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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi
Relationship

Hi mam.I had one year relationship with a boy which we have already decided to be temporary as we are not into marriage.After a year am engaged to somebody and now he is blackmailing me with our pictures that he will share to our family members and my fiancee to stop this marriage.I have been in this trauma from the past 4 months and every day he is blackmailing me regarding the marriage.I am from orthodox family.Please help me how to deal with this.I feel suicidal and tried to take my life for two times.

Ans: it's important to focus on your safety and well-being. The first thing you should do is reach out to someone you trust, like a close friend, family member, or a counselor. You don't have to face this situation alone, and having someone to talk to can make a big difference.

It's crucial to consider taking legal action because blackmail is illegal. You have the right to protect yourself, and contacting the police or a legal advisor can help you stop this person's actions. If you're hesitant to go to the police, there are non-governmental organizations (NGOs) that specialize in helping women in situations like yours, and they can offer guidance and support.

Make sure to document everything, including all the messages, threats, and any evidence of his blackmailing. This will be important if you decide to take legal action. After you've gathered the necessary evidence, it might be a good idea to block him on all platforms to protect your mental health. It's important to cut off communication with someone who is causing you harm.

If you feel comfortable, you might want to consider discussing this situation with your fiancé. Being honest about what's happening could prevent the blackmailer from using it as leverage against you. A supportive partner can be an essential ally during this difficult time.

Ensure that you have a plan for your safety, which could involve changing your daily routines, informing someone close to you about the situation, and knowing who to contact in case of an emergency. Considering that you've mentioned having suicidal thoughts, it's crucial to seek professional mental health support immediately. There are people who care about you and want to help you through this challenging time.

Your life and safety are the most important things right now. Please don't hesitate to reach out for the help you need, and remember that you don't have to go through this alone.
Asked on - Aug 12, 2024 | Answered on Aug 13, 2024
Listen
I don't know whom to share with.I am not able to trust anybody except my family.But I can't share these with my family.Also I am scared that my family will get hurt because of me I am a single daughter with mother.I am extremely scared about this situation now.Please help me.
Ans: I understand how scared and alone you feel right now, and it’s really important to find someone to talk to, even if you feel like you can’t trust anyone. You don’t have to tell your family everything, but it might help to reach out to a professional, like a counselor or therapist, who can offer support without judgment and help you navigate this situation.

You are not alone in this, and there are people who can help you, even if it feels like you can’t turn to anyone close to you. Taking that first step to reach out, even if it’s to a helpline, can make a big difference. Please remember, your life is incredibly valuable, and there are safe ways to protect yourself and get through this. You don’t have to face it by yourself, and there are people ready to support you.
Asked on - Aug 15, 2024 | Not Answered yet
He wants me to be in the relationship until October as my marriage is held in November.He is blackmailing me that if I didn't agree for this he will call my fiancee and send my private photos to him to break my marriage.I am another able to handle this pain. He also threatens me about insulting my family in the court and involving police submitting our personal pictures so that he could marry me.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 20, 2024
Relationship
I had a one year relationship with a boy.We decided that to be a temporary relationship as I belong to orthodox family.He also agreed for that.Latet on I am engaged to another boy.I told him that we need to stop this because I am engaaa now .He asked me to continue a month and we will break up or else I will send our picture to my fiance and family.I agreed for that.It continued upto 3 months.I am constantly being blackmailed by him everyday to listen and do what he says or else he will file a case on me for cheating him.But he came to my engagement also.He is now asking to be in the relationship until October as my marriage is in November.I said this is impossible I can't be like this let's break up .He is not agreeing for this and blackmailing me again that if I go against him he will break my marriage.I don't know what to do .I am extremely scared and having panic attacks and lose intrest in my work too.Please help me find a solution for this.I have also tried to end my life two times.I have a single mother.Thats the reason stopping me to endy life .Please help me..
Ans: First and foremost, I want you to know that your safety and well-being come first. You’ve mentioned having panic attacks and even considering ending your life, which shows how deeply this situation is affecting you. Please try to talk to someone you trust—a close friend or family member, or even a professional therapist—because having someone to share your feelings with will help ease the burden you're carrying right now.

