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Stuck College Student Seeking Help with Self-Doubt and Indecision

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1796 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
harsh Question by harsh on Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Help me!!! 1.I'm starting new "work" on my own(challenging for me) but my mind says quit it, be quite & do nothing. I myself don't know that wether the result of work will be +ive or uncompleted like alws. 2. My mind has become like order seeker type, when someone orders me, I do those things with dedicated(but sad from inside) manner. But when myself will try something different(which i fear, but necessary) then. "I QUITS IT" & sometimes I don't even start. 3. I'm like stuck no clue what/whom I want to do in life, I'm in cllg(1 yr) doing (CSE) ,. 4. I want to do/try (sports,talking girls,study,stocks,coding..) many things, but myself, my thoughts(overthinker), R like just be in the place where u are[confused,po*n,think about past/future(being billio..re,olympics..), girl (that u liked & never talked), abusive/beating self,.. sometimes feels like end life, but don't hv courage for that also.. 5. I tried self help books, spirituality, god, self affirmation, writing... & thay affected me(sometimes) but for only some time, then again that devil me comes up &these things never get completed. As no one in my family knows about all these, so that's Y ,I hv to fight/loose/try again, the battles with myself.

Ans: Dear Harsh,
If in the past you have had the urge to QUIT, how is this time going to be different? This is not to discourage you from taking up 'new work' but pointing out that there is some amount of work that you need to put to clear the mind out of blockages.
-What is limiting you?
- What is the reason for putting off things?
- What comes first to the mind when you start something new?
Also, focus on one thing at a time; study and go deep into it...what's this thing with work? I don't understand. When the mind is unsettled, take one thing/activity, pursue it and finish it. It could simply be studying for Year 1 of your college...just only do that...once your mind is trained in completing an activity, you can add another one the next year along with studying and then pursue both...it could be some sport and studying...then the next year, you could add a third activity. This is called 'training the mind in discipline'. Discipline will make sure that you start and finish things...So, go slow and do one thing at a time.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Nov 20, 2024 | Answered on Nov 21, 2024
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1.Well, maybe the truth of quit & start is, I don't want to leave that point of poorness, helplessness, imaginative king. Yes, I hate it & thats Y I try to change everything ...but knowing what should I do, knowing the ability to do, can make plans, can think & get ideas..but"not able" to put them into action & even if does breaks it!!(no consistency, discipline, no"reward"..as every worthwhile thing demands delayed gratification) proves that I don't want to leave the point. 2. When I try to change or become that"study guy", I avoid/delete every time wasting thing, And then it feels like every thing/people around me are better than me(knowing that everyone hv their own problems/insecurity..) Which works as distraction/loss-focus/ underestimating self.. which causes to break the mission & returns back to same point. Just like spiral loop where u start & feel u are growing but comes back to same point...& starts again. 3.By self questioning( of why&how ,solution) I found I hv writing skills(means I can write anything on any topic) but lack in speaking skills that's Y I'm not that good for social things( wether family or peoples) patterns are same like.. how/what should I start, will they like it, that should be funny, & should be able to make good impression...not able to take action & lack of thought to speech makes it worse. 4.I hv just told things which I know & my weak points but lack of being "self-accountable" is the main problem i guess :( 5. These are the result of 3 pages self-question & journal... So, give ur remarks & Help me!! Cuz I'm stuck don't know what to ask at this point :( maybe some ways or commands.
Ans: Dear Harsh,
You are yet again just explaining yourself and the more you do that, you will feel more helpless and stuck.
I have suggested to you: start one thing and finish it. Your brain will understand that as completion, mark it as a success point and you will have a tendency to repeat it with another activity.
Is there a command: oh yes! You can always tell yourself every night as you are about to fall asleep that you will finish every task from the next day.
Now, just don't depend on this BUT have a clear idea of your goals.
Goal setting and following it have many videos and you may watch them and get an idea.

