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Archana

Archana Deshpande  | Answer  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on May 14, 2025

Archana Deshpande, the founder of TransformMe Life Skills Coaching, is an image consultant, soft skills trainer and life coach.
She has been working with individuals and corporate organisations for more than 10 years during which she has helped professionals and students improve their soft skills, build confidence and enhance self-esteem.
An engineer from the PDA College of Engineering, Gulbarga, Archana had a successful career at Reliance Communications. But she has always been interested in teaching and training people. So she pursued a postgraduate diploma in teacher’s training at Pune’s Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies followed by teaching assignments in schools at Visakhapatnam and Mumbai.
Archana also holds an international certificate in image consulting and soft skills training from the Image Consulting Business Institute, Mumbai.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2025
Career

I have always taken pride for being an empathetic and approachable leader at work. Over the years, my team members have confided in me about their personal losses, burnout, even interpersonal conflicts within the team. While I am glad that they trust me, I have also noticed that my tendency to take on their emotional weight sometimes clouds my judgment when it comes to managing performance issues. In one instance, I gave extended flexibility to someone underperforming due to personal stress, and it affected the team's morale. Do you think being a compassionate leader can affect my accountability? I feel they might be taking me for granted.

Ans: Hi!!
It is extremely important to have empathy and approachability as qualities in a leader. You have them so congratulations!!

As a leader it is important for you maintain a safe distance too , so that people don't take you for granted and that your judgement is not clouded.

You need to tell people that everyone has personal problems, so the only way forward is to shut them out when they come to work and perform to the best of their abilities.

You really can't quote one incident and draw conclusions here, you might have made a mistake as regards to this team member you are mentioning, it's ok , you are human. Forgive yourself and move on.
You need to find a balance between empathy and accountability...it's a tough job to be a leader, and a compassionate one that too. Apply the concept of "different strokes to different people at different times". Set boundaries, take care of yourself and your time. You must take care of your emotional well being too, you can't allow everyone to dump their baggage on you.

Take every experience as an experience to make you wiser, have a discerning eye and know when to put your foot down and when you need your inherent compassionate quality.

Enjoy being a leader...you really can make a difference in people's lives, but at the same time you have to take care of yourself.

All the very best...
Career

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Hello life coach, I am 44 yrs old, married to a Beautiful and caring woman and have two kids 12 and 10 years old. I am doing extremely well professionally, financially and personally. Kids study in top schools and while elder is a champion student in academics the younger one is very good in sports. I know the life i live is a dream life. High position in company a vibrant work life balance, highly professionally qualified and fit health wise. But Ma'am/sir my problem is i have this extremely high liking and disliking attitude towards people and it makes me biased and my body nearly shivers and voice cracks when i am angry. Normally people who meet me think i am a cool guy, but deep inside i feel myself like a fool when i am emotionally charged both when extremely happy or angry. Please help. I see myself growing even more with the kind of personality and support i have. Please help, please suggest ways to improve and manage my emotions well. I want to improve for my own sake and my loving family including my young kids. Please help Ma'am/sir.
Ans: First, I want to acknowledge your remarkable self-awareness and the wonderful life you’ve built. You’ve achieved a great balance professionally, financially, and personally, and you have a beautiful, supportive family. It’s fantastic that you’re committed to continuing to grow and improve for yourself and your loved ones.

Managing emotions, especially strong ones, is an essential skill that can benefit every aspect of your life. To start, it's important to understand what triggers your intense emotional reactions. Keeping a journal can be incredibly helpful. Write down when you feel extremely happy or angry, and note the events leading up to those emotions. This process will help you recognize patterns and triggers.

Mindfulness and meditation are powerful tools for managing emotions. These practices help you stay present and reduce the intensity of emotional responses. You might find guided meditation apps like Headspace or Calm useful as they can provide structure and consistency. Try dedicating a few minutes each day to these practices, and you’ll likely notice a calming effect on your mind and body.

When it comes to regulating emotions, specific techniques can be very effective. Cognitive reframing, for instance, involves challenging and changing unhelpful thoughts that lead to extreme emotions. Grounding exercises, such as focusing on what you can see, hear, and touch, can bring you back to the present moment and reduce emotional overwhelm. Taking a moment to pause and reflect before reacting can also make a significant difference.

Developing empathy is another crucial step. Try to understand others' perspectives more deeply. This can diminish negative emotions and biases, leading to better communication and stronger relationships. When you feel your emotions rising, practice expressing them calmly and constructively. Use "I" statements to convey your feelings without placing blame, such as "I feel upset when...".

If you find that managing these emotions on your own is challenging, seeking professional help is a wise decision. A therapist or counselor can provide personalized strategies and support. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), in particular, is effective for managing emotions and developing healthier thinking patterns.

Incorporating regular physical activity into your routine can also help regulate your emotions. Exercise reduces stress and boosts overall well-being. Whether it’s yoga, running, or even a daily walk, physical activity can make a substantial difference.


Practicing gratitude can shift your mindset from negative to positive. Consider keeping a gratitude journal and writing down a few things you’re thankful for each day. This simple practice can have a profound impact on your outlook and emotional health.



Remember, improvement takes time and effort. Start small, gradually incorporating these practices into your daily routine, and celebrate your progress along the way. By working on these areas, you'll not only improve your emotional regulation but also enhance your overall quality of life and strengthen your relationships with your family and colleagues.