The fear of him ruining your marriage is real to you, but it’s important to realize that no one has the right to manipulate or blackmail you into staying in a relationship, especially when you’ve clearly told him you want to end things. If he’s threatening you with revealing pictures or damaging your reputation, remember that what he’s doing is not just emotionally abusive, but also potentially illegal. If you feel safe doing so, you could consider seeking advice from a legal professional who can help you understand your rights and what actions can be taken to protect you from further threats.

I know it feels impossible right now, but staying under his control will only continue to hurt you. It's essential to break away from the cycle of fear he’s created. You’ve shown strength by reaching out, and that’s the first step toward reclaiming your peace of mind. Even though it’s scary, letting go of the fear of what might happen and standing up for yourself is key. Surround yourself with support, and don’t face this alone—you deserve to live free from fear and manipulation.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024
Relationship
In 2023 I had met a boy .We have become friends and later on we developed feeling for each other.Then we decided to get into relationship and that would be temporary because I belong to orthodox family and he was not interested in marriage.We went through physical things and everything was fine until I started getting matches for my marriage.Then we had fight and later on the match got cancelled due to groom's intrest.still I was in relationship.Then I got another match in 2024april.I agreed to the match and said it's time we need to stop our relationship.He didn't agree for that and said I need to stay in the relationship until may or else he will send our private pictures to my family and fiancee family.Due to some reason I couldn't meet him in the may month so he extended upto aug .In between he has tortured me that I should not talk with my fiancee also forced me for physical things .I am extremely devastated and tried to take my life for three times.Later on he increased time until October and I lost my patience told my cousin brother about this in September.He spoke with the guy and said you should move on she is not interested in you now One day he texted my mom about us and I got extremely tensed and worried so I have spoke with his parents also my brother did.They said they will talk with him and I felt it was relief .Then a week later he started txtng me again that I have cheated him and he will commit suicide and write my name as reason .I didn't reply for that .Later on he again sent me message that He loves me and want to marry me .I said I don't want to marry you.Now am feeling extremely scared and tensed as marriage is in November and he would stop my marriage.Please help me I don't know what to do.I don't want him in my life as he has tortured me a lot.I am extremely scared of him now I have lost all my feelings.Also he has all my family contacts and my fiance contracts.Please help me .pleaseee
Ans: What you’re describing is a clear form of manipulation and abuse, and no one deserves to be treated this way. First of all, it’s crucial to recognize that his behavior—using threats, emotional blackmail, and manipulation to control you—is not only wrong, but it's also abusive. This situation is likely causing you a lot of fear, anxiety, and distress, and it’s completely understandable that you feel overwhelmed. But you don’t have to face this alone, and there are steps you can take to protect yourself.

The first thing I would advise is to take your power back emotionally. His threats are designed to make you feel like you’re trapped, but the truth is, he’s the one in the wrong, and what he’s doing can be dealt with. I understand that he’s threatening to expose your private photos and contact your family, which feels terrifying, but this is actually a form of blackmail and is illegal. The important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for his actions, nor his threats, and you have every right to protect your life, your dignity, and your peace of mind.

It’s also clear that he’s trying to emotionally manipulate you by saying he will harm himself if you leave. This is another form of abuse, and it’s important to recognize that you cannot control or be responsible for his decisions or behavior. People who make threats like this often do so as a way to trap the other person, but it is not your burden to carry. If you continue to allow his threats to control your decisions, it could lead to further emotional and psychological harm.

Now, I know you’re scared, especially with your marriage coming up in November, and you’re worried that he might do something to sabotage it. This fear is completely valid, but you don’t have to let him hold this power over you. It’s really important to bring in support from trusted people in your life. You’ve already involved your cousin, which was a great step, and you’ve tried to communicate with his parents, but it’s clear that more needs to be done.

At this point, I would recommend involving someone in a position of authority, whether that’s the police, a legal professional, or even a women’s protection organization in your area. In many countries, including India, there are specific laws protecting women from blackmail, harassment, and abuse. If you don’t feel comfortable going to the police on your own, you can ask your cousin, brother, or another trusted person to support you through this process. You can explain that this individual is threatening you with your private photos and trying to manipulate you into staying in a relationship, which is a crime.

