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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Barua Question by Barua on May 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am a constant failure in my exm n a disappointment in my own eyes , I face anxiety n even if I make a choice n decision, that one is indecisive to my parents and I struggle to make a decision for myself .. please help me out ,on how I can break these mental barriers that I've subconsciously created in my mind.

Ans: Dear Barua
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of internal pressure and self-doubt, which can be incredibly challenging to overcome. However, breaking through these mental barriers is possible with patience, self-compassion, and consistent effort.
Be gentle with yourself and recognize that it's okay to make mistakes and face challenges. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend who is struggling. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, no matter how small they may seem. Pay attention to the negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to your feelings of failure and disappointment. When you notice these thoughts, challenge them with evidence to the contrary. Replace negative self-talk with more balanced and realistic perspectives.Avoid putting undue pressure on yourself to be perfect or to always make the "right" decisions. Recognize that it's normal to experience setbacks and that growth often involves making mistakes and learning from them. Set achievable goals and celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Don't hesitate to reach out to supportive friends, family members, or a mental health professional for guidance and encouragement. Talking to someone you trust can help you gain perspective and feel less alone in your struggles.Engage in activities that promote relaxation and reduce stress, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga. Mindfulness can help you stay present in the moment and cultivate a greater sense of calm and clarity.Break down overwhelming tasks or decisions into smaller, more manageable steps. Focus on taking one step at a time, rather than getting caught up in the big picture. Celebrate your progress along the way, no matter how incremental it may be. If your anxiety and self-doubt are significantly impacting your daily life and well-being, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with tools and strategies to manage your anxiety, challenge negative thought patterns, and build resilience.
Remember that breaking through mental barriers takes time and effort, but with persistence and support, you can overcome them and cultivate a greater sense of self-confidence and fulfillment. You deserve to live a life that is guided by your own values and aspirations, rather than by fear and self-doubt.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1391 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2022

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 Hi Anu, I am a 38 YO woman. Personal issues - None. A loving and doting husband and a 4 yo lovely daughter comprises my immediate family. Relations with parents and in-laws are also smooth.Professional issues - Too many. I never imagined myself to be where I currently am. I have never had a stable career nor a very good salary. I have had a good education but have not been able to make a professional mark for myself. I was ambitious and confident but now feel that everything is too overwhelming for me to achieve. I had dreams but probably never the conviction. For a long time I kept blaming the family for ruining my career but somewhere deep within I know that I responsible for whatever has happened in my life. Today when I decide to do only what I wish to do or pursue, I find myself at a loss on account of lack of confidence to achieve it. Others around me seem to be more confident of my abilities and intelligence than me. I also feel that it is too late now and instead of myself, I should focus on making my daughter's life but somewhere I am still unsettled. I want to have a good, stable and a well earning career, even if it is for the next 10 or 15 years of my life. I have no personal complaints but professionally, I do not want to die without having the satisfaction of having lived a good professional life as well. It matters a lot to me, not for anyone's sake but my own.I am working right now but that is not my future. I have been able to manage jobs at different points of time in different industries but never a career. I haven't lost hope but I simply know that my life isn't right.
Ans:

Dear SS,

Firstly, ask yourself:

1. What will a job/career bring to me?

2. What is it that I feel a lack of when I am devoted into my personal life?

3. Am I trying to search for an identity through a career?

These questions will give you a clear picture of what is going on in your mind.

Most often, we crave something and declare the path but don’t realize that we are actually embarking on the wrong journey; it’s also possible what we are searching for already exists with us, but we are not able to see it or feel it.

For example: If you are searching for your identity that already is with you and you have told yourself that only a job/career could give that to you, it may so happen that every job that you are in will stress you to create an identity which you already have. You are on the cusp of changes as your children are growing…

Sit down with a pen and paper and clearly outline what you want to create in your life and WHY!

