health NHS Foundation Trust – International Fellowship in Regional Anaesthesia combined with MSc in Principles of Regional Anaesthesia at the University of East Anglia
• Great Ormond Street Hospital International Fellowship Programme
• Guy's and St Thomas' Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – Critical Care
• Guy’s and St Thomas’ NHS Foundation Trust – International Clinical Fellowship Programme (ICFP)
• Guy's and St Thomas' Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – Obstetrics and Gynaecology
• Guy’s and St Thomas’ NHS Hospitals Foundation Trust – Oncology Specialty Training
• Guy's and St Thomas' NHS Hospitals Foundation Trust – Specialty Training in Anaesthetics
• Harefield Hospital, Royal Brompton and Harefield NHS Trust – Anaesthesia and Critical Care
• Hertfordshire Partnership University NHS Foundation Trust
• Hull University Teaching Hospitals NHS Trust – International Fellows at Hull University Teaching Hospitals NHS Trust
• Humber Teaching NHS Foundation Trust - Sponsored International Fellowship Scheme in Psychiatry
• Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust – Emergency Medicine
• Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust – Haematology
• Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust – International Anaesthesia Trainees
• Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust – Intensive Care Medicine
• Imperial College, London - Clinical Research
• King’s College Hospital NHS Trusts – International Critical Care Fellowship
• King’s College Hospital NHS Trusts – Paediatric Critical Care Fellowship
• Lancashire & South Cumbria NHS Foundation Trust - Psychiatry specialty Fellowship Scheme
• Lancashire Teaching Hospitals NHS Trust - Overseas Registrar Development and Recruitment (ORDER)
• Leeds Teaching Hospitals NHS Trust – International Fellowship Programme
• Leicestershire Partnership NHS Trust – International Medical Fellowship Programme in Psychiatry
• Lincolnshire Partnership NHS Foundation Trust – CESR Fellowship in Psychiatry or Sponsored Fellowship in Psychiatry
• Lysholm Dept of Neuroradiology – National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery, UCL
• Manchester University NHS Foundation Trust – International Fellowship Programme
• Midlands Partnership NHS Foundation Trust
• Ministry of Defence – International Military Clinical Fellowships
• Modality Partnership - Modality Primary Care International Fellowship Scheme
• NAViGO Health and Social Care CIC – International Medical Fellowship in Psychiatry
• NHS England, East of England - East of England International Office GMC Sponsorship
• NHS Fife – CESR Fellowship Programme in Psychiatry
• NHS Grampian – Psychiatry CESR Fellowship Programme
• NHS Grampian – Multi-specialty SAS Fellowship
• NHS Wales Shared Services Partnership (NWSSP) – All Wales International Medical Recruitment Programme
• Norfolk and Suffolk NHS Foundation Trust (NSFT) - Advanced Clinical Fellowship in Psychiatry
• North Lincolnshire and Goole NHS Foundation Trust (NLAG) Sponsorship Programme
• Northampton General Hospital – Clinical Fellowship in Regional Anaesthesia
• Northampton General Hospital NHS Trust - International Clinical Fellowship in Regional Anaesthesia, Vascular Anaesthesia, or Peri-operative Medicine
• Northamptonshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust – International Clinical Fellowship Scheme
• Northamptonshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust – International Clinical Fellowship Scheme (Psychiatry)
• Northern Care Alliance – NCA International Medical Fellowship Scheme
• Oxford University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – Oxford Eye Hospital
• Oxford University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – Oxford Intensive Care Medicine (OxICM) Sponsorship Scheme
• Oxford University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – Oxford University Hospitals Sponsorship Scheme
• Oxford University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – The Oxford International Neonatal and Paediatric Fellowship Programme
