Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 09, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Raghav Question by Raghav on Oct 06, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi Anu...I dont want to be named but want to share my issues here with you to guidance. Im married and live with my wife and 2 year old son in Noida and my parents lives in some village in UP approx 500 Kms afar. My initial upbriging was done by my Grandparants at separate place till age of 10 so never got any chance to get along with my poarants very well as lived with them for only 4 years then shifted Noida. now the issue issus is my sister who is 5-6 years younger than me has been living with paranets since birth and became very arrogant and irresponsible in life as my parants never tried to correct her instead they always push me to get along citing Im older..she never even accepted my wife and even tried to conspire against my baby boy by filing my mothers mind for years. my parents married her 4 years ago but she dont spend even a month continuously at her inlawa and dont get along with them...she want to sta with my paranets as nobody bothers her in what she wants to do... when anybody try to make her realise that she is wrong she start threating them by saying that she will harm herself...actually she never does. My parents are getting older and dont want to see them suffer mentally and financially anymore but them cant come with me as they have take care of my Great Grandparents..she is too proud to say sorry to me for things she has done but my parents emotionally blackmailing to to talk to her....what should I do...

Ans: Dear R,
Obviously your parents have no clue that their over indulgence in your sister and her life is causing her misery. Their relationship is unhealthy and they are unaware of it...things are sure to go downhill until one of them pulls back...in this case, the ideal thing would be for your parents to pull back and cut financial and emotional support till she starts behaving like an adult and become accountable for herself and her life.
Some people just don't want to grow up...and that is because they have parents or parent figures who fill in their every need and fulfil their every want.
This becomes a habit and when they don't get what they want, they will threaten just like your sister does...she basically likes playing the 'child' and hence your parents are never out of their responsibility of parenting...make them aware that it is enough and a tough stance will set her right and help her build her life.
A grown up must be one and just keep the child alive in them...but here your sister just wants to be the child and keep happily playing thar role as the parents are allowing it...kindly intervene and help your parents understand and do the right thing for their daughter...