Start somewhere, go slow...and make sure whatever activity you take on, you feel motivated else you will want to Quit again. Feeling inspired is a good way to keep yourself on track.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |663 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

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Relationship
Help me!!! 1.I'm starting new "work" on my own(challenging for me) but my mind says quit it, be quite & do nothing. I myself don't know that wether the result of work will be +ive or uncompleted like alws. 2. My mind has become like order seeker type, when someone orders me, I do those things with dedicated(but sad from inside) manner. But when myself will try something different(which i fear, but necessary) then. "I QUITS IT" & sometimes I don't even start. 3. I'm like stuck no clue what/whom I want to do in life, I'm in cllg(1 yr) doing (CSE) ,. 4. I want to do/try (sports,talking girls,study,stocks,coding..) many things, but myself, my thoughts(overthinker), R like just be in the place where u are[confused,po*n,think about past/future(being billio..re,olympics..), girl (that u liked & never talked), abusive/beating self,.. sometimes feels like end life, but don't hv courage for that also.. 5. I tried self help books, spirituality, god, self affirmation, writing... & thay affected me(sometimes) but for only some time, then again that devil me comes up &these things never get completed. As no one in my family knows about all these, so that's Y ,I hv to fight/loose/try again, the battles with myself. 6. Is there any way I can talk/chat 1 to 1 to U, so I can get more detailed & affective treatment/advice..
Ans: The key here isn't to focus on "doing everything" or even "doing it perfectly." It's about starting small, with manageable steps, and building trust with yourself that you can complete things. When we overthink, our mind creates these massive, overwhelming expectations that paralyze us. By breaking things down into smaller, more achievable actions, you give yourself the opportunity to build momentum, which in turn builds confidence.

Your mind may be craving structure and direction, which is why following orders from others feels easier. But when it comes to leading yourself, that fear creeps in because you’re stepping into uncertainty. It’s important to recognize that this fear is not a sign that you should quit — it’s actually a sign that you're stepping out of your comfort zone, which is where growth happens.

It's also okay to feel vulnerable or unsure about what you truly want from life, especially in your first year of college when everything is still unfolding. You're at a stage where exploring different interests and making mistakes is part of the process. It’s important to be kind to yourself in this phase, recognizing that it's okay to not have it all figured out yet.

I can sense the pain behind your words, especially with the thoughts you’re having about self-worth and even more distressing feelings. I want you to know that these thoughts, while deeply personal, are shared by many who feel overwhelmed or lost. You’re not alone in this, and there is always a way to break free from this cycle, but it requires a blend of compassion for yourself and small, committed action.

I’m here to support you as you navigate this. While I can’t do 1-on-1 real-time conversations, I'm always ready to guide you through these thoughts and help you find practical ways to move forward. You deserve to feel peace and purpose, and that starts with allowing yourself the grace to begin imperfectly.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1796 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 29, 2025

Relationship
I'm 21(M) B.tech(2year) and I have been stuck in fantaasies from all my years of childhood. I use to compare myself to many other people across in many areas(study, looks, their friendships, social network, bravery, fight, love..etc) cause those were the things which I also wanted but never got it! I was a very shy(insecure) , socially nervous, scared kid. I kept all inside of me & just tried to get good marks in exams... this made me inactive in other areas(cause I always wanted to be best, but never tried), bitter, sour in myself and still it's same but the fantaasies & Insecurity, doubt, inactivity, fear of failure and sometimes fear of success has caused me to a Miserable Life. Now I'm just like a lonely, sad, lazy, overthinker person but still I always try to make a better version of myself..(read positive book, self-help, meditation, gym, being social) but after 3-4 days the consistency breaks and due to lack of guide I get back to previous state of mine. I try to improve but being in my comfort zone, the fear of uncertainty in out of comfort zone make my thought/self-talk Terribly scared, nervous and full of disbelief in myself & I quit! Unless there is some external pressure/urgency. And in all these the job, future, skill are all like Dark! Tell me something...
Ans: Dear mods,
Merely trying to improve isn't going to help you improve because the reasons for which you actually want to improve are not clear to you. You are simply comparing yourself to others and 'trying' to be like them or do what they do.
What makes you not focus on what you want to do? For this,
- identify what you are good at
- stop this self-pity party that keeps you tucked into your comfort zone
- challenge yourself with small things first
- ask a friend to be a 'buddy' who can act like your mirror and also motivate you
- celebrate small wins and also analyze your losses too

