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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |566 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024
Relationship

In 2023 I had met a boy .We have become friends and later on we developed feeling for each other.Then we decided to get into relationship and that would be temporary because I belong to orthodox family and he was not interested in marriage.We went through physical things and everything was fine until I started getting matches for my marriage.Then we had fight and later on the match got cancelled due to groom's intrest.still I was in relationship.Then I got another match in 2024april.I agreed to the match and said it's time we need to stop our relationship.He didn't agree for that and said I need to stay in the relationship until may or else he will send our private pictures to my family and fiancee family.Due to some reason I couldn't meet him in the may month so he extended upto aug .In between he has tortured me that I should not talk with my fiancee also forced me for physical things .I am extremely devastated and tried to take my life for three times.Later on he increased time until October and I lost my patience told my cousin brother about this in September.He spoke with the guy and said you should move on she is not interested in you now One day he texted my mom about us and I got extremely tensed and worried so I have spoke with his parents also my brother did.They said they will talk with him and I felt it was relief .Then a week later he started txtng me again that I have cheated him and he will commit suicide and write my name as reason .I didn't reply for that .Later on he again sent me message that He loves me and want to marry me .I said I don't want to marry you.Now am feeling extremely scared and tensed as marriage is in November and he would stop my marriage.Please help me I don't know what to do.I don't want him in my life as he has tortured me a lot.I am extremely scared of him now I have lost all my feelings.Also he has all my family contacts and my fiance contracts.Please help me .pleaseee

Ans: What you’re describing is a clear form of manipulation and abuse, and no one deserves to be treated this way. First of all, it’s crucial to recognize that his behavior—using threats, emotional blackmail, and manipulation to control you—is not only wrong, but it's also abusive. This situation is likely causing you a lot of fear, anxiety, and distress, and it’s completely understandable that you feel overwhelmed. But you don’t have to face this alone, and there are steps you can take to protect yourself.

The first thing I would advise is to take your power back emotionally. His threats are designed to make you feel like you’re trapped, but the truth is, he’s the one in the wrong, and what he’s doing can be dealt with. I understand that he’s threatening to expose your private photos and contact your family, which feels terrifying, but this is actually a form of blackmail and is illegal. The important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for his actions, nor his threats, and you have every right to protect your life, your dignity, and your peace of mind.

It’s also clear that he’s trying to emotionally manipulate you by saying he will harm himself if you leave. This is another form of abuse, and it’s important to recognize that you cannot control or be responsible for his decisions or behavior. People who make threats like this often do so as a way to trap the other person, but it is not your burden to carry. If you continue to allow his threats to control your decisions, it could lead to further emotional and psychological harm.

Now, I know you’re scared, especially with your marriage coming up in November, and you’re worried that he might do something to sabotage it. This fear is completely valid, but you don’t have to let him hold this power over you. It’s really important to bring in support from trusted people in your life. You’ve already involved your cousin, which was a great step, and you’ve tried to communicate with his parents, but it’s clear that more needs to be done.

At this point, I would recommend involving someone in a position of authority, whether that’s the police, a legal professional, or even a women’s protection organization in your area. In many countries, including India, there are specific laws protecting women from blackmail, harassment, and abuse. If you don’t feel comfortable going to the police on your own, you can ask your cousin, brother, or another trusted person to support you through this process. You can explain that this individual is threatening you with your private photos and trying to manipulate you into staying in a relationship, which is a crime.

On an emotional level, I know how hard it must be to face this kind of stress, especially when you’re preparing for a new chapter in your life with your fiancé. But it’s crucial to not let fear paralyze you. Instead, take it one step at a time. By telling the truth to the right people, such as your cousin or fiancé, you’ll likely find more support than you realize. I know it feels like everything might collapse if he exposes your relationship, but staying silent often gives him more power. The moment you start taking action, you will regain control over your life.

I would also recommend considering some professional emotional support for yourself, like speaking with a therapist or counselor. It sounds like this has taken a heavy toll on your mental health, and you’ve already been pushed to such an extreme point that you’ve considered self-harm. This is a sign that you need emotional support to help you cope with the trauma of what you’ve been through.