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2022

Relationship
Dear Anu,Hope you are doing well!I happened to read few of your articles on family issues hence thought of seeking advice on a very complicated family issue of mine.This is going to be really big email... sorry I badly need help!My elder sister is married for close to 8 years now.It's an arranged marriage and she is married to very big family of three sisters and two brothers....My sister's husband been the last one in the family...Since Day One of the marriage her sisters-in-law would interfere in every little thing that happens in my sister's and her husband's life. Literally everything and her life is miserable now...These three ladies never let his elder brother's wife as well to stay with her husband and now she lives separately fearing his sisters. And it's the same with my sister's life as well.It is an arranged marriage with an age gap of 10 years between my sister and her husband... Since Day One he would pick up silly fights with my sister and emotionally blackmail her... I'm not sure if he was really into the marriage.... He always complains about my sister, ill-treats her and constantly keep asking her to divorce him.He listens to his sisters and humiliates her.My parents have been looking after my sister's needs even after marriage -- phone recharges, dresses and even sanitary napkins. He has never spent money for my sister's basic needs.She has to do all house chores like washing, mopping and cleaning.... And his sister will just cook and leave... they have never let my sister to cook but complain to everyone that she doesn't want to do house chores.I have seen my sister (when I stayed with her for two days just see what was happening in the house) she wakes up at 4 am to sweep the garden mess which is close to half an acre. Then mop the house, wash vessels and clothes. She will be exhausted by the time she finishes all the work and when she finally sits to eat, the in-laws will taunt her and she has starved without eating for days.When she discussed this with her husband, he'd ignore or argue with her not to say anything bad about his sisters.Our upbringing back home was very different. We grew up around house helps who helped us with chores but my sister didn't complain about that as well. She said ‘in laws’ house is way different than mom's place.' It hurts to see my sister this way.All his three sisters rarely stay at their homes, instead they prefer staying at my sister's place and cause troubles between the husband and wife.He treats my sister like a slave.If she doesn't do what he asks her to do he says 'sign the divorce papers and leave.'According to him, my sister should never visit her mom's place. If she has to visit, she has to seek his permission and he will decide whether she can go or not and for how many days. If she stays back a day longer, he would pick up a fight. Even if he is in a different city she has to stay at her in-laws place.He works in army as a subhedhar. We have huge respect for people in the Army, that's the reason my sister was married to him despite the difference in age.And when my sister first gave birth to her son he said the most cruel thing any man could say. She had a C-section so he said, You are lame, you haven't done anything big or great, you had an operation, you easily cut open and gave birth. What pain do you think you have when you give birth in anesthesia?He would humiliate her in front of family members and friends, colleagues...We have advised her to leave him, find a job, to look after herself and the kids. We will support her. But she is not confident enough. She is so used to being dependent that she is scared of taking the big step fearing her kids’ future.She has been tolerating him more than any human can tolerate also because she is financially dependent on him.She has two kids, aged six and three.If she divorces him, she is worried about the kids’ schooling.As he is in the Army he will be moving to different cities every two years.In these 8 years of marriage, they have hardly been together for a year or more.He never took her to any deputed locations. She has to stay here in Kolar with her in-laws and he would visit her