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Kanchan Rai |268 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2024Hindi

Hi, Briefly, I am having problem with my sister. Actually She will supposed to be my sister-in-law but I consider her as my own sister. The problem is that, I and her elder sister, both don't like my sister's boyfriend. We have told her several times but she didn't listen to us or didn't answer to our questions. One day, I was trying to make her understand the problem about her boyfriend, before her elder sister on a video call. And like the other day, she didn't reply. After the call ended, She texted me, asking or more specifically chasing me about my faults in life. She is said that, "you always choose good surroundings but why don't you have any friend?" and "Where was your observation when your friends cheated on you!" I told her that we learn only by doing things and I have learnt that the boy is not suitable for you and that's why you should leave her. but she was going on with her argument and was hurting me a lot over chat. At last, I said to her, It was my fault to warn her, And told her not to call me 'DADA' again until she grows respects for me. After that day, she was gradually distancing from me! and 2 or 3 days after, her elder sister finds some bad things in her phone and repeatedly warn her to leave the boy otherwise he'll destroy her. and on that day, she broke up. but, she is still not talking with me! I have written poem for her and even told her SORRY and requested her to come back to me, I really love her as my sister. But, she is still not talking with me or angry with me! I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!! I have loosen many in my life and It's like going to loose once again. I can do anything to make her happy or to accept me as his own elder brother again.....I really want to sort things out....

Ans: It sounds like you care deeply for your sister and want to protect her, which is understandable and comes from a place of love. But relationships, especially ones where emotions are involved, can be complex and sometimes require a delicate touch.

Right now, your sister might be feeling hurt and defensive. Even though your intentions were good, the way you and her elder sister approached the situation may have felt overwhelming or critical to her. When she lashed out, it was likely out of pain and feeling cornered.

Sometimes, people need time to process their feelings. Respect her need for space and give her some time to cool off and reflect. When you do reach out, acknowledge her feelings without defending your actions. Let her know that you understand why she felt hurt and that you’re sorry for the way things were handled. Make it clear that your concern came from a place of love and that you still see her as your sister. Assure her that your relationship with her is more important than any disagreement about her choices. Healing takes time. Keep the door open for her to come back to you when she’s ready. Sometimes, a little patience can do wonders.

Remember, what’s important now is rebuilding trust and showing her that you care for her unconditionally.