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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2024Hindi

Child counselling - psychological and career guidance Background:- My son is soon going to enter his teen age in couple of months. I’m a widow with no assistance from both sides of the family. My sons been in boarding all along however last year I brought him back, took a career backseat Working from home, dedicating all my time todays him. Off late bad company at school is influencing him and has resulted into major issues pertaining to behaviour and disrespect towards teachers, other parents and me. He doesn’t feel guilty or acknowledge the fact that he needs to stop being a bully and be the sane kind caring child he use to be. Tried someone free counselling it back fired. Education grades are dropping and he’s got no inclination towards academics. He’s interested in things that can’t earn him a career option. He was in Igcse board and has to move him to cbse so struggling with school, curriculum, new area new friends and isn’t understanding the impact of his actions. Very concerned for his future cause everything I earn was and is invested in his boarding and schooling and I’ve not saved enough for the future. What to do next? He’s been identified with Attention deficiency when he was 8yrs just before lockdown but we didn’t pursue any treatment. My frustration too comes out on him and gets the worst of me but that’s pushed him even further away from me. He’s interested are physical and not Education inclined my friends suggest remove him from these expensive schools( paying 3.5lac minimum every year) and put him in a local school and just save for my future. I can’t be so selfish. I had put him in best school and selected subjects like French so that if he goes abroad a foreign language can help and he anyways struggles to even pass in Hindi and local languages so selected a school too so that his board exams eventually he will have to write only English and French exams that can help him score. After sacrificing my time health career and money I feel in these 6 months everything is going downhill my anxiety and stress has gone out of control. His friends are being a terrible influence and it’s scary cause I’ve had some major complaints from teachers and other parents. What do I do? I can’t give up I have faith and only hope it’s just a phase I’m still loving caring and trying to talk with him and understand where can we mend things before it’s late and hoping for some guidance

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is a difficult phase that you are going through...
It will be worth pulling him out of the school for a while...it's not just to save money but also to focus on his therapy that he surely needs to get into. Also, during his therapy, you will know where his interest lie...Do remember, we are all unique...some of us take up professions that may not give us immediate money but it trickles in later or maybe it comes in the form of satisfaction rather than money.
You are attempting to secure his future and you are right as a single mom to do that because you want your son to be in a stable place which you did not experience. But his path in life is his to follow...any attempt to control it will cause the two of you a lot of emotional upheavals.
Kindly get him assessed again as you did mention Attention Deficiency...that will allow for appropriate corrective measures right away which will channelize his energies in the right direction. Otherwise both you and he will be on a roller coaster ride that never stops and this will lead to more stress and strain. Pause for a moment and put his health as a priority even if it means taking a break from school for a while. The sooner his emotions find a useful path, he will shine in what he is meant to...Take a deep breath...you are doing a great job!

All the best!

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