annually. My sister has to bear the brunt of the entire family.He will call my sister only if his sister permits, otherwise he will stay without calling her for months.My parents were also bearing all of his attitude for a few years until things went out of hand. Even after having 2 kids his attitude didn’t change.So my parents had to intervene.This pathetic man would find millions of ways to torture my sister mentally and physically.She was a silent and reserved kid in our family. Now she is so used to his behaviour that she is okay to live with him just for the sake of her kids. We are not that well off. My dad is a retired official who gets very little money as pension. So my parents are worried who will take care of her and kids after them if in case we file a divorce. Will alimony work here?There is no peace in our family.My parents are old and struggling with their health issues. And now there is so much of mental pressure due to all of this.After so much struggle and arguments, he finally took my sister with him to his current deputed location for 6 to 8 months. Again upon his sisters’ insistence he left his 6 year old kid with his sister and family and forced my sister to come with him or sign the divorce papers.And my foolish sister who didn't know what to do left her 6 year old kid with his sister in law family and went with her husband taking the another kid. Now she is crying day and night thinking about her kid.I went on with a huge argument with him asking what is the need for a child to leave his parents and study at his aunt's place. Since he is in the Army, changing schools should not be so difficult; he is your own kid and blood. How can you leave him alone there? He said, ‘My son will study wherever I ask him to.’When I asked him why he forced my sister to come with him leaving the kid with his sisters, he used cuss words and asked me to mind my own business. I lost my cool and said that he is acting brainless. He reminded me that he is the Army and no one can do anything to him. He said I could raise a complaint and cut the call.Now he has set rules that no one should visit or see his son. When my parents went to visit their own grandchild recently, his sisters did not allow them.I have been telling my parents to lodge a complaint against this man. But my parents feel that he is their son in law. Anything we do would affect my sister's life and brushed it aside. They’d rather convince my sister and send her back to live with the pyscho.Now they have realised and are repenting for not complaining about him earlier.Please advise us how to move further because whoever we consulted regarding this told us that we cannot complain about this. Only my sister can complain. She is scared of him and fears to lodge a complaint. She is in a different city now and wouldn't be able to do so.Is that right? Can't a grieving parent, grandparent or sister like me who is worried to the core about her sister's and cousins life complain against this saddest man?Is divorce advisable in this case or are we overdoing it? Should we lodge a police complaint? Can we write to his superior?It is possible that he might file a defamation case against us?I literally have no clue what to do or where to seek help. Please help me save my sister from this pathetic marriage.Awaiting your response.
Ans:

Dear ST,

If you and your parents know what has been going on, why did you not think of lodging a police complaint against your sister’s husband and his family for mental harassment?

What exactly are you waiting for?

Your sister has become used to this misery and sometimes this misery is familiar, and women are willing to put up with it for fear of societal backlash and being a burden on parents.

Which family separates a mother from a child?

Which family entertains the interference of sisters-in-law so much? I am unable to still understand why they would do such a thing.

And to top it all, our country has a huge mass of parents who believe that a daughter once married is the property of her husband. Which only means that he and his family can ill-treat her the way they wish, and the parents cite an excuse of being old and having no money to take care of her if she comes back.