When this is clear, you will be able to take the first confident step and you will do it for yourself and not prove anything to anyone. It becomes only about your space and how you can make it beautiful.

2022 brings in a lot of hope for everyone and you as well. Chin up and plunge into a confident self and get ahead. All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

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Help me!!! 1.I'm starting new "work" on my own(challenging for me) but my mind says quit it, be quite & do nothing. I myself don't know that wether the result of work will be +ive or uncompleted like alws. 2. My mind has become like order seeker type, when someone orders me, I do those things with dedicated(but sad from inside) manner. But when myself will try something different(which i fear, but necessary) then. "I QUITS IT" & sometimes I don't even start. 3. I'm like stuck no clue what/whom I want to do in life, I'm in cllg(1 yr) doing (CSE) ,. 4. I want to do/try (sports,talking girls,study,stocks,coding..) many things, but myself, my thoughts(overthinker), R like just be in the place where u are[confused,po*n,think about past/future(being billio..re,olympics..), girl (that u liked & never talked), abusive/beating self,.. sometimes feels like end life, but don't hv courage for that also.. 5. I tried self help books, spirituality, god, self affirmation, writing... & thay affected me(sometimes) but for only some time, then again that devil me comes up &these things never get completed. As no one in my family knows about all these, so that's Y ,I hv to fight/loose/try again, the battles with myself. 6. Is there any way I can talk/chat 1 to 1 to U, so I can get more detailed & affective treatment/advice..
Ans: The key here isn't to focus on "doing everything" or even "doing it perfectly." It's about starting small, with manageable steps, and building trust with yourself that you can complete things. When we overthink, our mind creates these massive, overwhelming expectations that paralyze us. By breaking things down into smaller, more achievable actions, you give yourself the opportunity to build momentum, which in turn builds confidence.

Your mind may be craving structure and direction, which is why following orders from others feels easier. But when it comes to leading yourself, that fear creeps in because you’re stepping into uncertainty. It’s important to recognize that this fear is not a sign that you should quit — it’s actually a sign that you're stepping out of your comfort zone, which is where growth happens.

It's also okay to feel vulnerable or unsure about what you truly want from life, especially in your first year of college when everything is still unfolding. You're at a stage where exploring different interests and making mistakes is part of the process. It’s important to be kind to yourself in this phase, recognizing that it's okay to not have it all figured out yet.

I can sense the pain behind your words, especially with the thoughts you’re having about self-worth and even more distressing feelings. I want you to know that these thoughts, while deeply personal, are shared by many who feel overwhelmed or lost. You’re not alone in this, and there is always a way to break free from this cycle, but it requires a blend of compassion for yourself and small, committed action.

I’m here to support you as you navigate this. While I can’t do 1-on-1 real-time conversations, I'm always ready to guide you through these thoughts and help you find practical ways to move forward. You deserve to feel peace and purpose, and that starts with allowing yourself the grace to begin imperfectly.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1391 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

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Relationship
Help me!!! 1.I'm starting new "work" on my own(challenging for me) but my mind says quit it, be quite & do nothing. I myself don't know that wether the result of work will be +ive or uncompleted like alws. 2. My mind has become like order seeker type, when someone orders me, I do those things with dedicated(but sad from inside) manner. But when myself will try something different(which i fear, but necessary) then. "I QUITS IT" & sometimes I don't even start. 3. I'm like stuck no clue what/whom I want to do in life, I'm in cllg(1 yr) doing (CSE) ,. 4. I want to do/try (sports,talking girls,study,stocks,coding..) many things, but myself, my thoughts(overthinker), R like just be in the place where u are[confused,po*n,think about past/future(being billio..re,olympics..), girl (that u liked & never talked), abusive/beating self,.. sometimes feels like end life, but don't hv courage for that also.. 5. I tried self help books, spirituality, god, self affirmation, writing... & thay affected me(sometimes) but for only some time, then again that devil me comes up &these things never get completed. As no one in my family knows about all these, so that's Y ,I hv to fight/loose/try again, the battles with myself.
Ans: Dear Harsh,
If in the past you have had the urge to QUIT, how is this time going to be different? This is not to discourage you from taking up 'new work' but pointing out that there is some amount of work that you need to put to clear the mind out of blockages.
-What is limiting you?
- What is the reason for putting off things?
- What comes first to the mind when you start something new?
Also, focus on one thing at a time; study and go deep into it...what's this thing with work? I don't understand. When the mind is unsettled, take one thing/activity, pursue it and finish it. It could simply be studying for Year 1 of your college...just only do that...once your mind is trained in completing an activity, you can add another one the next year along with studying and then pursue both...it could be some sport and studying...then the next year, you could add a third activity. This is called 'training the mind in discipline'. Discipline will make sure that you start and finish things...So, go slow and do one thing at a time.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