On an emotional level, I know how hard it must be to face this kind of stress, especially when you’re preparing for a new chapter in your life with your fiancé. But it’s crucial to not let fear paralyze you. Instead, take it one step at a time. By telling the truth to the right people, such as your cousin or fiancé, you’ll likely find more support than you realize. I know it feels like everything might collapse if he exposes your relationship, but staying silent often gives him more power. The moment you start taking action, you will regain control over your life.

I would also recommend considering some professional emotional support for yourself, like speaking with a therapist or counselor. It sounds like this has taken a heavy toll on your mental health, and you’ve already been pushed to such an extreme point that you’ve considered self-harm. This is a sign that you need emotional support to help you cope with the trauma of what you’ve been through.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1735 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 11, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Dear madam I have this suitaution in my life. Plz do guide me with this. So i have 2 married sisters and a brother with who i dont get along well. We used to be close back then. Later on my father passed away and then i got busy searching work. After getting work i got carried away with my newly found friendship with a boy i started spending much on him rather then my family. But still then i never neglected my family every kind of help i tried to give them. In the meanwhile i used to take care of my bedridden grandmother who used to stay in another state. Then my second sister started feeding everyone's mind against me saying i dont help them with money and i spend most on my grandmother and cousin. Though my sister were earning well still they waited me to spend on them which i stopped by then as they were earning. And there used to be a real good fight with my sisters and me regarding money issue and als my marriage thing and i gave them bitter words and also curses which i regret to this day thinking how could i do hated thing to my family .In next few years my sister got married but my second sister never invited me for her marriage and did all her wedding plans in my absence and i als never attended her wedding. I attended my 3rd sister wedding. After that my second sister plotted a plan against me by taking everyone on her side and kept me out of all the family functions. I just ignored them and decided to never to get bothered by any of this. Now the problem my 3rd sister is pregnant and they have planned a babyshower and like they are just telling me to attend it. To be honest they just told me a day before the function. How to handle this. Should i attend? And how to deal with such kind of people they seem to take advantage of my helpless. Please guide me on how to become a strong girl while taking desicion.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Learn the skill of staying away from all this drama. If you felt secure with who you are, you wouldn't think much whether you got invited or not. Do remember, people will be on your side sometimes and not on your side at other times. This goes for friends are family; so learn to be comfortable with that...
What you did for your grandmother is a choice that you made; why expect anything in return?
Life lived with least expectations is certainly a happier life...counting what people did or didn't do will take away your peace!
Real strength is not in fighting it out but knowing when to walk away from constant drama.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1735 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 18, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10848 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 17, 2025

Money
Dear Sir, What is the best % of SWP one can think of from Portfolio value. I am retired now and have say 1 Cr as MF and Share portfolio. I want to go for 40000 SWP per month thereby making 4.8% as SWP. If this is good to have this for 15 yrs
Ans: Your question shows great care for your financial future. Many retirees ignore this step. You have already taken a wise move. You want steady income. You want safety. You want long life for your money. These are very important points. I truly appreciate your clarity.

» Understanding your present plan
Your idea is simple. You have Rs 1 crore. You want Rs 40000 each month. This means Rs 4.8 lakh each year. That is 4.8 percent of your money. This is not very high. This is not very low. It sits in the middle range. Many retirees try for 7 or 8 percent. That can put pressure on the portfolio. Your 4.8 percent is more reasonable. It supports discipline. It keeps stress low.

Your idea is for 15 years. That is a good time frame. It gives space for your funds to grow. It gives time for market cycles. It also gives time for inflation adjustments.

» Why withdrawal rate matters
Your SWP rate decides how long your money will last. A high rate can drain funds soon. A very low rate may not support your monthly needs. Your 4.8 percent sits well. It balances life needs and portfolio health.

When you draw money from a mixed portfolio, the growth side helps refill your withdrawn money. The stability side helps reduce fall during bad years. This mix helps the SWP stay steady.

» Why a proper structure is important
A SWP is not only a monthly withdrawal. It is a full system. The system needs planning. It needs regular reviews. It needs a clear asset split. It needs a cushion for weak market years.

If you set this structure well now, your SWP can stay safe. Your money can stretch for many years. You can keep peace of mind.

» The importance of a balanced mix
Your portfolio may hold equity funds, hybrid funds, and debt funds. A clear mix reduces risk. It gives smooth cash flow. Equity gives growth. Debt gives steady flow. Hybrid gives balance.

