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Stuck College Student Seeking Help with Self-Doubt and Indecision

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1578 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
harsh Question by harsh on Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Help me!!! 1.I'm starting new "work" on my own(challenging for me) but my mind says quit it, be quite & do nothing. I myself don't know that wether the result of work will be +ive or uncompleted like alws. 2. My mind has become like order seeker type, when someone orders me, I do those things with dedicated(but sad from inside) manner. But when myself will try something different(which i fear, but necessary) then. "I QUITS IT" & sometimes I don't even start. 3. I'm like stuck no clue what/whom I want to do in life, I'm in cllg(1 yr) doing (CSE) ,. 4. I want to do/try (sports,talking girls,study,stocks,coding..) many things, but myself, my thoughts(overthinker), R like just be in the place where u are[confused,po*n,think about past/future(being billio..re,olympics..), girl (that u liked & never talked), abusive/beating self,.. sometimes feels like end life, but don't hv courage for that also.. 5. I tried self help books, spirituality, god, self affirmation, writing... & thay affected me(sometimes) but for only some time, then again that devil me comes up &these things never get completed. As no one in my family knows about all these, so that's Y ,I hv to fight/loose/try again, the battles with myself.

Ans: Dear Harsh,
If in the past you have had the urge to QUIT, how is this time going to be different? This is not to discourage you from taking up 'new work' but pointing out that there is some amount of work that you need to put to clear the mind out of blockages.
-What is limiting you?
- What is the reason for putting off things?
- What comes first to the mind when you start something new?
Also, focus on one thing at a time; study and go deep into it...what's this thing with work? I don't understand. When the mind is unsettled, take one thing/activity, pursue it and finish it. It could simply be studying for Year 1 of your college...just only do that...once your mind is trained in completing an activity, you can add another one the next year along with studying and then pursue both...it could be some sport and studying...then the next year, you could add a third activity. This is called 'training the mind in discipline'. Discipline will make sure that you start and finish things...So, go slow and do one thing at a time.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Nov 20, 2024 | Answered on Nov 21, 2024
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1.Well, maybe the truth of quit & start is, I don't want to leave that point of poorness, helplessness, imaginative king. Yes, I hate it & thats Y I try to change everything ...but knowing what should I do, knowing the ability to do, can make plans, can think & get ideas..but"not able" to put them into action & even if does breaks it!!(no consistency, discipline, no"reward"..as every worthwhile thing demands delayed gratification) proves that I don't want to leave the point. 2. When I try to change or become that"study guy", I avoid/delete every time wasting thing, And then it feels like every thing/people around me are better than me(knowing that everyone hv their own problems/insecurity..) Which works as distraction/loss-focus/ underestimating self.. which causes to break the mission & returns back to same point. Just like spiral loop where u start & feel u are growing but comes back to same point...& starts again. 3.By self questioning( of why&how ,solution) I found I hv writing skills(means I can write anything on any topic) but lack in speaking skills that's Y I'm not that good for social things( wether family or peoples) patterns are same like.. how/what should I start, will they like it, that should be funny, & should be able to make good impression...not able to take action & lack of thought to speech makes it worse. 4.I hv just told things which I know & my weak points but lack of being "self-accountable" is the main problem i guess :( 5. These are the result of 3 pages self-question & journal... So, give ur remarks & Help me!! Cuz I'm stuck don't know what to ask at this point :( maybe some ways or commands.
Ans: Dear Harsh,
You are yet again just explaining yourself and the more you do that, you will feel more helpless and stuck.
I have suggested to you: start one thing and finish it. Your brain will understand that as completion, mark it as a success point and you will have a tendency to repeat it with another activity.
Is there a command: oh yes! You can always tell yourself every night as you are about to fall asleep that you will finish every task from the next day.
Now, just don't depend on this BUT have a clear idea of your goals.
Goal setting and following it have many videos and you may watch them and get an idea.

Start somewhere, go slow...and make sure whatever activity you take on, you feel motivated else you will want to Quit again. Feeling inspired is a good way to keep yourself on track.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

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Help me!!! 1.I'm starting new "work" on my own(challenging for me) but my mind says quit it, be quite & do nothing. I myself don't know that wether the result of work will be +ive or uncompleted like alws. 2. My mind has become like order seeker type, when someone orders me, I do those things with dedicated(but sad from inside) manner. But when myself will try something different(which i fear, but necessary) then. "I QUITS IT" & sometimes I don't even start. 3. I'm like stuck no clue what/whom I want to do in life, I'm in cllg(1 yr) doing (CSE) ,. 4. I want to do/try (sports,talking girls,study,stocks,coding..) many things, but myself, my thoughts(overthinker), R like just be in the place where u are[confused,po*n,think about past/future(being billio..re,olympics..), girl (that u liked & never talked), abusive/beating self,.. sometimes feels like end life, but don't hv courage for that also.. 5. I tried self help books, spirituality, god, self affirmation, writing... & thay affected me(sometimes) but for only some time, then again that devil me comes up &these things never get completed. As no one in my family knows about all these, so that's Y ,I hv to fight/loose/try again, the battles with myself. 6. Is there any way I can talk/chat 1 to 1 to U, so I can get more detailed & affective treatment/advice..
Ans: The key here isn't to focus on "doing everything" or even "doing it perfectly." It's about starting small, with manageable steps, and building trust with yourself that you can complete things. When we overthink, our mind creates these massive, overwhelming expectations that paralyze us. By breaking things down into smaller, more achievable actions, you give yourself the opportunity to build momentum, which in turn builds confidence.