Please, my humble appeal to each parent who have daughters crying out for help…bring them back home; at least they will have a chance to live and live a dignified life. She is still your daughter.

What if she wasn’t married? Would your parents throw all their children out saying that they are poor?

The reason your sister is hesitating to leave the man is perhaps she feels like a burden to your parents.

The first step is to become her strength by welcoming her back; society and her husbands’ family can be taken care of.

Hire a good lawyer who can take care of legal matters if it goes the divorce way.

Divorce or not is your sister and her husband’s decision.

Let her have some time away from her husband and his family. It might help her gain some objectivity and make a wise decision.

So, first you and your parents welcome her back…the rest can wait.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 06, 2023Hindi
Relationship
Dear Anu I am a 46 year old man .. married for last 16 years... My wife is well educated but a house wife by choice.. I lost my father when i was 18 and had struggled a lot to gain a great life in terms of money, name in my field and satisfaction at work. At home front we live a nuclear family... me, my wife and my 12 year daughter. But after my marriage in 2006 for next 6/7 years we were in joint family. my daughter was born in 2010.. In joint family me, my younger brother his wife and my mother were members... during these years, my wife never got along with my mother, brother and his wife... and also had fights [severe kind] where she accused them for petty reason...she demanded separate house within 3 month of marriage.. but since I was not financially settled so I promised her we will buy own home in course of time... but over these 6&7 years her behavior started really erratic.. she stopped talking to everyone, and keep fighting with all my family. also the house with joint family owned my me and younger brother... she demanded i should sell the house and get my share to buy own house. which i refused as my brother and his family with my mother were also staying there... and while buying it my mother had helped us financially, without having her name as owner. over the period things became really bitter... we also had fights where out of anger I happened to slap her.. but as promised I bought another house [with lot of efforts since i m self employee] within 5/6 years and we shifted to another city around our previous house. but after shifting she had the same temperament. She never got along with me.. Over an argument she would stop talking to me, and when confronted she would mention about my share in old house which i left... she was not happy seeing my brother living in that house with his family and my mother... i told her as promised we bought this house and I haven't withdrew my share in that house.. may be over the year i will take my share as per market value.. but at this point we don't need to do it.. since it will involve a lot of turbulence for my brother, his family and my mother as they were settled there. so I strongly told her she should not think about as she have her house and focus on it. Over these time, we had a very cute daughter... growing.. her schooling started.. i got busy with my work... and my wife by choice chose to be house wife... taking care of house... but she was hell bent on the house issue over selling it and taking my share.. and due to that we had several fights... which became my life miserable. her point was why pay EMI when you can get share and pay off the loans for new house. in these 8/9 years she became bitter person... no ties with my relatives /cousins, no friends, never got along with neighbors... and opposite to that i have very cordial relation with her family, cousins, my family and have great social circle. when my daughter was 10 year old, i was already settled with good career and financial status... i had cleared all the home loan for our new home... i did everything all out to make her happier but her wish to sell that house where my brother with his wife and my mother i didn't take share or sell it.. and she keeps nagging me with that and her temperament getting worst... now she started accusing me for having an affair and threatening me that she will complain police if i argue with her. unfortunately my daughter had to see this... but my daughter is very sorted, focused and a good kid. In last 2 years i managed to buy another house, which is bigger, where we shifted 1.5 years back, she wanted to do a puja and refused to invite anyone from my family.. also bought one more house as investment.. and a farm too as second home... Im very happy and satisfied with my career and other aspects of life... but the bitterness of wife kept on increasing... sometimes i felt she wanted me to fail and she could just take the pleasure of making me feel how she was right.. which never happened.. Now she is completely out of touch with my family... her anger triggers when i speak to my brother , my mom, Now over these years my brother also managed to earn some money and he paid me an amount as part of my share for the house he is living.. which we mutually agreed among us... and i withdrew my name from that property... i informed this to my wife.. first she didnt believe.. and then she was not interested in it.. so basically over these years i managed to fulfil everything what i promised also took my share from the joint house even i was not very happy with that situation. but all these incidences.. my wife became a difficult person to deal with... be it talking a simple conversation or smallest issue.. we don't have any physical relation .... we sleep in different bedrooms.. my wife also became too possessive and control freak with my daughter.. my daughter is 12 now and she retaliate with it.. so even they keep fighting now... me and my daughter have a great bonding... over these period i started feeling that i married a wrong person.. sometimes i think of divorce but i m worried about my daughter.. and also lot other things as im 45 already.. i wont say that i have never done any mistake while these 16 years but i never chose to disconnect with my wife... i worked really hard to earn money to build a good fortune for my wife and daughter... but looks like she doesn't care... and she takes me completely for granted... she thinks i wont leave her and will be stuck around.. i also advised to visit a therapist or counselor... or join a meditation or do anything she likes to do... be it creative or extra curricular.. but she just ignores it... i am into creative field and this domestic chaos sometimes really bothers me. it never effected my work yet but i m worried it might just. Let me know your opinion... if there is something i can do more to help this mess with my wife.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly your wife has a streak of wanting people to want her, literally where it comes off as her being possessive of them (I gather this from what you have shared). I only have a one-sided view and don't know fully well why your wife chooses to be possessive.
She does not want to share you or what you earn with your family; it only suggests that she is worried about losing both. It may seem like they are unfounded fears but they exist in real for her.
Obviously your pleas to see a counselor will better her life and it is easier to stay where she is as nothing needs to change. It seems relatively clear that she fears LOSING!
How this got there or did it become even more evident because of the tussles between your family and her; no one knows. You would not completely know what transpired between your wife and your family; but something has triggered within her to hold on to her beliefs.
Anyway, it is difficult to be where you are; but the only way out is to have a person that is neutral to handle this. It could be a mutual friend, a senior member of her side of the family, a person that she idolizes...anyone who can in a very unbiased manner approach the situation and bring out the fears.
In the meantime, you can spend more time with your daughter and give her a sense of protection and care and at the same time ensuring that she empathizes with her mother. Matters like these can go sour overnight and YES, you have held on so long, give it some more time but do facilitate the neutral person to do an Intervention ASAP.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2023

