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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1402 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2021

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
T Question by T on Sep 06, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

First of all I would like to remain anonymous. As the world is happy with work from home I am not.

It's been a year since my marriage but each day I desperately wait for offices to open so I can shift with my husband to another place and live independently.

It's not like in laws trouble me or something; on the contrary they are good. But I feel suffocated.

I am supposed to look after my sister in law's son which is the main reason for my depression.

I've been through legitimate depression so I know when I am going through it. Now sister in law is moving abroad leaving her son to permanently live with us!

I can't Anu I just can't. I am postponing having my own kid because I want to live an independent happy life at least for few years with my husband without the responsibility of a child. But I don't remember a single day after my marriage without a child in between.

It's not like I don't love that child; I do. I just don't want to take responsibility of him and it's not even fair to ask of me that right.

I am not happy. I really want to be. Please help me please.

Ans: Dear T, Simply be assertive and put your foot down.

Sometimes people do not respect boundaries till they are made aware that there are boundaries.

Supporting your sister-in-law to care for her son on a few occasions as the boy’s aunt is a great thing but playing the boy’s mom is not what you need to sign up for! And what you haven’t signed up for, isn’t something that you need to follow through.

Take charge, if you don’t someone else will as they already have; almost assuming that anything is fine with you.

The boy isn’t your responsibility and for anyone to assume that is unnecessary.

This has gone on because you have allowed it and if you want it to stop, you simply have to say it; support or no support from anyone.

Your happiness is how you want to experience; so create that accordingly…on your terms…without being rude, but by being frank and calm.

Play this situation over and over in your mind and how you will be assertive with them.

When the mind is prepared and rehearses this repeatedly, and then when the real situation plays out, your mind is already ready to support you.

Even if you have felt hesitant up until now, this mind training should hold you in good stead.

Take charge NOW! Best wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1402 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 01, 2021

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I'm married and mother to a 5 months old beautiful daughter. Before and after marriage I was working in a company as HR executive. I loved my job. Then I left my job because me and my husband was working in different locations. When I shifted with him, I tried a lot to get a job. But all in vain. Maybe because of this I started getting frustrated. It affected my personal life a lot. I used to blame my husband as he never ever told me to quit. But somehow...... Then we shifted to our home town because of lockdown and my husband's WFH. And my frustration level is increasing day by day. I lost everything. How to enjoy, happiness everything. I want to be happy but.... It's like I can't do anything for my daughter as well as for myself. I hate dependency and I am totally dependent on my husband even for a single penny. I tried to commit suicide many times. Then I thought I should talk to my mother. I did. But nothing helped. She used to tell me always that I have to live for the child now. Then I thought what I could do for her. Because if I m alone, sad, depressed from inside how can I be happy outside? I used to motivate people and right now I want to end up my life. Can you help please?
Ans: Dear TS, What do you want for yourself? What do you want to make out of life?

You can choose to be sad and depressed and keep thinking of what hasn’t happened. Always do things that set you free, always think of things that set you free.

The more you choose to focus on what could have happened and what should happen, it leads you to a dark place.

Why think that you are dependent? Marriage is a space where both partners must have the comfort of growing together.

Let’s say someday if you have to step up and work instead of your husband, will you call your husband a dependent person then?

We all go through phases in life that challenge our mind and mental state. The sooner you accept this, the better you will sail through this.

After all, nothing is permanent. Instead of brooding over, if you gave yourself a fresh start and looked at opportunities in a different way, you may find something that is better than what you had initially been searching for.

And if ending your life, you think makes it easier, remember, it never has and it never will and DO think of your daughter who is solely dependent on you.

Please work with a Mental Health expert who will help put your priorities together and a good action plan as well to achieve simple goals in life.

Start first by being outdoors in Nature and please be in GRATITUDE for what you have in life. That will make you trust that LIFE IS GOOD! Surround yourself with people that nourish you.