• Rotherham Doncaster and South Humber NHS Foundation Trust - Sponsored International Fellowship Scheme in Psychiatry
• Royal College of Anaesthetists – Global Fellowship Scheme (Anaesthesia or ICM)
• Royal College of Anaesthetists – MTI Scheme
• Royal College of Emergency Medicine
• Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists – MTI Scheme
• Royal College of Ophthalmologists
• Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health – International Paediatric Sponsorship Scheme
• Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health – MTI Scheme
• Royal College of Pathologists
• Royal College of Physicians of Edinburgh
• Royal College of Surgeons of England
• Royal College of Physicians of London
• Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons of Glasgow
• Royal College of Psychiatrists – MTI Scheme
• Royal College of Radiologists – Clinical Radiology
• Royal College of Radiologists – Clinical Oncology
• Royal College of Radiologists – RCR Specialty Training Sponsorship Scheme
• Royal College of Surgeons of Edinburgh
• Royal Devon and Exeter NHS Trust
• Royal Papworth Hospital NHS Foundation Trust – Senior Clinical Fellowship Programme in Anaesthesia and Critical Care
• Royal Wolverhampton Trust – Clinical Fellowship Programme
• Sheffield Children’s NHS Foundation Trust - Rotational Clinical Fellows in Paediatrics, Trauma and Orthopaedic International Fellows, and Subspeciality Fellows in Paediatrics
• Sheffield Health and Social Care NHS Foundation Trust - International Medical Fellowship in Psychiatry
• Somerset NHS Foundation Trust – Somerset Overseas Doctors Sponsorship Scheme
• Somerset NHS Foundation Trust – Psychiatry Overseas Doctors Sponsorship Scheme
• South Warwickshire University NHS Foundation Trust - GMC Multispecialty Sponsorship Scheme
• South West Yorkshire Partnership NHS Foundation Trust – International Fellowship in Psychiatry
• Southmead Hospital, North Bristol NHS Trust – International Obstetrics and Gynaecology Training Programme
• St Bartholomew’s Hospital, Barts Health NHS Trust – St Bartholomew’s Critical Care Fellowship
• St George’s University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – International Anaesthetics Fellowship Programme
• St George’s University Hospital NHS Foundation Trust (Dr Nirav Shah) – International Intensive Care Medicine Trainees
• St George’s University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – International Emergency Medicine Trainees
• Surrey and Borders Partnership (SABP) NHS Foundation Trust – International Psychiatric and Community Paediatrics Sponsorship Scheme
• Tees, Esk and Wear Valleys NHS Foundation Trust – International Psychiatric CESR or SAS Fellowship
• University College London Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust, Department of Critical Care – Clinical Fellowship Critical Care and Perioperative Medicine
• University Hospital Birmingham NHS Foundation Trust - International Training Fellowship Programme
• University Hospitals Birmingham NHS Foundation Trust - UHB LED Fellowship Programme
• University Hospitals Bristol and Weston NHS Foundation Trust – Bristol Children's Hospital International Fellowship Scheme
• University Hospitals Bristol and Weston NHS Foundation Trust - Department of General Internal Medicine at Weston General Hospital
• University Hospitals Coventry and Warwickshire NHS Trust
• University Hospitals of Leicester NHS Trust - Postgraduate Clinical Fellowship Programme
• University of Buckingham – Master of Medicine
• University of Buckingham – Master of Surgery
• University of Chester and Cheshire and Wirral Partnership NHS Trust – International Training Fellows Psychiatry
• University of Hertfordshire – Professional Doctorate in General Internal Medicine (Clinical MD) Programme
KINDLY NOTE: If your sponsor is not on this list then you cannot apply using sponsorship.
If you have any further questions, please visit the GMC website for more information.