Relationship
**JAY*JAGANNATH**, Wishing You For **HAPPY*JANMASHTAMI**, I'm based in Mumbai, but lives in Puri, Odisha, because of **LORD*JAGANNATHA**, Since, I'm a Business Analyst,, not yet Started my Practice,, i had a arrange marriage in my own caste with rest was OK, after reading some of Your advises and type of case,, i became enthusiast to know about my personal disturbances in my family. We live Seperate with my Only 18+Son, Studing & Preparing for Entrance Test via Online.., she is in Guwahati,, working under at a Private Retail Management co., ME & MY FAMILY Severally attempted & requested her and her family too, to Come back & Join to my family for living together,, but when failed,, i encourage her OK live there,, as because after failing an attempt of school transfer due to language issue for a subject like Marathi in Upper classes,, Thus, i stopped disturbing her as well as my son's study. During initial level of Separation,, their family (ELDERS) requested me will handover my family (wife & Son),, if i Pay them(wife& Son) their expenses for a Full Year., that was happened when i reached for an attempt to Convince My Wife and their family to adjoin with me & with my family activity, that was Probably in 2010-11 somewhere in between,, i was Hr. Manager in a Cement Co. in Meghalaya. I agreed too & and Provide as per for a Year. But, while passing a year they became Silent.., not hardcovered my family. till as on date,, i am alone..! She & Elder Sister & the brother-in-law Says they won't divorce nor will allow to handover,, i said why..! The Starting of a Quarrel was with a Issue of Changing my Mental Perception,, while they tried to Implement me with Saying a FALSE PLAN,, but, i Caught their Such Attempt,, MY Mrs. later She admitted that, they tried it because of if I get my Changes in me & to take my decision well for my Next career. Since, i born & brought up in Guwahati, i had a Soft corner for North-East always,, which was happened after 15yrs of long Struggle in Mumbai,, i Stand on my own feet with My Own Struggle & a house for my Stability etc. After Marriage of a Assam Lady only it was a Scope again to Reach Assam.. So, i thought, if i can Start Something a great Project with in & around of North-East. But, that became a bad experience for me as on till. I arrived Recently too, to Convince her,, Come & Join me,, Rest all Hurdle i will Handle,, Now, No more My father also expired, a Retired. Rly Officer,, Parents too visited Severally Assam to Convince them but failed,, I always feel i am alone,, what to do with,, I am a family Oriented Person,, love to keep Relation Well with either Side Well. But, not happening. What to Do Now,, Kindly tell Your Opinion on this,, I am Ready to Take Your Nobly too, Recently, I took little advise from a Legal Family Court Councillor at Guwahati, & their one of Next Door Reputed Lady Neighbour(Who Co-ordinated & Represent too for the Local area of their & for their Constituency during Elections & their any function of their Locality,, a well known in their Locality for a Good behaviour too),, I meet & Spoke to her Severally,, She herself Visited too & found My Wife Not behaving Normally & Cool,, a Raugh behaved Lady, She found & She Said, a disrespected Lady means not Gentle,, i Personally Visited Mumbai at her elder Sister's home too,, during yr.2015,, while in entrance,, the brother-in-law resisted me NOT to Enter,, from the door only i came back. Not meet even & had NO Talk,, while after little a distance i covered from their residence,, i found they again recalling me to Come & Visit. But, I found myself very off mooded, & not visited till as on & till date,, because. they only Created the False Nuisances' with their Plan,, which not became A Success.. they Caught. But, they were Proposer of Our both Relation. But, I want a Justice with this,, Since, I am a Simple & Honest,, Very Straight forwarded with Cut to throat Person..in my Nature,, Soft & Spiritual. Since, Many Years Now Connected to Krishna Consciousness too,, that is why for love & affection i am here at PURI. Kindly, Let me Know Your Precious Opinion by which I can Come out with my Loneliness. **HARE*KRISHNA** Thanking you, With Regards, Surajit Bhattacharjee, In Case if You have a Plan to Visit Puri, Odisha,, Kindly, Let me Know Your Date & Place to See **MAHABAHU**JAGANNATHA*,, You may Send by Your family & friends too with Prior Advance & info.
Ans: Dear Surajit,
Thank you for the festive wishes and thank you for the invite to visit Odisha.