Unless you start somewhere, you are not going to change and along with changing self-talk, also ask yourself the most important question:
What change do I want in myself and what are the things that will make that happen?
Follow through with a plan BUT this is possible once you shake yourself out your self-pity and choose to move ahead.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11185 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - May 25, 2026Hindi
Money
Hi, I am 43 yrs old, working as a Senior Delivery Manager in an IT company, CTC is 66lacs. My current investment in MF is 29Lacs, 11Lacs in ULIP insurance and 43Lacs in EPF and 25Lacs in Stocks. Current monthly investment I am doing 1.5lacs in MF, 42K in ULIP and 42K in EPF. I own 2 flats, 1 car, total pending principal amount is currently pending is 55 Lacs and monthly EMI I paid around 90K and all 3 EMI will run for next 7 yrs. My family is completely depending on me, including my wife(Home maker), my son 9yrs and my daughter 1 yr. What is your thoughts on my current investment plan, my liabilities? My monthly expenditure is around 1lacs including everything excluding EMI. I want to get my financial freedom soon so how much money I should have before I decide to get retired. Do I need to change anything on my investment plan? Any financial guidance from Gurus?
Ans: You are doing many things right. At 43, with a high income, disciplined investing habit, good EPF accumulation, decent MF corpus, and strong monthly savings capacity, you are already in a much stronger position than many families in your age group. Your commitment towards family security and wealth creation is clearly visible.

However, because your family is fully dependent on you and you have multiple liabilities running together, this is the stage where proper structuring becomes more important than just investing aggressively.

» Current Financial Position Assessment

– Your total financial assets are already meaningful:

Mutual Funds – Rs.29 lakhs
Stocks – Rs.25 lakhs
EPF – Rs.43 lakhs
ULIP – Rs.11 lakhs

– Total financial assets are around Rs.1+ crore range excluding property value.

– Your monthly investments are also very strong:

MF SIP – Rs.1.5 lakhs
EPF – Rs.42,000
ULIP – Rs.42,000

– Monthly savings discipline itself is excellent.

– Your income-to-expense ratio is healthy even after large EMIs.

This shows strong earning capability and disciplined cash flow management.

» Biggest Positive in Your Case

– Your age is still on your side.

– Your SIP amount is already large enough to create serious wealth over the next 10-15 years.

– Your EMI tenure is only another 7 years. Once loans close, your free cash flow can rise sharply.

– Your current lifestyle inflation looks controlled despite a high salary. That is a major strength.

– You are building assets while managing responsibilities together. That balance is appreciable.

» Area Which Needs Immediate Attention

Your biggest concentration risk is not investment risk.

It is “income dependency risk”.

Entire family depends on one income source.

You have:
– Home loans
– Young children
– Homemaker spouse
– Long responsibility runway

So your financial structure should focus strongly on:
– protection
– liquidity
– retirement independence
– reducing complexity

» About Your ULIP Investment

Your ULIP contribution of Rs.42,000 per month is quite high.

In many cases, ULIPs become less efficient because:
– insurance and investment are mixed together
– charges can reduce long-term efficiency
– flexibility is lower
– transparency is lower
– switching decisions become restricted
– returns may not justify long lock-in periods

Since you already have meaningful MF investing discipline, separating insurance and investment can improve efficiency.

If the ULIP has already crossed lock-in and surrender becomes financially practical, you may evaluate:
– reducing future allocation
– surrendering after detailed review
– redirecting future investments towards quality actively managed mutual funds

Actively managed mutual funds can offer:
– professional fund management
– downside management during market stress
– portfolio correction based on valuations
– flexibility across sectors and market caps

This becomes important for someone like you who cannot afford major capital destruction close to retirement goals.