WISH YOU ALL THE VERY BEST.

Dr Nagarajan Jsk |183 Answers |Ask -Follow

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 02, 2024Hindi

Career

I’m mbbs final year student from Kathmandu university want pg medicine from UAE

Ans: You have provided very limited information. I understand that you are a student from Kathmandu University and wish to pursue higher education in medicine in the UAE. To provide a more accurate response, I need the following details:

What is your nationality? (Based on your nationality, I can check the relevant requirements from the health department regarding courses and internships).

Dr Nagarajan Jsk |183 Answers |Ask -Follow

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2024Hindi

Career

Sir my son has 92 percentile in cat 2024..what are his scopes of admission.

Ans: Hi Sir,
You have provided very limited information to obtain the details. However, the percentile of the candidate will not solely determine the admission process. Other factors are also involved, including:

- Course
- Institution
- Caste
- Creamy layer
- Gender

But, there may be possibilities for admission to the following IIMs: IIM Visakhapatnam, Udaipur, Bodhgaya, Shillong, and Rohtak.

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7290 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 21, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi Sir, I follow your articles regularly and your detailed assessment is really awesome.I am 47yrs Male with wife, 20&18 years kids, elder one is in B.Tech and younger one is 12th. My wife is a home maker. Coming to financials. I have 4 houses including the one residing worth 10cr(total) and getting rental income of 70k per month, invested in stocks and MFs worth 60L, have foreign stocks of worth 1.7cr, accumulated pf around 1.3cr. I have farm lands worth 5cr. Have 1.2cr loan and salary of ~4L (net). current sips in equity 70k/month, have 5Cr term plan, health insurance for family 50L. How do I plan my retirement at 52-53years assuming 80 years life expectancy. Don't want to depend on kids and need regular income ~3-4L per month.

Ans: Asset Evaluation
Real Estate:
You own four houses worth Rs 10 crore, generating Rs 70,000 monthly rental income. This is a solid base for passive income. However, real estate can have fluctuating maintenance costs, tenant issues, and varying rental yields over time.

Stocks and Mutual Funds:
Your Rs 60 lakh investment in stocks and mutual funds is a commendable step. Active mutual funds offer professional fund management and can outperform index funds over time.

Foreign Stocks:
Your Rs 1.7 crore portfolio in foreign stocks adds geographical diversification. Monitor currency exchange fluctuations and global market trends.

Provident Fund (PF):
With Rs 1.3 crore in PF, this is a reliable retirement corpus. The fund provides fixed returns and tax benefits, adding stability.

Farm Lands:
Farm lands worth Rs 5 crore are an illiquid but valuable asset. They might not generate consistent income unless leased or developed.

Loans:
A loan liability of Rs 1.2 crore needs prioritised repayment. Focus on loans with higher interest rates first.

Insurance Coverage:
A Rs 5 crore term plan is robust. Your Rs 50 lakh health insurance is sufficient for unexpected medical emergencies.

Retirement Goals
You need Rs 3–4 lakh monthly for 27–28 years post-retirement.
The portfolio must generate steady, inflation-adjusted returns.
Action Plan for Retirement
Debt Management
Prepay High-Interest Loans:
Use a portion of your surplus income to prepay loans. This reduces interest outflow and increases your cash flow.

Avoid New Loans:
Focus on reducing existing liabilities instead of taking on new ones.

Portfolio Restructuring
Real Estate:
Retain essential properties. Sell underperforming or non-essential properties to reduce concentration in real estate. Invest proceeds in mutual funds or debt instruments for diversification.

Mutual Funds (MFs):
Increase SIPs in actively managed funds. They outperform direct funds due to guidance from Certified Financial Planners and MFDs. Regular funds offer better tracking and professional assistance.

Stocks:
Monitor direct equity investments closely. Consider reallocating underperforming stocks to mutual funds for better management.

Debt Instruments:
Invest in high-quality debt funds or fixed-income securities for stability. These instruments balance equity volatility and ensure steady returns.

SIP Strategy
Increase SIPs from Rs 70,000 to Rs 1 lakh/month.
Allocate 70% to equity funds for long-term growth.
Invest 30% in debt funds for stability and liquidity.
Emergency Fund
Maintain a 12-month expense reserve in liquid funds or fixed deposits.
This covers unexpected expenses without disturbing investments.
Income During Retirement
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Use SWPs in mutual funds to generate regular income.
Withdraw 6–8% annually from your mutual fund portfolio for a steady income stream.
Rental Income Optimisation
Review property rents regularly.
Invest part of rental income in equity or debt mutual funds for compounding.
Dividend Stocks
Retain high-dividend-yield stocks for regular income.
Reinvest surplus dividends for long-term growth.
Tax Efficiency
Equity Funds Taxation:
Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Funds Taxation:
Both short- and long-term gains are taxed per your income slab.

