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Anu Krishna  |1561 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 09, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Bonhoure Question by Bonhoure on Oct 06, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Mam I need your expertly advise on this one below. I am gong to talk about my nephew ( my blood sister's son ) He is 31 YO and got married 1 n half years back. His father had a bipolar issue (who is no more now) He is a B.Tech in Comp Science currently unemployed. Now , the key issue is this boy is not physically intimate to his wife since marriage which we cud observe. Last November 2022 he lost his job also due to retrenchment. Since then he underwent depression and anxiety related disorders. So we sought a proper medical advise and under treatment since March 2023. After treatment and medication , his situation slightly improved. The Doctor ( Physichiatrist) who has been evaluating him, has recently told us that his wife is the reason for this trigger and after effects. Also explained us that " whenever he sees her wife around , his inability to perform or engage in family life strikes him and mental issues start. So on an experiment basis, Dr asked us to send his wife for a brief vacation of 10 days to her hometown and said tt his condition would greatly improve. As he foreseen, that is what has happened and Dr confirmed this in his latest review. Now He is asking us to convey this matter to his wife. We really don't know how to take this forward as the Girl would feel hurt and bad as same time His health is also equally important. P: S : 1.The Girl and their family is aware that He is undergoing treatment and she accompanied him in a few reviews too. 2. Dr suggested us to go for a 2nd opinion if we want . But the way he puts it, its clear that he is very much confident about his diagnosis. many thanks your expertly advise regards Mano

Ans: Dear Bonhoure,
We cannot control our environment but only choose how we respond to it. Life throws us curveballs all the time...do we run away from it or do we wish it away?
So, I do find it strange that the Psychiatrist you mention has actually concluded that the wife is the problem, so she should be sent away...
Why was a Couples' counseling session not scheduled? The matter could have been dealt with very intimately as she is also an affected party as is your nephew.
What if the whole thing was in reverse? Will your family be able to take it that he is being sent away as he is the problem? Would you not want him to have a chance to share his side of the story?

An expert needs to hear both sides and counsel or coach them as a unit as they are married...to simply wish someone away, is in my opinion a foolish thing to do as it will break their marriage. Since the doctor has suggested you to go for a second opinion, I suggest the same. Everybody deserves a chance at happiness, so does your nephew and his wife...even if what the doctor diagnosed is true, it is professionally correct to bring them together and work together with them It's highly possible that things might resolve itself this way...

Why separate people when there is a chance to keep them together? So, find solutions keeping the latter in mind rather than the former...

All the best!

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Dear dr , my colleague is divorced 2 yrs back ,he is suffering from acute depression, his ex wife has not allowed her son to meet his father in last 2 yrs, as ex wife family is financial very strong they are not taking any monthly support from my colleague for his son.meanwhile son is 10 yr old and is brainwash that his father is not good ,so doesn't want to meet him. My colleague is getting more depressed and admitted for 1 month in hospital and got ECT therapy. Kindly guide ,what we can do so he xan meet his son once a week
Ans: dear Mohammad,
First, it might be helpful for your colleague to consult with a family lawyer who specializes in custody and visitation rights. Even if his ex-wife’s family is financially strong and not accepting support, your colleague likely still has legal rights to see his son. A lawyer can help him explore options like mediation or going back to court to request visitation rights. Since the child has been influenced against him, a court might consider a gradual reintroduction, possibly with the help of a therapist, to rebuild their relationship.

It could also be beneficial to involve a mental health professional who can provide guidance on how to handle this emotionally challenging situation. This professional can help your colleague manage his depression and support him in dealing with the stress related to his son.

As a friend or colleague, your support is invaluable. Encourage him to seek legal and psychological help and remind him that he’s not alone in this battle. Regular check-ins, even if just to listen, can make a big difference in his recovery.

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