You’re on a great path, and your commitment to growth is truly admirable. Keep pushing forward, and you'll continue to thrive both personally and professionally.

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Is it my fault that my sensitivity leads me to adopt a nonchalant demeanor in social situations, which my parents perceive as arrogance and irresponsibility? Is it my fault that I tend to remember negative experiences and words more vividly than positive ones, given their rarity? Is it my fault that I struggle to be affectionate with my parents after they scold me, as they expect, despite considering it a form of tough love? They feel that they're giving me valuable life lessons and I should be grateful to them and how bad my life would've been if someone else were my parents. They feel that they're so kind, generous and loving for tolerating me and my attitude and how disappointing I'm for disregarding their good wishes and how it's gonna make my future life so bad that I'll be wishing that I had listened to them. How alone I would be in my future due to my bad attitude and nobody would be there to celebrate my successes or share my sorrows. When I talk with them, we would all act like a happy family but after sometime they would tell me that how my this and that remark hurt them but to keep the vibe going they didn't stop me? How are they expecting me to continue talking with them when I feel that conversing with them is like walking around landmines? And if I don't talk, they feel like I'm a freeloader who is taking them for granted and treating their home as a hotel and them as waiters? Is it my fault that I feel uncomfortable conversing with my parents due to their tendency to highlight my faults and hurtful remarks, creating a tense atmosphere? Is it my fault that my parents make me feel guilty for envisioning my own future, independent of them, and accuse me of being heartless and ungrateful? Is it my fault that I struggle to make friends due to the constant comparison to others by my parents, which undermines my self-esteem? Is it my fault that I can't forget them calling be the karma of their bad actions in their previous lives and how it's better to have been childless? Is it my fault that I am petty and I can't make friends with those who my parents always compare me with in terms of their sensibility, responsibility and love towards their family and me being clueless of things in my house and not treating them lovingly, politely and properly and disregarding them? Is it my fault that I crave comfort and affection, longing for someone to understand and support me emotionally, especially in the absence of loving gestures from my parents? Is it my fault that I hesitate to confide in my parents about my deepest feelings due to fear of judgment and their tendency to use past mistakes as lessons against me? Is it my fault that I believe in the validity of subjective truths, yet my parents fail to acknowledge the possibility of their own fallibility? Is it my fault that my parents see me as a disappointment, only capable of goodness when I seek forgiveness or favor, rather than recognizing my genuine efforts? Is it my fault that I feel trapped in a dependent relationship with my parents, unable to assert my independence due to financial reliance and lack of alternative support? Is it my fault that my attempts to express my emotional distress are dismissed as self-victimization by my parents, while they themselves engage in guilt-tripping behavior? When faced with overwhelming emotions and a sense of detachment from myself and my responsibilities, I recognize the potential danger of suppressing these feelings. If I continue to bottle them up, I fear that I may reach a breaking point and act impulsively, leading to regrettable consequences. This state of mind has left me feeling demotivated, pessimistic, and disconnected from activities I once enjoyed and obligations I should fulfill for my future. Despite this, I acknowledge the love and support of my parents. However, I realize the urgency of addressing these feelings and seeking help to regain control over my emotions and motivation for self-care and responsibility. What should I do?
Ans: Many a times we do get carried away because of our emotions and start feeling victimized.Parent and child bond is always priceless. They both care and love each other but expression of this is lesser. Whereas in order to correct each other,we keep using derogatory remarks which can go on and one gets into the vicious cycle. You need to understand that what are their triggers and even yours. Talk to them and strike conversations when you are not emotionally feeling low. These are the time when you might hurt them with your words .
Do yoga, listen to music, develop a hobby, being Mindful will help you and them to deal with situation. Work on self regulation ( observe your own self) and your emotions. Consult some one if not able to do it on your own.

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  | Answer  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hi Archana, I am 32 years old working in corporate handling a team of 15. I need some help in rebuilding the positive image infront of my team and peers and even seniors. i have got this feedback that my tone is pushy/ Rude.. even though thats not the case from my perspective. I need to make my image as approachable manager with Good skills and good behavior and attitude.
Ans: Hi!!
You are just 32 and you are handling a team of 15, that's a good space to be in. Congratulations!!
Let me dissect your message and answer each requirement one by one..
1. "I need some help in rebuilding the positive image in front of my team and peers and even seniors" -
The first step to change is recognising that a change is needed. For you to improve your image in front of your team, peers and seniors you need to work on your communication skills, your negotiation skills and your leadership skills.
2."i have got this feedback that my tone is pushy/ Rude.. even though that's not the case from my perspective"
You make not be pushy and rude in your heart, but if the feedback is this from the majority of people then you need to look into it...that's why I always say, "it's not what you say but how you say it", try adding warmth in your tone when you speak, smile, see if you can make others comfortable in your presence. Check you body language, is it open and inviting?
3 " I need to make my image as approachable manager with Good skills and good behavior and attitude." - there is work to be done here. This can be achieved in terms of making a change in your clothing ( the cut of your clothes, the choice of colours, fabric, the prints, it's a whole science of clothing at work), your verbal and non verbal communication and finally working on your mindset.
See if we can connect one on one. All your targets are achievable and learnable skills!!

All the best to you!!

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