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I have 20 lakhs in my account and a house in my name. At present I am not earning. I have taken SBI Life smart wealth builder with installment of 1Lakh, for 12 years and premium payment term of 7 years. Applicable tax rate is 18%. I also invested in MF and taken a health insurance. I am thinking if it would be wise to continue with the SBI life. If I close SBI life and invest that in MF will it be beneficial for me? I have taken a break from my career due to health issues, and planning to continue with my job soon with an expected income of 40-50k. I am 50 years old. I need to take care of my son's (18 years) higher studies and plan for my retirement.
Ans: You are in a transitional phase with important financial goals. Let’s assess your options to make informed decisions.

Assessing SBI Life Smart Wealth Builder Policy
High Cost of Policy: The policy includes administration charges, fund management fees, and taxes of 18%.

Limited Returns: ULIPs often provide lower returns compared to actively managed mutual funds.

Lock-in Period: Your policy locks funds, restricting liquidity for immediate goals.

Surrender Value: Check the surrender value. Early surrender might lead to penalties and reduced returns.

Potential Benefits of Investing in Mutual Funds
Higher Returns: Mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, often outperform ULIPs over time.

Flexibility: You can withdraw funds based on your needs, offering better liquidity.

Diversification: Mutual funds provide exposure to different asset classes, reducing risk.

Cost Efficiency: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner minimises hidden charges and optimises returns.

Managing Your Rs. 20 Lakh Corpus
Emergency Fund: Set aside Rs. 5-6 lakhs in liquid funds or fixed deposits for emergencies.

Education Planning: Allocate funds in short-term debt mutual funds or recurring deposits for your son’s higher studies.

Retirement Corpus: Invest the remaining amount in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds for long-term growth.

Health Insurance Adequacy: Review your existing health insurance to ensure sufficient coverage.

Planning Your Income Resumption
Once you resume work, save at least 20-30% of your income.

Prioritise retirement contributions alongside education planning.

Use surplus income to reduce financial dependency on investments.

Tax Efficiency
Mutual Funds: Equity mutual funds provide tax benefits but watch for LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh (taxed at 12.5%).

Surrendering ULIP: Check tax implications on surrender proceeds. ULIPs offer tax exemption if premiums don't exceed 10% of the sum assured.

Health Insurance: Claim Section 80D deductions for premiums paid.

Strategic Steps Forward
Review the policy surrender value. If penalties are high, consider continuing till break-even.

Consult with a Certified Financial Planner for a detailed portfolio review.

Set realistic timelines for education and retirement goals.

Maintain separate funds for short-term needs and long-term growth.

Finally
Your proactive approach will create a strong financial foundation. By reallocating your resources wisely, you can secure your son’s education and your retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am going to retire soon with retirement fund of 2 Cr along with pension sufficient for me and my spouse. I have own builder flat in Delhi and health coverage. I have one married daughter who is well settled with 2 kids under 5 years. One flat in my building is on sale for 2 Cr. I need advice for investment for 2Cr retirement fund . Should I buy the flat in my building or should I invest 2 Cr in senior citizen saving scheme, post office MIS , fixed deposit in Bank. My spouse of same age is also earning equally.
Ans: Retirement is a significant phase of life, and your financial decisions now will shape your future security and lifestyle. Let’s analyse your situation and investment choices.