Because you want monthly income for 15 years, you need a balance that supports steady SWP. A pure equity plan can shake too much. A pure debt plan may not grow at a good pace. A balanced mix is ideal.

» Equity funds need careful use
Some investors put large money in equity for SWP. This can work in strong markets. This can fail in weak markets. Your SWP must survive both market moods. That is why pure equity for SWP is not safe.

Also, you should prefer actively managed funds over index funds for long SWP. Index funds follow the index blindly. They do not manage risk actively. They cannot adjust to market cycles. Actively managed funds have a professional fund manager. A skilled manager helps in limiting risk in low years. This helps protect principal in SWP years. This support is not present in index funds.

» Debt funds form the stabiliser
Debt funds bring peace to the portfolio. They help during bad market years. They help the SWP stay steady. Because debt funds follow market rates, they work as the anchor. For SWP, this anchor is very helpful.

If you use direct debt funds, you must remember that direct funds need more tracking. They need active reviews by you. Many retired investors find this hard. Regular plans taken through a qualified Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP skill provide guidance. Regular plans also give handholding. This handholding helps avoid wrong exits.

» How to view your Rs 40000 monthly need
You may need some money for basic needs. You may need some money for health care. You may need some money for family support. You may need some money for personal comfort. Rs 40000 per month seems a balanced number.

It does not put too much pressure on the money. It is not a very heavy load. It fits well with a Rs 1 crore fund.

» Inflation needs attention
Inflation will rise. Costs will rise. Your need will rise. Your SWP should rise slowly over time. You cannot fix your SWP for 15 years at one number. That may reduce your buying power.

A small rise every two or three years will help you beat inflation. This rise must be slow. It must match your portfolio growth.

» Risk of sharp market falls
Sharp falls can disturb SWP. A sudden big drop in equity value can pull down your portfolio. This may cause you to withdraw when market is low. That is not good. To fix this, you need enough stability in your mix.

A proper allocation in debt funds and hybrid funds can reduce this issue. You will get smoother cash flow. You will not have to worry about market news every day.

» Role of emergency money
Please keep an emergency amount. Keep this aside. Do not include it in your SWP plan. You may need money for urgent health needs. You may need money for home needs. Emergency funds help you avoid sudden selling.

A good emergency fund gives peace. It protects your SWP from sudden shocks.

» Tax rules for withdrawals
Every SWP withdrawal may include some gains. Tax will apply based on the type of fund and the gain period. This tax can have impact on net flow. You must plan for this in your withdrawal design.

Equity fund rules:

Gains under one year are short-term. These are taxed at 20 percent.

Gains above one year are long-term. Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5 percent.

Debt fund rules:

Both short-term and long-term gains are taxed as per your tax slab.

This tax part should not scare you. A proper plan can reduce the tax burden. A planned SWP can help you manage gains carefully.

» Why a Certified Financial Planner helps
You may handle small things by yourself. But retirement planning is delicate. One wrong move can disturb the whole plan. A Certified Financial Planner gives a clear road map. He helps you set the best mix. He reviews the plan every year. He adjusts the plan for market and life events.

This guidance is very useful in SWP because SWP needs discipline.

» Why not consider real estate
Some retirees think of using real estate for income. But real estate needs heavy work. It needs tenant work. It needs repair work. It needs legal care. It gives lumpy income. It gives no steady flow. So it is not fit for SWP planning.

Your present goal is steady income. Real estate will not give this.

» Why not consider annuities
Annuities give fixed income. But they lock your money. They give low returns. They do not beat inflation well. They reduce flexibility. For these reasons, they are not ideal for your long-term income.

Your idea of SWP with balanced mix is better.

» Keeping your portfolio healthy for 15 years
To keep your portfolio safe for 15 years, you must follow some habits:

Review every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Adjust asset mix if needed.

Increase SWP amount slowly.

Reduce SWP for one or two years if markets fall very deep.

Protect your money from emotional moves.

Keep a two-year buffer in a low-risk fund.

Keep your growth part running for long.

These habits help your money last for the full 15-year horizon.

