Anu Krishna |1255 Answers |Ask -Follow
Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022
I have been married for a little more than five years and I am living under tremendous stress and depression.
We live in a joint family with my parents and an unmarried brother. I had told her all this before marriage.
She loves me very much but her attitude towards my relatives has been a matter of concern right from the start.
She does not want to keep a relationship with anybody apart from my immediate family.
Slowly, she started having problems with my mother also; both have started having minor clashes at home. Many times, it is my mother’s mistake.
The main problem is that she is very nagging and complains and gets irritated very frequently at the smallest instance.
Frustrated, I planned on separating with her but the news came of her pregnancy and we were blessed with a baby girl.
After the baby was born, my wife’s frustration and irritation has increased manifold because of her fear that my mother will give much more love to the baby then she can. So their clashes have increased.
Now my wife has been putting a lot of pressure on me to look for a new house away from my parents, since she wants her own space.
I already have a home loan on the existing home and a car loan. There is very less scope for me to purchase a new home and I don't want to leave my parents. She just doesn't understand my position and clashes happen between us.
Looking at all this, I desperately want to separate from her but can't do so because of our daughter. I love her the most and can't live without her. So I just endure what is happening every day.
This has resulted in me slipping into depression. It has affected my work in office as well. I am not performing well, I don't like to speak with any of my friends or relatives, I don't feel like doing anything.
I’m living for the sake of my daughter, that's it.
Even my parents are not in a position to understand me and my situation so I can't talk to them either.
Can you help?
Just don’t publish my name.
Hi
It is unfortunate that you are in this situation.
Your wife is possibly not very inclined to be in a joint family set-up; the reasons maybe many. But isn’t it necessary for you as a husband and a father to look out for your family?
The misunderstandings caused between the two of you over the years because of being in a joint family set-up have never been addressed and much water has flowed under the bridge.
There is a slim chance that matters might get resolved if you get your mother and wife in the same room and iron it out, with you being a neutral person who does not take sides; this is the best option.
If this isn’t possible, kindly visit a family counsellor who can step in and show your family a way to live amicably or give you a perspective on how healthy it might be to live separately.
At the end of the day, you have responsibilities towards your wife and child too!
All the best and a Happy 2022.
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