Hi Mam
I need your expertly advise on this one below.
I am gong to talk about my nephew ( my blood sister's son )
He is 31 YO and got married 1 n half years back. His father had a bipolar issue (who is no more now) He is a B.Tech in Comp Science currently unemployed.
Now , the key issue is this boy is not physically intimate to his wife since marriage which we cud observe. Last November 2022 he lost his job also due to retrenchment. Since then he underwent depression and anxiety related disorders. So we sought a proper medical advise and under treatment since March 2023.
After treatment and medication , his situation slightly improved. The Doctor ( Physichiatrist) who has been evaluating him, has recently told us that his wife is the reason for this trigger and after effects. Also explained us that " whenever he sees her wife around , his inability to perform or engage in family life strikes him and mental issues start. So on an experiment basis, Dr asked us to send his wife for a brief vacation of 10 days to her hometown and said tt his condition would greatly improve. As he foreseen, that is what has happened and Dr confirmed this in his latest review.
Now He is asking us to convey this matter to his wife. We really don't know how to take this forward as the Girl would feel hurt and bad as same time His health is also equally important.
P: S :
1.The Girl and their family is aware that He is undergoing treatment and she
accompanied him in a few reviews too.
2. Dr suggested us to go for a 2nd opinion if we want . But the way he puts it, its clear that he is very much confident about his diagnosis.
many thanks your expertly advise
regards
Mano
Ans: Dear Bonhoure,
We cannot control our environment but only choose how we respond to it. Life throws us curveballs all the time...do we run away from it or do we wish it away?
So, I do find it strange that the Psychiatrist you mention has actually concluded that the wife is the problem, so she should be sent away...
Why was a Couples' counseling session not scheduled? The matter could have been dealt with very intimately as she is also an affected party as is your nephew.
What if the whole thing was in reverse? Will your family be able to take it that he is being sent away as he is the problem? Would you not want him to have a chance to share his side of the story?
An expert needs to hear both sides and counsel or coach them as a unit as they are married...to simply wish someone away, is in my opinion a foolish thing to do as it will break their marriage. Since the doctor has suggested you to go for a second opinion, I suggest the same. Everybody deserves a chance at happiness, so does your nephew and his wife...even if what the doctor diagnosed is true, it is professionally correct to bring them together and work together with them It's highly possible that things might resolve itself this way...
Why separate people when there is a chance to keep them together? So, find solutions keeping the latter in mind rather than the former...
All the best!