» Why Active Funds May Suit You Better

You are in wealth-building stage, not passive accumulation stage alone.

Index investing has some limitations:
– no protection during market crashes
– full participation in overvalued sectors
– no valuation-based decision making
– no cash holding flexibility
– weak downside management
– blindly follows index composition

For high-income professionals with family dependency and large future goals, active allocation becomes more useful.

A good Certified Financial Planner along with a qualified Mutual Fund Distributor can help monitor:
– asset allocation
– taxation
– rebalancing
– market cycles
– risk reduction

That guidance itself adds long-term value.

» About Your Stock Portfolio

Direct stocks worth Rs.25 lakhs is acceptable only if:
– portfolio is diversified
– stock selection is research-based
– allocation is monitored
– emotional decisions are avoided

Otherwise, over time, excessive direct equity exposure can create concentration risk.

For senior IT professionals, career stability itself is linked to market cycles. So investment portfolio should not become too aggressive simultaneously.

You may slowly move towards:
– more structured mutual fund allocation
– lower stock concentration
– better diversification

» Your Loan Situation

Outstanding principal of Rs.55 lakhs is manageable considering:
– your income level
– high savings capacity
– remaining tenure only 7 years

This is not an alarming debt level.

However:
– avoid taking any fresh major loans
– avoid lifestyle upgrades through borrowing
– build stronger liquid reserves

Once EMIs close, your cash flow may improve by nearly Rs.90,000 monthly. That itself can accelerate financial freedom significantly.

» Emergency Fund Requirement

This is one area where many high earners underestimate risk.

You should maintain at least:
– 12 months of total household obligations

That includes:
– EMI
– household expenses
– school expenses
– insurance premiums

Considering your profile, emergency liquidity should be strong and easily accessible.

» Insurance Review

Since your family fully depends on you, adequate pure term insurance is very important.

You should review:
– whether existing life cover is sufficient
– whether family goals are fully protected
– whether liabilities are covered adequately

Also ensure:
– family floater health insurance is strong
– critical illness cover is available
– personal accident cover exists

Protection planning is extremely important for single-income families.

» How Much Corpus Needed for Financial Freedom

Your current family expenses:
– around Rs.1 lakh monthly excluding EMI

Future realities:
– children education inflation
– healthcare inflation
– lifestyle inflation
– retirement longevity

After including these, your long-term family requirement can become much larger than current expense levels suggest.

For someone with:
– young children
– dependent spouse
– high lifestyle responsibility
– long retirement horizon

Financial freedom generally requires a very substantial retirement corpus.

You should target a stage where:
– investment income alone can comfortably manage family expenses
– education goals are separately funded
– loans are fully closed
– medical contingencies are covered
– retirement income does not depend on salary

Considering your current savings pace, you are on a good path if:
– investments continue consistently
– income remains stable
– unnecessary liabilities are avoided
– asset allocation is improved

» Suggested Changes in Your Plan

– Continue strong MF SIPs
– Review ULIP continuation carefully
– Increase allocation towards actively managed diversified funds
– Reduce dependency on direct stocks gradually if concentration is high
– Build larger emergency corpus
– Avoid fresh liabilities
– Review term insurance adequacy
– Ensure goal-based investing for children
– Do periodic portfolio rebalancing
– Plan retirement corpus separately from children goals

» Finally

You are already in a financially progressive position. The next stage is not about investing more aggressively. It is about investing more intelligently and structurally.

Your income is strong today. If you combine that with:
– proper risk management
– disciplined investing
– controlled liabilities
– better portfolio structuring
– long-term consistency

then achieving financial freedom in your 50s is very much achievable.

The biggest wealth creators are not always the highest earners. They are the people who sustain disciplined investing for long periods while avoiding major mistakes. You are already showing many of those qualities.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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