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Caught in a Family Feud - How to Cope?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue

Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 01, 2024

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we had joint family almost 10 years back, we are two brothers ,mother ,father and 2 children to both brothers, I am elder brother, Problem started almost 5 years , My brother lost his temper and started heated argument and violence in family although he is introvert and hold negative thought since long back ,all family members tried to convince him to keep him positive but issue increased day by day reached to a level when father decided my family to protect and advise us to move out of joint family. afterwards also situation remains the same their and ultimately my parents also moved out of the house. We never had any communication around 2 years , but afterwards father had some critical health issue related to kidney and we informed them, Communication started with them again but father expired and again we have seen their violent face during rituals. We understand he having serious psychiatric issue but non of their family like his wife , Son is cooperating us for medication without his consensus as my brother never thought that he having any issue. I am very much worried that some day something wrong can happen as he is keeping very pity issues in mind and ready to fight always. He relation and neighbor's also he did the same and now no one is in talking terms with him.Please suggest how to handle ,is their any agency who can help us in sorting this issue. dont want to go in legal.
Ans: Hello Manish,
mental health issues can be complex, and professional guidance is crucial. Consult with mental health professionals to create a plan tailored to your family's specific situation. It's important to prioritize the safety and well-being of your family. If your brother's behavior becomes threatening or harmful, it may be necessary to maintain physical and emotional distance while encouraging him to seek help. Look for support groups or organizations that specialize in helping families dealing with mental health issues. They can provide guidance, resources, and a network of people who have faced similar challenges. Consider arranging a family intervention, facilitated by a mental health professional, where you can express your concerns about your brother's behavior and encourage him to seek help. It's important to approach this with empathy and understanding. while you mentioned that you don't want to go the legal route, in extreme cases, you may need to consider legal options like obtaining a court order for involuntary psychiatric evaluation. This should be considered as a last resort and only if your brother poses a serious threat to himself or others.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2024Hindi
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2024Hindi
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I'm 25 YO, I've completed my medical degree in BAMS recently and brother is 17YO still in school. I've seen very severe favouritism of my parents towards my brother. I know he's a boy and all and in India, being a boy makes all of your wrong doings right! It's very emotionally distressing for me that even I'm the older child, my parents asks and discuss things with my younger brother but not me :( since the time he was born, I've always been neglected, I used to be a star kid, the getting 10/10 marks in everything. But eventually my self esteem degraded, and I stopped working hard, they have always pointed me out for my looks and my behavior, which was very hurtful. I've been away from my family for 5 years and it literally changed me, I was not depressed anymore, although my self esteem also affected my academic performance and my relationship choices, but somewhat I was happy. But now I'm home, and again, my parents points out my mistakes, my academic that I didn't get MBBS, that I don't even look good, and I'm crazy, I don't even have brains. And my brother who didn't even score 50% is asked and being discussed over everything what to eat, where to go, what car to buy, what TV to buy etc. I feel so sad and stuck here. I feel like for my father and mother, I'm invisible. Everyday I feel like when this life will end. It's even harming my studies. All I do is day dream about being loved by someone. I just want to focus on me and my studies. But I'm not able to do it.What can I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If there's evident distinction in the way that your parents treat you and your brother, then it's pretty unfortunate.
One way is to actually talk to them about it and tell them how you feel, but I am unsure if this is going to work. The other way is to reassure yourself with your own self-love and be happy that you are academically strong. Use your degree wisely and to make a mark on your own by serving the society in your own way.
Someday, your parents may realize this and pay attention to you. But if you feel that things are going well for you emotionally, I suggest that you work with a professional who can guide you and your energies back into yourself without relying on anyone. This will help you tide over the hurt and the pain and move into a space of confidence.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7873 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2025

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Dear Sir, I'm single 28 years Male. Recently took loan of 40 lacs. Currently 31 lacs has been disbursement. EMI will be started in next months. My EMI is 35,100 and interest rate is 8.65% from PSU bank. Per month salarly is 1 lac. I'm confused that should focus on re-payment of loan as quickly as possible or remaining amount after expense + loan emi should be invested in mutual fund. Could you please help to understand more on it.
Ans: You are 28 years old and earning Rs. 1 lakh per month.

You have taken a loan of Rs. 40 lakh, with Rs. 31 lakh already disbursed.

