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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Barua Question by Barua on May 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am a constant failure in my exm n a disappointment in my own eyes , I face anxiety n even if I make a choice n decision, that one is indecisive to my parents and I struggle to make a decision for myself .. please help me out ,on how I can break these mental barriers that I've subconsciously created in my mind.

Ans: Dear Barua
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of internal pressure and self-doubt, which can be incredibly challenging to overcome. However, breaking through these mental barriers is possible with patience, self-compassion, and consistent effort.
Be gentle with yourself and recognize that it's okay to make mistakes and face challenges. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend who is struggling. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, no matter how small they may seem. Pay attention to the negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to your feelings of failure and disappointment. When you notice these thoughts, challenge them with evidence to the contrary. Replace negative self-talk with more balanced and realistic perspectives.Avoid putting undue pressure on yourself to be perfect or to always make the "right" decisions. Recognize that it's normal to experience setbacks and that growth often involves making mistakes and learning from them. Set achievable goals and celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Don't hesitate to reach out to supportive friends, family members, or a mental health professional for guidance and encouragement. Talking to someone you trust can help you gain perspective and feel less alone in your struggles.Engage in activities that promote relaxation and reduce stress, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga. Mindfulness can help you stay present in the moment and cultivate a greater sense of calm and clarity.Break down overwhelming tasks or decisions into smaller, more manageable steps. Focus on taking one step at a time, rather than getting caught up in the big picture. Celebrate your progress along the way, no matter how incremental it may be. If your anxiety and self-doubt are significantly impacting your daily life and well-being, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with tools and strategies to manage your anxiety, challenge negative thought patterns, and build resilience.
Remember that breaking through mental barriers takes time and effort, but with persistence and support, you can overcome them and cultivate a greater sense of self-confidence and fulfillment. You deserve to live a life that is guided by your own values and aspirations, rather than by fear and self-doubt.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

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Relationship
Help me!!! 1.I'm starting new "work" on my own(challenging for me) but my mind says quit it, be quite & do nothing. I myself don't know that wether the result of work will be +ive or uncompleted like alws. 2. My mind has become like order seeker type, when someone orders me, I do those things with dedicated(but sad from inside) manner. But when myself will try something different(which i fear, but necessary) then. "I QUITS IT" & sometimes I don't even start. 3. I'm like stuck no clue what/whom I want to do in life, I'm in cllg(1 yr) doing (CSE) ,. 4. I want to do/try (sports,talking girls,study,stocks,coding..) many things, but myself, my thoughts(overthinker), R like just be in the place where u are[confused,po*n,think about past/future(being billio..re,olympics..), girl (that u liked & never talked), abusive/beating self,.. sometimes feels like end life, but don't hv courage for that also.. 5. I tried self help books, spirituality, god, self affirmation, writing... & thay affected me(sometimes) but for only some time, then again that devil me comes up &these things never get completed. As no one in my family knows about all these, so that's Y ,I hv to fight/loose/try again, the battles with myself.
Ans: Dear Harsh,
If in the past you have had the urge to QUIT, how is this time going to be different? This is not to discourage you from taking up 'new work' but pointing out that there is some amount of work that you need to put to clear the mind out of blockages.
-What is limiting you?
- What is the reason for putting off things?
- What comes first to the mind when you start something new?
Also, focus on one thing at a time; study and go deep into it...what's this thing with work? I don't understand. When the mind is unsettled, take one thing/activity, pursue it and finish it. It could simply be studying for Year 1 of your college...just only do that...once your mind is trained in completing an activity, you can add another one the next year along with studying and then pursue both...it could be some sport and studying...then the next year, you could add a third activity. This is called 'training the mind in discipline'. Discipline will make sure that you start and finish things...So, go slow and do one thing at a time.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 29, 2025

Relationship
I'm 21(M) B.tech(2year) and I have been stuck in fantaasies from all my years of childhood. I use to compare myself to many other people across in many areas(study, looks, their friendships, social network, bravery, fight, love..etc) cause those were the things which I also wanted but never got it! I was a very shy(insecure) , socially nervous, scared kid. I kept all inside of me & just tried to get good marks in exams... this made me inactive in other areas(cause I always wanted to be best, but never tried), bitter, sour in myself and still it's same but the fantaasies & Insecurity, doubt, inactivity, fear of failure and sometimes fear of success has caused me to a Miserable Life. Now I'm just like a lonely, sad, lazy, overthinker person but still I always try to make a better version of myself..(read positive book, self-help, meditation, gym, being social) but after 3-4 days the consistency breaks and due to lack of guide I get back to previous state of mine. I try to improve but being in my comfort zone, the fear of uncertainty in out of comfort zone make my thought/self-talk Terribly scared, nervous and full of disbelief in myself & I quit! Unless there is some external pressure/urgency. And in all these the job, future, skill are all like Dark! Tell me something...
Ans: Dear mods,
Merely trying to improve isn't going to help you improve because the reasons for which you actually want to improve are not clear to you. You are simply comparing yourself to others and 'trying' to be like them or do what they do.
What makes you not focus on what you want to do? For this,
- identify what you are good at
- stop this self-pity party that keeps you tucked into your comfort zone
- challenge yourself with small things first
- ask a friend to be a 'buddy' who can act like your mirror and also motivate you
- celebrate small wins and also analyze your losses too