Be in the best mind space. Best wishes.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |442 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 05, 2024

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Relationship
Hello madam, My name is Deepthi am 37 years old married woman with 8 months old infant .in 2011 may I got married to a good man it was arranged marriage. Upto now we are living our life's both sides parents are not supportive ,we are only taking care of child ,the thing is neighbour s (women)are asking y ur parents and inlaws are not supportive , emotionaly putting me down,I am isolated and taking care of child life is becoming challenging for me ,how to gain mental strength,dareness to raise kid ??? another thing is my husband is taking care of my kid and me both sides parents not accepting me without money ,I did not yet recovered fully , emotional ly, physically . neighbour women emotionally draining me creating panic that how u will raise kid alone .I want to distance both parents temporarily .madam how to move ahead in life my husband is always supportive
Ans: Hi Deepthi,

Navigating the challenges you're facing, from feeling isolated without support from both sides of the family to dealing with emotionally draining neighbors, is incredibly tough, especially as you care for your 8-month-old infant and work on your own recovery.
Firstly, recognize and embrace the support you have from your husband. He is a vital source of strength in your life. Open and honest communication with him about your feelings and struggles can fortify your partnership and help you both tackle these challenges together. Knowing that you have a supportive partner by your side can make a significant difference in how you cope with these pressures.

When it comes to your neighbors, setting boundaries is crucial. You don’t owe them explanations about why your parents and in-laws are not supportive. Politely but firmly let them know that you prefer not to discuss personal matters and that you are managing your situation in your own way. Protecting your emotional well-being from their intrusive questions is essential for maintaining your peace.

Focusing on your recovery is paramount. Taking care of an infant is incredibly demanding, and prioritizing your health is critical. Make sure you are getting enough rest, eating well, and finding small moments to recharge throughout the day. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and peace, whether it’s a hobby, quiet time with your baby, or connecting with supportive friends, can help in your emotional recovery.

To counteract the feelings of isolation, seek out social support. Look for mother-and-baby groups or community activities where you can meet other parents who might be experiencing similar situations. Building connections with others in similar stages of life can provide mutual support and reduce the sense of being alone in your journey.

Building mental resilience is another key step. Practices like mindfulness or meditation can help you stay grounded and manage stress more effectively. Journaling your thoughts and feelings can provide a therapeutic outlet, and engaging with inspiring books or podcasts can offer new perspectives and encouragement.

Regarding your parents and in-laws, it might be beneficial to distance yourself temporarily. Focus on creating a healthy and nurturing environment for yourself and your baby. If interactions with them are causing you stress, consider setting clear boundaries to protect your peace. Communicate your needs and expectations clearly, emphasizing that your primary concern is the well-being of your immediate family.

If the emotional strain becomes overwhelming, seeking professional help is a valuable option. A counselor or therapist can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and offer strategies to cope with your challenges. Professional support can help you build emotional resilience and give you the tools to manage your situation more effectively.

It’s important to recognize and celebrate small wins in your daily life. Every day brings its own set of challenges, but also moments of success. Whether it’s a peaceful moment with your baby, a positive interaction with your husband, or simply making it through a tough day, acknowledging these victories can boost your morale and remind you of your strength and capability.

You are doing an incredible job under very challenging circumstances. Trust in your ability to raise your child and build a happy life. You are not alone; your husband’s support and your own inner strength are your greatest allies. Focus on what you can control, shield your mental well-being from external negativity, and believe in your capacity to overcome these hurdles. With time, patience, and self-compassion, you will find your way forward.

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Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3985 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 18, 2024

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Career
My son is doing BBA( 1st year.) Which extra course help him future.
Ans: Shubham Sir, The BBA degree is a strong foundation for a career in management, business, and entrepreneurship. To enhance his skills and employability, consider taking additional courses that align with his interests and career aspirations. General skills for business and management include data analytics and business intelligence, digital marketing, financial modeling and investment analysis, project management, communication and soft skills, and industry-specific skills like finance, marketing, entrepreneurship, supply chain and operations, and human resources. Technical skills include basic coding and IT skills, accounting software, artificial intelligence and machine learning for business, and cybersecurity basics.

Certifications and competitive exams can add value to his resume, such as Google, Microsoft, and Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA). Global business awareness is crucial, and practical experience is essential. Internships in industries of interest and participating in startup incubators or entrepreneurship contests can provide practical exposure. A suggested roadmap for a successful BBA career includes focusing on foundational skills, gaining technical knowledge, starting internships or part-time projects, and preparing for competitive exams like GMAT or certifications like CFA.