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Asked by Anonymous - Mar 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam plz help me to solve my problem , I was in relation with a guy I met him in office , and he is good boy because he helped me alot in my tasks , slowly I got attracted to him , and the attraction turns into liking ... I did not refused what he says I have to do it ..that time I was engaged ...and he wants me to meet him privately and refused that sir I am engaged I can't do this ..but he threatens if you will not come i will tell to your fiance and it will affect to your marriage ..I am agreeing what he says and he forced me to do this ..now I am married and my husband is abroad ..now he threating and harrassing me for s*x ...he says he will tell your husband ..I am in so much of stress plz help me mam to get rid of this situation what should I do if he tells my husband ..he will ruin my life and can't involve my parents they are both patient ...he is threating me so much if I tell to police they will involve my parents as well which I don't want ...I blocked him from all the social media but he kept messaging because I am getting notification from blocked messages ..and he keep threating me
Ans: The first thing you should do is come clean to your husband. Spare him the sordid details and just tell him this ex-boyfriend is trying to stir up trouble for you both. How long do you want to remain so stressed? Tell him and end the matter once and for all. I hope he has the good sense to accept your past. And then ignore this idiot, period. Once your husband knows, his game is up. With your husband’s support you may even consider filing a police complaint to teach him a lesson.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1568 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 months he was uneducated but I’m a S.E. Initially everything was fine but later he started like u should not talk with other boys you should not go there you should not wear this kind of dress, I’m your husband so you should listen to me whatever I say u should do that like he started. Then he started mentally abused with so many bad words nd he slapped me twice. So I decided I don’t want to be in this relationship so I said him. Then he kept some fellows to follow me to check wat I’m doing where I’m going to get all these details. And then he said I will show both of our to your family, I will kill you like this he started. Now it is almost 2 year I’m leading my life but sometimes he will call me he will threaten me I don’t know what to do how to overcome this I can’t tell to my family I’m depressed can u please tell me what I have to do
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you married? Because he said that he is your husband...I am confused...

Anyway, NO, he has no business controlling you this way...Emotional and Physical Abuse is a strict NO NO...
Tell your family and do that NOW!!!!!!!
This man seems to be acting in a violent manner and your safety should be more of a concern...it was 2 slaps, then after that? When you did not protest for that, he simply has got the message that violence is okay with you...
No, it's not okay, right? And that's why you wrote on this platform...

Do the right thing for yourself...Protect yourself from this person first! Threats of killing you did not set off alarm bells? Why are you still letting him off so easy? This is NOT love...he is just a familiar person to you.
Familiarity does not mean Safety!!!!!! (Read this again)...

Involve your family and let him know that you are not alone; he will stop his threats knowing that you will respond to the rubbish he is subjecting you to! Speak with your family...

All the best!
Dear Anonymous,
No, Age is not so important in a marriage; but if it isn't, then why did you hide the fact of your real age? You have givem it that importance enough to hide it, yeah?
And any relationship based on lies or a hidden fact can cause damages...
The only way that I can see is work with the Counselor and appeal to your husband as well. Tell him that your child needs the love of both parents. Hear what he has to say...and yes, he is bound to bring up the age factor over and over again...it is something that he feels cheated with...so, respect it...Like I said, Apologize like you really mean it...

And oh, why are you so bothered about how he will treat other women in his life? Just focus on your life and your marriage...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |566 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi mam.I had one year relationship with a boy which we have already decided to be temporary as we are not into marriage.After a year am engaged to somebody and now he is blackmailing me with our pictures that he will share to our family members and my fiancee to stop this marriage.I have been in this trauma from the past 4 months and every day he is blackmailing me regarding the marriage.I am from orthodox family.Please help me how to deal with this.I feel suicidal and tried to take my life for two times.
Ans: it's important to focus on your safety and well-being. The first thing you should do is reach out to someone you trust, like a close friend, family member, or a counselor. You don't have to face this situation alone, and having someone to talk to can make a big difference.

It's crucial to consider taking legal action because blackmail is illegal. You have the right to protect yourself, and contacting the police or a legal advisor can help you stop this person's actions. If you're hesitant to go to the police, there are non-governmental organizations (NGOs) that specialize in helping women in situations like yours, and they can offer guidance and support.

Make sure to document everything, including all the messages, threats, and any evidence of his blackmailing. This will be important if you decide to take legal action. After you've gathered the necessary evidence, it might be a good idea to block him on all platforms to protect your mental health. It's important to cut off communication with someone who is causing you harm.

