Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 09, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Bonhoure Question by Bonhoure on Oct 06, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi Mam I need your expertly advise on this one below. I am gong to talk about my nephew ( my blood sister's son ) He is 31 YO and got married 1 n half years back. His father had a bipolar issue (who is no more now) He is a B.Tech in Comp Science currently unemployed. Now , the key issue is this boy is not physically intimate to his wife since marriage which we cud observe. Last November 2022 he lost his job also due to retrenchment. Since then he underwent depression and anxiety related disorders. So we sought a proper medical advise and under treatment since March 2023. After treatment and medication , his situation slightly improved. The Doctor ( Physichiatrist) who has been evaluating him, has recently told us that his wife is the reason for this trigger and after effects. Also explained us that " whenever he sees her wife around , his inability to perform or engage in family life strikes him and mental issues start. So on an experiment basis, Dr asked us to send his wife for a brief vacation of 10 days to her hometown and said tt his condition would greatly improve. As he foreseen, that is what has happened and Dr confirmed this in his latest review. Now He is asking us to convey this matter to his wife. We really don't know how to take this forward as the Girl would feel hurt and bad as same time His health is also equally important. P: S : 1.The Girl and their family is aware that He is undergoing treatment and she accompanied him in a few reviews too. 2. Dr suggested us to go for a 2nd opinion if we want . But the way he puts it, its clear that he is very much confident about his diagnosis. many thanks your expertly advise regards Mano

Ans: Dear Bonhoure,
We cannot control our environment but only choose how we respond to it. Life throws us curveballs all the time...do we run away from it or do we wish it away?
So, I do find it strange that the Psychiatrist you mention has actually concluded that the wife is the problem, so she should be sent away...
Why was a Couples' counseling session not scheduled? The matter could have been dealt with very intimately as she is also an affected party as is your nephew.
What if the whole thing was in reverse? Will your family be able to take it that he is being sent away as he is the problem? Would you not want him to have a chance to share his side of the story?

An expert needs to hear both sides and counsel or coach them as a unit as they are married...to simply wish someone away, is in my opinion a foolish thing to do as it will break their marriage. Since the doctor has suggested you to go for a second opinion, I suggest the same. Everybody deserves a chance at happiness, so does your nephew and his wife...even if what the doctor diagnosed is true, it is professionally correct to bring them together and work together with them It's highly possible that things might resolve itself this way...

Why separate people when there is a chance to keep them together? So, find solutions keeping the latter in mind rather than the former...

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2022

Listen
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2022

Listen
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Dear dr , my colleague is divorced 2 yrs back ,he is suffering from acute depression, his ex wife has not allowed her son to meet his father in last 2 yrs, as ex wife family is financial very strong they are not taking any monthly support from my colleague for his son.meanwhile son is 10 yr old and is brainwash that his father is not good ,so doesn't want to meet him. My colleague is getting more depressed and admitted for 1 month in hospital and got ECT therapy. Kindly guide ,what we can do so he xan meet his son once a week
Ans: dear Mohammad,
First, it might be helpful for your colleague to consult with a family lawyer who specializes in custody and visitation rights. Even if his ex-wife’s family is financially strong and not accepting support, your colleague likely still has legal rights to see his son. A lawyer can help him explore options like mediation or going back to court to request visitation rights. Since the child has been influenced against him, a court might consider a gradual reintroduction, possibly with the help of a therapist, to rebuild their relationship.

It could also be beneficial to involve a mental health professional who can provide guidance on how to handle this emotionally challenging situation. This professional can help your colleague manage his depression and support him in dealing with the stress related to his son.

As a friend or colleague, your support is invaluable. Encourage him to seek legal and psychological help and remind him that he’s not alone in this battle. Regular check-ins, even if just to listen, can make a big difference in his recovery.

..Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3908 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 15, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Dear Sir, I had done counselling 4 times he behave very well manner child in front of counselor but again behaving same when he started avoiding to come to counselor i arrange counselor to come at home but result is same good behavior front of counselor he agreed everything what counselor is saying but after counselor session is over result is same watching mobile not eating food not doing exercise sitting in one place watching mobile and every time is saying i am not feeling well my body paining almost 6 month had past saying the same word my body is paining i had shown to doctors check the blood also report are normal in his mind is that if i am not felling well dad will not send me to college and his body also reacting the same when he get in morning always saying my body is paining. we are both working parent he alone at home we hardly get time to watch gadgets,we always encourage him about his Carrier to do something and explain the fact also we are getting retired soon then how you manage your expenses he is saying i am not worried about any thing please suggest sir how can i make him understand his responsibility he is the only child of us .
Ans: Pravin Sir,

One of the important points that you have mentioned is that you BOTH are working, and he has been alone at home which should not have happened. And since which standard he has been alone at home & since when he has been using mobile are also 2-other important factors that have led to this problem.

One of the reasons, I had already & correctly mentioned is that, 'lack of communication/interaction' by parents, which is applicable to your son.

Now, the first (and may be only) solution is that either you or your mother have to quit the job and look after him at home. If you both are in Govt. Jobs, it is difficult to quit, but no other option in the interest of & for the future of your son.

If you want to have control over / get something, you will have to lose something.

(Or) if you both cannot leave the job, you have to arrange for a male caretaker / any of your close / trustworthy relatives who can take care of him.

(Or) You will have to drop him from the college and make him join some short-term courses with any of your nearby reputed institutes which provide job assistance/job guarantees. And he should keep upgrading his skills (by joining online/offline short-term part-time courses) after he joins any job, & gains experience.

Above all, you should definitely make sure that someone is available with him at home from now. If you fail to do this, new problems will come, Sir. You can seek the help of his (good) friends to change his behaviour as one of the options.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |647 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 17, 2024

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |647 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 17, 2024

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |647 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 17, 2024

Listen
Money
I am seeking guidance on my current financial situation. I am 50 years old, with a net take-home income of 1.42 lacs per month, while my wife earns approximately 75k monthly. We have two daughters pursuing higher education, with annual fees totalling 6.10 lacs. In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, I faced a significant setback when I was unable to pay my home loan EMI, leading me to opt for a moratorium. Despite having already paid approximately 43.85 lakhs towards my home loan of 58.50 lakhs taken in 2017, the principal outstanding has astonishingly increased to 59.45 lakhs. I now find myself committed to an EMI of 65,000 monthly, further straining our financial resources. To cover both my daughters first-year college fees, I took out a gold loan of 5.5 lakhs, for which I currently pay 50,000 a month. I had invested in a family health insurance policy with Star Health, covering 10 lakhs, but due to poor service I stopped paying my premium, which had an accrued value of 17.50 lakhs. I hold a provident fund account with a balance of 2.5 lakhs. I am concerned about planning for my elder daughter's wedding in the next 2 to 3 years and my retirement. I would appreciate any advice or strategies you could provide to help me navigate this situation effectively.
Ans: Hello;

Try and understand from the home loan lender as to how 59.45 L principal is overdue despite paying a sum of 43.85 L, despite factoring 80% of this as interest payment, the overdue principal should be below 50 L.

Double check if this is as per the terms of moratorium.

If you are not satisfied with replies from the lender escalate the matter to the highest authority at lender or RBI.

Lender can't behave irrationally just because you availed moratorium during COVID.

In my view you should have just sold the gold rather then taking loan against it.

That way you could have lessened EMI burden on your finances and ensured investments for retirement and other goals.

Unfortunately we have a tradition of attaching emotional value to precious metals and real estate.

The best "jewellery" you can offer to your kids is good education, which you have already done.

In matters of health insurance never discontinue a policy due to dissatisfaction with the insurer, port it to another insurer, 1.5/2 months before the renewal date so that your benefits remain intact. Now you may be need to find another health care insurance.

You may begin a monthly sip of 25-30 K in diversified large cap oriented mutual fund for 5 years.

Also give a thought to NPS, you can contribute till 70 age, for retirement pension.

Best wishes;

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x