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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I feel very disgusted to tell you that... I (17y female) was sitting with my mom and my cousin (28y male) was also there. My cousin was sitting besides me and after a while my mom left the house for about 10 minutes for some work. I felt sleepy so I slept on the bed itself. My cousin was still sitting besides me when I slept. After a while I woke up to a very bad feeling. My cousin was groping my butt from behind . I froze as I woke up.my whole body didn't respond at all. I was in shock . He kept touching me for a while. I don't know how I slept in that freezing position. But when I woke up my body was still in shock and he was still besides me. At first I thought it must be dream . But it was surely not a dream. I have noticed he always stares at my body and keeps finding ways to touch me. This all happened and I didn't tell anyone. It has been 3 months and I still can't get over it. I cannot even tell my parents as they will not believe me and it will cause lots of ups and downs if my parents overreact. I really don't know what to do. I feel disgusting.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do tell your parents till they HEAR you! Initially, they may dismiss it as a misunderstanding on your part, but persist and keep telling them. Everyday...they may blame you, be upset with you, not talk to you or threaten you with something...BUT keep at it girl...
Someday, they will realize that they must trust their daughter and not the person who decided to abuse their daughter and then get away with it. If this guy gets away, he will try this again with you or some other innocent girl...so, speak up bravely and be firm with it.
If you have an older sibling or someone in the family who is closer to you in age, confide in them, so that they can also back you up.
And the next time, this person (cousin) visits, make eye contact with him when he stares...and ask him: Is there a problem?
If he has any ounce of shame and scare, he will leave or shift gazes. Most often abusers keep trying only because they feel no one can stand up to them. Once you stand up to him, he will cow down! Get back you power by actually feeling that you own your body and that you draw boundaries around it. Be brave!

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2022

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Dear Anu,I request you to keep me anonymous. A few years ago (I was 18 years old) on a 4-hour flight, the man sitting next to me molested me. He used the excuse of being afraid of flying but constantly caressed my inner thighs and kept touching my vaginal area for the entire duration of the flight. I sat there frozen and petrified and never told anyone. I have felt guilty about it ever since. Last year I moved to the USA for a few months and in my last month there, a guy kissed me. It was at a bar and was consensual but since then I have been obsessing over it (it's been six months) and constantly feel dirty and guilty just like I felt on that flight. I feel like I let him use my body just like before even though the kiss was something I wanted. I feel like I won't ever be able to enjoy consensual sex or even just foreplay and I cannot understand how to get rid of that feeling of guilt. How do I stop feeling guilty and dirty and be able to enjoy.Please help meThank you.
Ans:

Dear J.A.R,

It must be shocking and what you displayed was Freeze response.

Creeps like these are lurking around every corner and till we call them out, they are going to commit more serious offenses that what you have experienced.

So, the next time, scream at the creep and make a scene if you have to.

At least, you will have moved on from the victim mode to someone who can take care of herself. Well, this is for what can be done the next time!

Now, let’s deal with what your mind is doing to you.

In what way are you dirty for a trick played on you by a dirty man?

Isn’t he the one who should be feeling dirty instead? Why are you playing his side of the role and keeping yourself from good relationships that are coming your way?

To change this story in your mind, I suggest that you imagine the dirty man seated next to you, him groping you and NOW change the way you want to respond to it.

This time ACT EMPOWERED. Like you are yelling at him, calling out to co-passengers, punching him or whatever that you wished you could have done.

Play this in your mind over and over again.

I do understand that replaying what he did to you can get in the way of this process; but do know that you cannot change the past, but you can surely empower your present and the future. So, do it and do this NOW!

This will give you a chance to rewrite the stories about the relationships that you are about to have.

Also, this will enable you to have a better grip over physical intimacy that is definitely a product of the way the mind processes the event. So, work at this and gift yourself the chance to live free!

Best wishes!

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Archana Deshpande  |24 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

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Dear Guru, I work in the technology space, and as with most careers, it is challenging and stressful. I work long hours (10-12hrs on avg). My problem is that I get disturbed sleep and am unable to get work related thoughts out of my mind wherein I even dream about solutions to work problems. I am afraid this is going to hurt my health and burn me out soon. Please advise on how I can detach from work to get a refreshing sleep.
Ans: Dear Bhawik!!

Pat yourself on the back for being a committed employee. The problems you have stated happen to most people who give their 100% to their work. Since you already know what it is to be 100% at work, it is time for you to give your 100% at home and to yourself.
You need to mentally detach yourself from work the moment you step out of the office building.
How will you do this? Adopt the following-
1. before leaving the office list out all the activities for tomorrow , prioritise them and mentally commit to them as tasks for tomorrow.
2. as soon as you exit the office building take three deep breaths , inhale and exhale deeply - this is called a transitioning breath which helps you transition from activity to another
3 establish rituals like listening to music( which you love) the moment you leave the building
4. if your transit form office to home takes some time, then practice being in the moment by looking around - the people, the trees, the sky, let all your senses be involved- use your eyes to see, nose to smell, ears to hear the sounds around, feel the breeze in your hair/ on your skin. This makes you feel 100% alive. Stay in the moment.
5. when you reach home, greet your loved ones with a smile
6. spend a little time doing nothing , just be
7. enjoy your meal mindfully
8.take a small walk after your meal
9.spend min 10 mins doing something that brings you joy, for me it is reading a book, what is it for you?
10.go for a guided "Yog Nidra" before sleeping.