Your mind may be craving structure and direction, which is why following orders from others feels easier. But when it comes to leading yourself, that fear creeps in because you’re stepping into uncertainty. It’s important to recognize that this fear is not a sign that you should quit — it’s actually a sign that you're stepping out of your comfort zone, which is where growth happens.

It's also okay to feel vulnerable or unsure about what you truly want from life, especially in your first year of college when everything is still unfolding. You're at a stage where exploring different interests and making mistakes is part of the process. It’s important to be kind to yourself in this phase, recognizing that it's okay to not have it all figured out yet.

I can sense the pain behind your words, especially with the thoughts you’re having about self-worth and even more distressing feelings. I want you to know that these thoughts, while deeply personal, are shared by many who feel overwhelmed or lost. You’re not alone in this, and there is always a way to break free from this cycle, but it requires a blend of compassion for yourself and small, committed action.

I’m here to support you as you navigate this. While I can’t do 1-on-1 real-time conversations, I'm always ready to guide you through these thoughts and help you find practical ways to move forward. You deserve to feel peace and purpose, and that starts with allowing yourself the grace to begin imperfectly.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1578 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

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Hello mam I'm Ankur , CSE(1 yr), 20 yr old boy and Every new day is new hope, but when it ends ,I'm still same & now I have lost the belief in me & everything else also. But still I get voices/images in my head of being good, doing work, making money, changing lives and things which i want to do, but fear/hesitate to do them. And that's why I try to find solutions of it by reading(self help, comedy)books, yoga(sometimes),.. but after 3-4 days I get defeated. And the vicious life starts again..(quiet, distracted, alone,..). I use mobile a lot( Yt, Po*n, reading material(self- help), speech(motivation), ..) but I use this as a way by which I can forget the stress/life condition/problems.. clearly "NO CONTROL". I'M writing so maybe i can get some relief & solution..
Ans: Dear Work,
Well if motivational gyaan helped all of us, there would be no sadness or anger or anxiety in any of us, right? All this material available in plenty, and it helps to make us aware of what can be done to improve oneself. But what is also required is to find the root cause of the stress and looping into things that add more stress.
See an expert who can work on core issues that you carry within you. Without knowing details, I will be generalizing and what you require now is for someone to guide you not just through motivation but also touching through the root cause of what is not working for you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1578 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 31, 2025Hindi
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After death of my mother, my father (54 years old) is having extra marital affair with an unmarried neighbour (25). Nobody knows about it except our family. Me (23) & my sister (21) tried our best to make father understand that this is not the correct time to do such things, but he is not listening to us & not ready to understand. It looks useless for him to have affair with her because there is no future of this relationship. Age gap is also huge. Her parents also don't know about it. Neither we can tell them about it, because they will target our family & ruin our life. They can also file police complain against our family if they gets to know about it. I am sure they will also deny this relationship. Took our relatives help too, but it didn't work. Don't know what to do. Can you please help ??
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your father is just coping with his loss in this manner; it's unusual and very complicated. Now, is it right or not is something that is left to him to decide. But he does need to understand that this could also ruin the reputation of that young girl. She is just under his influence in terms of attention (physical and maybe emotional) and it's likely once he's through the grieving phase, he will drop the girl like a hot potato and she will have no where to talk and complain about it.
Do involve an elderly family member who can talk sense into him. This is not just about respecting your late mother but also understanding the repercussions of having an association with a younger woman and that too a neighbor. If he is just doing this to forget his grief, it's not going to end well for anybody.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1578 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 29, 2025Hindi
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I recently join a new workplace and there I found this male married colleague of my age. At first everything is professional. He sometime message me on WhatsApp to just ask about office just in friendly way. I thought him as a workplace friend and we chat in a friendly way but one day he told me not to mention to anyone that he message me on WhatsApp. I found this weird. I mean it's nothing between us that should be hide then why he told me to keep it private.I want to confort him about this incident But then I think that maybe I overthink this situation and as we have to work together so I think it become awkward also o am very new at workplace so I sweep it under the rug. But next day he act normal at office like totally friendly so o think that I might be overthink about the situation. But later one day when he visit home he specifically told me not to message him. I mean I what is this. I never message him first. I only reply him. I never started it. If we are just friends why he want to keep it private. I find it little bit weird and also I don't like it. I want to comfort it about that but also not want make it awkward at office. I want to know that what kind of his intentions. I don't want any trouble.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Have fun but 'secretly' is fun no? That's what he is happily enjoying...
Obviously he cares about his reputation and what if you get too involved in him; so he's making sure he has fun but in a way that has a boundary.
I would suggest let him not have the pleasure of drawing that boundary so there is not need for you to respond to any of his messages...And you are absolutely right in asking: "If we are just friends why he want to keep it private." There lies your answer. For him, possibly it has gone beyond this in his mind and hence he keeping it private. Draw your boundary NOW. Better later than never.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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