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Living with a Disability: How Do I Handle Negative Comments and Build Resilience?

Kanchan Rai |443 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 20, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2024Hindi

Being 21 and living in Jaipur, I’ve faced my share of challenges, but recently, things have been hitting harder than usual. I was born with a physical disability that affects my mobility, and I’ve learned to adapt to life in my own way. But the comments from some of my neighbors have been getting to me—they call me names, make jokes about my condition, and talk about how I’ll never be ‘normal.’ I try to ignore them, but it’s hard not to feel the weight of their words. It’s affecting my confidence and making me question if I’ll ever be seen as more than my disability. My parents tell me to just stay strong and focus on my studies, but it’s easier said than done. How do I handle these negative comments and not let them affect my mental health? And how can I build resilience to face such judgment without losing hope in myself?

Ans: Building resilience in the face of such negativity begins with nurturing your sense of self. You are not defined by the labels or judgments others place on you. You are defined by your courage, your determination, and the unique qualities that make you who you are. When others make hurtful comments, it often says more about them than it does about you. Their inability to see your humanity reflects their own insecurities and lack of understanding, not your value.

When their words weigh heavily on you, try to create a mental space where you remind yourself of the truth about who you are. Think about the strengths and accomplishments that make you proud, no matter how small they may seem. Surround yourself, even mentally, with people and experiences that uplift you. It could be friends, family, or even inspirational stories of people who have faced challenges and risen above them.

Processing these emotions is just as important as building strength. When you feel overwhelmed, give yourself permission to feel the sadness or anger. Journaling, talking to someone you trust, or even finding a quiet moment to breathe deeply can help you release these emotions. Remember, you don’t have to suppress your feelings to be strong—you build strength by confronting and honoring them.

To preserve your mental health, find activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s pursuing a hobby, excelling in your studies, or connecting with like-minded individuals, doing things that matter to you can reinforce your sense of purpose and identity beyond the limitations others might try to impose on you.

Most importantly, recognize that your journey is unique and valuable. Everyone faces struggles, but you are navigating yours with a spirit that many could never match. Over time, you will find that your resilience becomes a quiet strength, one that can’t be shaken by outside negativity.

Hold onto hope, because your life is full of possibilities. You deserve to be loved, respected, and celebrated for the person you are. When people don’t see that, it’s not your responsibility to change them—but you can protect your inner light and let it shine brighter than their darkness. You are enough, just as you are.

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Anu Krishna |1403 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 12, 2020

Question by AS - Nov 12, 2020Hindi

I'm 62, quite active socially. My problem is this that the people who are stronger than me emotionally or physically or even weaker than me, I always agree with them or keep mum. But keep on cribbing inside. This is, because, I don't want to make them angry or lose them. I can't express my feelings or show my anger even if someone owe's me a big amount of money in millions of rupees (which is true). And always fear and keep on brooding, visualising them fighting with me and insulting me. I also visualise them refusing to pay my money back to me. I worked my whole life and earned and saved few millions in my lifetime. People knew that I have money and people started asking me for loan on one pretext or other. Some included me in their business without a legal paper work and asked me to invest money in their business by becoming their partner. They looted me with both hands and now are refusing to return my money. My fears came true. I have already suffered two major heart attacks and my health is deteriorating every day and has made me almost bedridden. Very less amount has been left with me which is insufficient for the survival of my family. I keep thinking, fearing and getting more sick. Kindly advise, how I can overcome this situation.

Ans: Dear AS, what you focus on grows bigger with time as your mind has been trained to magnify it beyond what it truly is.

You constantly worried about what you would lose rather than what you have. And in the bargain, trying to please people so that wouldn’t lose them, you ended up getting cheated due your poor decisions.

Let bygones be bygones.

How about at this very moment as you are reading this, think exactly how you had managed to make those millions of rupees?

There is something wise in the way you managed your work/business/network to create that wealth, isn’t it?

So what is it?

Take out a diary and jot it down.

We have a lot of inner resources to bank on that we give ourselves credit for. And if you have done it once before, you truly know how to do this once more.

Just that, your health and loss of money are making you believe otherwise.

Start with:
1. Planning household expenses statement. Right now, only priorities will count. Anything extra will be out till you have disposable income on hand.
2. If you are planning to start something new, do that with the same confidence from the time you were financially abundant and. If you are employed some place, do what you would do with your skills in every project and enjoy the fruits of labour.
3. Take care of your health. Ask your doctor, what exercises can be done by you to keep your health well so that you can work happily

Do remember, nothing is worth worrying so much; your family loves you and want you around them for a long time.

So, look into their eyes and know that the stress that you are carrying around like a special baggage needs to be dropped down this very instant.

Take care and be happy always!