If you feel comfortable, you might want to consider discussing this situation with your fiancé. Being honest about what's happening could prevent the blackmailer from using it as leverage against you. A supportive partner can be an essential ally during this difficult time.

Ensure that you have a plan for your safety, which could involve changing your daily routines, informing someone close to you about the situation, and knowing who to contact in case of an emergency. Considering that you've mentioned having suicidal thoughts, it's crucial to seek professional mental health support immediately. There are people who care about you and want to help you through this challenging time.

Your life and safety are the most important things right now. Please don't hesitate to reach out for the help you need, and remember that you don't have to go through this alone.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |566 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 20, 2024
Relationship
I had a one year relationship with a boy.We decided that to be a temporary relationship as I belong to orthodox family.He also agreed for that.Latet on I am engaged to another boy.I told him that we need to stop this because I am engaaa now .He asked me to continue a month and we will break up or else I will send our picture to my fiance and family.I agreed for that.It continued upto 3 months.I am constantly being blackmailed by him everyday to listen and do what he says or else he will file a case on me for cheating him.But he came to my engagement also.He is now asking to be in the relationship until October as my marriage is in November.I said this is impossible I can't be like this let's break up .He is not agreeing for this and blackmailing me again that if I go against him he will break my marriage.I don't know what to do .I am extremely scared and having panic attacks and lose intrest in my work too.Please help me find a solution for this.I have also tried to end my life two times.I have a single mother.Thats the reason stopping me to endy life .Please help me..
Ans: First and foremost, I want you to know that your safety and well-being come first. You’ve mentioned having panic attacks and even considering ending your life, which shows how deeply this situation is affecting you. Please try to talk to someone you trust—a close friend or family member, or even a professional therapist—because having someone to share your feelings with will help ease the burden you're carrying right now.

The fear of him ruining your marriage is real to you, but it’s important to realize that no one has the right to manipulate or blackmail you into staying in a relationship, especially when you’ve clearly told him you want to end things. If he’s threatening you with revealing pictures or damaging your reputation, remember that what he’s doing is not just emotionally abusive, but also potentially illegal. If you feel safe doing so, you could consider seeking advice from a legal professional who can help you understand your rights and what actions can be taken to protect you from further threats.

I know it feels impossible right now, but staying under his control will only continue to hurt you. It's essential to break away from the cycle of fear he’s created. You’ve shown strength by reaching out, and that’s the first step toward reclaiming your peace of mind. Even though it’s scary, letting go of the fear of what might happen and standing up for yourself is key. Surround yourself with support, and don’t face this alone—you deserve to live free from fear and manipulation.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8145 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

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Hello, I am 57 years working out of India and earning 35 lacs annually with PR of that country and having NRI FD of 3.5 crore and mutual fund of 20 lac and sip of 3lac per annum. I have own bungalow and flat in b town of Gujarat. My daughter went to U.S.A for master last year. I want to retire and want to enjoy rest of life exploring the world with wife. Please advise.
Ans: Your goal is clear—retirement and world travel with your wife. You have built a strong financial foundation. Now, structuring your investments for lifelong cash flow is important.

Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Income: Rs. 35 lakh annual income from work abroad.

Assets: Rs. 3.5 crore in NRI fixed deposits, Rs. 20 lakh in mutual funds.

Investments: SIP of Rs. 3 lakh per year.

Real Estate: Own bungalow and flat in Gujarat.

Family Responsibility: Daughter pursuing a master's degree in the U.S.A.

Retirement Goal: Financial independence and world travel.

Key Challenges in Retirement Planning
Cash Flow Management: Ensuring a steady income for expenses.

Inflation Risk: Expenses will rise over time, reducing purchasing power.

Investment Growth: Maintaining and growing wealth to last a lifetime.

Liquidity Needs: Quick access to funds for travel and emergencies.

Tax Efficiency: Minimizing tax burden on withdrawals.

Retirement Corpus Planning
1. Estimating Annual Expenses
Consider monthly lifestyle costs, medical expenses, and travel budgets.

Account for inflation, as costs will rise over time.

Keep an emergency fund to handle unexpected expenses.

2. Generating Regular Cash Flow
Fixed Deposits (FDs): Provide safety but lower returns after tax.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Ideal for steady monthly income.

