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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |252 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 16, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
harish Question by harish on Sep 14, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am 38, married male with two kids. I got in touch with a widow aged 48 years and in a good relationship. She proposed me first and initiated into relationship. Prior to our relationship, she was in a relationship of 27 years and was still in his touch. Her husband expired just five days into our relationship. After that, when i got to know her relationship of 27 years, i tried to brake the relationship but she insisted that she is just good friend to him, and nothing more now. I relied on her version. Lately, from the past six months, she made my life hell by levelling allegations on me that I have relationship with my sister in law. I tried to make her understand that I call her beta as she is around 23 but still doesnt want to understand. I broke her with on 27 june, but she came again in july this year and said sorry. During quarrel period, she made call to my wife, my friends and levelled filthy allegations against me. When she came back, I forgave her and tried to make peace with her. But after that too, she still believes that I am in relationship with my sister in law. I got fed up with her and again broke with her. One thing more that we both invested our money in making one building as builder. She doesnot have permanent source of income and relies on making money as PG counseller. During this, she suffered from financial problems and took care of her monthly expenses, her ration, etc. Kindly help.

Ans: It sounds like you've been through a complex and challenging situation. Dealing with personal relationships, especially when there are allegations and trust issues, can be very difficult. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this situation:

Reflect on Your Priorities: Take some time to reflect on what you want in your life and what is most important to you. This includes considering your family, your own happiness, and your financial stability.

Open and honest communication is essential. It's important to have a calm and honest conversation with her about your concerns and feelings. Ask her to clarify her doubts about your relationship with your sister-in-law and express how these accusations are affecting you and your family.

Trust Issues: Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If trust has been repeatedly broken, it can be challenging to rebuild. Discuss the importance of trust with her and see if there's a way to work together on rebuilding it. Be prepared to listen to her concerns as well.

Boundaries: It's essential to establish clear boundaries in your relationship. Discuss what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Make sure both of you are on the same page regarding these boundaries.

Counseling: Consider seeking the help of a relationship counselor or therapist. Professional guidance can be beneficial in resolving complex issues and improving communication.

Financial Matters: If you both have invested money in a property together, it's important to discuss how to handle this aspect of your relationship. Consult with a legal professional to understand your options and ensure a fair resolution.

Self-care: This situation has likely taken a toll on your emotional well-being. Ensure that you are taking care of yourself, both mentally and physically. Reach out to friends and family for support.
Reevaluate the Relationship: Reflect on whether this relationship is healthy and if it's in the best interest of both parties. Sometimes, it's necessary to make difficult decisions for your own well-being.

Talk to Your Wife: Be open with your wife about the situation. Let her know what has been happening and reassure her of your commitment to your marriage.

Protect Your Reputation: If this woman continues to make false allegations against you, it might be necessary to take legal action to protect your reputation. Consult with an attorney about any potential defamation or harassment issues.

Distance Yourself: If the relationship with this woman is causing you significant stress and harm, it may be best to maintain distance from her. Focus on your family, your work, and your own well-being.

Learn from the Experience: Use this difficult situation as an opportunity for personal growth. Reflect on what you've learned about yourself and your relationships, and use that knowledge to make better choices in the future.


Legal Advice: If the financial aspect of your relationship becomes contentious, consider consulting with a lawyer to protect your interests and explore legal options regarding the property you both invested in.

Remember that each relationship is unique, and there may not be a one-size-fits-all solution. The most important thing is to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of your family. It may also be helpful to involve a therapist or counselor to mediate the situation and provide guidance on how to move forward.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 29 year old bengali female married to a Bihar guy. We know each other since college and we have been married for 3 years. Things began to turn bitter after few months of our marriage. My husband is a govt. Employee has seen extreme poverty in his childhood. I belong to upper middle class family. Both of our parents were against our marriage. Now his family especially mother pressurise him for money that is beyond our reach. She thinks I stop him to give money. She constantly abuses my husband. He has two elder brother who are good for nothing,both are married have kids and even they expect financial help from us. I am very tensed we can't even think of spending a penny for our personal enjoyment. My husband understands all these but everytime falls into prey of my MIL'S emotional drama. She fakes illness or fights for money. I can't even share this with my family.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry to hear that you are in such a situation. It is indeed a very complex situation. Financial troubles can disrupt marital bliss. But it has to be addressed, even if it leads to conflicts. Speak to your husband about your concerns. Politely tell him that his family's demands and his response to them are causing a financial crisis in your home. Sit together and discuss how much financial support can you provide to his family and what's beyond reasonable. Have a monthly budget and since his family will continue asking for money, keep some money (what you have decided together) for the same. Keep an emergency fund and most importantly, have a decent amount of savings.