Your EMI is Rs. 35,100 per month at an 8.65% interest rate.

You need clarity on whether to prepay the loan or invest in mutual funds.

Your financial decisions today will impact your long-term wealth and stability.

Key Factors to Consider
1. Interest Rate vs. Investment Returns
Your home loan interest rate is 8.65% per annum.

A well-diversified mutual fund portfolio can deliver higher long-term returns.

If investment returns exceed 8.65%, investing will build wealth faster than prepayment.

If returns are lower than 8.65%, prepayment will save more money in the long run.

The choice depends on your risk appetite and financial goals.

2. Liquidity and Emergency Fund
Loan prepayment reduces future liabilities but also locks up funds in the property.

Investing ensures liquidity, allowing easy access to funds if needed.

Before deciding, ensure you have an emergency fund of at least six months' expenses.

Emergency funds should be in liquid instruments, not tied to long-term investments.

3. Tax Benefits on Home Loan
Home loan interest payments offer tax deductions under Section 24(b) up to Rs. 2 lakh per year.

Principal repayment qualifies for deductions under Section 80C up to Rs. 1.5 lakh per year.

Prepaying the loan reduces tax benefits, while investments provide wealth creation.

Consider the tax impact before choosing prepayment over investment.

4. Future Financial Goals
List your short-term and long-term financial goals.

If planning major expenses in the next 3-5 years, maintaining liquidity is better.

If long-term wealth creation is the focus, investments can be prioritized over prepayment.

A balanced approach can ensure financial flexibility while reducing loan burden.

Pros and Cons of Loan Prepayment
Advantages of Loan Prepayment
Reduces total interest paid over the loan tenure.

Improves cash flow in the future by reducing EMI burden.

Provides peace of mind by becoming debt-free earlier.

Disadvantages of Loan Prepayment
Reduces liquidity, making it harder to manage unexpected expenses.

Leads to lower tax savings on interest payments.

Misses the opportunity to generate higher returns through investments.

Pros and Cons of Investing in Mutual Funds
Advantages of Investing
Has the potential to generate higher returns than loan interest rates.

Keeps your funds liquid and accessible for future needs.

Offers flexibility to diversify across asset classes.

Provides tax-efficient wealth creation in the long run.

Disadvantages of Investing
Market fluctuations can impact short-term returns.

Requires disciplined investing and a long-term perspective.

Returns are not guaranteed, unlike the fixed benefit of interest savings from prepayment.

Balanced Approach: Best of Both Worlds
Instead of fully prepaying or only investing, a balanced approach works best.

Allocate funds for prepayment and investments based on your financial priorities.

Consider prepaying small amounts yearly to reduce loan tenure without losing liquidity.

Continue investing systematically to build wealth alongside reducing debt.

Steps to Follow for an Optimal Decision
1. Build an Emergency Fund First
Save at least six months’ worth of expenses before considering prepayment or investment.

Keep this fund in a liquid asset like a savings account or liquid mutual fund.

2. Check Loan Prepayment Terms
Some banks charge penalties on prepayment, especially for fixed-rate loans.

Ensure there are no additional costs before making a decision.

If prepayment charges exist, investing may be a better option.

3. Invest in Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth
Investing a portion of your surplus ensures wealth accumulation over time.

Choose diversified funds for a balance of growth and stability.

Invest systematically through SIPs to average out market volatility.

Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner ensure professional fund management.

4. Make Partial Prepayments Annually
Instead of bulk prepayment, consider making small additional payments each year.

Even Rs. 1 lakh per year can significantly reduce loan tenure and interest burden.

This allows you to maintain liquidity while still reducing debt faster.

5. Reassess Your Strategy Periodically
Financial priorities change over time, so review your approach annually.

If interest rates increase, prioritize prepayment.

If market conditions favor investments, increase mutual fund contributions.

Stay flexible to maximize financial benefits.

Finally
Loan prepayment and investing both have their advantages.

A balanced approach ensures financial security and wealth creation.

Maintain an emergency fund before committing to either option.

Invest systematically to build long-term wealth.

Make small prepayments yearly to reduce the loan burden.

Review your strategy regularly to stay aligned with financial goals.

The right choice depends on your comfort with risk, tax benefits, and long-term objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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