Dividend-paying Mutual Funds: Useful for passive cash flow.

Corporate Bonds: Can provide stable interest income.

Optimizing Your Investment Portfolio
1. Reducing FD Dependence
Rs. 3.5 crore in FDs is too high. Interest rates may not beat inflation.

Shift a portion into mutual funds with a mix of equity and debt.

Debt mutual funds can provide stability with better tax efficiency.

2. Equity Exposure for Growth
Equity is necessary for long-term wealth growth.

Consider large-cap and multi-cap mutual funds for stability.

Keep a portion in international funds for global exposure.

3. Debt Investments for Stability
Short-term debt funds are good for liquidity.

Corporate bond funds can offer better returns than FDs.

Select tax-efficient debt instruments for fixed income.

Funding Your Travel Goals
Create a dedicated "Travel Fund" for expenses.

Use SWP from mutual funds to generate travel cash flow.

Avoid dipping into principal amount to maintain financial security.

Tax Planning for Retirement
1. Taxation on Withdrawals
SWP from equity mutual funds attracts LTCG tax after Rs. 1.25 lakh gains.

Debt fund withdrawals are taxed as per income slab.

Optimize withdrawals to reduce tax burden.

2. NRI Tax Considerations
Check tax liabilities in India and your resident country.

Double taxation treaties can help reduce excess taxation.

Plan withdrawals carefully to avoid tax inefficiencies.

Estate Planning and Succession
Create a will for asset distribution.

Nominate beneficiaries in mutual funds and FDs.

Consider gifting assets to your daughter for tax benefits.

Final Insights
Reduce FD dependency and shift towards mutual funds.

Maintain a balance between equity and debt investments.

Structure cash flow using SWP and tax-efficient investments.

Plan withdrawals wisely to minimize tax impact.

Set aside a dedicated travel fund for world exploration.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8145 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2025Hindi
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is right time to invest in mutual funds short term
Ans: Your question on short-term mutual fund investment is important. Let’s assess if this is the right time and how to approach it.

Understanding Short-Term Investments in Mutual Funds
1. Market Conditions and Short-Term Investments
The Indian stock market is currently experiencing volatility.

Global economic uncertainties and interest rate policies are influencing market movements.

Short-term investments depend on market cycles and liquidity needs.

If invested for a short period, market timing plays a crucial role.

2. Risk vs. Reward in Short-Term Investing
Short-term mutual fund investments carry risks due to market fluctuations.

Equity funds may not be ideal for short-term goals due to volatility.

Debt funds can provide stability but may have lower returns than equities.

Risk assessment is necessary before investing for the short term.

3. Ideal Fund Categories for Short-Term Investment
Ultra-short duration funds: Suitable for 3–6 months with lower risk.

Short-duration funds: Ideal for 1–3 years with moderate risk.

Liquid funds: Best for parking surplus funds for a few months.

Corporate bond funds: Offer slightly higher returns but come with credit risk.

Key Factors to Consider Before Investing
1. Investment Horizon
Define the exact period you wish to stay invested.

If less than one year, avoid equity mutual funds.

If 1–3 years, prefer high-quality debt funds.

2. Liquidity Needs
Short-term investments should be easily accessible when needed.

Debt mutual funds offer better liquidity than FDs for short-term goals.

Exit loads and redemption timeframes should be checked before investing.

3. Taxation Impact on Returns
Debt mutual fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Consider post-tax returns while comparing investment options.

Evaluating Alternatives for Short-Term Investments
1. Fixed Deposits vs. Debt Mutual Funds
Bank FDs provide fixed returns but may have lower post-tax returns.

Debt mutual funds offer flexibility and tax-efficient returns.

FDs may be suitable if interest rates remain high.

2. Arbitrage Funds for Short-Term Investment
Arbitrage funds invest in equity but work like debt funds in terms of risk.

Tax-efficient for holding periods beyond one year.

Suitable for those seeking stability with slightly better returns than FDs.

Final Insights
Short-term mutual fund investments require careful selection based on the time horizon.

Debt funds are better suited for stability, while arbitrage funds offer tax efficiency.

Consider liquidity, taxation, and risk factors before investing.

Market fluctuations can impact short-term returns in equity funds.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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