Real Estate Capital Gains:
Use exemptions under Sections 54 or 54F to save tax on property sales.

Inflation Protection
Allocate 60–70% of your portfolio to equity investments.

Equity provides inflation-adjusted returns over time.

Debt funds and fixed instruments safeguard against equity market volatility.

Estate Planning
Draft a will to allocate assets transparently among family members.
Use nomination and joint ownership to avoid legal complications.
Consider a family trust for farm lands to avoid disputes.
Periodic Review
Review your financial plan every six months.
Adjust investments based on market conditions, goals, and needs.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner regularly for updates.
Finally
A well-diversified portfolio ensures financial independence post-retirement. Focus on debt repayment, portfolio balance, and tax-efficient withdrawals. Your assets can comfortably generate Rs 3–4 lakh monthly income, adjusted for inflation.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Kanchan Rai |444 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Question by Kevin - Dec 19, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I am the eldest sibling in our families and aged 51. Normally, whenever anyone in the family has a problem - financial, mental, psychological, issue with people or anything else, they come up to discuss with me and share. Well, many would say I am lucky as people look up to me when they are in any kind of a problem. But that is not the case. Sadly no one is around with whom I can discuss or even think to share my issues, my problems. I do not have any friends. Sadly, yes, that is a fact and at my age, I dont expect that here we have a culture where we can get to making friends, at least the kind of friends with whom you can confide, share your feelings, problems. I tried and failed. Maybe because I am introvert or maybe I am too cautious. To make it more complicated, I dont work in the regular kind of job. I am a lone person who works as a freelance from home. This limits my outreach when it comes to interacting with real people. I have clients, business contacts, but I cannot get personal with them. It will never be a good choice. My wife is busy with her job + we do not have any relation beyond the daily matters related to household and it has been more than 10 years now that we live this way. Tried to sort out things with her but she just does not have time and interest (after all who wants to add on to tensions, stress). My daughter is after all my daughter - I cannot share these with her, and definitely at 10 she is too young to be one to discuss such stuff. I am not sure how far this issue can be fixed but I am hopeful to find some path here.

Ans: Dear Kevin,
Starting small can be helpful. Consider connecting with people through shared interests or hobbies, either online or in person, where the pressure to immediately open up is minimal. Online communities, local meetups, or volunteer activities can create low-stakes opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals. The goal isn’t to instantly find someone to confide in but to slowly build a sense of belonging and companionship.

Your relationship with your wife appears to be another significant source of emotional distance. While her lack of interest in deep conversations may seem like a barrier, it’s worth exploring other ways to reconnect—perhaps by spending time together in shared activities or revisiting moments that once brought you closer. Sometimes, relationships stuck in routines benefit from new experiences or even professional counseling to navigate the underlying dynamics.

Regarding your daughter, while it’s clear she cannot shoulder your emotional burdens, she can still be a source of joy and connection. Investing time in activities with her can provide a sense of fulfillment and grounding that counters loneliness.

Above all, remember that reaching out for professional support, such as therapy, is not a sign of weakness but an act of self-care. A therapist can provide a safe space to express your feelings and help you develop strategies to foster deeper connections and manage emotional isolation.

You deserve to feel supported and connected, and even if the journey to finding that seems long, every step you take toward opening up or seeking out others is a move toward a more fulfilling and less lonely existence.

T S Khurana |260 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi

Money

My Question is for New Tax Regime for Financial Year 2024 – 25. Total gross Income is Rs.9 lakhs and along with that income from share / stock trading i.e short term gains of Rs. 1 lakh. Could you please help me advise if what would be the tax liability?