Your situations suggests that much time has passed with no action. Long distance relationships are not easy and require immense maturity and agreement and a lot of trust to keep the marriage going.

What is the reason that your wife does not want to come back now? Your son is already 18 years and is old enough to get into a professional college now...What has happened in all these years that she finds it better living with her side of the better than making her own family come together?

Have the two of you had time to have a private conversation without the interference from anyone else?
Make that honest attempt and appeal to her that you would like the family to get back together. But also be prepared if she says NO as that has been her stance all these years... then please move on...it is difficult but will be better for your physical and mental health.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Hello, I am male aged 32. After divorce I recently married again and I am facing issues now. I live with my wife's parents now which was not agreed before and its fine for me. Problem is my wife always finds fault in parents even though they are in very far city. She wants me to severe all ties with my parents, family and should involve only in her family circle. My parents are uneducated and very innocent and I am feeling very guilty for abandon them. All she needs is her parents and she dint have any sympathy. What should I do now? Counselling, tasks and was not useful because whatever counselor says she takes what she needs rest she ignores (Actually counselor said, we should respect both side of family)
Ans: Dear Prashanth,
Why people change over time is something that will always remain a mystery...You can only make assumptions about it...
Please take charge and move out of her parents' house. The more you live with them, the more she seems to have an assumed upper hand in the whole situation. This illusion must be broken and the only way is to make a drastic move which is moving out. It will definitely wake her up to what has been happening...
Furthermore, if you do feel that your parents are being treated unfairly, then firmly say so...Being expressive about how you feel and assertive about what you want can alter the balances and bring some amount of perspective as well.
Bringing back harmony to salvage a relationship can mean taking strong decisions...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |237 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 26, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hi I am 40 yrs with wife and kid of 7 yrs. My problem is family oriented. I have three sister, elder two sisters are well married and settled. My younger sister had an arrange marriage in 2004 and she had a divorce in 2011. With that marriage she has a boy child who is almost 18 now and too lazy, she as per her will did an intercaste love marriage in court in 2015 without informing anyone. I used to stay away in delhi and my parents and eldest sister(at her in laws place) in kolkata and d youngest married d guy 2 km from parents house. In 2017 i shifted back to kolkata as my wife was pregnant, so we took a decision dat now it would be better to stay in joint family as d kid will get grand parents and we will also serve my parents, but my youngest sister had a very bad habit of calling my mom every day almost 5-7 times and coming to parental house every alternate days which i rrsisted and i faced backlash from my parents and her too. Then suddenly things changed her husband became a very rowdy person and started beating her as she narrated and she came back to parental house with two kids one was from previous husband and one was from d court love marriage, now she stays in same flat where my parents stays. In 2017 aug my kid was born in 2019 she came back and den i again decided to leave house with my wife and kid as it was 2 bhk flat and all people flocked there as if ut was a zoo so i decided to leave with my family and we moved to ujjain and started living peacefully. Reason for leaving was my younger sis her eldest son and my dad has a very bad habit of shouting arguing nd fighting means domestic violence which i have seen in my childhood days even wen my dad used to do violence with my mom. Now i say her to take divorce and stay with parents or go back to her husbamd or where ever she wants. My dad is retired with a fixed income of around 20k per month. My sis and her son stays at home uses all facilities of home whereas when i shifted to ujjain i did all hardships and built my rented flat. Used to sleep on floor slowly we both husband wife worked hard and bought bed, kitchen utensils fridge and tv. Now my concern is she is not taking divorce and fully dependent on my father. She and her son both earn almost 35k together but their contribution towards house is big Zero towards ration is ZEro yes for basic dey dont pay anythng but like she pays for her small child school fees almost 3000 and whatever dey feel like eating extra den normal homely food she brings for her kids. As she is not taking divorce what can be main reason and future consequences to my kid and my life and my mom and dad have just become a free maid for her kids, my sis does all masti and roams freely till 9 pm without any concern for her kids as my mom is behind as maid to take care. Means my mom and dad have no saving cz of her and no personal life nor any social life cz dey have to take d youngest kid along with dem. My dad is 70 diabetic mom is 65 undergone bypass. Wen i say cz of yoi came back i have to leave dat house she says did i hold ur hand and say to go out. Where as i needed peace but i also need my parents as i want to take care of dem cz she treats dem like servants only. And my parentz dont understand dis dey hav soft cornor for her. She is like deemak but dey dont understand. Kindly guide me.
Ans: Your situation is complex, involving familial responsibilities and personal peace. To address it, start by understanding your sister's reasons for not seeking a divorce. Consider engaging a professional family counselor to mediate and provide support for everyone involved. Legally, explore the options available for ensuring she contributes financially to the household.

Your priority should be to protect your parents' well-being and your own family's stability. If your sister continues to burden your parents without contributing, it might be necessary to seek legal advice on how to manage this dependency. You may also need to discuss with your parents the importance of setting boundaries to ensure their health and financial security. Balancing compassion with firm boundaries is key to resolving these issues while maintaining family harmony.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
Hi sir, my son got 9323 rank in comedk and 23350 rank in KCET. As per last year cutoff he may get Mechanical seat in BMS or MSRIT. Please suggest which one is good for Mechanical engineering
Ans: Both are equally good for Mechanical. Some factors to keep in mind before choosing either college for your Son: (1) Location Preference (2) Will stay in Hostel (or) study as Day Scholar (3) Your affordability for fees (if there is a major difference in fees between these 2 colleges & (4) Availability of transport from your home to college. Whatever Institute / University & Branch your Son chooses, he should keep upgrading his skills from his 1st year itself till his Campus Placement during his last year, from LinkedIn, Coursera, NPTEL, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by his College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students.

