First of all I would like to remain anonymous. As the world is happy with work from home I am not.

It's been a year since my marriage but each day I desperately wait for offices to open so I can shift with my husband to another place and live independently.

It's not like in laws trouble me or something; on the contrary they are good. But I feel suffocated.

I am supposed to look after my sister in law's son which is the main reason for my depression.

I've been through legitimate depression so I know when I am going through it. Now sister in law is moving abroad leaving her son to permanently live with us!

I can't Anu I just can't. I am postponing having my own kid because I want to live an independent happy life at least for few years with my husband without the responsibility of a child. But I don't remember a single day after my marriage without a child in between.

It's not like I don't love that child; I do. I just don't want to take responsibility of him and it's not even fair to ask of me that right.

I am not happy. I really want to be. Please help me please.

You can choose to be sad and depressed and keep thinking of what hasn’t happened. Always do things that set you free, always think of things that set you free.

The more you choose to focus on what could have happened and what should happen, it leads you to a dark place.

Why think that you are dependent? Marriage is a space where both partners must have the comfort of growing together.

Let’s say someday if you have to step up and work instead of your husband, will you call your husband a dependent person then?

We all go through phases in life that challenge our mind and mental state. The sooner you accept this, the better you will sail through this.

After all, nothing is permanent. Instead of brooding over, if you gave yourself a fresh start and looked at opportunities in a different way, you may find something that is better than what you had initially been searching for.

And if ending your life, you think makes it easier, remember, it never has and it never will and DO think of your daughter who is solely dependent on you.

Please work with a Mental Health expert who will help put your priorities together and a good action plan as well to achieve simple goals in life.

Start first by being outdoors in Nature and please be in GRATITUDE for what you have in life. That will make you trust that LIFE IS GOOD! Surround yourself with people that nourish you.

Be in the best mind space. Best wishes.

Hi

It is unfortunate that you are in this situation.

Your wife is possibly not very inclined to be in a joint family set-up; the reasons maybe many. But isn’t it necessary for you as a husband and a father to look out for your family?

The misunderstandings caused between the two of you over the years because of being in a joint family set-up have never been addressed and much water has flowed under the bridge.

There is a slim chance that matters might get resolved if you get your mother and wife in the same room and iron it out, with you being a neutral person who does not take sides; this is the best option.

If this isn’t possible, kindly visit a family counsellor who can step in and show your family a way to live amicably or give you a perspective on how healthy it might be to live separately.

At the end of the day, you have responsibilities towards your wife and child too!

All the best and a Happy 2022.

Other than caging the women, it doesn’t do much…It’s like a forced choice, wherein she needs to give up the career, look after the home and the child and the baby.

Of course, your in-laws are simply being a product of the belief systems of their generation that obviously honed the skills of a woman as a homemaker.

Breaking that in their minds is definitely going to be a task, but not impossible.

Obviously your husband is falling into the same system and unwilling to support you in the manner that you want.

It is imperative that you broach this topic with your husband and request him to bridge the gap between you and your in-laws.

He also needs to be made aware that spending time with his daughter is not out of duty but is needed for a stable emotional growth.

Every home comes with its own set of rules and rituals that are governed by age-old belief systems. And a joint family system requires every member to contribute to the growth of the other; sadly at times, they work at cross-purposes to satisfy their ego and stress their authority.

Bring in a neutral person/relative from the outside to subtly show them that times are changing and so can they.

On your part, do not go on an emotional tirade and meld into the system as it’s your default home system and you must respect it for what it gives you; security and the company of many family members.

Work your way through it with love and understanding that everyone is different and to integrate these differences into your life may help you grow as well.

Subtle and beautiful balance as you satisfy your needs as well as theirs.

Best wishes to you!

But do know that, these phases are not permanent and that they do have an expiry date on them.

The key to this is with you. How long do you want to lock in that feeling of loneliness or helplessness?

Does it help you to think whether your relatives are sympathising with you? What if they really are caring for you?

Sibling or no sibling, our life is ours and a journey that we must take. And marriage is a decision that is yours to make; you don’t need to yield into any pressure or get yourself to believe that it will drive away your loneliness.

What did you do earlier to move away from loneliness?

How did you keep yourself occupied? Was it a new hobby or could it have been learning a new skill?

Sometimes, doing something absolutely NEW can help de-focus from what we are dealing with currently.

On a long-term thinking, do know that every phase gives rise to a new one.

Join support groups online or any valid meet up group that can bring in some fresh new perspectives.

Connect with old friends. Choose how you want to feel now and move in that direction.

Surround yourself only with happy people and happy thoughts all the time. It does help.

Office colleagues can double up as a good support group, if you are fine sharing your inner feelings with someone that you are close to.

If that isn’t an option, then old friends can do the job really well. But it is important to talk to someone and release what’s holding you back and keeping you away from what you want to feel and what you want to do. All the best.