» Regular review helps you adapt
Markets will change. Your health may change. Your needs may change. A yearly review will help align your plan. It will help spot issues early. It will help guide the next year’s SWP.

Without reviews, even good plans can fail.

» Why a two-year cushion helps
A cushion fund is a simple idea. Keep two years of SWP in a low-risk debt fund. This money helps you draw income even in bad market years. You will not need to sell equity in weak phases. This protects your overall money. This makes your SWP more stable.

This cushion fund is an extra shield. It supports your 15-year income plan.

» Role of diversification
Your SWP works best when your portfolio is spread well. A spread can include:

Actively managed equity funds.

Hybrid funds.

Debt funds.

This spread reduces risk. It gives smoothness. It supports long-term income.

Avoid using too many funds. Keep it simple. A small number of quality funds is better.

» How your 4.8 percent looks in practice
A 4.8 percent withdrawal rate is comfortable for a 15-year horizon. If you follow discipline, your money will not face heavy pressure. If your portfolio grows at a steady pace, your principal will not erode fast. Even if growth shifts between years, the mixed structure will protect you.

Your plan is workable. It is sensible. It is future-friendly.

» Mistakes to avoid
Here are some mistakes you should avoid:

Do not chase high-return funds.

Do not raise SWP sharply in one year.

Do not keep too much money in equity.

Do not stop reviews.

Do not shift funds often without reason.

Do not look at direct plans if you prefer guidance.

These mistakes can disturb your portfolio health. Your SWP may suffer.

» Why not use direct funds if you need support
Direct plans give lower cost. But they give no guidance. Retired investors often need guidance. They need reviews. They need discipline. A regular plan through a qualified Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP skill gives support. It prevents panic reactions. This support is valuable in low market years.

» Healthy mindset for SWP
Try to see your SWP as a long journey. It needs calm mind. It needs steady steps. It needs slow corrections. It needs patience. If you stay steady, your SWP will stay healthy. You will enjoy peace.

» Practical steps you can start now
You may start with these steps:

Set clear needs for each year.

Fix a proper asset split.

Create a cushion fund for two years.

Start SWP from a low-risk fund or hybrid fund.

Keep equity for growth.

Add small hikes in SWP every few years.

This system supports long-term income.

» How your plan supports a joyful retired life
Your plan helps you live with comfort. It gives predictable cash flow. It gives you freedom from worry. It gives you clarity. You can focus on health, family, and peace. You do not need to watch markets each day.

Your retirement life becomes balanced.

» Final Insights
Your idea of taking Rs 40000 per month from a Rs 1 crore portfolio at 4.8 percent is workable. It fits well for a 15-year horizon. It supports your income. It protects your money if you set a balanced mix. You must follow steady reviews. You must keep a small cushion. You must avoid risky moves.

With these practices, your SWP plan can stay healthy for many years. Your future can stay peaceful and steady. You have already taken the right first step. Your clarity gives your plan strong power.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |2567 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Nov 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 17, 2025Hindi
Career
Is it worthwhile being an mbbs only doctor in India or is pg necessary as somebody who cannot toil 24-36 hours (as is the case with hospital duties) and is not well adequate for working under somebody and then do you still have to study after mbbs to level up or will you be contented with just mbbs. Pls don't answer objectively i really need to see the real picture
Ans: Hi Dr.
Recently, I've seen many different comments on social media suggesting that finding a job after completing an MBBS is very difficult, with some graduates even working as delivery boys.

I believe MBBS is one of the few courses that allows for immediate entrepreneurship after graduation, while other fields often require additional support to start a business. Many medical shop owners are willing to provide a small space for consultations, which is not typically an option for graduates in other disciplines.

If you are financially constrained, it may be wise to stop after completing your MBBS degree for the time being. However, pursuing a postgraduate degree (PG) significantly increases your opportunities, including potential roles in the pharmaceutical industry. Without a PG, your options may be limited. It's akin to the difference between a normal grocery store and a supermarket: completing a PG can lead to positions in corporate medical hospitals.

Initially, you might consider working at a smaller practice or in the government sector before pursuing higher education. While having an MBBS degree allows you to offer consultations, having a PG provides you with more credibility and knowledge. Understand your strengths and weaknesses, and don’t worry about others—proceed based on your own abilities and circumstances.
BEST WISHES.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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