All The BEST for your Son’s Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

Nayagam PP |
EduJob360 |
CERTIFIED Career Coach | Career Guru |
https://www.linkedin.com/in/edujob360/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
I'm a girl from Jharkhand, I got 91.87%ile in jee mains, crl 1.22 lakh, category rank 40k. In which counselling program should I apply for and what colleges can I get at this rank? Is there any chance to get colleges through board %age as I got 95% in CBSE class XII
Ans: With your CBSE marks and Category Rank, you can try with any one of the top Private Colleges. And, try NIT Tier 2 Institutes. However, you have to compromise on the Stream or NIT Location you prefer. Whatever Institute / University / Branch / Domain you choose, keep upgrading your skills from 1st year itself till your Campus Placement during your last year, from LinkedIn, NPTEL, Coursera, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by your College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students, for jobs.

All The BEST for your Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad)’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

Nayagam PP |
EduJob360 |
CERTIFIED Career Coach
https://www.linkedin.com/in/edujob360/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
My daughter scored 251 in BITSAT, and 25k in jee mains. She is getting mechanical and chemical in warangal nit. What should we do?
Ans: Order of Preference , keeping in view his Score / Ranks, for online counselling (1) BITS-Pilani for Mechanical | MSc (if she prefers) (2) NIT-Mechanical with Warrangal (2) BITS-Hyderabad (Electrical & Electronics | Electronics & Instrumentation | MSc Courses (3) BITS-Goa - (Mechanical | Electrical & Electronics | Electronics & Communication | Electronics & Instrumentation | MSc Courses). (4) NIT-Chemical with Warrangal. Before taking final decision to the most suitable option, please consider some important factors such as (1) Her interest for Stream & (2) Location Preference. Whatever Institute / University & Branch your Son chooses, she should keep upgrading her skills from his 1st year itself till his Campus Placement during her last year, from LinkedIn, Coursera, NPTEL, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by her College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students.

All The BEST for your Daughter’s Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

Nayagam PP |
EduJob360 |
CERTIFIED Career Coach | Career Guru |
https://www.linkedin.com/in/edujob360/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Listen
Career
Hi,My son got sandip University nashik cse (AIMl) is it good college to go for his studies or else need to try another colleges in Bangalore??
Ans: Raju Sir, you have asked the need for Bengaluru Colleges. If your son has appeared for COMEDK or any other Private Colleges' its own entrance exams, better he tries through them. It depends upon your son's Rank / Score & the streams he prefers. Recommended before your son goes for Sandip University (if he has no other option, as time is very less now). Whatever Institute / University & Branch your Son chooses, he should keep upgrading his skills from his 1st year itself till his Campus Placement during his last year, from LinkedIn, Coursera, NPTEL, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by his College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students.

All The BEST for your Son’s Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

Nayagam PP |
EduJob360 |
CERTIFIED Career Coach | Career Guru |
https://www.linkedin.com/in/edujob360/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |3754 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Money
I want to invest in 10 L lumpsum for 3-5 years. What is the best strategy for getting good returns (at least 12-15 %)? I want to use this money further for my own business.
Ans: Understanding the Investment Landscape
Investing a lump sum of Rs 10 lakh with the goal of achieving good returns requires a thorough understanding of the investment landscape. Given your objective to use this money for your own business in 3-5 years, it's important to choose a strategy that balances potential returns with acceptable levels of risk.

The Importance of Time Horizon
Your investment time horizon significantly impacts the type of investment strategy you should adopt. While you are considering a 3-5 year period, achieving a 12-15% return may require a slightly longer horizon.

Investing for at least 7 years could better align with your return expectations and allow your investment to ride out market volatility.

Embracing Market Volatility
Investing in the market inherently involves dealing with volatility. Market fluctuations are natural and can impact short-term investment performance.

However, historically, equity markets have shown growth over longer periods, offering potential for substantial returns. Embracing this volatility is crucial to achieving your financial goals.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer a diversified investment option that can help mitigate risks while providing exposure to growth opportunities. Actively managed funds, in particular, are managed by professional fund managers who aim to outperform the market by making strategic investment decisions.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Skilled fund managers actively monitor and adjust the portfolio, aiming for higher returns.

Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a variety of assets, reducing the risk associated with individual investments.

Liquidity: Mutual funds offer liquidity, allowing you to redeem your investment when needed.

Transparency: Regular updates and reports keep investors informed about their investments.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Market Mimicry: Index funds aim to replicate the performance of a specific index, limiting their potential to outperform.

