Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2021

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
T Question by T on Sep 06, 2021Hindi
Listen
Relationship

First of all I would like to remain anonymous. As the world is happy with work from home I am not.

It's been a year since my marriage but each day I desperately wait for offices to open so I can shift with my husband to another place and live independently.

It's not like in laws trouble me or something; on the contrary they are good. But I feel suffocated.

I am supposed to look after my sister in law's son which is the main reason for my depression.

I've been through legitimate depression so I know when I am going through it. Now sister in law is moving abroad leaving her son to permanently live with us!

I can't Anu I just can't. I am postponing having my own kid because I want to live an independent happy life at least for few years with my husband without the responsibility of a child. But I don't remember a single day after my marriage without a child in between.

It's not like I don't love that child; I do. I just don't want to take responsibility of him and it's not even fair to ask of me that right.

I am not happy. I really want to be. Please help me please.

Ans: Dear T, Simply be assertive and put your foot down.

Sometimes people do not respect boundaries till they are made aware that there are boundaries.

Supporting your sister-in-law to care for her son on a few occasions as the boy’s aunt is a great thing but playing the boy’s mom is not what you need to sign up for! And what you haven’t signed up for, isn’t something that you need to follow through.

Take charge, if you don’t someone else will as they already have; almost assuming that anything is fine with you.

The boy isn’t your responsibility and for anyone to assume that is unnecessary.

This has gone on because you have allowed it and if you want it to stop, you simply have to say it; support or no support from anyone.

Your happiness is how you want to experience; so create that accordingly…on your terms…without being rude, but by being frank and calm.

Play this situation over and over in your mind and how you will be assertive with them.

When the mind is prepared and rehearses this repeatedly, and then when the real situation plays out, your mind is already ready to support you.

Even if you have felt hesitant up until now, this mind training should hold you in good stead.

Take charge NOW! Best wishes.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 01, 2021

Listen
Relationship
I'm married and mother to a 5 months old beautiful daughter. Before and after marriage I was working in a company as HR executive. I loved my job. Then I left my job because me and my husband was working in different locations. When I shifted with him, I tried a lot to get a job. But all in vain. Maybe because of this I started getting frustrated. It affected my personal life a lot. I used to blame my husband as he never ever told me to quit. But somehow...... Then we shifted to our home town because of lockdown and my husband's WFH. And my frustration level is increasing day by day. I lost everything. How to enjoy, happiness everything. I want to be happy but.... It's like I can't do anything for my daughter as well as for myself. I hate dependency and I am totally dependent on my husband even for a single penny. I tried to commit suicide many times. Then I thought I should talk to my mother. I did. But nothing helped. She used to tell me always that I have to live for the child now. Then I thought what I could do for her. Because if I m alone, sad, depressed from inside how can I be happy outside? I used to motivate people and right now I want to end up my life. Can you help please?
Ans: Dear TS, What do you want for yourself? What do you want to make out of life?

You can choose to be sad and depressed and keep thinking of what hasn’t happened. Always do things that set you free, always think of things that set you free.

The more you choose to focus on what could have happened and what should happen, it leads you to a dark place.

Why think that you are dependent? Marriage is a space where both partners must have the comfort of growing together.

Let’s say someday if you have to step up and work instead of your husband, will you call your husband a dependent person then?

We all go through phases in life that challenge our mind and mental state. The sooner you accept this, the better you will sail through this.

After all, nothing is permanent. Instead of brooding over, if you gave yourself a fresh start and looked at opportunities in a different way, you may find something that is better than what you had initially been searching for.

And if ending your life, you think makes it easier, remember, it never has and it never will and DO think of your daughter who is solely dependent on you.

Please work with a Mental Health expert who will help put your priorities together and a good action plan as well to achieve simple goals in life.

Start first by being outdoors in Nature and please be in GRATITUDE for what you have in life. That will make you trust that LIFE IS GOOD! Surround yourself with people that nourish you.

Be in the best mind space. Best wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