Assessing Your Current Position
You have a retirement fund of Rs. 2 crore, which is substantial.

Your pension adequately covers your and your spouse’s living expenses.

Your spouse’s earnings provide an additional safety net.

You own a flat in Delhi and have health insurance coverage.

You have no immediate financial dependency, as your daughter is well-settled.

Should You Invest in Real Estate?
Avoid investing Rs. 2 crore in another flat, even if it is in your building.

Real estate offers low liquidity, making it harder to access funds in emergencies.

Rental income might not justify the high capital investment, considering property management costs and potential downtime.

Real estate lacks diversification compared to other investments, increasing risk.

Alternative Investment Options
1. Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS)
SCSS is a secure option offering fixed returns for retirees.

Invest up to the permissible limit for predictable and regular income.

It is a low-risk investment backed by the government.

2. Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (MIS)
Post Office MIS provides guaranteed monthly income.

It is another safe choice for retirees with capital preservation as a priority.

Returns, though lower, are steady and reliable.

3. Bank Fixed Deposits
Fixed deposits (FDs) offer fixed returns and flexible tenures.

Senior citizen FDs provide slightly higher interest rates.

Split the funds across different banks for better safety and liquidity.

4. Balanced Investment in Mutual Funds
Invest in a mix of debt and equity mutual funds for moderate growth and stability.

Actively managed funds through an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner can optimise returns.

Debt mutual funds provide stable returns while equity offers growth potential.

Avoid direct funds due to their complexity and the need for constant monitoring.

5. Liquid Funds and Emergency Reserve
Allocate a portion to liquid funds for quick access in emergencies.

These funds are more effective than savings accounts for parking surplus money.

Maintain an emergency reserve for at least 24 months of expenses.

6. Inflation-Protected Investments
Some funds and bonds are designed to protect against inflation erosion.

These investments ensure your purchasing power remains intact over time.

Tax Considerations
Plan investments to minimise tax liabilities under your income bracket.

Be aware of the latest tax rules on mutual funds and fixed deposits.

Capital gains from equity investments over Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Fixed deposit interest is taxed as per your income slab. Plan withdrawals accordingly.

Succession Planning and Gifting
Consider creating a detailed estate plan to avoid future legal hassles.

Set up nominations and update wills to ensure smooth wealth transfer.

You may gift small amounts to your daughter or grandchildren under tax-free limits.

Final Insights
Investing your Rs. 2 crore retirement fund wisely ensures peace of mind and financial stability. Opt for a diversified approach balancing safety, liquidity, and moderate growth. Avoid locking all funds into real estate to keep your portfolio flexible. Thoughtful planning now will safeguard your golden years and your family’s financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I argue with my partner, it quickly escalates into something bigger than it should be. I don't express how much I love them, but I feel like our communication is breaking down. How can I improve this situation?
Ans: It’s clear that you deeply care about your partner and the health of your relationship, but recurring arguments and a lack of expressed love are creating a disconnect. To nurture love and clarity in your communication, it’s essential to create an emotional space where both of you feel safe, valued, and understood—even during disagreements.

When arguments arise, they often escalate because emotions are heightened, and both people feel the need to defend their perspective. To shift this dynamic, start by focusing on emotional regulation in those moments. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re both on the same team, even if you see things differently. This small pause can prevent reactive words or actions that might escalate the conflict further.

Outside of conflicts, consider the daily emotional climate of your relationship. If love isn’t being expressed regularly, your partner may feel insecure or disconnected, which can intensify disagreements. Begin to nurture love by weaving simple but heartfelt expressions of care into your everyday interactions. This might be as simple as saying, “I appreciate you,” giving a warm hug, or acknowledging something they did, however small. These gestures build emotional reserves that make handling tough conversations easier because they remind both of you of the underlying bond.