All the BEST for your Son’s Prosperous Future, Sir.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3985 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 24, 2024Hindi
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Career
My daughter studying bsc biotechnology 1st semester please suggest me about her future career
Ans: The decision by your daughter to pursue a BSc in Biotechnology opens up a wide range of career opportunities in diverse and rapidly growing fields. After completing her BSc, she can either pursue further education or enter the job market directly. Options include MSc in Biotechnology (or Related Fields), MBA in Biotechnology/Healthcare Management, PhD in Biotechnology, PG Diploma Courses, and pursuing a master's degree in top countries for biotechnology.

After BSc, she can work in various sectors and roles, such as lab technician, research assistant, quality control analyst, healthcare and pharmaceuticals, agricultural biotechnology, environmental biotechnology, food and beverage industry, bioinformatics, government jobs, or entrepreneurship. High-paying and in-demand fields include medical biotechnology, bioinformatics, industrial biotechnology, agricultural biotechnology, environmental biotechnology, and genetic engineering.

The best study and career locations for MSc/PhD are IISc Bangalore, IITs (Kharagpur, Kanpur), JNU Delhi, University of Hyderabad, and government initiatives like DBT (Department of Biotechnology). Skills she should develop include technical skills, research and analytical skills, soft skills, and certifications.

To build a strong foundation in core biotechnology subjects, she should participate in internships or summer research projects. After BSc, she should prepare for entrance exams, network, and consider financial considerations.

All the BEST for your Daughter’s Prosperous Future.

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Nayagam P P  |3985 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024Hindi
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Confused about the future after doing bsc biotechnology. In which subject I should do msc ? Ok india or abroad? Which biotechnology sector have high paying jobs ?
Ans: Biotechnology is a promising field with numerous career paths. Choosing the right specialization and study destination depends on interests, career goals, and financial considerations. Some popular specializations include Biotechnology, Microbiology, Biochemistry, Bioinformatics, Food Technology, Environmental Biotechnology, Medical Biotechnology, Genetic Engineering, and Industrial Biotechnology. Studying in India offers affordable education, access to reputed institutions, and a growing biotech industry. Abroad offers exposure to advanced research and technologies, higher-paying jobs, and better industry connections. High-paying sectors in biotechnology include pharmaceuticals and biopharma, healthcare and diagnostics, bioinformatics, industrial biotechnology, agricultural biotechnology, and environmental biotechnology. High-paying countries for biotechnology careers include the USA, Germany, Canada, Singapore, and India.

For those looking for cutting-edge research and higher-paying jobs, consider studying abroad in countries like the USA, Germany, or Canada. For those preferring affordable education and a long-term plan to settle in India, pursue MSc in a specialized field from top Indian institutes. Opt for fields like Bioinformatics, Medical Biotechnology, or Industrial Biotechnology, which offer the best combination of high salaries and demand. All the BEST for your Prosperous Future.

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Sir Greetings! is it true that now UGC wont differentiate rather treats equally both regular and correspondence degree or PG. Even correspondence students are eligible and apply for both govt and private sector jobs. I heard even companies need to accept correspondence degree done in India. Sir please clarify without any ambiguity in this regard. This is Q has been bothering me for quite sometime
Ans: Anirvinna, The University Grants Commission (UGC) and other regulatory bodies in India have made significant efforts to ensure that distance education degrees are treated as equivalent to regular degrees. The UGC states that degrees obtained through distance or online education from recognized institutions are equivalent to regular degrees, applicable for both government and private sector jobs. The Distance Education Bureau (DEB) ensures the quality of distance education programs and oversees compliance. Distance education degrees are valid for all government jobs, professional courses, and private sector acceptance. However, some organizations may prioritize candidates with regular degrees for certain roles due to perceptions of classroom rigor or networking opportunities. The UGC has encouraged universities to offer quality online programs, reducing the stigma associated with correspondence education. To enhance career prospects, consider pursuing correspondence programs from well-reputed institutions with strong alumni networks and industry connections. All the BEST for your Prosperous Future.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7281 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2024