Listen
Relationship
I have been married for a little more than five years and I am living under tremendous stress and depression. We live in a joint family with my parents and an unmarried brother. I had told her all this before marriage. She loves me very much but her attitude towards my relatives has been a matter of concern right from the start. She does not want to keep a relationship with anybody apart from my immediate family. Slowly, she started having problems with my mother also; both have started having minor clashes at home. Many times, it is my mother’s mistake. The main problem is that she is very nagging and complains and gets irritated very frequently at the smallest instance. Frustrated, I planned on separating with her but the news came of her pregnancy and we were blessed with a baby girl. After the baby was born, my wife’s frustration and irritation has increased manifold because of her fear that my mother will give much more love to the baby then she can. So their clashes have increased. Now my wife has been putting a lot of pressure on me to look for a new house away from my parents, since she wants her own space. I already have a home loan on the existing home and a car loan. There is very less scope for me to purchase a new home and I don't want to leave my parents. She just doesn't understand my position and clashes happen between us. Looking at all this, I desperately want to separate from her but can't do so because of our daughter. I love her the most and can't live without her. So I just endure what is happening every day. This has resulted in me slipping into depression. It has affected my work in office as well. I am not performing well, I don't like to speak with any of my friends or relatives, I don't feel like doing anything. I’m living for the sake of my daughter, that's it. Even my parents are not in a position to understand me and my situation so I can't talk to them either. Can you help? Just don’t publish my name.
Ans:

Hi

It is unfortunate that you are in this situation.

Your wife is possibly not very inclined to be in a joint family set-up; the reasons maybe many. But isn’t it necessary for you as a husband and a father to look out for your family?

The misunderstandings caused between the two of you over the years because of being in a joint family set-up have never been addressed and much water has flowed under the bridge.

There is a slim chance that matters might get resolved if you get your mother and wife in the same room and iron it out, with you being a neutral person who does not take sides; this is the best option.

If this isn’t possible, kindly visit a family counsellor who can step in and show your family a way to live amicably or give you a perspective on how healthy it might be to live separately.

At the end of the day, you have responsibilities towards your wife and child too!

All the best and a Happy 2022.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2021

Listen
Relationship
Dear Anu Mam, I may sound very silly but I have a very small issue which is bothering me a lot. This is my second marriage. My ex husband who is now no more used to physically abuse me so I had to separate from him, a few years later, he passed away. I remarried after 4 years and now have a 2 yr old daughter. I stay with my in laws. I am working and also manage the house. My husband doesn’t feel responsible towards the daughter in any way. He is always finding excuses to let her spend time with me. Ditto with my in laws who are also very old and cannot take care of a toddler. Since I am also working and managing the house, there are days I feel extremely tired and helpless. But none of them seem to notice that. We have a maid who helps around the house. I feel very lonely and guilty sometimes. If the lockdown is lifted, I don’t know how I will manage everything. I can’t afford to quit my job and be a full time homemaker. My in laws don’t want me to put the baby in daycare. They are indirectly suggesting that I quit the job or look for some profile where I can work out of home. I don’t want to bother my parents. But I feel very helpless and there is no one to give me an honest solution.
Ans: Dear VN, This is possibly the story of many women in India who live in a joint family system and are having to adhere to the family systems of that house.

Other than caging the women, it doesn’t do much…It’s like a forced choice, wherein she needs to give up the career, look after the home and the child and the baby.

Of course, your in-laws are simply being a product of the belief systems of their generation that obviously honed the skills of a woman as a homemaker.

Breaking that in their minds is definitely going to be a task, but not impossible.

Obviously your husband is falling into the same system and unwilling to support you in the manner that you want.

It is imperative that you broach this topic with your husband and request him to bridge the gap between you and your in-laws.

He also needs to be made aware that spending time with his daughter is not out of duty but is needed for a stable emotional growth.

Every home comes with its own set of rules and rituals that are governed by age-old belief systems. And a joint family system requires every member to contribute to the growth of the other; sadly at times, they work at cross-purposes to satisfy their ego and stress their authority.

Bring in a neutral person/relative from the outside to subtly show them that times are changing and so can they.

On your part, do not go on an emotional tirade and meld into the system as it’s your default home system and you must respect it for what it gives you; security and the company of many family members.

Work your way through it with love and understanding that everyone is different and to integrate these differences into your life may help you grow as well.

Subtle and beautiful balance as you satisfy your needs as well as theirs.

Best wishes to you!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 18, 2021

Listen
Relationship
I lost my father when I was 17 and was raised by my mother all these years. Last year, I lost my mother to COVID. I am the only child and don't have any siblings. I am 36 and not married. I don't have a boyfriend, neither am I in a serious relationship. After my parents' death, am being pressured into marriage by my relatives but I am not ready. I am in touch with a few cousins and friends but I don't feel any better talking to them. I may be wrong but I feel that they're either too sympathetic or trying too hard to be positive and cheerful. It's hard to explain to anyone how I am feeling right now. There are days when I feel completely alone, lonely and wish I had a sibling or someone who would understand me without having to explain anything. My colleagues are supportive but I am not able to focus at work either. I tried taking a few days off but there is a void and sense of loneliness that I am unable to overcome. I don't know how to make sense of this situation. Can you help?
Ans: Dear P, how exactly do you want to feel? What exactly do you want currently? It is imperative for you to know that we all go through phases in life; some are happy ones and some are not-so-happy ones.