After all these discussions, if things still don't change, consider going for marriage counseling. You gave up an affluent life to be with him; he can surely give up certain things that are clearly unreasonable. A third neutral party can point this out without you having to say it.

You can also suggest your husband push his family members to get better jobs so that they can provide for themselves. Besides everything, don't forget to take care of yourself. Be in touch with your family and share your worries with someone close to you. And maintain regular check-ins with your husband. It can't be easy on him either.

Best Wishes.

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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Career
Which institution is best to subscribe for online prepation of JEE. Candidate here has also joined a offline/regular classes in a small town. Please suggest.
Ans: ALLEN Online Test Series. User-friendly / Instant Result with Answers and Time Taken for Each Question.

Some IMPORTANT Preparation Strategies for JEE Preparation: (Wherever the Subject 'You' is used here, it refers for your Candidate). (1) Whenever you study at home, study for 45-minutes. Then take a break of 10-minutes when you can move away from your study table, walk, have some water & relax. If you continue studying beyond 45-minutes, your concentration power will go down, resulting to low output. Most students commit this mistake. (2) On daily basis (morning or evening whichever will be convenient to you), do yoga or meditation or physical exercises or play any games / sports for at least 30-45 minutes. This will further reduce your stress / distractions. (3) Study tough topics / tough subjects (applicable to you) early morning with your fresh mind. (4) Eat a lot of green vegetables / fruits which you can afford for & avoid soft drinks (5) Every day nigh, before going to bed, revise whatever you have studied during the day. (6) Also, revise every week whatever you have covered till date (here your short-notes which you should prepare will be helpful). (7) Keep practizing questions on topics which you have covered either offline or online (8) Give utmost importance to wrongly answered / difficult / complicated / tough questions and have a separate note-book specially for this for each subject (PCM) (8) You might be aware that JEE rank is allotted on the basis of highest score in Maths, followed by Physics & Chemistry. Practice more and more in Maths, till you reach Speed & Accuracy (9) By the end of 11th / 12th standard (December-January), attempt fully syllabus online test series, evaluate and analyze your performance such as, (a) which topic / unit / concept you are weak which needs your revision and improvement as this will disturb you when you appear in actual JEE exam (b) abnormal time taken to attempt any question which you can come to know from Online Test Series which you should reduce (c) which questions you skipped and why? (10) Make 100% utilization of 'Doubt Clearing Sessions' of Offline Class you have joined. All the BEST.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |3899 Answers  |Ask -

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Money
I am 37 years old , and having 2.10 lacs salary in hand, I have SIP of Rs. 20k, apart from SIP I have invested in stock current market value is 10L, I have three flats which is cost approx 2.5 cr, i have a home loan as well of 35 lacs. Kindly guide me how I can achieve the milestone of 10 crore corpus in next 15 years.
Ans: Achieving a significant corpus like Rs. 10 crores in 15 years requires careful planning, disciplined investing, and leveraging various assets and investment avenues. Let's explore a comprehensive strategy to reach this financial milestone.

Current Financial Snapshot
Income and Investments
At 37 years old, with a salary of Rs. 2.10 lakhs per month, you have a solid foundation. Here's a snapshot of your current investments:

SIP Investment: Rs. 20,000 per month
Stock Investments: Current market value of Rs. 10 lakhs
Real Estate Holdings: Three flats valued at approximately Rs. 2.5 crores
Liabilities: Home loan of Rs. 35 lakhs
Strategic Roadmap to Achieve Rs. 10 Crore Corpus
1. Optimize Investment Portfolio
Review Existing Investments
Evaluate the performance and alignment of your current investments with long-term goals:

Stocks: Assess the potential for growth and consider diversification if necessary.
Real Estate: While real estate is valuable, ensure it aligns with your liquidity needs and financial goals. Consider rental income potential versus capital appreciation.
SIPs: Continue disciplined investing. Evaluate if the current SIP amount needs to be increased to meet the Rs. 10 crore target.
2. Increase Savings and Investments
Maximizing Monthly Contributions
Increase SIP Amount: Depending on your surplus income, consider increasing the SIP amount gradually. This accelerates wealth accumulation.
Bonus and Windfalls: Direct any windfall gains towards investments rather than discretionary spending.
3. Diversification and Risk Management
Balancing Risk and Return
Asset Allocation: Diversify across asset classes such as equity, debt, and possibly alternative investments like gold or international funds.
Risk Management: Regularly review and rebalance the portfolio to mitigate risks associated with market volatility.
4. Debt Management
Addressing Home Loan
Early Repayment: Explore options to accelerate home loan repayment to reduce interest burden and improve cash flow for investments.
Debt Consolidation: Consolidate high-interest debts if applicable to streamline finances and improve liquidity for investments.
5. Investment Avenues
Exploring Options Beyond SIPs
Equity Mutual Funds: Actively managed funds can potentially outperform passive funds like index funds due to strategic decisions by fund managers.
Debt Instruments: Consider debt funds for stability and regular income, balancing the portfolio against equity market fluctuations.
Systematic Transfer Plans (STP): Utilize STPs to stagger lump sum investments into equity funds, reducing timing risks.
6. Professional Guidance and Monitoring
Leveraging Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Holistic Financial Planning: Engage with a CFP to develop a customized financial plan considering income, investments, goals, and risk appetite.
Periodic Reviews: Regularly review investment performance and adjust strategies based on changing life circumstances and market conditions.
Addressing Existing Policies and Investments
7. Insurance and Investment Policies
Surrender and Reinvest
LIC, ULIPs, Investment cum Insurance Policies: Evaluate existing policies for surrender value and consider reinvesting in more lucrative investment avenues like mutual funds for better returns.
Legal and Recovery Aspects
8. Recovering Debt
Legal Recourse
Documentation: Gather all evidence and communication related to the debt owed by your friend.
Legal Consultation: Seek legal advice to explore options like sending legal notices, mediation, or filing a suit in a court of law if necessary.
Financial Impact: While pursuing legal action, continue focusing on building your financial assets through disciplined investments.
Final Insights
Achieving a corpus of Rs. 10 crores in 15 years demands a balanced approach involving disciplined savings, strategic investments, and proactive debt management. Leveraging existing assets like stocks and real estate alongside increasing SIPs and exploring diverse investment avenues is key. Engaging with a Certified Financial Planner ensures a structured approach, optimizing your path towards financial independence and security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Dr Hemalata

Dr Hemalata Arora  |194 Answers  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

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Health
I am 77 years old. I was taking medicine for high BP from the age of 50 years.I was very active doing yoga regularly in the morning and doing walk in the evening. I do not smoke and do not drink as well. I am a person with height weight normal as per the standard chart. I was very active doing my job and never use to get tired. I worked for six years in Central Govt, thirty years in PSU and seventeen years in Private Organisations. I used to believe that " a Person should never retire from work". I stopped going to work from March 2020 after the Covid 19 spread in India. During a routine check up, my doctor mentioned on my prescription as "Stable Angina". I asked about it but he replied, it is nothing, do not worry. I was not having any pain etc. But this remark of Stable Angina. was written on my prescription on every visit. In June 2022, I got a CT Angiography done just to know the deposits in my arteries. It was found to be more in all the five arteries. But I had no symptoms of any pain or breathlessness while moving or working.In August 2022, I got some problem in my left eye, went to eye specialist, he observed a little deposit in eye nerve. He tried to break it but could not. I went for Angiography. All the arteries were found with deposits but still I had no pain etc. I was operated for Heart By pass Surgery on 22.9.22 and released from Hospital on 1.10.22. I was put on High Protein Diet. During Jan 23 to July 23, my Blood Urea Nitrogen & Urea got up the required level.High Protein Diet was stopped and advised take more Fruits. BUN & Urea came normal. More fruits were being taken. It caused potassium level to go up. Then in fruits also restriction imposed on banana, coconut water & citrus fruits. Now I am on restricted diet. BUN & Urea are normal but potassium remains fluctuating. Now I am alright but feel very weak. I do little walk but get tired soon. I am not able to do yoga due to low energy. Vitamin supplements are being taken but not getting strength. Even feels stability problem. While standing feels giddiness and feels that i may fall. I am also feeling severe pain in my arms muscles. Now I am taking medicines for BP, Cholesterol, Blood Thinner, Enlarged Prostrate Gland, Vitamin supplement. I always think why I am feeling so many problems after Heart Bye Pass Surgery. Please advise.
Ans: I feel you need your medications adjusted. They're probably making you feel like this.

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