Do not intellectualize these suggestions. Just do them. They are tried and tested methods for a proper demarcation between work and home life.
Best wishes for a life well lived and restful sleep..
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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hi, i have completed my masters in food technology and want to work as freelancers as a auditor in food industry could you guide how to go about doing.
Ans: Transitioning to freelance work as a food industry auditor can offer you flexibility and autonomy in your career. Evaluate your qualifications, experience, and skills in food technology, quality assurance, and auditing. Identify areas where you have expertise and experience that are valuable to potential clients in the food industry. Familiarize yourself with the requirements and standards for food auditing, including regulatory requirements, industry standards (such as ISO 22000, HACCP), and customer specifications. Understand the auditing process, documentation requirements, and audit protocols. Consider obtaining relevant certifications or training in food safety auditing, such as Certified Food Safety Auditor (CFSA), Lead Auditor Training, or other accredited programs. These credentials can enhance your credibility and qualifications as a freelancer. Network with professionals in the food industry, including food manufacturers, suppliers, distributors, and regulatory agencies. Attend industry conferences, seminars, and networking events to connect with potential clients and collaborators. Determine the specific services you will offer as a food industry auditor, such as food safety audits, quality management system audits, regulatory compliance assessments, or supplier audits. Identify your target market, including food manufacturers, processors, retailers, or food service providers. Develop a professional brand identity for your freelance auditing services, including a business name, logo, website, and marketing materials. Highlight your expertise, qualifications, and unique value proposition to attract potential clients. Determine your pricing structure based on factors such as the complexity of audits, scope of services, and industry standards. Establish clear policies regarding payment terms, project timelines, and confidentiality agreements to protect both your interests and those of your clients. Promote your freelance auditing services through online channels, social media platforms, industry forums, and professional associations. Create content related to food safety, quality assurance, and auditing best practices to showcase your expertise and attract potential clients. Cultivate relationships with potential clients by offering value-added services, such as training, consulting, or ongoing support. Build trust and credibility through transparent communication, professional conduct, and delivering high-quality audit reports and recommendations. Establish systems and processes for managing your freelance business, including client communication, project management, invoicing, and record-keeping. Prioritize time management and organization to balance your freelance work effectively. 

Keep learning, networking, and refining your approach to meet the needs of your clients and achieve your professional goals as a freelancer.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |959 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Money
I retired earlier now at 53. Invested 7L in ELSS and using 60L on short term equity trading (with monthly average gain 2L) and having own apartment home worth 40L. Having dependent widowed mother, wife with 13 yrs old daughter. Intended to raise daughter as doctor. Please suggest better investment options.
Ans: Congratulations on your early retirement! It sounds like you've made some good initial decisions, but there's definitely room for improvement to secure your family's future, especially considering your dependents. Here's how you can optimize your investments:

Reduce Risk in Short-Term Equity Trading:

While a ?2 lakh monthly gain from short-term trading sounds impressive, it's a very risky strategy. The market can be volatile, and these gains may not be sustainable. Consider allocating a much smaller portion (maybe 10-20%) to short-term trading and focus on more stable options for the majority of your investable assets (?60 lakh currently in trading).
Focus on Long-Term Growth and Stability:

Increase Investment in ELSS: ?7 lakh is a good start, but for your daughter's education and your retirement needs, you'll likely need a much larger corpus. Consider increasing your SIP amount in ELSS or similar diversified equity mutual funds with a long-term horizon (10+ years).
Explore Debt Options for Regular Income:

You mentioned having a dependent mother and daughter's education to plan for. Consider investing a portion (maybe 20-30%) of your investable amount in safer debt options like Public Provident Fund (PPF), Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) for your mother (if she's above 60), or fixed deposits to generate a regular income stream.
Plan for Daughter's Education:

Doctorate studies can be expensive. Start an SIP in a dedicated child education plan or invest in aggressive equity funds specifically for this goal. Talk to a Certfied Financial Planner for personalized recommendations based on the estimated cost of medical education.
Utilize Your Apartment:

While your apartment fulfills your housing needs, consider if it could generate additional income. Explore options like renting a room if feasible.
Seek Professional Guidance:

Given your multiple financial goals and risk tolerance, consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be highly beneficial. They can create a personalized investment plan considering your risk appetite, time horizon, and financial goals.
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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