But do know that, these phases are not permanent and that they do have an expiry date on them.

The key to this is with you. How long do you want to lock in that feeling of loneliness or helplessness?

Does it help you to think whether your relatives are sympathising with you? What if they really are caring for you?

Sibling or no sibling, our life is ours and a journey that we must take. And marriage is a decision that is yours to make; you don’t need to yield into any pressure or get yourself to believe that it will drive away your loneliness.

What did you do earlier to move away from loneliness?

How did you keep yourself occupied? Was it a new hobby or could it have been learning a new skill?

Sometimes, doing something absolutely NEW can help de-focus from what we are dealing with currently.

On a long-term thinking, do know that every phase gives rise to a new one.

Join support groups online or any valid meet up group that can bring in some fresh new perspectives.

Connect with old friends. Choose how you want to feel now and move in that direction.

Surround yourself only with happy people and happy thoughts all the time. It does help.

Office colleagues can double up as a good support group, if you are fine sharing your inner feelings with someone that you are close to.

If that isn’t an option, then old friends can do the job really well. But it is important to talk to someone and release what’s holding you back and keeping you away from what you want to feel and what you want to do. All the best.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9419 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 25, 2025

Career
Bsc computer science Delhi University or VIT bhopal CSE cloud computing.....which is better
Ans: Poonam, Delhi University’s three-year B.Sc. (Hons Computer Science follows a Choice Based Credit System with 14 core papers—including Programming in C++, Java, Data Structures, Operating Systems, Computer Networks, Design and Analysis of Algorithms, Database Management Systems, Theory of Computation, Artificial Intelligence and Computer Graphics—supplemented by discipline-specific electives, generic electives and skill-enhancement courses totaling 140 credits under CBCS. The program enjoys AICTE approval, UGC recognition, NAAC ‘A+’ accreditation, a Central Placement Cell that achieved an 88.42% placement ratio in 2022-23 with 252 offers from 78 companies (highest-to-median packages undisclosed) and median UG packages of ?5.5 LPA (three-year) and ?8.5 LPA (four-year) as per NIRF 2024. DU benefits from a highly experienced, research-active faculty, extensive university clubs and industry tie-ups for internships, but admits only via DU-CET with limited seat flexibility and minimal specializations beyond core CS.

In contrast, VIT Bhopal’s four-year B.Tech CSE (Cloud Computing and Automation) is a 160-credit program featuring 55 credits of core CS (Data Structures, Algorithms, Operating Systems, Networks), 12 credits of cloud architecture and services, 15 elective credits (AI, ML, IoT, Cybersecurity, DevOps, Containerization, Blockchain), plus university and soft-skill courses under a Fully Flexible Credit System. Accredited by UGC, NAAC A++ (2021), NBA and ABET-aligned FFCS, it boasts 100% doctoral faculty, a 1:70–1:100 faculty-student ratio, dedicated cloud-computing labs, PARAM HPC access and a centralized VIT Career Development Centre recording over 90% placement for CSE branches with average packages near ?11 LPA and marquee recruiters across IT and core sectors. VIT offers semester-wise elective choice, lateral exit options and interdisciplinary projects, but commands higher fees (~?7.92 L) and admits via VIT-EEE or JEE Main rank.

While DU’s B.Sc. CS delivers rigorous theoretical grounding, diverse electives and cost-effective public-university benefits with strong placement support for core CS roles, VIT Bhopal’s CSE (Cloud Computing) provides specialized industry-aligned cloud curriculum, superior lab infrastructure, flexible credit system, higher placement percentages, and stronger corporate partnerships—albeit at greater cost and commitment.

