First of all I would like to remain anonymous. As the world is happy with work from home I am not.
It's been a year since my marriage but each day I desperately wait for offices to open so I can shift with my husband to another place and live independently.
It's not like in laws trouble me or something; on the contrary they are good. But I feel suffocated.
I am supposed to look after my sister in law's son which is the main reason for my depression.
I've been through legitimate depression so I know when I am going through it. Now sister in law is moving abroad leaving her son to permanently live with us!
I can't Anu I just can't. I am postponing having my own kid because I want to live an independent happy life at least for few years with my husband without the responsibility of a child. But I don't remember a single day after my marriage without a child in between.
It's not like I don't love that child; I do. I just don't want to take responsibility of him and it's not even fair to ask of me that right.
I am not happy. I really want to be. Please help me please.
Ans: Dear T, Simply be assertive and put your foot down.
Sometimes people do not respect boundaries till they are made aware that there are boundaries.
Supporting your sister-in-law to care for her son on a few occasions as the boy’s aunt is a great thing but playing the boy’s mom is not what you need to sign up for! And what you haven’t signed up for, isn’t something that you need to follow through.
Take charge, if you don’t someone else will as they already have; almost assuming that anything is fine with you.
The boy isn’t your responsibility and for anyone to assume that is unnecessary.
This has gone on because you have allowed it and if you want it to stop, you simply have to say it; support or no support from anyone.
Your happiness is how you want to experience; so create that accordingly…on your terms…without being rude, but by being frank and calm.
Play this situation over and over in your mind and how you will be assertive with them.
When the mind is prepared and rehearses this repeatedly, and then when the real situation plays out, your mind is already ready to support you.
Even if you have felt hesitant up until now, this mind training should hold you in good stead.
Take charge NOW! Best wishes.