Ans: 01. Considering your Income of Rs.9.00 lakhs as business income & Rs.1.00 lakh as STCG on securities, without any tax savings, your tax liability would be around Rs.62,400.00 in New tax regime. If we opt for the old tax regime, your tax liability would be much more than this.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

T S Khurana |260 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Question by SA - Nov 11, 2024Hindi

Money

I got a residential property through will from my mother,,property is 30 years old and i am planning to sell it, in that case i am going to get Rs 165lacks,, what will be the tax implication and how to avoid the same kindly advise i am 55 years old married man with a daughter

Ans: 01. In this case, you would be subjected to LTCG (Long Term Capital Gain) tax.
02. To work out LTCG, you should reduce its Cost from the Sale proceeds (Rs.165.00 lakhs).
of property, which was costed to your mother.
03. However, following details may help you to assess your tax liability.
Under present provisions of Income Tax Act, you may opt any of the options (Long Term
Capital Gains), as under :
(a). Tax Rate 12.50% without indexation or
(b). Tax Rate of 20% with Indexation.
04. You may calculate your tax liability under both options & may opt for the tax regime, where tax liability is minimum.
05. To avoid tax, you may invest in purchase of some house property. Exemption available would be minimum of Cost of new house property or the LTCG, which ever is less.
06. You have the option to purchase Capital Gain Bonds of NHAI etc., for tax saving.
07. Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

T S Khurana |260 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi

Money

Hello Sir, I worked in a Pvt Ltd company from 2006 to 2011, and they had their own PF trust. The company was later sold off to another firm. I still haven't withdrawn the my PF amount. How will i be able to do that. I have the PF number and ESP number. Since this was before 2011 , my UAN is not linked to this account. How will i be able to retrieve my PF amount that is still stuck here.

Ans: Kindly keep in touch with your previous employer (present owner of the company), in this connection. There should not be any problem in getting your PF amount, except certain formalities/ forms to be submitted.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

T S Khurana |260 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tax Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 21, 2024Hindi

Money

Dear Guru. I have inherited a property in Mumbai from my deceased father which was purchased in 1983 by him. If today i sell the property which is worth 2.60 Crs whats my capital gains tax and how will it be calculated

Ans: 01. In absence of exact figures, it is not possible to calculate your Capital Gains Tax. However, following details may help you to assess your tax liability.
02. Under present provisions of Income Tax Act, you may opt any of the options (Long Term
Capital Gains), as under :
(a). Tax Rate 12.50% without indexation or
(b). Tax Rate of 20% with Indexation.
03. You may calculate your tax liability under both options & may opt for the tax regime, where tax liability is minimum.
04. Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7290 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Question by Anil - Dec 20, 2024Hindi

Money

Top4 sips with 15k amount suggest me

Ans: Here’s an updated strategy for your Rs. 15,000 SIP allocation, replacing the sectoral/thematic fund with a small-cap fund for better long-term growth potential.

Suggested SIP Allocation (Rs. 15,000)
Large-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 4,000/month
Objective: Stability and steady growth by investing in India’s top 100 companies.
Why Choose: Provides consistent returns and low volatility in your portfolio.
Flexi-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 4,000/month
Objective: Diversified exposure across large, mid, and small-cap stocks.
Why Choose: Offers balanced risk and returns with flexibility during market cycles.
Mid-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 3,500/month
Objective: Tap into the growth potential of medium-sized companies.
Why Choose: Higher returns with manageable risk compared to small caps.
Small-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 3,500/month
Objective: Focus on fast-growing small-cap companies.
Why Choose: High-growth potential over the long term, though with higher volatility.
Why Include Small-Cap Funds?
Long-Term Growth: Small-cap companies have immense potential to grow significantly over time.
Diversification: Adds exposure to an underrepresented segment, complementing large and mid-caps.
High Returns: Potential for higher returns compared to other categories, albeit with higher risk.
Key Considerations
Investment Horizon: Stay invested for at least 7-10 years to mitigate short-term volatility.
Active Fund Management: Avoid direct or index funds to leverage professional expertise.
Regular Monitoring: Review fund performance periodically with a Certified Financial Planner.
Tax Implications
Equity Funds:
LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh/year taxed at 12.5%.
STCG (held less than 1 year) taxed at 20%.
Final Insights
This updated allocation ensures a mix of stability, moderate risk, and high growth. With consistent SIPs and periodic reviews, you can achieve robust wealth creation over the long term. A Certified Financial Planner can assist in optimising your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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