Recommendation: For a student prioritizing a cost-effective, broad theoretical foundation with reputable public-university prestige and adequate placement infrastructure, B.Sc. (Hons.) CS at Delhi University is compelling. Conversely, for those seeking specialized cloud computing expertise, cutting-edge labs, flexible curriculum choices, higher placement rates and global industry tie-ups—even at higher fees—the B.Tech CSE (Cloud Computing and Automation) at VIT Bhopal is more aligned with emerging technology careers. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9419 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 25, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, My son has secured admission to Information Science Engineering (ISE) at Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology, Bangalore. He wanted to study at colleges like RVCE or PES, but based on his KCET/JEE rank, it is difficult to get admission to these colleges. Hence, I am exploring the option of a CSE management seat in these colleges. How are the future prospects of ISE at NMIT? Is it worth spending for a management seat? Your advice will greatly help us make a well-informed decision. Let me know if you need any further edits or have additional content to check!
Ans: Amit Sir, After carefully researching the fee structures for MQ seats at RVCE and PES—which can reach ?50–75 lakh including tuition, hostel, and related costs—it’s important to assess the return on such a significant investment. Spending more than ?25 lakh for an undergraduate engineering seat is rarely justifiable, regardless of affordability. A better approach is to pursue quality education at a Tier-2 college and supplement it with technical and soft-skills certifications; this combination can be highly effective for career growth. Success in any engineering branch depends on staying updated with evolving job market requirements. Regarding ISE at NMIT & the Scope of This Branch: The Information Science & Engineering (ISE) program at Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology blends robust academic foundations, accreditation, cuttingedge infrastructure, research engagement, and strong placement outcomes to prepare graduates for rapidly evolving technology roles. Established in 2001, the department holds NBA Tier-1 accreditation (Washington Accord) valid through 2026–27 and VTU affiliation, underscoring its adherence to global quality standards and rigorous outcome-based curriculum design. The syllabus spans core computing principles (data structures, algorithms), advanced domains (machine learning, cybersecurity, IoT, cloud computing), and hands-on capstone projects in state-of-the-art labs equipped with HPC clusters, specialized AI/DS workstations, embedded systems platforms, and dedicated research facilities for doctoral and postgraduate work. Faculty members actively engage in sponsored research projects from DST, SERB, AICTE and industry partners, fostering a culture of innovation and equipping students with problem-solving and analytical skills essential for complex system design. Industry tie-ups and MoUs with leading IT firms and technology providers enable structured internships, hackathons, and industrial training, bridging the academia–industry gap and ensuring graduates are workforce-ready. The dedicated placement cell records an 88.37% placement rate for ISE graduates in 2024, with recruiters including Infosys, Wipro, IBM, Dell and emerging startups, reflecting sustained demand for ISE skills across software development, data analytics, cybersecurity and network engineering wings. Broad IT industry projections anticipate over 30% growth by 2028 in areas such as AI/ML, big data, cloud services, and cybersecurity, driven by Digital India initiatives and global digital transformation. ISE graduates can pursue roles as software engineers, data scientists, cybersecurity analysts, cloud architects and IoT specialists, and also explore research, product management and entrepreneurial ventures in HealthTech, FinTech and Industry 4.0 domains. Backup pathways include specialized M.Tech and online certifications in data science/AI and emerging fields. With its accredited curriculum, modern labs, research orientation, industry collaborations and strong placement record, NMIT’s ISE program offers comprehensive preparation for future technology careers and leadership roles in a dynamic job market.

Recommendation
With its Washington Accord–equivalent accreditation, immersive labs, active research projects, industry-integrated training and 88% placement consistency, NMIT’s ISE stands out as an excellent platform. Aspiring engineers should seize this program’s blend of academic rigor and practical exposure to secure rewarding roles in AI, data science, cybersecurity and cloud domains. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9419 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 25, 2025

Career
Rvs College of engineering Jamshedpur how do u rate?
Ans: Sidharth, RVS College of Engineering & Technology, established in 2004, is affiliated to Kolhan University and Jharkhand of Technology and holds AICTE approval alongside NAAC A+ accreditation, placing it within the NIRF 2024 engineering band of 101–150 in India. Spread over a 30-acre campus, the institute boasts well-equipped departmental laboratories for CSE, ECE, EEE, ME and Civil, a 7,500 sq ft air-conditioned library with 16,000 volumes and DELNET access, centralized computing facilities, separate boys’ and girls’ hostels and modern sports and healthcare amenities. The faculty comprises PhD-qualified professors and industry veterans who deliver an outcome-based curriculum co-designed with corporate partners, supplemented by guest lectures and workshops from TCS, Wipro, Amazon and Tata Technologies. The Training & Placement Cell achieved a 60–70% placement rate in 2024 with an average package of ?5.5 LPA and top recruiters such as Cognizant, Tech Mahindra, Ultratech Cement and Maventic; recent student feedback highlights an 87% drive participation and 51 hiring companies in 2025, with structured soft-skills and interview preparation programs to bridge skill gaps. Student reviews rate the overall experience at 3.5/5, praising the robust industry linkages and modern infrastructure while noting opportunities to enhance alumni mentorship and semester-long career guidance.

Recommendation
RVS College’s strong AICTE/NAAC credentials, industry-aligned curriculum, specialized labs and consistent 60–87% placement rates make it a solid choice for core engineering streams. Prospective students should engage proactively in its corporate workshops and alumni network to maximize internships and research-project opportunities. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x