No Active Management: Lack of professional management can lead to missed opportunities in dynamic market conditions.

Limited Flexibility: Index funds follow a predetermined strategy, offering little flexibility in response to market changes.

Benefits of Investing Through Certified Financial Planners
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures that your investments are aligned with your financial goals.

CFPs offer personalised advice and can help navigate the complexities of the financial markets.

Advantages of Regular Funds
Expert Guidance: MFDs with CFP credentials provide valuable insights and strategic advice.

Tailored Solutions: Regular funds offer customised investment strategies based on individual goals and risk tolerance.

Support and Service: Professional support for investment decisions and portfolio management.

Holistic Planning: CFPs consider your overall financial situation, ensuring comprehensive financial planning.

Understanding Investment Risks
Every investment carries a certain level of risk. It's crucial to understand and accept these risks when aiming for higher returns.

Types of Risks
Market Risk: The risk of investments declining due to market fluctuations.

Interest Rate Risk: The risk of interest rate changes affecting investment values.

Inflation Risk: The risk of inflation eroding purchasing power over time.

Importance of Staying the Course
Investing with a long-term perspective requires patience and discipline. Market volatility can be unsettling, but staying the course is essential for achieving your investment goals.

Strategies for Staying the Course
Avoid Emotional Decisions: Base your investment decisions on facts and long-term goals, not short-term market movements.

Regular Reviews: Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance.

Rebalancing: Adjust your portfolio to maintain your desired asset allocation.

Reinvestment Strategies
If you hold LIC, ULIP, or investment-cum-insurance policies, consider evaluating their performance.

Surrendering underperforming policies and reinvesting in mutual funds can potentially yield better returns.

Benefits of Reinvestment
Higher Returns: Mutual funds typically offer higher returns compared to traditional insurance policies.

Flexibility: Reinvestment in mutual funds provides more flexibility and control over your investments.

Cost Efficiency: Mutual funds often have lower costs and fees compared to insurance policies.

Strategic Asset Allocation
Asset allocation is crucial for managing risk and achieving your desired returns. A well-balanced portfolio should include a mix of equity, debt, and other instruments.

Suggested Allocation
Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity funds for growth potential.

Debt Funds: Include debt funds for stability and regular income.

Hybrid Funds: Consider hybrid funds for a balanced approach to risk and return.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Continuous monitoring and adjustments to your portfolio are necessary to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals.

Benefits of Regular Monitoring
Performance Tracking: Monitor the performance of your investments regularly.

Timely Adjustments: Make necessary adjustments to optimise returns and manage risks.

Goal Alignment: Ensure your investments remain aligned with your evolving financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing a lump sum of Rs 10 lakh requires careful planning and a strategic approach.

Understanding the investment landscape, embracing market volatility, and opting for actively managed mutual funds are key steps towards achieving your financial goals.

Staying the course, regularly reviewing your portfolio, and seeking professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner can enhance your investment experience and outcomes. By focusing on a balanced and diversified investment strategy, you can work towards achieving your desired returns while preparing for your business ventures.

Invest wisely, stay informed, and be patient to see your investments grow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
Please include one more choice in the selection criteria 1. Vit Vellore CSE in 4th category 2. Pes ec campus CS 3. MIT BANGALORE CSE We are staying in Bangalore, which choice is better and please help with reasoning?
Ans: You have not mentioned in which-all Entrance Exams you appeared (COMEDK \ KCET etc.)? However, order of Preference (1) PES (Electronic City) (2) MIT-Bengaluru (here, however, please note, for some students this is not suitable due to its culture (non-academic / psychological factors). (3) VIT-Vellore (check the fee structure of all 4-years for affordability). If you have appeared in COMEDK & KCET also, find out 1-2 options even the colleges belong to Tier 2 category. Whatever Institute / University / Branch / Domain you choose, keep upgrading your skills from 1st year itself till your Campus Placement during your last year, from LinkedIn, NPTEL, Coursera, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by your College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students, for jobs.

All The BEST for your Bright Future.
To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

Nayagam PP |
EduJob360 |
CERTIFIED Career Coach | Career Guru |
https://www.linkedin.com/in/edujob360/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x