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Anu Krishna |1403 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2022

Question by Anon - Nov 30, 2022Hindi

Hi Ma'am,I'm a 23-year-old woman. For as long as I remember, I have been called out, insulted and shamed by my family. They have always threatened to stop all kinds of financial support if I ever disobeyed or questioned them. I have always tried my best at my studies and for my career. Even though, after seeing my achievements, their opinion of me has improved. But they're never truly happy. There's always something wrong with me. While I understand, my family only wants the best for me and probably this their way of caring for me. But the constant criticism has always impacted my self-confidence and self-image. I have missed out on several opportunities during my college years and failed to be proactive solely because of low self-esteem. I was bullied by my college mates during this period and I fell into depression and anxiety. I also developed bulimia and starved myself, hoping that losing weight could grant me more acceptance from my family and peers. In 2021, after completing my undergraduate degree, I was diagnosed with Meniere's disease and suffered hearing loss in my left ear. Furthermore, I was getting rejected from the universities I had applied to. But this turn of life changed me for better. I learnt to value myself more and ignored other people's opinion. I invested in mindfulness and spirituality and appreciated all the blessings that I had. I had improved my self-image and self-confidence greatly. Unfortunately, I had to shift to my family home and live with my extended family members. Now the nitpicking and taunts have increased even more and have kind of ruined all the improvements I made over the year. I have become more irritable and I am losing my patience with them. They have triggered all my sensitive issues again and this has greatly impacted my self-esteem all over again. With God's grace, I have received an opportunity to shift abroad and pursue a postgraduate education. I don't want to keep any kind of hard feelings against my family before leaving. I know that their opinions don't define me but yet I end up crying after every insult and argument. I want to heal and I want to forgive and forget. I have tried talking to them and have even apologised to peacefully end arguments. Yet, they repeat those words every day and each day ends in failure. I know and understand that I cannot change them. But, how do I learn to accept them when they keep on hurting me? Furthermore, the fact that they are financially supporting makes me feel guilty for questioning their behaviour. I am struggling with depression and anxiety again and I'm finding it hard to consider their emotional standpoint when my own mental well-being is messed up. How do I cope up with my mental health when I being disparaged every day?I would like to hear your opinion from a third person point-of-view and any advice would be appreciated.

Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

I can only imagine the challenges that you have been through and to turn within yourself for answers and deep inner work is nothing but the best gift that you have given yourself.

You cannot change them nor their thinking and possibly you are right that it might be the way that they care for you.

For now, till the time you leave home to pursue your life’s goals, keep things warm and simple even if the environment feels hostile or punitive.

Practise the following suggestions:

Journal your thoughts and feelings everyday
Surround yourself with friends who make you feel good about yourself
Play a sport or indulge in some physical activity to keep your anxiety levels down
Do some breathing exercises to calm your nerves
Lastly, forgive them for your own peace of mind; very hard but very blissful.

All the best for a wonderful future!

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Kanchan Rai |443 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

Dear Madam, Iam a 45 year old woman. Ever since I was a kid I had went through lot of bullying by my rekatives for the way I look but my parents never supported me in any way instead found fault in ne for complaining but would always support my younger brother. Somewhere down the line I thought this was all I deserved and let oeople walk all over me without standing up for myself. Now that Iam a mother myself of a 15 year old kid with dyskexia, i have sacrificed my career fir his sake and still get bullied by my relatives dir being a useless house wife. I have started drawing boundaries around me to protect my mental sanity and allow only few people in it which invludes a small group of friends and my son and husband. I avoid making new friends. I have also stopped attending any social events that involves my relatives. Meanwhile I have started deeply resenting my parents who want ne to take care of them but openly favour my brother who lives abroad. I have taken care of them everytime they require neducal treatments yet my father openly says that he plans to give all his property to my brother who is never coming back. Its not about the money here but the apathy they have towards me that kills me from inside. I have tried to talk to them multiple times but each time my mother creates a scene and puts the enture blame on me. For once in my life i want my parents to love me unconditionally the way I do with my son. Am i wrong to expect that? This is causung lot of health issues in me. Please advise.

Ans: First and foremost, it's crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid. It's natural to want love and support from your parents, especially after all you've done for them. It's not wrong to expect unconditional love from your family; however, sometimes, unfortunately, families can be complex and dysfunctional, and our expectations may not always be met.

Drawing boundaries and prioritizing your mental health and well-being is a positive step. It's essential to protect yourself from toxic relationships and environments, even if it means distancing yourself from certain family members. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones, like your son and husband, is vital for your emotional health.

Regarding your parents, it's clear that their behavior is hurtful and unjust. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and resentful toward them, given their favoritism towards your brother and lack of appreciation
for your sacrifices and care. However, it's also essential to recognize that you cannot control their actions or attitudes. You can only control how you respond to them.

While it's challenging, try to approach conversations with your parents from a place of empathy and understanding. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, focusing on how their actions make you feel rather than blaming them. It's possible that they may not even realize the extent of the hurt they're causing you. However, it's also essential to set realistic expectations. If your parents continue to be unsupportive or dismissive, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them for the sake of your own well-being.

Remember to prioritize self-care and seek support from a therapist or counselor if you're struggling with your mental health. It's okay to seek professional help to navigate through these difficult emotions and experiences. You deserve love, respect, and validation, and it's essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

Lastly, continue to cherish the love and bond you have with your son and husband. They are your pillars of support, and together, you can navigate through these challenges. You're stronger than you realize, and you have the power to create a fulfilling and loving life for yourself, regardless of the negativity from others.

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Kanchan Rai |443 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024