Unless you start somewhere, you are not going to change and along with changing self-talk, also ask yourself the most important question:
What change do I want in myself and what are the things that will make that happen?
Follow through with a plan BUT this is possible once you shake yourself out your self-pity and choose to move ahead.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm 21(M) B.tech(2year) and I have been stuck in fantaasies from all my years of childhood. I use to compare myself to many other people across in many areas(study, looks, their friendships, social network, bravery, fight, love..etc) cause those were the things which I also wanted but never got it! I was a very shy(insecure) , socially nervous, scared kid. I kept all inside of me & just tried to get good marks in exams... this made me inactive in other areas(cause I always wanted to be best, but never tried), bitter, sour in myself and still it's same but the fantaasies & Insecurity, doubt, inactivity, fear of failure and sometimes fear of success has caused me to a Miserable Life. Now I'm just like a lonely, sad, lazy, overthinker person but still I always try to make a better version of myself..(read positive book, self-help, meditation, gym, being social) but after 3-4 days the consistency breaks and due to lack of guide I get back to previous state of mine. I try to improve but being in my comfort zone, the fear of uncertainty in out of comfort zone make my thought/self-talk Terribly scared, nervous and full of disbelief in myself & I quit! Unless there is some external pressure/urgency. And in all these the job, future, skill are all like Dark! Tell me something...
Ans: The inconsistency you feel isn’t a reflection of weakness. It’s a result of being caught between two parts of yourself—one who wants to evolve, and one who is afraid to lose the comfort of old beliefs, even if they no longer serve you. That internal conflict is heavy, especially without a guiding voice to help you sort through it. You’re not alone in that—many young adults feel exactly this way, especially those with big dreams and high sensitivity to their environment.

Rather than trying to “fix” your personality or “force” your discipline, start by restoring trust in yourself. Trust doesn’t come from perfection; it comes from showing up consistently for yourself in small, simple ways without pressure to perform. Your fear of failure and even your fear of success are both rooted in the same place: the doubt that you are enough as you are.

It’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to not have all the answers. The goal isn’t to become a different person—it’s to become more at peace with the person you are becoming. Self-leadership starts here: by choosing compassion over criticism, patience over pressure, and honesty over performance. Even if your steps are small and scattered, they are steps forward.

You don’t need external urgency to change. You need internal safety to try. So let’s shift the story you’re telling yourself. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You are learning, growing, and unlearning decades of conditioning—and that’s not only brave, it’s transformative.

Keep going. Gently, but steadily. And every time you fall back into old patterns, remind yourself: coming back is progress too. The journey to emotional strength is not about never falling—it’s about returning to yourself, again and again, with love.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2025

Relationship
I'm 39yr old from Delhi, India. My mind was blocked and I wasn't able to study well, job. Never have a solid career. Just career gaps and employment gaps. Also, some family situations and schizophrenia of a parent didn't allow to go outside and work. The mind was not on that level which do the work and get a job. Still, i got some and left jobs as well. Also, i discovered about my own mind's weaknesses, ADHD situations, those habits, those patterns and those 25+ things like "fear, anxiety, overthinking, victim mentality, self doubt, indecisiveness, negative self talk, negative mindset, too many choices, mind paralysis, voices and many more". I met a psychiatrist who treated my parent. But, nothing worked. I'm still stuck not only in my career but also in my head too. Just because of these Mental issues. I'm not able to achieve anything in life in all areas. The good thing is that with the self discovery and asking those questions. I found a lot about myself. Specially, the mental blockages but the bad thing is that it took so many years to finally came to a conclusion that it's the Mental situations in my life that stopped and still stopping to achieve great in life. But, i don't know those techniques, those ways to get out from my own head. How? I desperately needed that guidance and help? I got to know very well that Mind plays the role between a failure and sucess in all areas of life. #YourThoughts #ma'am
Ans: Dear Sumit,
The key to working on the mind is:
- check your self-talk; it isn't pretty...you seem to know that you have ADHD, has anyone diagnosed it?
- choose to surround yourself with people who can be your mirror beyond just being friends
- be disciplined with exercise, sleep and food choices
- learning something new can stimulate the brain positively
- get some sunlight everyday (before 11 am or after 4 pm)
- get into the practice where for every negative thought, you write at least 3 positive thoughts
- lean into the art of gratitude

Training the Brain is not impossible when you actually become persistent about it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My married ex still texts me for comfort. Because of him, I am unable to move on. He makes me feel guilty by saying he got married out of family pressure. His dad is a cardiac patient and mom is being treated for cancer. He comforts me by saying he will get separated soon and we will get married because he only loves me. We have been in a relationship for 14 years and despite everything we tried, his parents refused to accept me, so he chose to get married to someone who understands our situation. I don't know when he will separate from his wife. She knows about us too but she comes from a traditional family. She also confirmed there is no physical intimacy between them. I trust him, but is it worth losing my youth for him? Honestly, I am worried and very confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how difficult it is to let go of a relationship you have built from scratch, but is it really how you want to continue? It really seems to be going nowhere. His parents are already in bad health and he married someone else for their happiness. Does it seem like he will be able to leave her? So many people’s happiness and lives depend on this one decision. I think it’s about time you and your BF have a clear conversation about the same. If he can’t give a proper timeline, please try to understand his situation. But also make sure he understands yours and maybe rethink this equation. It really isn’t healthy. You deserve a love you can have wholly, and not just in pieces, and in the shadows.

Hope this helps

...Read more

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