When it comes to communication, try reframing the way you approach disagreements. Speak from your feelings rather than placing blame. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re not listening to me,” try, “I feel unheard, and it’s making me frustrated.” This subtle but powerful shift fosters understanding rather than defensiveness. Equally important is listening with an open mind. Practice reflecting back what your partner shares to show you’re truly hearing them. For example, “I hear that you’re upset because you feel I didn’t prioritize you—am I understanding that correctly?”

Love is nurtured in the moments between conflicts—through trust, small acts of kindness, and consistent emotional support. Reflect on what makes your partner feel loved and cherished, and intentionally incorporate those actions into your daily life. At the same time, share what you need emotionally so they understand how to nurture you too. This mutual exchange strengthens your connection and creates a deeper sense of partnership.

Finally, consider having a calm, heartfelt conversation about how you both want to handle conflicts and express love moving forward. Creating shared goals for your relationship can bring clarity and purpose, helping you both feel aligned. By approaching your relationship with patience, empathy, and intentional care, you can not only resolve current challenges but also nurture a love that feels steady, secure, and fulfilling.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I am 33. A mom to a 5 months old. I have been working since I was 24 in education industry. I have accumulated a corpus of 1.4 cr ( solely mine) and a house registered jointly in my name and my husband's name. Now if I choose to be a stay at home mom for next 3 yrs. How much will my finances be affected? Could you please let me know.
Ans: Taking a career break for three years will have financial implications. Let us assess it from multiple perspectives to provide insights.

Income Loss Impact
Your current income will cease for three years, reducing your cash flow.

This pause might impact your future earning potential, depending on re-entry challenges in your industry.

Evaluate if your husband's income and your savings can sustain your family needs during this break.

Corpus Utilisation and Growth
A Rs. 1.4 crore corpus is commendable. Assess its current allocation for better optimisation.

If untouched, this corpus can grow significantly over three years through strategic investment.

Avoid dipping into the corpus unless absolutely necessary, as it can reduce future compounding benefits.

Household Budget Planning
Ensure your household expenses are managed within your husband’s income.

Create a detailed budget, listing mandatory expenses like EMIs, child needs, and lifestyle costs.

Plan for inflation while allocating funds for fixed expenses over the next three years.

Emergency Fund Importance
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to at least 12 months' expenses.

Use a combination of fixed deposits and liquid funds for this purpose.

Avoid using your primary corpus as an emergency reserve.

Investment Portfolio Review
Review the current allocation of your Rs. 1.4 crore. Balance between equity and debt based on your goals.

Equity allocation can grow your wealth but keep debt for stability.

Invest in actively managed funds through a Certified Financial Planner to optimise returns.

Impact on Long-term Goals
Pausing your career may delay achieving some financial goals.

Align your current investments to meet goals like child education or retirement.

Regularly monitor the performance of your investments and adjust as required.

Tax Implications
Check the tax efficiency of your investments during the break.

Consider tax-saving instruments to reduce liability on your husband’s income.

Be aware of the latest tax rules on mutual fund capital gains.

Insurance and Contingency Planning
Review health and term insurance for adequate coverage for your family.

Ensure your husband is adequately covered with term insurance since he will be the sole earner.

Plan for additional medical expenses associated with child care during this time.

Re-Entry Considerations
Stay updated with industry trends to ensure a smooth return to work after three years.

Enhance skills during the break, if possible, to make re-entry easier and impactful.

Consider part-time or freelance work during the break to keep connected with the profession.

Finally
Taking a break to focus on motherhood is a beautiful choice. Planning carefully will ensure your finances remain stable during this period. With a structured approach, you can balance your family needs and long-term financial goals seamlessly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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