Money
I am 49 years old working in private sector. Currently, drawing Rs. 1.50 lakhs per month, my investment details. - Lumpsum investment – canara robeco midcap regular – Rs.2 lakhs, union multicap fund –Rs.1 lakh, mahindra Manulife small cap rs.2 lakh; canara robeco multi cap Rs.2.20 lakhs; mahindra Manulife business cycle fund – Rs. 50,000; white oak capital large & mid cap fund – Rs. 100,000; ICICI prudential energy opportunities fund – rs. 100,000 - SIP – HDFC Defence fund – Rs. 10,000; mahindra manulife manufacturing fund – Rs.10000; white oak special opportunities fund 10,000 - FD with HDFC bank – rs. 12,00,000 - LIC – Rs. 10 lakhs My future expenditure, daughters marriage in 3 to 4 years and to purchase house in chennai and to save money for retirement. Please give me advice on how to invest so that I can meet my future demands and have a self-sufficient retirement.
Ans: Assessment of Current Investments
Mutual Funds

Your portfolio has a good mix of midcap, multicap, small-cap, and sectoral funds.
Diversification across different fund categories is appreciable.
However, the allocation to thematic and sectoral funds like defence, manufacturing, and energy is high.
Sectoral funds can be volatile and risky, especially for near-term goals.
Fixed Deposit (FD)

Rs. 12 lakh in FD provides stability and liquidity.
FDs are suitable for short-term needs but offer limited growth potential.
LIC Policy

The LIC policy provides Rs. 10 lakh, likely covering insurance and investment.
Such policies usually yield lower returns than mutual funds.
Future Financial Goals
Daughter’s Marriage (3–4 years)

Allocate funds with a low-risk profile for this goal.
Avoid high exposure to equity for this purpose.
House Purchase in Chennai

Save in instruments that offer both safety and moderate returns.
Flexibility and liquidity are important for this goal.
Retirement Corpus

Focus on long-term equity investments for growth.
Diversify to balance returns and risk.
Proposed Investment Strategy
Short-Term Goals (Daughter’s Marriage and House Purchase)
Utilise Fixed Deposits Wisely

Allocate a portion of your FD for your daughter’s marriage.
Retain some FD for emergency purposes only.
Invest in Debt Mutual Funds

Choose high-quality short-duration or dynamic bond funds.
Debt funds can provide better post-tax returns than FDs.
Keep the money safe and accessible for short-term use.
Avoid Sectoral and Thematic Funds

Shift sectoral fund investments to safer debt-oriented funds.
Sectoral funds are not suitable for short-term goals.
Medium- to Long-Term Goal (Retirement Planning)
Increase SIP in Diversified Equity Funds

Diversify into flexicap, multicap, or large-cap funds.
These funds balance risk and growth for long-term wealth creation.
Reduce Thematic Fund Allocation

Limit exposure to thematic funds to less than 10% of the portfolio.
Reallocate to well-diversified equity funds.
Invest in Hybrid Funds

Include balanced advantage or hybrid equity funds.
These funds reduce volatility while offering equity-like returns.
Consider Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS)

Invest in ELSS for tax-saving benefits under Section 80C.
ELSS funds also offer long-term growth.
General Recommendations
Review Insurance Policy

Assess if the LIC policy offers adequate life coverage.
If it is a traditional endowment or ULIP, consider surrendering.
Reallocate proceeds to mutual funds for better returns.
Maintain Emergency Fund

Keep 6–12 months’ expenses in a savings account or liquid funds.
This ensures you have liquidity for unforeseen expenses.
Monitor and Rebalance Portfolio

Review your portfolio quarterly or semi-annually.
Rebalance to maintain alignment with your goals.
Focus on Tax Efficiency

Use tax-efficient instruments like ELSS, debt funds, and retirement-focused funds.
Plan withdrawals strategically to reduce tax impact on capital gains.
Retirement Planning Recommendations
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)

In the future, use SWP from mutual funds for retirement income.
It provides tax efficiency compared to traditional annuities.
Healthcare Planning

Ensure your health insurance coverage is adequate for post-retirement needs.
Increase coverage if necessary to avoid financial strain later.
Invest in Equity for Growth

Continue investing in equities for long-term wealth appreciation.
Equity helps combat inflation effectively over the years.
Final Insights
Your investment portfolio is commendable and diversified. However, some adjustments can improve alignment with your goals. Reduce sectoral exposure and shift towards safer instruments for short-term needs. For retirement, continue SIPs in diversified equity and hybrid funds. Regular monitoring and rebalancing will keep your financial plan on track. With these changes, you can achieve your goals while ensuring a comfortable and self-sufficient retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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